Chapter Four

Baby

If you'll ask me if was it worth it? Was my lies to the people who's dear to me worth it? No. The short answer is no. Ngayon ko lang na realized ang mga ginawa ko at huli na dahil tapos na. Nangyari na at ako at ang mga tao sa paligid ko na mahalaga sa akin ang labis na nagdusa.

I remember my best friend... Lorie was right about Ezion. Ngayon ko lang naintindihan kung bakit pinili nalang niya noon na huwag na akong kausapin kaysa ang suportahan ako sa tagong relationship namin noon ni Ezion. Because she's my best friend and she knew that it won't do me any good. She was just worried and I hurt her. I lost my best friend, too.

Nanghingi na si mommy ng tulong sa kapatid niya na nakatira sa Amerika. Iniwan na namin ang buhay namin sa Pilipinas at wala na rin naman kaming buhay sa bansa pagkatapos tuluyang malugi ang pinaghirapang business ni daddy. Nagpatuloy ng pag-aaral nila sa US sina Ate Cianna at Kuya Caleb sa tulong nina tita. While I stayed at home as my stomach grew bigger and bigger each month.

Nagtrabaho nalang din si daddy sa isang company doon para hindi lang din kami umasa kanila tita. Kahit si mommy ay nagtrabaho na rin. Sina kuya at ate rin ay may part time jobs kapag wala silang pasok sa eskwela.

Mabait naman sa amin ang sister ni mommy. She's married to a foreigner and they have two kids na mas mga bata pa sa akin. My cousins were also polite and nice to us. Even my tita's husband.

I thought that I was still lucky. Despite everything that had happened, to me and my family, ang naging mahalaga nalang sa akin ay buo pa rin kaming pamilya. Kaya masaya pa rin ako basta kasama ko lang sina mommy at daddy, ate at kuya.

Pero ang hindi namin alam... Depressed na rin pala si daddy. Kahit pa may trabaho naman na siya at sumasahod naman sila pareho ni mommy at nakakapag-aral naman sina ate at kuya ay hindi pala okay si daddy. If you think about it he just lost the company that he's worked so hard for. Hindi galing sa mayamang pamilya si daddy. Kaya nga medyo ayaw pa sa kaniya noong una ng pamilya ni mommy na may kaya naman sa buhay. Pero sumama si mommy kay daddy at nagsumikap din si dad hanggang sa matanggap sila ng family ni mommy. From scratch daddy was able to build his own business which gave us, their children a comfortable life for years. Until it just collapsed.

Agad akong kinabahan nang marinig ko ang malakas na iyak ni mommy. Kakalabas ko lang sa kwarto at naabutan ko na inaalo ni tita ang kapatid niya. Wala sina ate at kuya at pauwi pa lang. Kami lang ang nasa bahay at hindi pa rin nakakauwi si daddy...

"Mom? Mommy, ano po ang nangyari?" I didn't understand it at first and I just hugged her. Tumingin ako kay tita na malungkot na umiling sa akin.

"Ang Daddy mo, Ciri!" Mommy cried more. She also lost consciousness.

"Mommy! Tita, si Mommy! Should we call an ambulance?" I was so worried when I saw her fainted. Inalalayan siya namin ni tita. Dumating na rin sina ate. At doon ko pa lang yata lubusang naintindihan...

Daddy died on an accident at work. He worked here as an Engineer. Ang sabi ng mga naging katrabaho niya ay hindi rin daw nila inasahan iyon dahil mukhang okay naman daw si daddy sa trabaho. Pero ayon din sa kanila ay mukhang sinadya at nagpakamatay si daddy...

Kinailangan akong isugod sa hospital because I was trembling until we saw blood coming out to my thighs. I almost lost my baby but I can't help it but to think of daddy and it hurt me so much. He may not be perfect but for me and my siblings, and mommy he's the best. Wala siyang hindi ibinigay sa amin at kakayanin niya lahat para sa amin. He probably can't accept our situation right now as the head of the family and how everything ended. I kept on crying while I was conscious and on the hospital bed. Tinatahan ako ni ate at pinapakalma ako nila ni tita. Among us three ako ang pinakamalapit kay daddy. Kaya halos hindi ko rin kayanin ang naging pagkamatay niya. I thought it was unfair. Hindi ko halos matanggap ang pagkawala ng daddy ko.

Mommy got sick because she was depressed, too. Lalo nang mawala si daddy. She missed her husband and she didn't know what to do without him. Kahit nagluluksa pa rin ay kailangan din magsikap nina ate at kuya sa pag-aaral nila at pagtatrabaho na rin lalo ngayong kami nalang at wala na si daddy...

"Mom, please. Kumain ka na po."

"Wala nga akong gana, Ciri."

"Pero hindi po kayo gagaling kung hindi kayo kakain."

"Ikaw nalang ang kumain, hija. Hayaan mo na ako."

"I can't do that, Mom!" Nakuha nito ang atensyon niya dahil sa bahagya kong pagtataas ng boses sa tahimik na bahay ni tita dahil kami lang ni mommy ang nandoon sa mga oras na iyon.

I cried. I feel like my crying have been endless. "Mommy, please... We already lost Dad. I already lost Daddy. Mom, hindi ko na po kaya. Hindi ko po kakayanin if I'll lose another parent. Please, Mommy..." I sobbed.

Doon siguro parang natauhan si mommy. Na wala na nga ang asawa niya pero may mga anak pa siya. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. And then she hugged me. "I'm sorry, Ciri. I'm sorry, anak. I'm sorry..." Hinagkan niya rin ako and she comforted me which I really needed after everything.

I hugged mommy back as I cried in her arms.

Ate Cianna finished her course. Pero ang balak talaga niya ay maging doctor. But she halted that dream and chose to work first instead. Si kuya Caleb naman ay sumunod din na nagtapos. Maraming salamat din kanila tita na kumupkop at tumulong sa amin hanggang makatayo na kami sa sarili naming mga paa. Kuya Caleb was able to work right away after he graduated. At dahil maayos naman ang naging trabaho niya bilang Engineer din noon gaya ni daddy... Pinagsikapan niya na maibalik si Ate Cianna sa pag-aaral ng med school naman. Mommy actually worked in healthcare the time we were in the US. Nasa med school din kasi siya noon na hindi na niya tinapos dahil nagpakasal na sila ni daddy noon at pinili niyang manatili nalang sa bahay at palakihin kami ng mga kapatid ko at mag-alaga ng sariling pamilya nila ni dad. She said wala rin siyang regret doon dahil naging sobrang masaya naman siya kay daddy at sa aming magkakapatid.

I also gave birth to a baby girl while we were still mourning for daddy at that time. As a result the child was weak and she needed to stay at the hospital for a while. I was crying for my baby but I also felt joy when I saw her small figure for the first time. Life was still hard for my family at that time but my baby gave light to our life. She was like a rainbow after the rain.