not edited.
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LUHAN'S POV
I sat back on the couch here in Hee Rin's room with a hole in my heart. All I can hear is the wind tapping the glass window, I don't know what to think right now..
I stare at the plain envelope that Hee Rin left.. I don't know what's inside this but i'm not planning to open it.. I'm afraid.. afraid of knowing that maybe Hee Rin did leave..
I shove the envelope in my pocket and drove my car heading to Tao's place. I don't know why am I heading to Tao, but my mind seems telling me that I have to.
this traffic jam irritates me alot.. I want to run and leave my car behind but then ofcourse I can't do that.

as I arrive at Tao's place, i quickly get out of my car without closing it back. i ran to their door and was panting heavily. i hate it how big this house is that I need to ran for 2 minutes just to reach their door, even though my parents house is kinda bigger than this, but i kinda get used to our(hee rin and I)'s little house.
i was shouting Tao's name while running and i can see him through their glass window, and i think it's kinda stupid of mine to call him cause i know he won't hear it..

When I reach their door, one of their maids greeted me and I told her that I need to see Tao.
as Tao step out of one of the rooms with his pajamas on, he greeted me with a big smile and a hug.
"hyung~~~" he whined.
"tao, i have no time for this, have you seen my wife?" i asked with my desperate look.
Tao's smile disappears and his eyes widened, i ask him twice but he looks shock. "s-she left?" he asked with a concern look.
"i don't know Tao" i said as i run my fingers through my hair out of frustration.
i ask him if Hee Rin told him where she go, but he said he didn't know. i ran to my car again without saying goodbye to Tao.
i drove my car wherever my mind tells me to go.. but i didn't find her.. i even go to the orphanage but they told me that they haven't seen Hee Rin for too long.. i ran to every shop that Hee Rin would probably go but she's not even there, and as i step out of the last shop that i remember, someone bumped me and in that i realize.. there were lots of people walking by the streets, there were teenagers who's busy giggling with their friends because of their brand new dress, and there's these man with a cup of latte in his hand, watching the people struggle trying to get out of the crowd.. and some busy people with their phone glued on their ears arguing with maybe their business partners.. while there's these guy just standing blankly here in the middle of the crowd, trying to find his wife with a little hope in his heart and that was me.. isn't it stressful to think? all of us have different problems and we don't care about others problem cause we all know that the biggest problem is the one we are facing..
and the last place that ended up my mind was our school..
i was walking fast as i enter the gate of our school.. there are no students since it's saturday and no classes.. i check every corner of the school hoping that Hee Rin was here.. but she's not.
should i go home? should i give up? i was so tired of running and running.. i went back to my car with a pang in my heart. i hugged my steering wheel and started to cry just by thinking that what if Hee Rin did really leave me?, i can't hold it back anymore.. i need to cry it out. praying that Hee Rin didn't leave me, praying that she's just somewhere else and would come back home later..
then i remember that envelope.. i took the envelope out of my pocket with my hands that are still wet because of my tears. i place it in the passenger's seat and start my engine..
i decided to go home and maybe read the letter there..


TAO'S POV
i was watching the avengers when luhan hyung came.. i was so excited and greeted him with my power hug..
"have you seen my wife?" he asked suddenly.. my smile disappears and my mind travels through time where i last saw Hee Rin.. in the school.
*flashback*
i was walking in the corridor lazily with my hands in my pocket, i was humming carelessly when i saw Hee Rin noona.. she was running towards our professor..
omo.. my professor.. i should run as fast as i could so that i'll get in the room before him..
but when i was about to run, i noticed Hee Rin looks so sad while talking with my professor.. and ofcourse i got curious, so i lean against the other side of the wall where Hee Rin and my prof was on the other side.. and i can hear Hee Rin's shaky voice, as i listen i heard Hee Rin explaining, she said that she'll drop her subjects and that she'll never come back.. my eyes widened of what i just heard, i want to ran to luhan hyung and drag him here so that he can hear it too.. but Hee Rin saw me.. she was shock to see me and she looked tense.
"are you leaving?" i asked with my serious voice.
"oppa, didn't see you there" she smiled.
"don't change the subject.. i'm asking if you're leaving" i said. then Hee Rin look away.
"yes" she simply answered.
"where are you going?" i asked with my cringed eyebrows.
"somewhere that is far from him" she said. then she look at me expressionless.
"please don't tell luhan" she begged.
"what?! do you think i would agree?" i exclaimed with my irritate look.
"fine, whatever.." she rolled her eyes and walk away.. i don't know what happened to Hee Rin.. but she really change alot.. i try to understand her since maybe she was traumatize about what happened to her and Ji eun..
as i walk back to our room, i can't keep what Hee rin just told me and i want to tell it to luhan hyung, but when i was about to tell him, kai interupted us..
and i realize.. i should be happy right? that Hee Rin would leave luhan hyung? but i kinda feel sad for luhan hyung.. for the both of them..
i'm sorry but, i think i'm not going to tell this to luhan hyung.. i mean, atleast for once, i should let luhan hyung find it out himself.. cause we are always the ones who would help him and tell him if ever Hee Rin has a problem.. and i guess this time, i should let him do his job as a husband.
*end of flashback*

i never thought that Hee Rin would really leave.. i thought she was just joking..
as i saw luhan hyung's desperate look, i wanted to go back in time and tell him everything..
i hate myself for not telling luhan hyung.. how can i do this?!!
and Hee Rin noona.. where are you?! you didn't even bother to say goodbye..


[A/N: please play this while reading the next part:D ]



LUHAN'S POV
as i turn off the engine, i was praying that when i open the door of our house, Hee Rin was there. it was already 9 in the evening.
but as i open the door, it was dark.. the lights are off and the place is so quiet. i headed to the garden as soon as i turn on the lights.
i sat weakly on the chair in the gazebo and was staring blankly at this envelope that Hee Rin left.. am i ready to read this?
i took a deep breath before opening the envelope.. my heart was beating fast as i unfold the letter and a part of me doesn't want to read this.
then.. here it is..
"Dear Luhan,
Annyeong!! good morning:) uhmm.. i cook some porridge for your breakfast and i hope you like it.. oh and i already clean our house and just like before, i put some fresh flowers on your side table... let me guess? you checked my closet, didn't you? and maybe you're disappointed about what you saw..
i bet you're confuse about this stupid letter?.. and maybe i am now somewhere far while you're reading this.. somewhere that is far away from you... and i'm sorry for not telling you about this, and sorry for not saying goodbye.. Luhan, before i start to get dramatic i want to confess something.. i have comitted a sin before i left, i kissed you while you're sleeping. i was hoping that you would get up and kiss me back, but you look so sleepy.. i was staring at you the whole night, trying to memorize every expression that you would make, trying to memorize the sound of your heart beat and playful sound of your breathing and would bring it as i leave.. i wanted to wake you up and tell you how much i love you, but i don't want to bother you when you are already in your dreamland.
but before anything else.. i want to thank you for the love you are giving me, for the joy you are bringing me. but most of all, thank you for bringing yourself into my life. i want you to know that no one has made me smile as much as you do since the day i met you.. you make me so happy. the happiest i've ever been and you are what completes my life and makes it worth it. i'm so lucky to have you. you are by far the best blessing God has ever given me and i'm so happy that he gave you to me to love. you're like a sun on a cloud day, you always peek through the crowd and make me smile.
the first time i saw you, you moved me. not literally-you obviously didn't pick me in a different place then i was before, thought emotionally and mentally.. i am- but you touched my heart in ways that nobody ever has before.
and as time passed, yes we fell inlove despite our difference, once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. for me, love like that has only happened once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been spared in my memory.. i'll never forget a single moment of it.. but then in the middle of it, there were lots of problems that we had encountered.. the people that hates me for being your wife.. for me, i don't really care about what they think, just being with you is so worth it and that's enough for me to have a reason to wake up and wear my smile.. and we would hold each others hand and face every problems.. and i was so happy about that, for being by your side always and knowing that you're there to hold me tight..
but then.. the moment i'm so afraid of has arrived.. you slowly letting go of my hand and leaving me behind, leaving me alone with all those problems i thought we're both fighting for.. i never thought you would do that.. i never thought that you never trust me yet i trusted you with all of my heart.. you left me without anyone on my side, you chose to be with someone's side and trusted the rumors.. you never listen to me luhan.. and i admit, that hurts a lot. i can't accept how you pushed me away when you just promised me that you'll never leave me alone.. or maybe it's just me? maybe i'm just a feeler? that all i thought was you can love me back.. you sometimes asks me if i'm okay and i just smile and nod, but the truth is I want you to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say 'i know you're not okay' but i guess it's just a dream?
i love you luhan, and i am so so so sorry for making your life harder because of that. for me, it's the easiest thing in life, to fall inlove with someone.. but the hardest part is finding someone who loves you back. Luhan, if ever i was right next to you now.. this is what i would be asking, do you ever truly love me? or is it just a lust? do you love me for who i am? or you just love me because i'm your wife?... that's what i am longing to ask and hear your answers.. i don't know how i give you so much love yet all you did was hurt me. you once said that it takes forever for you to love me, well.. then i guess i have to wait forever..
Luhan, i'm leaving you because i think that this is the only right way for me to forget those hurtful memories and be happy just for once, and i want to fulfill my dreams.. i want to go somewhere and find myself, even though i know that all along, in your arms is all i want to live. but don't ever think that i don't love you anymore.. i love you luhan, as long as i can dream. as long as i can think. As long as i have memory. I always love you. As long as i have heart to feel. A soul stirring within me. An imagination to hold you. i always love you and that'll never change.i want you to know that not a second goes by that i don't think of you.
sorry for leaving you without saying a word.. cause i don't think i can face you, cause hearing your voice i know that i might change my mind. i wish i had courage to show you, everything i wrote about you, so you can see the pain i hide and how much i really love you.. it's not that we aren't meant together.
don't worry luhan, maybe someday we'll meet again.. we'll never know what fate was planning.. and if ever that day comes, i want to see you as a man.. a fully devoted man.. i want you to prove me that you are different from others.. and maybe that time, we can face the whole world that we're ready to face everyone together. And i wish the people around you saw me and accept us being together, because i don't think i would live a day knowing that you're not in my life. everytime i look into your eyes i know that is where i want to live and die, and everytime you hold me tight i don't want you to let go because that is the place i feel safe.
and now that i am no longer on your side and we can't be together, just keep me in your heart, i'll stay there forever.. promise me that luhan arasso? i want you to live your life and fulfill your dreams.. i know you can do it even without me.. so be happy okay? don't worry about me.. i'm sure i'll be fine and i will try. and eat properly arasso? and take care of our house, especially my garden.. don't worry about my parents, i told them that i just need my long vacation, so no need for you to explain to them.. uhmm... so i think this is it.. i have so much to say but i don't want to cry right now.. take care of yourself luhan..
loving you,
Lu-Park Hee Rin"

that is all she said.. i was staring at her letter and would read it again and again and hoping that this is just a joke.. all i can hear was the wind that were passing by and trying to comfort me..
Hee Rin-aah.. you're so unfair.. you told me that we'll disappear together.. that we'll runaway together? why did you leave me here alone?
and if nothing else more that you want to say, i hope you know that i love you with every ounce of my being. i hope you realize your importance not only to me but to everyone who has been lucky enough to know you. i hope you know that when you're feeling down, i only ever strive for your happiness. i hope you remember that no matter what, i'm here for you and fully intend on staying in your life for quite some time. i hope you recognize the fact that i appreciate and adore you without restraints, and that this will never change..
how can i continue my life if you're the one who gives me those warm smile when i'm starting my day? how can i eat properly without my wife cooking for me? how can i take care of myself when you're the one who's responsible for taking care of your husband?
i know that it's always hard for someone who is leaving.. but it is always harder for someone who is left behind.

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