Chapter Fifteen

Mad

As a result, medyo hindi maayos ang mood ko sa date namin ni Declan. We already talked about us. He formally asked to even court me. Naalala kong medyo natawa pa ako noon. We're not teenagers anymore, or I didn't feel the need for things like that anymore... Pero naiintindihan ko rin si Declan, and I actually felt special. He's just so thoughtful. He never failed to make me feel special after all.

"Are you all right?"

I turned to Declan who looked concerned with me now. I gave him a reassuring smile and held his hand that was resting on our table for two at this lovely restaurant where we dined for dinner. "I'm sorry for what happened, kanina, with Ezion." I sighed a bit.

Si Declan naman ang humawak sa kamay ko at bahagya itong pinisil. I smiled. Bahagya rin siyang ngumiti sa akin. "It's all right. I'll try to talk to Ezion, too."

Umiling naman ako. "You don't have to, Declan. Ako na ang kakausap sa kaniya. This is our problem."

Natahimik lang si Declan at unti-unti namang tumango. Binigyan ko siya ng isa pang ngiti. And then the rest of our dinner we tried to make it fine still despite what happened earlier because of Ezion. And then after ay hinatid na ako ni Declan sa condo namin. Binati pa nga niya si Mommy na gising pa naman nang dumating kami sa bahay. Ngumiti lang ako habang nakikitang maayos ang relasyon ni Declan sa pamilya ko.

I realized that having a relationship with someone special to me can be like this, too. Maybe it doesn't have to be too complicated. I can have a simple relationship with Declan now and we're both just fine and happy. Hindi na kailangang magkasakitan pa kami o makasakit pa ng ibang tao lalo na ang mga taong mahal namin sa buhay.

"Good night. See you again tomorrow." I kissed his cheek. I saw him smiled kaya napangiti rin ako. I noticed na nakakahawa rin pala ang gwapong ngiti ni Declan na parang palaging umaabot sa mga mata niya na halos mawala pa kapag nakangiti siya ng ganito, the smile that would show his perfect set of pearly white teeth. I realized that he has the most precious smile. And it started to warm my heart every time.

After that Declan left to go home to his place, too.

Hinarap ko si Mommy nang kami nalang dalawa ang naiwan doon sa living room ng condo. She was smiling and then she went a little serious. She sighed, too. "Have you talked to Ezion?" Mommy asked me.

My mouth opened but I didn't speak right away. Sandali akong nag-isip. "Nagpunta po si Ezion kanina sa trabaho namin ni Declan, Mom. And I didn't like it." tumiim ang labi ko nang maalala ko si Ezion at ang ginawa niya kanina doon sa site.

Mommy sighed. "Ciri... Sana ay maging mas maayos pa kayo ni Ezion... Para kay Chelca... Nakakausap mo ba ang anak mo...? We understand that you're busy with work...but, please spend some more time with Chelca. Si Ezion na ang palagi niyang nakakasama nitong mga nagdadaang linggo." marahan akong kinausap ni mommy.

Bahagya akong natigilan sa sinabi ni mommy at agad naisip si Chelca. I got scared thinking that mommy was right and I've been spending lesser time with my daughter these days since I got busy with work. And maybe...with my growing relationship with Declan, too... Well, palagi naman na kaming nagkakasama sa trabaho kaya after work ay parang ginagawa nalang din namin na date ang mga pagkain namin sa labas. That way also ay mas lalo pa naming nakikilala ni Declan ang isa't isa through talking over dinner. At mas lalo ko pa ngang nakikilala si Declan kapag magkasama kami. And he can definitely make me smile and happy, too. He's comfortable to be with. Although may mga pagkakataon na nagkakahiyaan pa rin kami o nakakaramdam pa rin ng hiya sa isa't isa, which I guess normal for starting couples like us. I am actually at peace whenever I'm with Declan. And I hope I'm making him feel the same way, too. Gusto kong maging masaya rin si Declan sa relasyon namin. At nakikita ko rin naman na mukhang ganoon. And the thought of it made me happier. Pakiramdam ko ay wala na akong mahihiling pa.

I realized that love can also be this way... Loving someone can be as simple like how things are going now between me and Declan. Na hindi naman talaga kailangang maging masyadong mahirap gaya ng nangyari sa amin noon ni Ezion. I thought before that it was normal to feel that way, to feel pain because you're in love. And maybe it was. But what isn't normal and healthy back then between me and Ezion was our relationship had led me to the wrong path. I did things that I shouldn't have done. I became a liar and I lied to the people that I also love. And I hurt them. Just because of the thought that it was worth it. But it wasn't worth it to hurt the people that I love to the point of lying and betraying them.

My relationship with Declan right now can seem to be too good to be true. Alam ko naman na hindi ganito kadali. And it's still too early too to conclude. Alam kong may mga pagdadaanan pa kami at nagsisimula pa lang kami ni Declan. But what I love about what I and Declan are having right now is that I didn't have to hide... Like the secret relationship I had with Ezion before. I thought it was all right. I might have really just settled for less. But with Declan right now who's not scared to let everybody know that we're dating actually made my heart flutter, too. Na masarap din pala sa pakiramdam iyong ganito. I felt special and worth it.

Maybe loving someone doesn't really have to be too complicated. Loving doesn't have to be as complicated as I was with Ezion before. I can love someone this way with Declan. Yes I am in love with Declan Zamora. It wasn't hard to love a man like him. Or so I thought...

I sighed. "Kakausapin ko po si Chelca, Mommy." I told mom.

Mommy smiled at me and I felt the comforting warmth of her hand when she touched my cheek.

"Chelca, anak," I called her when she was busy drawing something. Wala akong trabaho ngayon and I took it to spend some more time with my daughter. Gusto ko na rin kasi siyang kausapin and her opinion really matters to me.

"Yes, Mommy?" She turned to me.

I smiled and made her sit more beside me. And then I hugged her petite frame as we got closer. She's really growing. Bahagya nang pumayat dahil tumangkad na rin. I inhaled her familiar still baby scent. I also caressed her longer hair now. My baby won't be a baby forever. But I wanted Chelca to know that no matter what, kahit tumanda na siya... magkaroon ng magugustuhan... Makapagtapos sa pag-aaral niya, magkaroon ng sariling buhay... She can always, always go to me and I will treat her the same. Dahil para sa akin she will always be my baby, my daughter. Kahit pa balang araw ay magkaroon na rin siya ng sarili niyang anak. I'm thinking too advanced already. I sighed. "You will always be Mommy's daughter, Chelca." I told her wholeheartedly.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin and I looked at her lovingly. "I want you to know, I want to remember, always, that you are my child and I love you and that will never change no matter what."

I think I saw some emotion in my daughter's eyes before she gave me a wide smile. And then she hugged me tight. "I love you, Mommy!" she said to me sweetly.

Napangiti nalang ako at lalo pa siyang niyakap at nanatili kaming ganoon hanggang nagsalita ang anak ko. "Mommy... Are you going to marry Ninong Declan?" Chelca asked.

I was taken aback by what my daughter just said. Sure I and Declan were officially dating now. Pero hindi pa naman namin napag-uusapan ang ganitong mga bagay... Naramdaman kong muling yumakap sa akin si Chelca. "Where will I live when that happens, Mommy...?" my daughter asked me with worry in her voice that broke my heart.

Mas lalo pa akong nagulat sa sinabi ng anak ko. "Chelca..." I cupped her small face and made her look at me. I looked at her in the eyes. Nasaktan ako nang makakita ng pamumuo ng mumunting luha sa mga mata niya. "Of course you will live with me. You're still young so you will live with me. When the time comes that you're old enough and you want to be independent... Then you can move out by then. And I will always support you. But that's still for the future that isn't coming yet, anak. Right now you will always be with me. No matter what, remember?" I reminded her.

She slowly nodded her head. "Daddy said that... if you and Ninong will get married you will live with him and you might leave me..."

Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig sa anak ko. Naalala ko na naman lalo ang galit ko kay Ezion. Damn you, Ezion! Pati si Chelca? I cannot anymore believe that stupid man. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko. "Chelca... I and your Ninong Declan both loves you. You know that? Kung mahal ako ng ninong mo mahal ka rin niya. Kaya alam kong kung ano man ang magiging desisyon namin kasama ka doon. No one is going to abandon you, Chelca." I caressed her back and comforted her.

I know for sure that if Declan loves me he loves Chelca, too. Napatunayan na niya iyon. His thoughtfulness doesn't end with me and my family but especially Chelca. I know that Declan cares for my daughter, too. And it's one of the reasons why I'm with him now. Oo mahal ko si Declan pero mahal ko rin ang anak ko. And Declan already knew that Chelca's my priority. Kaya hindi dapat naiisip ni Chelca ang mga ganitong bagay if not because of Ezion feeding his daughter his lies like this.

I am going to talk to him. This can't continue like this. Hindi ko hahayaan na maapektuhan ng ganito si Chelca. Sa lahat ng ito ang anak ko pa rin ang pinaka importante sa akin. At hindi ko hahayaang masaktan siya ng ganito. At dahil lang sa mga sinasabi sa kaniya ni Ezion na wala namang katuturan. I don't know what Ezion was thinking but he must be crazy for doing this that does nothing but affecting and hurting Chelca. Hurting his own daughter. I just really cannot believe Ezion anymore. Has he gone mad?