Chapter Eighteen

Complete

I went out with Chelca and Ezion during my off. And seeing my daughter happy with me and her dad made me a little sad. Alam kong nangungulila pa rin si Chelca sa isang buo at kompletong pamilya. Dahil bata pa siya at kahit gaano ko man ipaintindi sa kaniya at subukan man ng anak ko na intindihin ang sinasabi sa kaniya alam kong hindi pa rin niya lubusang maiintindihan ang mga ganitong bagay.

How I wished for my daughter to just grow up happy. At hindi na niya kailangan pang alalahanin ang pagiging complicated ng pamilya niya...

"You want this?" Ezion happily asked his daughter.

Parehong tuwa rin ang nakikita ko sa anak ko nang tumango siya sa daddy niya para sa isang stuffed toy na binibenta rito sa loob ng theme park.

"We'll buy this." Ezion said to the store staff.

"May pera ka pa ba?" I asked beside him. Palagi niya kaming nililibre ni Chelca at wala akong ginagastos kapag pinapasyal namin ang anak namin.

Ezion turned to me and he looked a little annoyed by my question. "Don't insult me, Ciri. I have enough money to spend on my daughter." he said.

"I'm sorry." I sighed. "How's your company?"

"Not doing very well..." Ezion looked away. "I'm thinking of giving it up... Instead of losing more by still holding onto it. Sinabi ko na rin kay dad ang gusto kong mangyari. And, Ciri," Binalik niya ang tingin sa akin. Nagkatinginan kami. "I'm really sorry about what my Dad did to your Dad before... I didn't know."

Bahagya lang akong tumango at wala nang sinabi.

"And don't worry, even without our company I will still work hard to provide for our daughter."

"And Julius." I added. Alam kong tinuring na rin talagang anak ni Ezion ang anak ni Gretchen. I wonder how the kid was after his parents divorced. May galit ba siya o pagtatampo? Sinisisi niya ba kami ni Chelca sa paghihiwalay ng parents niya? Pero walang kinalaman ang anak ko. He shouldn't be mad at Chelca. Like he always showed. Decision nina Ezion ang paghihiwalay nila ni Gretchen.

Nagkatinginan muli kami ni Ezion. "Mas mahal ko ang anak natin, Ciri." he said.

"It doesn't matter, Ezion. Alam ko na parehong anak ang tingin mo kanila Julius at Chelca. Maiintindihan naman iyon ni Chelca. As long as you do your duties as her dad and parent."

Tumango si Ezion.

Nagpatuloy kami sa paglilibot at mukhang tuwang-tuwa nga talaga si Chelca na makasama kami pareho ni Ezion sa pamamasyal. We also rode kids rides which also made Chelca very happy. And then we ate ice cream and cotton candies. It was simple but I realized how it really made my daughter happy.

Pauwi na kami at ihahatid na kami ni Ezion sa bahay. Chelca fell asleep on the backseat. Tiningnan ko sandali ang natutulog kong anak sa likod bago ko binalik ang tingin sa daanan namin sa harap.

"Ciri," Ezion called.

I turned to him. Sinulyapan niya ako mula sa pagmamaneho.

"About what I told you. I really want us to be together again. I know that you can see how happy our daughter are whenever she's with us both. I believe that she'll grow up healthier and much happy if we'll create a complete family for her."

"Ezion,"

"And I promise you, I won't hurt you ever again. I already regretted what I did to you and our daughter in the past. I was so stupid. I only hope that you can forgive me so that we can start anew."

I sighed. "Please stop the car, Ezion. Itabi mo lang muna. Let's talk outside. I do not want to wake Chelca up." I told him.

Nakita kong walang tao rito at wala ring masyadong dumadaan na mga sasakyan. I think pwede na kaming mag-usap ni Ezion dito kahit sandali lang. It's already evening pero maaga pa naman.

Kahit anong tanggi ko sa mga sinsabing ganito ni Ezion. Even knowing that I'm with Declan now. Parang hindi pa rin talaga nakikinig si Ezion. Ang sarili niya lang yata ang pinapakinggan niya. Ang gusto niya lang mangyari ay kung ano ang gusto niya. Isn't he selfish?

Lumabas kami ni Ezion sa sasakyan para harapin nang maayos ang isa't isa at makapag-usap. I hope this time makinig na siya. Because it's tiring for me, too. At kung ayaw pa rin niyang makinig bahala na siya. I'll just say what I think I should say to him now.

"Ezion...let me be clear. At sana ay huli na 'to. I've been telling you that there's no chance for us anymore. We're done years ago. I'm not anymore the same Ciri who was crazy for Ezion Go. Yes, Ezion, siguro nga minahal kita noon. Although I was too young back then I still did those crazy things for you before. At ayaw ko nalang pagsisihan dahil nandito naman si Chelca ngayon. I love our daughter, Ezion. Kaya ayaw ko nang magsisi at ayaw ko na rin sanang magalit pa sa 'yo..."

"I know that you're still mad at me, Ciri—"

"That's not it! Oo, nagalit nga ako sa 'yo noon. I was angry at you for making me feel worthless about myself..." Napalunok ako. "Nagalit ako dahil hinayaan mo akong mag-isa kay Chelca. Ilang taon mong pinabayaan si Chelca, ang anak mo. But I'm just okay now that I can see na nagsisikap ka naman na talaga ngayon para sa anak mo. And I forgive you. Because I know Chelca already forgave you, too. Kaya nga hinahayaan na kita ngayon sa anak natin bukod pa sa alam ko namang may karapatan ka rin naman kay Chelca. Pero hanggang dito nalang, Ezion."

"No, Ciri, alam ko. I know that you're still angry at me for choosing Gretchen over you before. But I was young and naive... I wasn't sure about you, about us before. Even after your brother Caleb cried frustratedly in front of me pinapakiusapan ako na panagutan ka. And he was my best friend. Because I wasn't ready. I got scared. But I married Gretchen because I thought I was in love with her. And I was so, so stupid!"

Umiling ako. "Enough, Ezion. I already realized that between me and Gretchen it was her that you really liked before. It wasn't your fault... Siya ang mahal mo—"

"But it's you that I really love, Ciri!"

Bahagya akong natigilan. I was looking at Ezion. And I can see frustration in him. I sighed.

"At hindi ko agad kayo napuntahan noon ni Chelca because I was guilty, Ciri. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa ba kayong harapin ng anak ko. And...because Gretchen was threatening me of hurting herself and Julius if I ever try to reach out to you."

My lips parted. I couldn't believe Gretchen did that. Pati ang anak niya ay dinamay niya sa pagbabanta niya kay Ezion? I hope she still becomes a better parent to Julius.

"I'm sorry, Ezion... But we can still be parents to Chelca without being together." I sighed. I was crossing my arms to my chest and I slightly leaned my back against his car to relax. While Ezion just remained looking at me. "I think we already lost many because of our past actions, Ezion."

"I thought I almost lost everything because of my past actions. Nawala na si Daddy... Akala ko noon hindi na makakabangon ang pamilya namin. I realized I was selfish. And you, you're losing your company, you lost your friendship with my brother... Hindi lahat ng gusto natin masusunod. So we shouldn't really force things to happen for us. Dahil mangyayari lang naman ang mga bagay na para talaga sa atin. Hindi na kailangan na magkasakitan pa tayo."

"What we should focus on is what we have right now. Ang ingatan natin ngayon ang mga bagay na mahalaga para sa atin, because we just don't know until when it would last..."

Am I preaching to Ezion right now? I think I'm just sharing my thoughts. Because I've been realizing all these things lately. And I think Ezion might need it, too. Sana ay malinawan na rin siya...

"You still have your family, Ezion. Nand'yan pa ang Mommy at Daddy mo. And you have Chelca and Julius. They both look up to you. They need you. So focus on them instead. Hindi mo pwedeng ipilit ang gusto mo..."

"Is it really because of Declan? Mahal mo na ba talaga siya?"

We both looked into each other's eyes. Hindi pa ako nakakasagot nang magsalita pa muli si Ezion. "How about Chelca?" he asked.

I pursed my lips. "She will be fine as long as we both make ourselves better versions for her."

"Are you sure? She's still young to understand. Isa lang gugustuhin ng anak natin, Ciri. A complete family."

Hindi ko pa siya nakokompronta sa mga sinabi niya noon kay Chelca. Siya ang lalong gumugulo sa isipan ng anak niya. "Tama na, Ezion. Don't make this more complicated for Chelca. Hindi nga madali itong sitwasyon ng anak mo. Don't make it harder for her. She's a good child and understanding kahit bata pa siya. As long as she's well-guided."

"Ikaw ang nagpupumilit sa kagustuhan mo sa relasyon ninyo ni Declan, Ciri. If you're really thinking more about Chelca, you won't do this to her."