Chapter Two

Crush

Bata pa lang ako nang makilala si Ezion Go. He's my older bother, Kuya Caleb's best friend since they were in grade school. I remember him as quiet on our first meetings when I was only 6 years old. Pero kalaunan ay nakikipaglaro na rin siya sa akin kapag nasa bahay namin sila ni kuya. Mabait siya sa akin, mas mabait pa sa kapatid ko.

I was in my 6th grade when I knew about his girlfriend then, Gretchen Cuevas. Isang campus crush noon sa kanila sa high school. They were in the 7th grade then. Mas matanda lang sa akin si kuya Caleb ng isang taon.

Gwapo rin naman si Ezion at sikat din sa school dahil basketball player pa at matalino rin kaya madaming nagsasabi maging ang ate at kuya ko na bagay silang dalawa ni Gretchen. Pero iba naman ang tingin ko...

Gretchen was Ezion's first girlfriend. Naghiwalay sila noong Grade 8 at Grade 7 naman ako. Magkasunod lang ang mga year levels namin kaya nasubaybayan ko sila. Pagkatapos ay muling nagkabalikan noong Grade 9. Sandali lang din silang naghiwalay. Came Grade 10 ay naghiwalay muli sina Gretchen at Ezion. Pareho silang nagka-girlfriend at boyfriend pa ng iba. Classmate lang ni Ezion ang naging girlfriend niya na mukhang ginamit lang para pagselosin si Gretchen. Pero nagkabalikan parin ang dalawa nang mag-Grade 11 hanggang Grade 12 na iyon at unang taon nila sa college. Nagtagal din sila pero ang huling hiwalayan ay dahil sekretong nakikipagkita si Gretchen sa ex niya na dating naging boyfriend noong naghiwalay sila ni Ezion noong high school.

Ezion was broken-hearted because of his cheating ex. Ako ang nandoon para sa kaniya. I comforted him... And I confessed to him. Sa una ay sinubukan pa niya akong iwasan. Pero sa huli ay bumigay na rin siya.

Matagal ko na siyang gusto. Simula noong mga bata pa lang kami. Marami rin ang sumubok na manligaw sa akin. Pero pinagbabawalan ako ni Kuya Caleb at hindi niya kasundo ang mga boy students na sumubok mapalapit sa akin. Ang hindi niya alam ay may namamagitan na sa amin ni Ezion.

"How do we do this, Ciri? I'm sure patay ako sa kuya mo." Ezion said with worry for my brother.

Umiling naman ako. "It's okay. Don't worry, ako na ang bahala kay Kuya Caleb." I assured him.

Ezion sighed. I took his hand and hold it. Napatingin siya sa mga kamay naming magkahawak. Sa huli ay bahagya niyang pinisil ang kamay ko.

I knew that he hasn't move on from Gretchen yet. Iniisip pa rin niya ito. But Gretchen already seemed happy with her new boy. So I won't allow Ezion to continue to be broken just because of her. Ezion loved her truly while she only made him a fool. Ezion deserve someone else. Someone like me na hindi siya lolokohin gaya ng ginawa sa kaniya ni Gretchen.

"Ako ang bahala sa atin, Ezion." I gave him a reassuring smile.

He only nodded.

That's how I made him agree to be with me. Kahit pa sinabi niyang hindi pa siya move on kay Gretchen at iniisip pa rin niya ito. Kahit sinabi niya sa akin na hindi pa siya handang pumasok sa bagong relasyon. I told him that it's all right. It's really all right for me. People doesn't have to know about us.

"You have to go now. Baka start na ng class n'yo." he told me after a while.

"Oh!" I nodded when I remembered, too. Sekreto lang kaming nagkita sa likod ng isang building dito sa school.

Our school is big. Simula Elementary ay dito na kami nag-aaral hanggang college na sina Ezion at kuya. Nagpaalam na akong papasok na sa klase ko sa Grade 12 pa. Tumango naman si Ezion at hinayaan ako.

I returned to my classroom and my friends who were also my classmates asked me where I was. I just told them that I went to see my ate and kuya. Hindi na rin naman sila nagtanong pa except Lorie. Marami akong mga kaibigan pero si Lorie ang pinakamalapit sa akin. Her eyes remained looking at me. And I looked away. Naglabas nalang ako ng notebook ko at nagkunwaring magstustudy lang para sa quiz namin mamaya.

Hindi ko alam kung may alam na ba si Lorie tungkol sa ginagawa ko with Ezion. I'm afraid to confront her, too. Malapit din kasi siya kay kuya at Ate Cianna. We grew up together dahil best friend ni mommy ang mommy din ni Lorie. Isa lang ang sigurado ako na nararamdaman ni Lorie kapag nagsisinungaling ako o may tinatago ako. She's not my best friend for nothing. Hindi ko pa lang alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kapag nagtanong na siya sa akin. I can't lie to her, too. But I think I must one day.

Patapos na rin ang school year and then I'll be in college, too. Baka sa panahong iyon kapag sinabi na namin kay Kuya Caleb kung pumayag si Ezion ay payagan naman niya kami. While Ate Cianna was just busy and excited for my coming 18th birthday kahit medyo matagal pa naman iyon.

"Can I wear other color of the gown, ate? I think I don't like pink." I said as we were discussing for my debut.

Tumigil muna si ate sa pakikipag-usap sa magiging designer ng gown na susuotin ko para sa party para ibigay sa akin ang atensyon niya. "Hmm. Pwede naman? But I think you will really look good in a pink ball gown, Ciri." She gave me her pretty smile.

I sighed. Fine. Ayaw ko lang na magmukha akong parang bata pa rin. Especially that I'm already petite. While Gretchen has a voluptuous body. Thinking that that's probably Ezion's type made me bitter.

Puro si Ezion nalang talaga ang iniisip ko. And that's fine. I smiled to myself thinking about our little secret just between us two.

"Ate, si kuya po ba talaga ang escort ko? Can't I have someone else? Ezion, maybe? He's Kuya Caleb's best friend naman." I said. My kuya's been really over protective of me all this time. Si Ate Cianna naman ang tingin sa akin parang bata pa rin kahit 3 years lang naman ang tanda niya sa akin.

Nanatili ang tingin ni Ate Cianna sa akin that it became awkward for me. Pakiramdam ko ay may alam siya sa tingin niya pa lang sa akin. Well, she's my sister after all. She sighed. And then without looking at me she spoke. "I know that you have a crush on Ezion, Ciri. He's Caleb's friend but I'm sure pareho kami ng tingin dito. Ezion's not over his ex yet. So just forget about it."

My lips parted and my face heated. I'm not that comfortable to talk about things like this with my family. Bukod sa parang bata pa ang tingin sa akin ng dalawang nakatatanda kong kapatid at ng parehong parents namin hindi pa rin nagboboyfriend si Ate Cianna kahit 4th year college na siya sa susunod na school year. Si Kuya Caleb din kahit ayaw niyang ipaalam sa akin ay nalalaman kong may mga relationship siya with girls na hindi seryoso. So we don't really talk about having crushes at home.

"Pero, ate! You can't just tell me to forget about it! This is how I feel." I tried to reason out kahit mainit na ang mukha ko.

Tumingin sa akin si Ate Cianna. "You're still young, Ciri. It might be what you feel right now but one day you'll look back at it and realize that it's just a short infatuation." she said as her gaze went back to the designer's iPad.

Hindi makapaniwalang tumingin ako sa kaniya. How can she say that about my feelings for Ezion that's been here since I was a girl? "I'm not anymore a child, ate! And you can't say that about my feelings."

Binalik niya ang iPad sa designer. "Ciri... Hindi ko naman minamaliit ang nararamdaman mo... Ang akin lang, siguro ay huwag mo munang ipilit ang nararamdaman mo ngayon. Especially that Ezion is still not over someone. If you really like him, then, fine. Pero alam kong pareho kami ng iisipin ng Kuya Caleb mo kung mapapalapit ka sa kaniya lalo na ngayon. We may be overthinking, but we just wouldn't want you to get hurt, Ciri." Her eyes softened while she looked at me. "You can continue to like him and let's see what will happen the next years... Pero sa ngayon kahit wala nang girlfriend si Ezion ay kakahiwalay pa lang din nila ni Gretchen. You can't hope for him now, Ciri..."

"And what if your feelings for him change next year? Or the next. Don't do anything that could ruin you, Cirilla."