I LOVE YOU SO
Chapter Sixteen
❛ You can't save Everyone. ❜

THE ELEVATOR RATTLED beneath her restless body, the air that ventilated through the stuffy room wasn't enough to dry the sweat that was glued against Aera's skin. The amber lights that were dotted around the surface of the walls began to twinkle prettily, almost chuckling manically, Aera brought her finger up to try and 'catch' the lights.

"Hwang Aera, are you okay?" Almost dozing off with his back against the wall, Ali let out a worried sigh.

"Yeah," covering her mouth, an uncontrollable weep began to take over her loud laughter. Aera's strategy of keeping a cheerful expression crumbled as benumbed tears soaked her t-shirt once more, "I'm just laughing because," a hiccup escaped from her lips, "because that Sang-woo guy thought my leg would make you all die. Well guess what, you're living right now . . . losers."

The tears that painted her eyes made her vision blurry, the pounding headache within her skull made her lose focus, everyone's faces were distorted to her. But, she was just able to make out the awkward stance Sang-woo held as he averted his gaze.

"Ah yes, your useful commentary really got us going," Sang-woo mumbled whilst placing an arm on Ali's shoulder for stability.

"It got me going," Ji-yeong pointed towards herself with raised eyebrows, crossing her arms and lowering herself down the wall slightly, she lowered her eyes, they landed on Aera's extended fist. Frowning at first, she hesittantly rolled her fingers into a fist too, before bumping it against Aera's with a small chuckle.

"You see, I was useful, and don't forget, I told everyone to listen to you," hugging her arms, Aera sighed heavily, "you guys don't mind if I go to sleep right now, do you? My arms feel like its been beaten up into a pulp."

"Oh, Lord, protect me," mumbling over Aera's mindless rambles, a religious player kneeled down with his hands clamped together tightly.

The sound of Ji-yeong's tired voice stopped Aera from murmuring any further. "Hey man. Who do you think you're praying to, huh?" Aera propped herself up, weakly, on both her knackered elbows, she hummed to herself as she saw Ji-yeong tilt her head at the religious man. "To God?" Ji-yeong continued, "you think you made it out if there because of God, don't you?"

Sliding over towards the wall where Sae-byeok stood, Aera dragged her leg, some blood from the bottom of her shoe varnished the cold floor as she did so. Bringing her knees towards her chest, she flimsily wrapped her arms around them. Playing with the jacket that she used to tie around her wounded leg, Aera placed the side of her cheek against her knees.

A petite grin tugged at Aera's lips as she trailed her exhausted eyes on to Sae-byeok's lean figure, "are you alright?" She mouthed as Sae-byeok slowly lowered her gaze.

Being too fatigued to conceal the soft smile that threatened to brighten her face, "yeah, you?" Sae-byeok lowered her arm as she watched Aera shuffle closer, their pinky fingers looped together discreetly. Their pulse thundered dramatically against their chests as they were unable to contain their bashful grins, ones that caused their cheeks to be stained a light pink.

Nodding almost too quickly, "yeah, really thirsty though, could do with some boba," Aera mouthed back, almost saying the words out loud.

Ji-yeong lowered her stance and placed both her palms on to her knees, "the reason why you're still breathing and thanking that nice God of yours . . . is because of that old man over there," Ji-yeong pointed her head towards the two players, "and that guy over there who came up with that awesome last-minute trick."

Getting player 001's attention, Aera moved her head towards the side, "you remind me a lot of my grandpa sir, he was the uh wisest person I've ever met. I miss him a lot." Her grandpa who used to live in Seoul, understood Aera at a level that no one else would. Even though she was five when he was still roaming around Earth, Aera thought back and remembered when her grandpa would play Gonggi with her whenever her brothers refused to play. Her grandpa would always let her win.

Blinking to herself in reminiscence, Aera stared blankly at the wall before bringing her eyes back on to player 001 who appeared overjoyed and smiley. "Wait was that rude?"

"And who do I remind you of?" Rolling his shoulders back slightly, with his chin elevated, a more serious expression was worn on Sang-woo's face.

Using her pointer finger to tap her chin, thinking deeply in pretence, Aera's puckered her lips, "well . . . you remind me . . . of an un-spiced dish of kimchi," letting out a booming chuckle, one that could've sent all four walls to tumble, "yeah I went there," Aera mumbled her last few words.

"Kimchi?" Furrowing his eyebrows, Ali's lips parted with a frown over the word, bafflement filled his pupils. He tried searching Sang-woo's face as if he would tell him, but, Sang-woo was too irritated to answer.

Flicking her head around again, Aera's jaw fell loose, an emphatic gasp left her mouth, "you've never tried kimchi?" When Ali moved his head from left to right, almost guiltily, he shuffled on his feet awkwardly, "once we're out of this nightmare, I'm taking you to this little café in Seoul, it has the best kimchi. Really nice matcha ice cream too. Sound good?"

"Thank you Hwang Aera, I can't wait to try it," his features illuminated at the sound of the plan, nodding hurriedly with a winsome grin, Ali bowed his head repetitively at Aera.

Sae-byeok knitted her eyebrows together slightly, biting on to the corner of her lip, the sound of matcha ice cream sounded all too pleasant at that moment. Shoving her free hand into her pocket with a large sigh, she brought her eyes towards the ceiling, it'd been several years since she had a proper fish shaped cone of green matcha ice cream. Whenever the ice cream van blasted its melodies along the busy roads, Sae-byeok felt a pang in her chest, her mind picturing the memories she shared with Aera.

Shaking their tied pinky fingers gently, Aera caught Sae-byeok's attention. Knowing what Sae-byeok was probably thinking about, Aera's cheeks began to tint a balmy pink, "we can have matcha ice cream together, like the old times, if you'll agree?"

"Only if you will," unable to resist a quiet chuckle, Sae-byeok tried to keep her lips drawn into a steady line, but it kept pushing itself into a wobbly grin, her eyes twinkled softly with a different kind of glow.

"Sounds like a plan."

"You know if there's anybody that you should be thanking, it's them, not God," Ji-yeong suggested.

"You sad lost soul," a dangerous glint could be seen in the religious man's pinkish eyes, it sort of made Aera's feel intimidated.

He answered Ji-yeong as the elevator continued to descend, "what would you say to those who were nailed to the cross for our salvation today? They sacrificed themselves for us. We are here, thanks to their blood. I pray to the Lord on behalf of all us sinners. I gave thanks for their sacrifice. God made a decision to help our team win. That's why we're all here." His cold eyes scanned the room before glaring right into Ji-yeong's soul- Aera cowered away.

"Bullshit," Ji-yeong blurted out, "you killed those guys out there."

Still the religious man continued to pray as Aera grew anxious. Placing her forehead on to her knees, her back sore, she grumbled a sigh, the previous event started to take a toll on her- both physically and mentally. There was no justifying what they all did, and it wasn't just Aera. All their hands were coated with those opponent's blood. It's not something you can take back, not even your innocence or purity either.

"Oh," clapping her palms together, Ji-yeong copied the religious man's actions, "if we say some prayers, do we all get to go to heaven? I should really pray too if that's how easy it is," she shut her eyes tight.

Aera perceived it all with her bottom lip stuck outwards slightly, her eyebrows puckered, "should we do it? I don't want to go to hell." Whispering beside Sae-byeok, she tilted her head to the side with her hands ready to be clasped together. Aera lowered them as soon as Sae-byeok shook her head firmly, an irritated groan almost escaped from her lips at the noise that bounced off the tight walls.

" . . . Our God who art in Heaven, we worked as a team to send people to your side. And we sent a bunch of them today. And help us with a whole lot more to be with you. And I hope that from now on-"

"Be quiet," throwing her head back lightly against the metal wall, Sae-byeok stiffened with a peeved tone sitting on her tongue.

"But I'm not talking Sae-"

"Me? Or do you mean that guy?" Ji-yeong faced Sae-byeok with a cunning grin.

"Everyone," the elevator came to an halt, it wobbled slightly as it settled on to the ground floor. The warm lights illuminated against Sae-byeok's skin, making her sweat appear balmy against her skin. This time, she didn't hold on to Aera's arm, but she rested her wrist against Aera's tense shoulders, Sae-byeok drummed her fingers against Aera's shoulder blade, causing Aera to shudder slightly.

"Finally, I can't wait to go back to our dorm and sleep," Aera spoke mindlessly to no one in particular with her chin pointing towards the ceiling, the cool air fanned across Aera's face. Even though it wasn't enough to dry her sweat, it was enough to set her nerves aside.

"What's your name, huh?" Ji-yeong called out from behind them both, she eyed the way Aera leant her head against Sae-byeok's arm and the indescribable tension she could feel whenever she saw them exchange a few words. A slither of a grin meandered across Ji-yeong's lips.

"I thought you already knew mine?" A hint of despondency rushed into Aera's voice at the sound of Ji-yeong doubting her name.

"Not you Hwang Aera, how could I forget you, you're my trustworthy partner," Ji-yeong flickered her eyes over towards the back of Sae-byeok's head who stiffened, knowing Sae-byeok could feel her hard stare, "I'm talking about your cool friend," Ji-yeong trudged on with a calm exterior.

"Why do you care about that?" Sae-byeok responded gruffly whilst adjusting her arm on Aera's shoulder, which made Aera wince slightly from the weight. Carefully lifting her arm away, reluctantly, Sae-byeok glared at the wall ahead with a stern expression painted across her face.

"So I can use your name, duh!"

"It doesn't matter-"

A small tug could be seen on the corner of Aera's faded pink lips, walking ahead, she lifted both her arms up, they hovered next to her sides, so she could balance properly, she walked as if she were treading on a tightrope.

Flickering her eyes towards the side, Aera recalled the very first time she met Sae-byeok in the school field. Sae-byeok was secluded within the forest that was hidden behind some bushes in the back of the field.

"Where did that butterfly go?" Birds cawed around young Aera, the skeletal trees towered above her as the clouds showered light drizzles of rain against the pulpy mud. Her pigtails slapped against her cheeks as she frantically scanned the forest, "hello?-"

"What are you doing here?" Pointing her finger against the rough page in her book, marking off the last word she read, a girl with strong shoulders and shoulder length hair, disturbed Aera on her little trek.

Screeching at the unfamiliar voice, Aera's palms flew to her mouth, one that was agape, "oh! You scared me," furrowing her eyebrows, she thought hard, until an idea sparked within her mind. The fierce girl that was perched on a broke log, was also in Aera's geography class. "Hey I know you . . ."

Rolling her eyes, the raven haired girl returned her hard stare on to her intriguing book, "no you don't and I don't care."

Standing on her tippy toes, with her hands clasped behind her back, Aera lowered her eyes and tried reading the words on the other girl's book, "looks like an interesting book Kang Sae-byeok," a mischievous grin plastered onto Aera's young face.

With her shoulders going rigid, Sae-byeok almost groaned out loud. The lone forest was supposed to be her secret hideout, a place where she could clear her head and read the books she could never own. Now that the area was being disturbed, young Sae-byeok rolled her eyes once again with a huff, causing Aera to step backwards with an awkward stance. Slamming her book shut over the fact that her form of escapism was ruined, Sae-byeok sighed heavily.

"Just leave me alone."

Shuffling on her feet slightly, "I'm Hwang Aera," she blurted out, but when Sae-byeok stayed rigid, the tips of Aera's ears turned red, her pink cheeks a tell-tale sign of her humiliation. "Well, uh, I'm trying to find the butterfly that went in that direction," her thumb pointed at nowhere in particular. "Could you maybe," shrugging her shoulders sheepishly, Aera's voice trailed away as she asked the question, "help me?"

"Why would I help you find a stupid butterfly," ignoring how Aera flinched, "just leave me alone and don't come back," Sae-byeok didn't seem phased by the irritation Aera was experiencing, but instead she continued reading as if nothing happened.

"You know what? Maybe this is why you're alone all the time. You're incredibly rude," this gained Sae-byeok's attention, Aera stood a little taller, whilst rolling her shoulders back slightly, "also . . . I have the book you're reading at home and its entire collection," looking away with a prideful grin, she could see Sae-byeok's eyes widen from the corner of her eyes.

"You're joking. The collection is rare in most stores, you're lying," still impressed, Sae-byeok masked her reaction with a cold stare.

"No I'm not," starting to wander deeper into the forest with both hands on her hips, Aera raised her eyebrows whilst taking some peeks behind her, expecting Sae-byeok to follow after her. "I guess I can let people borrow them, but then again, they always seal a deal to get them," shrugging excessively, "I don't know, I'll just go into the forest like I just don't care," dragging her last words, Aera yelled.

"Wait," squeezing her eyes shut briefly, young Sae-byeok watched as young Aera stopped within her tracks, her small boots kicked at a small pebble, it rolled forwards and hit against Aera's heel. Getting up slowly and placing the book in her hand, "I'll help you find that stupid butterfly-"

"You will?" Aera's eyes widened as they glimmered under the mid-morning sun rays.

"Only-"

"Only," Aera mirrored Sae-byeok's words.

Clutching the book close to her chest, her lips drew into a thin line, Sae-byeok reluctantly trudged closer, with a pocket knife equipped within her hand, towards Aera's shocked figure, "only if you'll lend me those collection of books you claim to have," almost throwing daggers at Aera with her sharp eyes, "or I'll rip your throat out with this very blade."

Scoffing, not liking the tone she was receiving, "not if I take your heart out first," making the blade steam up slightly with her breath, Aera murmured, but widened her eyes when she realised what she said.

"What did you say?" Lifting Aera's chin up higher, a threatening tone masked Sae-byeok's quiet voice.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Aera suppressed a scream as her eyes landed on a shiny pocket knife that was merely a centimeter away from her throat. Aera widened her eyes at Sae-byeok with her palms in the air, a puzzled expression spread across her face over the fact that Sae-byeok stayed unbothered.

"Fine- fine," stammering, "I promise you I have those books," lowering her arms with a sigh of relief, Aera nearly teared up. Sniffling, "why would I lie about it anyways," cautiously scanning Sae-byeok's eyes, Aera walked backwards, trying to keep a few feet between them, she nearly walked into a tree during the process.

"Let's just find the stupid butterfly."

"So secretive," Ji-yeong chuckled lightly, her faint voice brought Aera back into the cruel reality they were living in, and all at once, a heavy weight placed itself back on to her chest.

Rushing onwards, being desperate to collapse onto a soft mattress so that she could doze off, the blinding white waiting room greeted Aera with its bright lights. Squinting her eyes slightly, her mind casted back to when they were awaiting for the next game. Flickering her eyes towards the dark dot, presumably the brown winged butterfly, in the middle of the white stairs, Aera's pulse pounded with a soft grin on her face.

Leaning forwards, Aera's shoulders sunk, a more wobbly frown was drawn on Aera's lips. The butterfly's wings were tattered and ripped and there was no sign of life. Though, she had no energy to let her warm tears trickle from her tired eyes, she more or less accepted the fact that the butterfly was dead.

"Come on let's go," Sae-byeok managed to catch up with Aera, her hand clamped lightly on Aera's shoulder as she steadied herself on to the step Aera was on. Noticing the hesitancy in Aera's movements, Sae-byeok felt her lips tug into a frown as she trailed her eyes over towards the butterfly's corpse in the middle of the plain white stairs. "Aera listen," when she didn't turn around, Sae-byeok shook her shoulders lightly, her chest tightened at the forlorn expression that Aera held, "you can't save everyone. Please remember that."

Instead of answering, Aera brought her eyes towards the exit and carried on walking up the stairs, the pain within the wound in her leg felt benumbed as minutes passed, the fresh blood flowed down lightly from it, causing the white stairs to be stained crimson.

Maybe Sae-byeok was right. Aera couldn't save everyone. Or anything. It was hard enough trying to save herself from dying in those games. The least anyone could do was master the art of saving themselves, before saving anyone else.

( 3202 words )

DEAR ALL,

You guys aren't ready for what's in store guys I'm so excited for you to see it 😩

What else am I meant to say in my author notes LMAO- everybody put your favourite emoji here as a checkpoint i guess idk ->

Anyways random fact Aera listens to Girl in Red if that's not obvious already? 💓💖💗💕💞

WITH LOVE, SYLVIA