Chapter Twenty

Desisyon

"Declan," tawag ko sa kaniya pero tuloy-tuloy lang siya sa sasakyan.

Was I really thinking a while ago? Bakit ko sinabi ang mga bagay na 'yon kay Declan? I wasn't thinking right. Ilang beses na kaming nag-usap tungkol sa pamilya niya. Na hindi sila makakaapekto sa desisyon ni Declan tungkol sa akin.

But was I not trusting him enough? After all the assurance he's given me.

"Declan—" muli kong tawag sa kaniya pero natigilan din ako nang harapin na niya ako. Nagkatinginan kami. "Declan,"

"Nag-usap ba kayo ni Ezion? Tungkol sa inyo..." marahan niyang tanong.

My lips parted. Kunot ang noo ni Declan at mukhang nasasaktan pero pinapanatili pa rin na kalmado ang sarili niya kahit mukhang ang dami din niyang gustong sabihin. "I'm jealous every time you go out with him...even if it's for Chelca. I know that I should understand because it's for your daughter. But I can't help it... Because more than the jealousy I'm scared. I'm really scared that we might end up like this..."

"Declan, I..." I didn't exactly know what to say to him...

"Ano'ng napag-usapan ninyo? Was he able to get your heart back?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What are you saying, Declan..."

"Do you want to be with Ezion again, Ciri?"

I was about to answer no. But my mouth just opened but I wasn't able to say anything. Do I want to be with Ezion? No. But I was only thinking about Chelca. If it is for my daughter then I think I can do anything...

Nakita kong tumango-tango na si Declan dahil hindi ako nakasagot agad. "My family isn't a problem, Ciri. They'll understand soon. They will understand that I love you."

Parang tinusok ng kutsilyo ang puso ko. My eyes heated because of the tears threatening to fall. I was looking at Declan. Ilang beses na nga ba niyang nasabi sa akin na mahal niya ako? And was I able to say it back? I think I did but was barely audible. When did I say it out loud that I love him, too? Mahal ko rin si Declan pero naipapakita at naipapadama ko rin ba iyon sa kaniya?

"I'm sorry. It's getting late. Baka hinahanap ka na ni Chelca. I should get you home now." he said after a while.

Habang ako ay hindi na nakapagsalita at hindi nakasagot sa mga tanong niya. Pero tingin ba niya ay nasagot ko na ang katanungan niya sa katahimikan ko? I don't want Declan to think that way. Lalo at alam ko kung ano marahil ang iniisip niyang sagot ko.

I do not want to be with Ezion. And I was only thinking about my daughter.

Tahimik kami ni Declan sa loob ng sasakyan hanggang hinatid na niya ako sa amin. He got a call from her sister kaya sinabi ko sa kaniyang huwag na akong ihatid sa unit namin. Hinayaan naman niya ako. Pero hindi ko pa halos maalis ang tingin ko sa kaniya dahil mukhang may emergency sa kanila. Pero sa huli tinalikuran ko na siya para umakyat na sa condo namin.

I was thinking while the elevator was going up. Nang dumating ako sa bahay ay agad kong hinanap si Chelca. Maaga pa naman kaya naabutan kong gising pa siya at pinapakain ng dinner ni Mommy. Declan and I had early dinner after work. At maaga niya rin talaga akong hinahatid pauwi dahil iniisip niya si Chelca na hinahanap ako sa bahay. Ngumiti ako at lumapit sa anak ko.

"Mommy!"

"Chelca," hinagkan ko siya at niyakap pa. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Mommy! Where's Ninong?"

Bahagya akong natigilan sa tanong ng anak ko. Sanay kasi si Chelca na hinahatid ako ni Declan hanggang dito sa loob ng condo namin. At minsan pa nga ay nakakapaglaro din muna sila ni Declan bago ito umuwi. Kaya siguro nagtaka siya na wala ang ninong niya ngayon. Parang may uminit sa kalooban ko at gustong matuloy ng luha kong hindi pa bumuhos kanina.

When I noticed Mommy she was already looking at me. Ngumiti nalang ako kay mom.

Pagkatapos kumain ni Chelca sinamahan ko na muna siya sa kwarto. I helped her brush her teeth, at pinaliguan ko na rin siya. "Mommy, I can do this next time." she said while I was already helping her getting dressed into her pajamas.

"You really think you're a big girl now?" I smiled while I started combing her healthy hair this time.

"Yes. I can take a bath alone next time and change clothes." she said.

Nangiti nalang ako. "Okay, we'll see."

Bumaling sa akin ang anak ko at ngumiti nang malapad. I chuckled. She's really growing up. And then I sighed. Kumunot naman ang noo ni Chelca at napanguso rin siya. I smiled because she looked cute. "What's wrong, Mommy?" she asked.

Umiling ako. "Nothing. Chelca," I'm not sure if I should ask her this but, "what was your birthday wish?" I was talking about her birthday wish last time. I was truly curious. And I feel like I could do something for her wish to come true...

"Why do you want to know?" She dropped her back on the bed with a smile on her pretty face.

"Just curious..." I shrugged my shoulders with a smile on my lips, too. Naupo rin ako sa kama at patuloy siyang tiningnan habang nakahiga naman sa kama.

"Hmm. Okay!"

"Okay, what was it?"

"My wish was..." I saw emotions in her eyes. Agad naman nag-init ang kalooban ko. And then she lowered her eyes as if not wanting me to see what she feels. "I wished I could always be with Mommy and Daddy..." she said it slowly and almost in a whisper.

My lips parted. I already kind of expected this. Pero iba pa rin pala talaga kapag narinig ko na galing kay Chelca. Kung ano talaga ang gusto niya. That all along my daughter really wished and longed for a complete family. Tama si Ezion. At bilang mga magulang ni Chelca we are responsible for it.

Kinuha ko siya at niyakap nang mahigpit. I think I will do everything for my daughter.

Nang makatulog na si Chelca ay bumalik ako sa labas at naabutan ko si Mommy na mukhang naghihintay din sa akin. "Mommy..."

"May problema ba, Ciri?"

"Po?"

"Nagkakaproblema ba kayo ni Declan?"

I wondered if she already knew about Declan's family's dislike towards me. "Wala naman po, Mommy..."

"I heard from Caleb na sinugod daw sa hospital and Daddy ni Declan. Magkasama kayo kanina."

My eyes widened. I didn't know! Or I had the chance to know earlier nang hinatid niya ako dito sa bahay when his sister just phone called him. But instead of asking ay tinalikuran ko nalang siya. Umawang ang labi ko habang nakababa ang tingin ko sa pag-iisip. "Ano raw po ang nangyari, Mommy?"

"Hindi ko pa alam ang buong detalye. Hindi ba kayo nag-usap ni Declan? Wala ba siyang sinabi sa 'yo?"

Muli akong napababa ng tingin. Declan was always there for me. I wished I could be there for him, too. Especially at times like this. And I had the chance to be with him pero ano ang ginawa ko? Instead I was hurting him. Talaga bang sasaktan ko nalang nang ganito si Declan? Does he deserve this?

Nag-angat ako nang tingin nang dumating si Kuya Caleb. "Kuya," agad kong salubong sa kaniya para magtanong about Declan's dad.

"Kausapin mo ang kapatid mo, Caleb."

Bumaling ako kay Mommy pero nagpaalam na siya sa amin na papasok na sa kwarto niya para magpahinga. It was also already getting late at night. "Galing ka bang hospital sa Daddy ni Declan, kuya?" patuloy kong tanong.

Kuya Caleb nodded his head. "Yes, I was with Lorie. Sinamahan muna namin ang family ni Declan habang wala pa siya doon kanina."

Mataman akong tiningnan ni kuya. "Ano ang sinabi ni Mommy? May problema ba?"

Umiling ako. "Iniisip ni Mommy na may problema kami ni Declan..."

Kuya Caleb sighed. "Si Ezion ba?"

Nagkatinginan kami ni kuya. Umiling ako. "No..."

Muling nagbuntong-hininga si Kuya Caleb. "I already told you, Ciri. Kung si Chelca ang iniisip mo—"

"I will do everything for my daughter, kuya."

Mataman muli akong tiningnan ni kuya. Mukhang marami pa siyang sasabihin pero huminga lang muli siya at sinabing, "Pag-isipan mong mabuti ang mga desisyon mo, Ciri."