Eren's POV

When I had reached the inside of Armin's house, I let the door fall close with a loud shut, pressing myself against the door as the feelings overwhelmed me once again. I was breathing hard, since I had run up all the way to this place.

I was relieved only because I had been finally home again, all the other feelings that humans were able to sense were killing me right now. Sliding down to the floor, I fell onto my knees, but soon I turned my body around so that the upper half was leaned against the door. My head was tilted upwards as I took long and deep breaths, trying not to cry again. Tears were accumulating in the corner of my eyes, threatening to spill over.

I had already cried enough.

All I wanted now was my peace. I still couldn't explain to myself how I had managed to leave the party. There were people holding me by my shoulders and trying to talk to me, but I had ignored them all. Ii hadn't mattered in what way they had tried to stop me from moving any farther, I just squeezed myself through the people who had gathered around me, with concerned looks and asking me what had happened. I hadn't cared about any of them, I hadn't cared about anything they wanted to know. All I had wanted was to go away, far away from that place. And I had succeeded in freeing myself from the crowd that wanted me to stay, though I didn't know anymore how I was able to do that. Maybe because of my struggles to get away from there, maybe because of the death glares I had sent some people as I forwarded to the door. But what I remembered very clearly was how I saw everything in slow motion with my eyes. I had been walking away as if I was some human on drugs or in trance-in the end, both were the same. My mind had been completely hazy and my body just had moved to the door, away from everyone and everything. I hadn't paid attention to the people around me, even though I had glared to some, I didn't know anymore who those people were. I wouldn't have even cared (at all!) if I happened to see him among those people.

But now I was home. I didn't need to care about other things. I was far away from him and everyone else. But... This did not mean that I was feeling better now. In contrary, I felt like shit. I looked up to the ceiling with half-closed eyes, my bottom lip quivering. I was so close... So close to suffer from another breakdown. Raising my hands, I saw how they were trembling as much as my bottom lip, if not even more. Actually, my whole body shook, and I couldn't do anything against that. I crossed my arms around my torso, my fingers digging into my shirt. My head hung low as a strangled, guttural sound rose from my throat. All I wanted at the moment was to forget everything and scream the pain away that was hurting me from the inside.

"Eren?"

My head shot forwards, meeting up with Armin's eyes. He stood in front of me, with a glass of water in his hand, watching me with worried eyes. A dim light surrounded his body, it was almost as if only his silhouette was cleary visible. At first I had asked myself, why he was still awake, but then I remembered that he had offered me to pick me up in case I wanted to leave that place as fast as possible. Of course his offer hadn't come to my mind back there. All I could think of once I had exited the house was to go away as soon as possible. As if it would come to my mind that Armin could've possibly picked me up.

My friend turned on the lights and placed the glass on a cupboard. There was silence between us as I looked at Armin with teary eyes, bending my knees then and resting my head on my legs. I sniffed as my shoulders trembled; I wasn't crying yet, but I was close to.

"Eren, what's wrong?" Armin asked in a highly concerned voice, approaching me until he was sitting next to me on the floor. With tender touches of his hands, he grabbed me by my head and hid my face in the crook of his neck, caressing my hair with fondly strokes. "What happened, Eren? You look like an emotional wreck. Something happened at the party, right?"

Words wouldn't come out of my mouth yet and so all I could do was to bring out muffled sniffles and breath out crackily. I didn't let any tears spill out from my eyes and neither did I want to release any sobs. I've had enough of that already.

"A-Armin..." My voice was close to break apart completely, and technically speaking I was ready to break down again. "I-I shouldn't have gone there. It was a fucking mistake!"

Armin's embrace tightened as his head moved closer to the side of my face. "Why do you say that? What happned?"

After a while of another silence, I released from my friend's hug, my palms pressed against my eyes. Breathing deeply, I attempted to calm down at least that much that I could speak to Armin more or less normally.

"Levi was there." I answered in a nonchalant tone, but I was pretty damn sure that my expression revealed how wretched I felt because of that.

Armin eyes widened for an instant as his body stiffened for a second. "Levi? But... didn't they say that he wouldn't come?" The way he looked at me was enough for me to tell that Armin felt highly uncomfortable now. He could figure out how much it would hurt me psychically seeing Levi again while I was still on my way to leave him behind. We all knew where it had lead to. And the thing that bugged me the most was that right now Armin was probably blaming himself for what has happened. I could already tell by how he was biting his lips nervously, his brows wrinkled.

"Nothing of this is your fault, Armin." I said in a dead serious tone, forgetting everything else for this little moment. No matter how many mistakes I was making... for the love of God, I didn't want to see Armin blaming himself for the pain I inflicted myself. "Don't blame yourself for that. Not even partly."

"I'm trying not to." he answered honestly, a sad smile on his lips. "I already had that weird feeling that this party wouldn't do you only good, but... that it would come this far..." He made a little pause, breathing before he went on, "You were quite a while there. Did you avoid him the whole time or...?"

Now, I was back in my pitiful little hole, drowning in my own pool of emotions. I pulled my knees to my chest a second time, hugging my legs as a hurt expression featured my face.

Armin rubbed my arm softly. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to-"

"First everything was okay. I met new people and we talked. Levi wasn't anywhere to be found. I was feeling good and overall we all had our fun. For one moment I could forget about everything that was depressing for me and I could enjoy myself. But then..." A lump rose in my throat unwillingly as I clenched my hands into fists. Right now, I had to stay strong or else I would burst out in tears again. One palm of mine wandered up to my mouth, preventing to let any sobs or chokes out. It was really hard for me and it resulted in me shaking even more, especially my shoulders were trembling like mad.

Armin's hands were on both side of my shoulders now, his thumbs making caressing movements. "Eren, don't force yourself to say it. I can see that you don't want to think about that. So don't-"

I shook my head, stilling him. I didn't know why exactly it was like that, but I really didn't want to keep that experience to myself. If one could build me up again, then it was no one else than Armin. "After some time, Levi's siblings announced that Levi had attended the party, too. No one knew of that, we all were surprised by that. Well, I was shocked after hearing that. The only thing I then wanted was to leave that place. I didn't want talk to him, I didn't even want to see him!" It was now that I put my head in my hands, my forehead resting against my kneecap. Sitting on the floor was one of the most uncomfortable things for me, but right at this moment I didn't mind it at all. It was rather that I didn't care. I never thought that it would be so hard to keep myself under control, my feelings were dragging me down even after the encounter with Levi and everything else that had followed.

"So does that mean you are here now because you ran away from the party? I think this is the best choice." Armin sounded somewhat relieved and at the same time he tried to reassure me that I did the right thing.

Oh, how less he knew about what I really did-or rather what I was tricked into. And that made me feel like a little piece of shit. "I didn't run away." The blond gave me a confused look. "I wanted to, but I couldn't."

"What do you mean?" There was that concerned tone in his voice again.

"I was trying to go away, but Levi's brother Farlan didn't let me go. He had figured out that something was wrong between Levi and me, and he wanted to know. At that time, all I wanted was to distance myself from the place where Levi was at and so I thought that if I tell Farlan quickly that I wasn't friends with Levi anymore, he will let me go. But it didn't even come that far! There was another woman: Hanji; she was crazy in her own way, annoying and clingy. She did her best to keep me there and told me that she would know a woman who might be interested in me. Of course, I didn't want to hear any of that, but she was annoying the shit out of me with that. Again I thought that if I tell her that I am going to meet her friend, Hanji will leave me alone, and in the next best opportunity I would run away." I huffed out a scoff. "It was a mistake to believe her in the first place."

"Oh no." Armin could already sense that nothing good would come out of my mouth next. In a whisper he said, "Don't tell me..."

I nodded, blinking several times to keep the tears in my eyes. I was more or less successful. "There wasn't a female friend of Hanji to begin with. That bitch lead me right into Levi's hands. All of a sudden, he stood right in front of me! Do you even know, at least a bit, how I had felt at that moment?"

My blond friend took my left hand in his right one, our fingers entwined. "I can imagine that. I'm sorry that this happened to you, Eren." His voice was nothing more than a whisper and there was no other person that was able to show more empathy than Armin could. It was as if he felt the same pain as I did. Nothing of the emotions he expressed was a fake.

"I wasn't prepared for that." I continued as my grip around his hand tightened. "I didn't want to see him again. After all, I was on a good way to forget about him!" This time, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. "B-But seeing him wasn't even the worst..." I whispered almost inaudibly as the first few tears stained my cheeks.

Armin looked even more confused now, his brows furrowed to the fullest as his eyes showed off uncertainty and fear of what I would say next. "Eren..."

"Levi and I..." With my right hand I pulled my shirt away so that my neck was revealed. I had to gulp hard to say the next words out loud. "We fucked."

I heard how Armin was sucking in his breath for a moment as he looked at my bruised neck with horror in his eyes. "What?!" He sounded really surprised. "You... I mean, ... How? Why?"

"It was all planned by him!" I whisper-yelled. My vision was blurry due to my tears and my voice weak. I looked at my friend with widened eyes, gritted teeth and a frown on my face. It was as if I was close to scream, but I did my best not to. Armin didn't deserve at all to be yelled at. Levi, for example, deserved that way more. "It was his plan to tell his siblings that he wouldn't come! He wanted me to be there by all means! He demanded from Hanji to bring me to where he was, namely on a balcony where no one else was! Do you know how that feels like, Armin?"

The blond had loosened the squeeze around my hands, his head lowered now. This time it was hard for him to understand what Levi had done to me. "I'm sorry, Eren."

As the tears were flowing, I remained motionless, continuing with shaky breaths. "Do you know how it feels like when all the worries you have are gone for a moment because you are finally able to enjoy yourself and then life decides to destroy you mentally? Or is it fate? Is that what I deserve for falling in love with the wrong guy? Do you know how it feels like to know that the person you love the most lured you in and brought you into an immediate confrontation you can't escape from? You don't know how much that hurts, do you?!"

Armin squeezed my hand hard now, his hand shaking in mine. "I'm sorry." he whispered.

"You are probably asking yourself why I let it come that far that he fucked me in the end. I could tell a story about that... In short-"

"You were emotionally unstable." he completed the sentence for me.

I agreed with him by nodding slightly. "Levi knew how to play with me. I didn't have the strength to turn around and go away after seeing him there again; the first time after weeks. Perhaps it wasn't only because of my emotional struggle, but also because of my stubborn mind that told me subconsciously that there still might be that little spark of hope... This hope that after a few weeks of separation, Levi would see me with different eyes... Isn't that pathetic? How dumb it was of me to hope for something as impossible as that."

"Shh, Eren. You don't have to say anything anymore." Armin spoke with a really soft and tender voice, his fingers brushing over my cheeks and wiping off my tears that were now pouring out of my eyes without any restraints.

Loud sobs emerged from the depth of my throat as I embraced my best friend tightly, crying my eyes out on his shoulder. "I-I don't understand!" I choked out. "Why can't I already forget about him?"

Armin rubbed my head and simultaneously patted my back as he replied to me. "This means that you love him really much."

"What does it do good if he doesn't love me back?" I exclaimed in a loud whine.

"It's his own fault for not realizing that you are a great person. If he doesn't appreciate your love, he doesn't deserve you at all."

"If... If he were to show some love, I bet he would actually be a nice person. I don't understand..."

It had to do something with his past, that much was for sure. I wondered what it could be that was reason enough to change him to the person he was right now: Indifferent to almost everything and unable to love. I really wanted to know why he was like that. But at the same time I knew that it would only hurt me more if I were to see him again.

Everything was a damn rollercoaster of pain and agony. It was fucked up, and I was in the center of it. The center was't just a center; the center was Levi.

It took me a long time until my sobs and tears had ebbed away and during that time Armin was by my side, holding me in his arms. Eventually, I freed myself from the embrace, rubbing my face with my sleeves.

"Thank you for listening, Armin." I was really grateful and I wanted to let him know that whenever I had the chance to express my gratitudes towards him.

"I wish I could do more than to only listen to you." It was a genuine tone he spoke with and his tender and feathery touches on my cheeks only stressed that.

I sent him a little smile. "You can't."

There was a silence in which I had no clue how to form my words and it seemed that Armin noticed. He chuckled lightly. "What is it, Eren?"

I took a deep breath before answering. "C-Can... Can you sleep with me in my bed tonight? I don't want to be alone and I'm sure that I will feel better if you are laying next to me..." I didn't know why I was embarrassed about that, but I was because now I felt how the heat was rising in my cheeks.

Armin grinned at me, ruffling my head after he had pecked my left cheek. "Of course! I want to help you as much as I can in order to make you feel better."

Even if that smile playing around my lips was barely visible, I wanted to show my best friend that I was really glad to have him by my side. Not only when I needed comfort but also whenever the opportunity would permit. I was really glad to have him.

I nodded. "Okay. Then just let me shower quickly." I was about to

"Oh, and Eren." Armin stopped me from going. My face was facing him as I asked myself what it was about that Armin wanted to say. One of his fingers traced a line on one of my cheeks. "What is that little wound on your cheek? It wasn't there the last time I saw your face."

I averted my eyes, unsure of how to answer. I had received that from one of the splitters of the wall that Levi broke with his fist. But there was no way that I would tell that Armin. Though, lying to him was impossible. "It's not as bad as it seems like." I tried it with that.

"If you mean the wound, then yes. It's really thin and I bet you didn't bleed much from it. It won't even leave a scar I guess. Did Levi do that to you?"

I was getting more and more nervous, and I didn't like the current situation. "What are you talking there? How should he have done that?"

"I don't know. You tell me." If Armin was worried about me, then it meant that he was worried about everything that had to do with me.

I sighed lightly, rolling my eyes in defeat. "He did that indirectly."

"What?" Armin didn't sound convinced at all. "How can someone slice your skin open indirectly?!"

"It's fine, okay? No big deal. I promise you that he didn't hurt me purposely."

Armin raised a brow, crossing his arms. "You mean he didn't hurt you physically on purpose?"

Oh, how smart that pun was.

"Can I take a shower now?"

The blond nodded reluctantly. "Alright."

~~~

The light was really bright in the room and it was silent. The only thing I heard was my breath. Looking down at myself, I saw that I wore a white shirt that was too big on me and black tight pants. The key hung around my neck. I sat on a couch that seemed very familiar to me, but right now I couldn't tell where I saw it before. The cushion felt soft against my hand.

Suddenly, I heard how a door was opened and then closed again, footsteps that got louder and louder with each passing second. Someone was approaching me. I didn't feel like turning around, since I would see that person right in front of me after a matter of seconds. I wasn't particularly scared and neither did I feel nervous. Everything here was familiar to me and I knew that there was nothing to be scared of.

I was in good hands, so to speak.

Soon, that said person stood in front of me, holding something in their hands. They didn't decide to sit down yet.

"How do you feel?" they asked.

"I'm great. Now that I'm here with you." I answered in a low and monotonous voice, it was as if I wasn't feeling anything at this very moment.

The person chuckled lowly. "I knew that you would decide for the right thing." It was now that they sat down, after they had put the thing down on the table. It made a clanking noise, so I guessed that it was a glass. They raised a hand to cup my cheek, caressing it then. I fell for the touch right away, tilting my head to their palm. "As submissive as I had you in mind."

I only hummed to it, closing my eyes as they continued stroking my cheek. After some time, their hand wandered to the back of my neck, two fingers of them nestling into my hair. I opened my eyes slowly, seeing a glass in front of my eyes now.

"Here, a glass of wine. Do you want some?" They didn't wait for an answer and instead they placed the rim of the glass on my lips. I cocked my head back a bit and let the red fluid inside my mouth, swallowing it. It tasted good, really good. My hands rested next to my sides on the couch, not bothering to hold the glass. Instead I let them pour the wine inside my mouth and down my throat. They smirked, while I watched them with expressionless eyes; gulping down the content. Their thumb rubbed over my hair line. "Good boy."

They set the glass down as they held me by my chin. When their eyes locked with mine again, they brought my face closer to theirs until only inches parted us. Their eyes then lingered on my lips for a while before their tongue glid over my bottom lip, lickig off the remains of the wine. After they did so, a smirk appeared on their face again, our faces still close.

I had struggles to stand still, my fingers were fidgeting. All my hands wanted was to tangle themselves in their hair as my lips would press on theirs. My lips parted slightly, ragged breaths leaving my mouth as I neared my mouth to theirs. The person didn't move an inch but licked over their lips, which made me hungry for them. While I was biting my lips, their hands fisted my hair, tilting my head. Their tongue went inside my mouth before I had fully realized it. And I didn't waste time to respond to the kiss. I did the same as them and let my tongue play. The kiss turned to a passionate and wild one very fast, our tongues colliding with each other and licking over everything they could get. I was already breathing heavily through my nose, not breaking apart from the kiss. Oh, how I wished that this wouldn't end.

I had already raised my arms and was about to tangle them in their locks when the person grabbed me by my wrists, preventing my arms from moving any farther to them. They practically forbid me to move any closer to them with my body.

"Ah-ah." they said, clicking their tongue repeatedly, their expression showing off amusement. "Slow down, little beast. Not so fast."

My body was hot for the their touches, I was unable to hold myself back anymore. I wanted them. I wanted their body. I wanted their body doing all sorts of things to me. "P-Please..." It wasn't more than a desperate whisper-almost a husky breath.

They lowered my hands to my sides and then fingers were tracing up my sleeves. Soon, their palms were cupping my cheeks again, this time it was both of my cheeks. But no strokes. A little squeeze, nothing more.

There was a smirk plastered on their face again. "I knew that you would come back to me." The hands wandered down to my neck, caressing the hickeys there. They were still visible. "I knew it right when I saw you at the birthday party. Your body, and mostly your eyes, were betraying you. You never wanted to break up. But I will forgive you for your silly behaviour. After all... I am the only one you need. You are mine, Eren."

I couldn't take my eyes off theirs. Their steel-grey orbs were looming in dark pleasure and insatiable lust. They paralyzed me from the very beginning. It was like I was under a spell I couldn't free myself from.

"Yes. I'm yours, Levi."

Levi's eyes flashed up the second I said the last sentence, narrowing then in satisfaction. "That's what I wanted to hear from you." One of his fingers hooked into the hole of the key, pulling my body to him. "Come here and let me fuck you."

Our lips were getting closer again, soon it would end in another deep kiss. But this time it wouldn't only be a kiss. Levi had clearly stated what he wanted from me.

And I was willing to comply.

Levi was the one I was in love with, even if he didn't return my feelings. As long as he wasn't fucking someone else, I was eager to bear with it. Because I was his, and no one else. No one beside me was allowed to come close to this person. It was only me who could satisfy him and give him what he wante-

I tore my eyes open as my upper body shot up. It took me quite a moment before I grasped what was happening, or rather what had happened. My breath went fast and my heart raced like hell. I clutched my shirt at my chest, taking deep breath to calm myself down. Finally, I was able to thing properly.

A nightmare. It was just a nightmare.

Nothing of it was real. I wasn't in Levi's apartment and this was not Levi's or my old bed. I didn't go back to him. I didn't. And I wouldn't ever do that.

It was when I felt like I had calmed down enough that I eventually turned to the left, expecting to see Armin there.

But the spot next to me was empty.

For one second the thought ran through my mind that it wasn't a nightmare but reality. But then again it was impossible to be real.

The blond had probably woken up earlier than me, but to come to think of it... It was unusal for Armin to leave the bed before me when I was sleeping next to him. Normally, he would lay beside me and watch me in my sleep or something like that.

What if...?

I swear if Jean picked Armin up just because he was laying next to me, then I will fucking punch him in his fucking horseface!

From one second to the other my anxiety (caused by that nightmare) was replaced by anger, and I was already leaving my bed, growling as I made my way to the floor. I was about to forward to the bedroom when something on the opposite side of the floor caught my eyes. I turned around to the entrance hall and saw a mop of blond hair bending down and putting his shoes on.

I furrowed my brows in confusion as to why Armin was up that early and where he wanted to go. After all, it was sunday. It couldn't be grocery shopping or something similar to that. As I approached him, I could make out muttering sounds, but I was still too far away to understand them.

It was obviously Armin muttering under his breath, and I wondered what it was. "Armin?"

The blond's head shot up immediately, his slightly widened bright blue eyes locking with mine. He felt like he was caught in the act and technically speaking he was. "Oh. Eren. You're awake." he retorted in a surprised voice, which he tried to cover, but obviously failed.

"What are you doing there?" I asked, stressing the first word.

Armin removed a blond lock from his cheek as he averted his eyes. "I-I have to do something. I'll do it quickly and be right back. It won't take long, I promise."

His answer didn't help me at all. "But I still want to know where you are going and what your are going to do. This is not like you. Leaving early without telling me and on top, you are doing that secretely. This is not at all like you."

My friend faced the door now, one hand holding the handle. "I want to help you, Eren." He sounded serious, but at the same time the tone was soft.

"Where are you going?!" I had reached that point where my patience said goodbye.

Armin sighed deeply before answering. "I'll go to Levi."

This answer was the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth. Before I had realized it completely, my hand was already pulling at his wrist. "What are you talking there? Why do you want to visit him? What do you want to do?!"

His head shot back to me, a glare featured on his face. This was a sight I rarely saw of Armin and to be honest, it surprised me negatively to some extent. "I will yell at him! Or punch him in the face! Whatever it is, I want him to fucking understand that he is hurting you with his coldheartedness and damn behaviour!" Swearing was another thing I wasn't used to hear from Armin.

He had already opened the door and was about to leave when suddenly I moved instinctively and shut the door close, pressing my back against it. "You won't go to him. I won't let you." I said in a steady tone, my expression dead serious.

"What are you doing there, Eren? I want to go!" He was pulling at the handle, but then I grabbed both of his wrists and dragged him away from the door. "Stop it, Eren. Let me go!" he shouted at me, tugging at my grip.

I had to pull him away from the door by wrapping my arms around his torso from behind, otherwise he would slip through my grasp. "What would it do good, if you go there now?! Right, nothing!" I replied in a calmer voice, having struggles to keep him away from the door.

Armin was wriggling like mad, his fists pounding my hands. "I just want to help you! Let me go!"

I was close to become desperate and to be quite frank, I would have never thought that I needed his help one day. "Jean!" I yelled through the house, praying that he had heard that.

"No! Not Jean! Don't call Jean!"

After what felt like mere three seconds, a door flew open. And then I heard a voice that I usually hated so much, but right now I was glad to hear it. "The fuck are you yelling in my house, Yeager! And on top of that, you're calling after me- What the fuck are you doing there with Armin?!" Horseface ran up to us, taking the blond away from me and in his arms the instant he had reached the two of us.

"Jean, please let me go. I need to do something really quickly."

"What were you doing with Armin, huh?!" Jean was sending death glares to me, ignoring his husband's pleas.

I had this one chance to convince Jean. "A-Armin wants to mess with someone!" I stated as I pointed at my best friend.

"What?!" Jean shouted, but he seemed to believe me.

"Eren!"

"I'm sorry, Armin. I just don't want you to do anything pointless." I was telling the truth. There was no point in trying to make Levi feel guilty because he wouldn't feel like that. Never ever.

"Is that true?" This time Jean was talking to Armin.

"It's not exactly like that... J-Just... Urgh! I just want to help Eren!"

"But not like that! I won't let you go. What if you get hurt of whatever?!"

"B-But..."

"No buts. Come with me." Jean lead the blond to another room, away from the front door.

Armin was literally dragged away, but he was able to shout one last thing at me. "Eren, you traitor!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, sighing. It was my fault. Everything was my fault. Now I had even managed to make Armin this mad.

As I made my way back to my room, I got pinned to a wall all of a sudden and then I saw how horseface glared at me. "What?" I snapped in an annoyed tone.

He spat back with a more annoyed voice. "Listen, you little shit. Pull yourself together and solve your problems already!"

"I'm trying."

"That's not enough. Obviously. You're an adult. So behave like one and do something about your problems! And don't get Armin involved in them." He sounded threatening, but not scaring.

But in the end he was right. "I'll do my best. Can you please let go of me now?" He released from me, stepping one step back. "Oh, and I will also try to leave this house as soon as possible. I think it's time for me to find a new apartment for myself." I had already spent so much time here, I didn't want to bother them anymore. I didn't care about Jean, but Armin shouldn't be bombarded with my problems anymore. I experienced just now where that would lead to.

"Well, I would gladly kick you out of here, but the problem is that Armin doesn't want that." And then Jean walked away. I lowered my head in defeat.

I really had to do something about my problems.

~~~

"What are you doing there?" Jean asked in a derogatory voice.

I looked up to him from where I was sitting. "Sitting on the floor." I replied nonchalantly.

Horseface rolled his eyes as he clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Well, yes. I can see that. What I rather meant was why are you sitting there on the floor, the front door behind you?"

Jean was dressed in casual clothes. It seemed that he wanted to go somewhere. I looked to the floor, drawing invisible circles with the tip of my pointer finger. "I don't want Armin to leave and-"

He responded with a low sigh. "Oh god, you're still worrying about that. Armin won't do anything dumb."

I didn't really understand how Jean could be so sure of that. "Why do you think that?"

"Because he promised me."

There was a long silence. I still didn't grasp it.

"So what?" I then asked, my brows knitted in confusion.

"Don't 'so what' me. He promised me. Armin doesn't break a promise."

Normally, it was good to see how much a couple cared about trust and honesty, but since I didn't experience much of those things, it depressed me somehow. Not even my relationships with girls were something that serious that it had a future.

"Sometimes I envy you." I didn't know where this came from, but it wasn't like I regretted those words leaving my mouth.

"Well," Jean crouched down, coming to eye level with me, a smug grin plastered on his face, "Actually, when we were in high school, I was so damn sure that you and Armin will end up as a couple and of course that bugged me really much. But in the end, you two remained only best friends. Good for me, bad for you. Envy me as much as you want to. I'm glad to have Armin. And..." His face came closer to mine as he sent an intense death glare towards me. "Don't you dare take him away from me!"

Armin and I were best friends since a very long time. I didn't know why it had never come to that, but... I think if we hadn't looked at each other only as best friends some time when we were younger, we would have ended up being a couple. If things were different, it was even be possible that I would have fallen in love with my best friend.

But I did not. And it won't ever happen. For that Armin has grown to me as a best friend that I loved as a best friend and not more.

I wanted to say something to Jean, but the two-toned had his eyes shifted to my neck, a big grin showing on his face. "Oh?" he wondered, amused. A hand of his reached my collar and moved the fabric away, so that my neck was exposed now. "Well look at this. Now these are some really gross hickeys. I wonder, who did that to you?" He touched his chin, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. "Let me guess! That one guy you've hopelessly fallen in love with? Hmmm?"

Now he was getting on my nerves. So I might as well can mock him back. I cocked my head to the side as I touched some kiss marks, watching Jean through hooded eyes. "I received them from Armin. He did quite a good job."

There was a reaction on Jean's face. Bingo. His one eye twitched as he raised one fist. But soon he lowered his arm and remained like that. "You're lucky that I'm in a good mood today, so I won't mess with you. But watch out for what you're saying, bastard."

His threat left me uneffected and I retorted with a bored look.

"And now," Jean went on, grabbing my shoulder, "Move!" And then my body was pushed forward. I fell on the floor face first and soon my whole body lay there. "You're in the way. I want to go outside." The door was opened and then closed.

"Fucking horseface." I mumbled, getting up as I rubbed my head.

As I was getting up, I heard Armin calling out my name and when I had finally raised my face to him, I was tackled to the ground again. The blond had jumped on me, hugging me tight. "Ouch. Armin, what is it?" I groaned, all motivation to get up again gone.

"I'm sorry, Eren. I'm sorry that I wanted to confront Levi. I just wanted to help you by doing something that has more effects. I can't always only talk to you and give you advice on how to avoid him. Actions speak louder than words! Levi has to hear and feel how much of a dickhead he is!"

Again Armin perplexed me with words he never used, let alone thought of. "Yeah, yeah. Can we discuss that somewhere that is not on the floor?"

In a matter of seconds Armin brought me to the living room, pushing me onto the couch, himself sitting next to me.

"I'm really sorry, Eren." Armin said again hastily.

"It's okay. Really. I have other problems at the moment." I crossed my legs, looking down to my fingers.

Armin understood right away. "Did something else happen?"

"I had a nightmare." I admitted.

"What was it about?" He tilted his head.

"I dreamt of how I went back to being Levi's fuck buddy."

The blond pressed down on my knee, attempting to encourage me like that. "Well, you can be glad that this was only a dream."

I watched Armin's expression closely and in silence, my brows furrowed lightly as I bit the inner of my mouth. "You're probably right. I don't want to be his fuck buddy anymore and I won't do that in the future ever again."

"Regarding that... Have you ever thought of... well... finding another person you can perhaps fall in love with after spending more time with them?" Armin asked me cautiously, probably not wanting to hurt me with his words. But he didn't. I had endured worse.

Actually, I had never thought about that yet. I propped my arm on my knee, putting my head in my palm. "I haven't taken that into consideration to be honest. I don't think that I can fall in love with another guy if it's not Levi. And with girls... I don't know."

"You don't have to rush with that. You don't even have to do that. After all, I don't want to force you to anything. It's just an advice, you know that. I think it will be a great step once you've managed to erase your feelings for him."

I hummed in response, spacing out. I didn't want another one that Levi, but at the same time I knew that I couldn't I have the way I wanted it.

"I had really wished for you two to end up together somehow." Even though I wasn't looking at him, I was pretty sure that Armin wore a sad smile right now.

"I had wished that too, Armin. I had wished that, too."

But we didn't become a couple. And it will never happen. I couldn't manipulate things as they were right now and even less was I able to change Levi's way of thinking.

Life wasn't a fairytale in which all dreams and wishes would come true.

Life was harsh reality.