Pony was sitting on his bed deep in thought once again. I wonder what he's thinking about.

He walked into the bathroom and I followed him because I'm really worried he's been acting weird. He looked in the mirror and mumbled: "Ew." 

How could he think he's ugly? He's really handsome​ I wish I looked like him.

He took his shirt off and looked in the mirror again before going to the toilet and causing himself to throw up but Soda busted in.

"Ponyboy are you ok-why are the lights out?" He clicked them on.

"Yeah I'm good."

"Why's you're shirt on the floor?"

Pony grabbed his shirt and put it over his arm.

"I started feeling hot so I took it off then I threw up. I think I'm getting sick." He lied. This was what I meant when I said he was good at lying.

"Well why are the lights out?"

"Gosh Soda why are you asking so many damn questions?!" He yelled. I noticed he's been yelling at Soda a lot.

"Sorry..."

"No I shouldn't yell...I just haven't been thinking strait lately." He explained.

"What do you mean?" Soda looked hopeful when he said it.

"Nothin."

His hopeful look faded and he looked as if he could cry.

"C'mon I'll walk you to bed."

Pony nodded and they walked in with me following. Soda tucked Pony in. "Are you gonna put that shirt down?" Soda broke the silence.

Pony tossed the shirt down and Soda wrestled Pony and grabbed his arm. Soda's eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open.

Pony's arms were covered in scars and cuts. "Oh my god..." I whispered almost inaudibly.

"Ponyboy...did you do that?" Soda had a glassy coat over his eyes. Pony silently nodded in response and he pulled Pony into a hug.

"P-Ponyboy why'd you d-do it?" He literally sobbed.

"I-I don't know!" He yelled.

"Hush...I don't want Darry coming up here...I won't tell him if you tell me why you did it." Soda whispered.

"Cause I'm worthless."

"What?"

"Cause I'm worthless Sodapop! I'm a stupid disappointment who deserves nothing! All I deserve is to die!" He screamed and shoved Soda away from him.

They kept talking while I was lost in my own thoughts. Pony was suicidal. He changed. I saw his story though he wrote: "I was getting to where I could see the truth, someday I'll be able to speak it."

I loved his writing so I read it while he wrote it. I just don't understand, nothing fits together. It's like a puzzle with a missing piece.

These thoughts continued in till I heard Pony say:

"I killed Johnny."

"No-" Soda objected.

"YES I DID AND I KILLED DALLY TOO I'M A STUPID IDIOT, ALL I EVER DO IS FUCK UP!" He yelled and Darry walked in.

"Ponyboy what the hell I work in the morning?" Darry growled.

"Sorry." He apologized.
Darry left and went to bed.

I can't believe Ponyboy thinks he killed me and Dally. He definitely didn't.

"I'm going to bed Soda goodnight." Pony said getting up.

"Where are you goin?"

"My room."

Soda got up and grabbed Pony's arm dragging him back to bed. "No you're not leaving in till you tell me everything and what's going on with you."

"Soda-"

"Soda nothin! You're gonna tell me or we're stayin up all night!"

"I can't I don't wanna burden you with all that..."

"I'm begging you too! HOW WOULD THAT BE BURDENING ME?!"

Pony covered his mouth. "Shhh!"

"NO NOT TILL YOU TELL ME!"

"Fine just shut the hell up." Pony laughed. That made me smile, at least he laughed...maybe there's hope for him.