Chapter Song: I Hate You, I Love You - Gnash featuring Olivia O'Brien

---------------------------------

Chapter 61:

(Grey's POV)

A few hours earlier...

"Goddamnit Michael. I thought I wasn't going to have to put up with this shit again!"  My shouting volume makes my words forceful through the large living room of his house.

Michael sighs as he sits down with his drink at hand," I'm not going to give you advice anymore. I'm tired of you missing out on her. You've fucked up this time man. You don't deserve someone like her. She's too good for you. So leave her the Fuck alone, she deserves better."

I knew that every word that fell from his mouth was 100% true and that she really did deserve better. I mean, this guy she's with won't bring out her best traits like I once did, but at least he won't lead her to do bad things and be a bad person and possibly loose trust again. Though maybe those bad things are exactly what she needed. Maybe that edge adding to her good girl personality is what made her so perfect.

"Dude," Michael interrupted.

I sigh and pick up the bottle of whisky from the coffee table in front of me.

"I'm gonna go.." I trail off my sentence and stand up along with the bottle in my hand.

I take a huge drink and cringe as it goes down before walking out the front door.

I close the door and follow that with another drink. 

I need to see her. Now. I need to get the truth to her.

As I stumble my way down the concrete steps my thoughts come through clearer. Fuck, I need to be sober when I talk to her. I can't be fucked up when I tell her everything.

Hell, what even is the truth? What even is 'everything'? Fuck.

Well, I know that I screwed up badly in high school when we parted. Damn it Grey, why did we even split?

Why do you have to be so fucking stupid and drink? Why can't you just go through life without succumbing to the urge for alcohol?

I need to walk this shit off and come back to my car to go find Kerri.

(Kerri's POV) Present Time

"Two shots of the lady's choice," the tall, dark, and handsome man states to the bartender. The man behind the bar looks at me and waits.

Why didn't I do more drinking in highschool? I don't even know what a shot can contain.

I smile and take a risk," whiskey please."

He pours our drinks and hands them to the very attractive guy.

He gives me a bright smile and holds up his shot glass. "I'm Houston."

I return the smile and hold up my shot glass as well," I'm Kerri."

Our glasses clink and I turn mine up right before my annual cringe and slight cough. The two come in pairs after I drink a strong alcohol.

Why did I always prefer to be the good kid? Now I know nothing about the world.

"Well Kerri, You aren't much of a drinker are you?" he questions and we set our glasses down.

I shake my head no and smile kind of embarrassed like. It is pretty embarrassing that I cannot even be sure what a shot is. Or even understand the system here.

"I am what you'd call a 'goody two shoes'. That's what everyone thought of me as in high school anyways," I laugh and draw circles on the countertop while taking in his facial features and nice hair.

He laughs and places a hand over mine, making it freeze in the middle of drawing a circle," darling, this is college. High school is a play ground for the immature. Consider high school as a pregame. It doesn't count, it was a practice round and it's just the beginning of your actual life."

So, what he's saying is that everything that happened between Grey and I was immaturity? To be completely honest, Grey is still acting like a child.

My thoughts blend into the hand on my shoulder. The calloused hands that seemed to make me feel better, long ago. Now they just bring me worry.

"Kerri, may I talk to you?" I hear Grey's voice in my left ear. His warm whiskey infused breath lingers around my ear before I turn around and find his messy hair and soft, concerned face.

"No, I'd rather not. Thanks for taking an interest in our conversation though."

I knew that if I were to say something different it would alarm Houston and the last thing I need is a fight in my honor, especially involving Grey.

"Kerri, please. I need to speak with you. Five minutes, that's all I'm asking for," he pleads with his hands now returned to his pockets.

Damn you Grey Elliot.

"Sorry, I will be right back," I turn to Houston's blue eyes and state. I give a small smile and stand up.

He nods and smiles back at me," if you need anything I'll be right here."

I acknowledged his words and walk away with Grey towards the doors once again and out into the cold night air.

Is this really all that great of an idea? Sometimes I really do think that my choice of actions don't lead me in the best of directions.

I wrap my arms around myself to hold in as much warmth as possible, due to my lack of clothing I'm freezing my ass off.

"I'm sorry Kerr-"

"Before you start I wanna-"

I am cut off by his hand covering my mouth, trapping my words inside.

He takes a deep breath, continuing to hold my mouth shut," you cannot interrupt me, you must listen without saying. Use your ears instead of your mouth, please."

He looked desperate for the words to fall from his mouth. He looked as if the words he did hold within were going to fall from his lips at any second. Frankly, I'd like to hear those words, yet not wanting to at the same time.

"I have three words to say to you. I miss you. Kerri, I know I screwed up, too many times to count. And I know that you hate me-"

"I do-" he cuts off my interjection with his index finger over my lips which sends a shock over my body.

He raises his eyebrows," don't interrupt me."

I put up my hands in surrender and he lets off my mouth. He begins again with a tender look in his eyes.

"Hear me out, Justin seems like a wonderful guy. He really does, and I'm not saying this to get on your good side. He has money, he is nice to you, and he treats you the way a lady should be treated. But my point is, I miss you, I know I did wrong, and I know that there isn't a way to say I'm sorry with as much power and feeling as I'm accumulating. But the least I can do is be your friend. Will you let me do that? Let me be your friend Kerri?"

With his sudden appearance and now he's asking for friendship and basically forgiveness, he's stunned me. The amount of feel that is rolling off his tongue and body is different. I've never seen him so torn up, so raw. I honestly feel as if he's acting. But after all we've  battled and been through, I'm not quite sure this is acting.

The look on his face said one thing yet his history says another. And combined they are a thunderstorm. A mix of hot and cold. Opposites.

And I'm just the house waiting to get torn apart by the tornado that thunderstorm holds. I'm on the brink of destruction and construction. We can't be just friends. We can't rise from what we used to be and control the situation. He's insane.

I feel a tear roll off my cheek and I watch it fall to the pavement as I walk back into reality.

Trying to find the words I feel Grey's large arms wrap around my cold figure. His warmth radiated from his body and engulfed me with the warm heat.

Though all he's put me through and all we've battled I am still smiling and embracing the moment. Actually I'm literally embracing the moment.

I really enjoy writing those heartfelt thoughts between these two. It makes me happy inside to reread what I've written. Haha, too bad I don't have a real guy to make up with when we fight. Do you enjoy those heartfelt thoughts? Should I add more of them? I also really like how things are playing out. I've kinda changed my mind on a few things so I might make some changes with the new guy that plans to bring out Justin's past. Someone has to let the cat out of the bag about Justin's past of gangs and drugs... *there is your spoiler darlings*