cheering up others had always helped seungyoon to feel better about himself, but when even kyungmi pushed him away, it shoved him over the edge.

without thinking further, without even taking a jacket with him he walked all the way to taehyun's apartment.

just as seungyoon stood in front of the huge grey building, he hesitated. letting out his despair on taehyun definitely wasn't the right thing to do and having sex with him wasn't either.

this time he calculated his actions and went to the next metro station in order to make his way to their shared home.

it wasn't like he had any other place to go anyways. seungyoon had moved out of his mother's house the day he told her about his sexuality and only saw her about once a year.

neither of his old highschool friends would understand his feelings well enough and all of them were most likely partying at this time of the day anyways; well jinwoo probably didn't fit in this frame, but he wasn't an option either.

it was as if his best friend was the only place where he belonged, no matter how painful her words had been to him.

actually he urged to buy alcohol or junkfood on the way back, but he had no money with him. so he just went home and layed on his bed without caring about the fact, that the window was open and his body was shaking because of the cold.

eventually he fell asleep, aware of the fact, that he couldn't feel himself at all and no blade, no pill, no alcohol in the world would change that.

seungyoon wouldn't even notice how many weeks went, since nothing really mattered.