Eren's POV

Regret washed over me because of what I had done. I couldn't resist Levi. I couldn't prevent this from happening. I was unable to do anything right in my life. Why did I even let things happen that would only end up in getting myself hurt? Why was I making mistakes repeatedly?

I had to learn from my experiences!

"Oi." Levi said. "Stand up already, brat." I could hear zipping and buckling sounds, Levi was probably putting on his clothes.

And here I still was, kneeling on the floor with my head pressed against the wall. Somehow I had managed to button up my shirt and pull up my boxers and pants, but that was it. I didn't move any more nor did I make any efforts to at least stand up. My biggest wish now was to run away from this place. To run away from him. To run away from what I had done.

I had made a mistake and I couldn't undo that anymore.

It was my own fault. I shouldn't have agreed to attend this party. I shouldn't have stayed when I saw Levi in front of me after a long time. I shouldn't have let my guard down. I shouldn't have given in to the person who I loved, but hurt me the most.

"Shit!" I cursed under my breath, hitting the wall with my fist. My hand was shaking in anger and self-hatred.

I then felt a hand grabbing me by my arm and tugging at it a bit. "Let's go to our apartment and continue there. I want to do you without having any noisy people around in the house." Levi said that in such a nonchalant tone it irritated me to the fullest.

Turning around and pulling away from his grasp, I stared at him with a glare. "What are you talking there?!" My voice was a mixture of madness and disbelief of what I had heard he raven utter just now. "I'm not going back to being your fuck buddy again!"

Levi furrowed his brows in slight confusion, mostly irritation featuring his expression as well. "What are you babbling there about? Then why did we fuck just now? It's obvious that you want to go back to our sex relationship."

I slowly stood up, leaning my body against the wall behind me. Words wouldn't come out of my mouth for a while, so I had no other choice than to stand where I was, regarding the raven with distaste and hatred written all over my face. I couldn't believe that I fell in love with a guy who seriously didn't understand other people's feelings. But then again, it was my wish to make him feel. I wanted Levi to have at least some feelings for me. Was that too much to ask for? Why was Levi cold and emotionless towards mostly everything and everyone?

I couldn't stay silent anymore. I had to make it clear that I didn't want to do this with him anymore. "W-What happened just now," I started with low confidence in my voice, "shouldn't have happened. Call it an accident."

Meeting my eyes with Levi's, I figured out that he wasn't convinced by that. Moreover, his still furrowed brows gave off the feeling that Levi didn't believe me. I averted my eyes to the floor as I bit the inside of my bottom lip. "It takes time for me to get over you, that's why I had let my guard down. After all, the break-up was only two weeks ago. No one can recover completely during such a short amount of time. That we did this... is a result of my inability to control my feelings when being around you. I'm not able to do that yet. This was an accident because I couldn't think properly for a while, and it won't happen again."

"The fuck..." Levi retorted in a low voice.

It was now that confidence took over me and I was finally able to look Levi deep into the eyes as I said the next thing. "I don't want a fuck buddy relationship anymore. I don't want you. I don't want an 'us' that is nothing more than a one-sided love. I'm fine as things are right now. I can live a life without you!" My speech made him a bit insecure. At least that was what I thought. Why else would he back up a bit when I came closer? Why else would he narrow his eyes and scowl at me when I said all those things with a determined and loud voice. I had finally reached that point where Levi didn't and couldn't dominate me anymore. Because I wasn't his fuck toy any longer and I was certain that I would never go back to that again. It didn't matter how much I loved him, I wouldn't let him play with my feelings ever again. This was not what I wanted. And as much as it hurt realizing that, there was no other way than to forget about him. I had to do it. I already told that myself days ago, but now that this had happened, I figured out that I really had to do it before I would break apart completely. It was a mistake to meet him again and in order to leave everything behind that revolved around him, I had to go now. I had to leave him forever.

Without saying anything more, I walked past Levi, making my way to the door and out of Levi's life.

"Why are you pretending?" I heard him ask from behind me.

I stopped in my tracks. I should have ignored his words and walked away, but somehow my legs wouldn't move. What did he mean by that?

I turned around slowly, establishing eye contact with the raven again. My expression was emotionless, I didn't allow any feelings to take control over my mind. This was dangerous terrain now. One false step, one false move, one false word and I would be back in Levi's grasp. Everything that I had decided would fall apart and I would be doing the same mistake again. I had to control my emotions. The best was to leave, but the words that had left Levi's mouth just now didn't let me. I wanted to know what he meant by them. The most rational choice now was to go away, but I couldn't. Levi had managed to freeze me in place by using merely a few words. How was that even possible? Why was it always Levi doing that to me?

"Why are you pretending to feel alright? Why are you pretending that things are fine the way they are right now?" Levi asked as he came closer to me, holding up an expressionless face.

Now, it was me making steps back. Though, I stepped much more steps back than he had done.

Now, it was me being silent again. Though, I felt more intimidated than Levi had probably been by me.

All the self-confidence I had built up...

... faded away into nothingness.

I could enjoy the bit of dominance I had over the raven only for a moment. In fact, my little victory was nothing more than an existence of a few seconds.

It was foolish of me to think that I could be on eye level with Levi. He was mentally and physically stronger than me.

"I-I'm not pretending." Great, my cracky voice helped me a lot.

"You are." Levi stated, as if he knew more about me than I did. "You don't want to be separated from me. That's why you had let me fuck you just now. You think that you feel better without me, but you certainly do not. For that you love me too much. Why denying your feelings? That's not necessary." One of his hands reached up to my lips, his thumb tracing the form of my lips. A little upcurve of his lips was evident on one corner of his mouth, his eyes lingering on my lips. "Just come back to me and-"

"If I go back to you, then everything will be the same. I will be your fuck buddy and you won't return my feelings." I wasn't allowed to let him influence me. I had to stand against his temptations.

"That's right-"

"Then, I don't want this." I cut him off.

He let go of me, glaring now. "You stubborn brat."

I didn't understand him at all. Why was Levi the way he was? Why didn't he have any feelings for me? It was impossible for someone to be indifferent about a person they had spent most of the time together for a few months, even lived together! This was something I really wanted to know of him.

Blinking and gulping hard, I prepared myself to ask Levi my last questions before I would go. "Why..." The raven furrowed his brows and narrowed his eyes a bit. "Why are you like this? How can you not feel anything for me after so such a long time we spent together? Why are you the way you are?"

He crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at me even more. "That's none of your-"

"Business. I know." I completed his sentence. "But I want to know nevertheless. I want to understand you." My voice was desperate, almost begging. My love for Levi was too much to not care about him. That was why I wanted to know.

"I don't care if you want to know. I won't tell." he stated with certainty in his voice.

I lowered my head a bit, a sad smile playing around my lips. "Why aren't you able to love me? What hinders you to do so? Now that I think of it... I don't know anything about you nor about your past. Maybe... something bad had happened to you in the past...?" I didn't end my sentence on purpose, hoping that the raven would answer me however.

Looking up to him, I saw nothing but indifference in his eyes. He clicked with his tongue. "My past is nothing you have to know about. By the way, I don't know many things about you and your past, too. It's not like I owe you something."

My body straightened rapidly as I held my breath for a while. "Is that what you want? You want to know about me first?" I began to speak louder and faster.

"No. That's not what I meant." he said, attempting to dissuade me from talking any further by raising one arm.

I didn't listen to him. "Then, I will tell you about me!"

"Eren, don't-"

"My name is Eren Yeager. I'm born in March 30. I'm 25 years old. My father is Grisha Yeager and my mother is Carla Yeager. My parents once adopted Mikasa because her parents died and since then she is my adopted sister. I went to Shiganshina grade, middle, high school and university. I've studied Economics and Design and I am currently employed at Pixis Corporation."

"Eren-"

I couldn't stop myself from spilling out all these information. My voice got even louder and the words left my mouth quicker than before.

"I didn't experience extraodinary things in my past. As a child, I liked playing all sorts of games with my friends. When I was a teenager, I did some things that one shouldn't do, but they were never big mistakes. Sins of the youth, that is. I like cupcakes, books and cats. I dislike stress, cold weather, dishonesty and people who annoy me- Jean in particular. I really care about people who mean a lot to me, no matter how I am related to them-

"Stop-" Levi spat in a hiss.

"-and I'm in love with you!"

I yelled the last sentence in a desperate cry and as loud as I could, panting hard after that. Suddenly, my body was pushed against the wall, a hand pulling me up a bit by my collar. I was literally standing on my toes as cold grey eyes pierced through mine.

"Shut up," Levi snapped in a growl, "Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear any of it!"

"What do you want to do to me, huh?" I asked in a provoking and daring voice, adrenaline rushing through my veins. The only things I could sense right now were how my body was shivering and my heart beating fast in my chest. The whole situation had escalated and my mind wasn't playing along the way it was supposed to.

"Ohh, how much I want to..." Levi's tone was low and angry, nothing more than a snarl.

"You want to do what? Punch me? Do it! I don't care!"

The raven let go of me, but still sent death glares to my direction. "You can never understand what I had to go through. Yes, my past was shitty! Now, you know it! So what? No one can change what has already happened. You can't help me at all! And I don't want any help! I'm fine the way I am right now! The only job you have to do is to spread your legs for me-"

When I heard the last few words, my mind shut off completely and all the emotions that boiled up inside me took over the control of my body. I raised an arm, fisting my palm and in mere seconds my fist dashed towards Levi's face. Again, the raven reacted right away; catching my fist, twisting my wrist that much that it hurt but didn't ache unbearably. He pulled at my hand, closing the distance between us so that our noses were almost touching. I could see anger and madnessin his orbs. Then, he pushed me away from him, my back hitting against the wall, causing me to cry out from the impact. The next second, his fist smashed the wall next to my head. The wall Levi hit just now broke apart, a splitter streaking my cheek and lightly cutting my skin open. I didn't know how deep the cut was, but I wasn't feeling much of it nor the blood that was now leaking out of the wound. Right at this moment, I got a taste of how strong Levi really was. He had managed to break a fucking wall apart! I wasn't scared of this fact, not really. Neither did I believe that Levi had intended to hit my face and had only missed just now. It was just... The reason he did this was me. I had made him furious.

"When are you going to understand that no one can hurt me that easily!" he hissed. He wanted to say something else, since his mouth opened for a second time. He had even taken a breath and was about to add one more thing, but in the end he didn't. The raven closed his lips again.

I watched Levi's expression closely, trying to find something in his facial features that could help me figure out how to straighten up the things that went totally wrong in our conversation. Things were more than fucked up right now, and I couldn't leave them like that.

"I-I'm not your whore." The words left my mouth before I had realized it. This was referring to what he had said to me previously.

"That's right." The growl was still evident in his voice, but now a pissed-off tone accompanied it. "You are just a damn brat who doesn't know when to shut up."

He glimpsed quickly at my wounded cheek and then his eyes were on mine again. I couldn't tell what I saw in them, but they didn't show off total indifference anymore. Did that wound have an effect on him...?

"Levi..." I grabbed him by his arm, coming closer to him. Fear was written all over my face. I was scared. Not of him, but of... I didn't want to make anything wrong. "Levi..."

He let out a faint 'tch' before he tugged his arm away from me. "You're annoying the shit out of me." He made his leave after he had simply said that.

"L-Levi... Wait..." I wanted to follow him and hold him in place, not letting him go, but my legs didn't listen to me. Instead, I fell on my knees and soon my head was met with the floor. I placed my arms over my head, holding a tight grip as my body started to shake heavily. "Levi... Don't..."

And then tears were streaming down my face.