Peridot woke up with a slight smile on her face.

That turned into a smile.

The turned into a wider one.

That turned into an even wider one.

And finally a goofy grin.

She jumped out of bed, giggling like a school girl. 

She couldn't fucking believe it. 

She fell for Lapis Lazuli.

She let the giggles die down before she sighed.

And she knew it never would work.

Tears prickled at the edges of her eyes, slowly falling to the floor.

"Peridot? Are you okay?" 

She looked up and saw Steven looking at her worriedly. She smiled.

"No." 

Steven walked over and hugged the crying girl, "Shh, it's okay. What happened?"

"It's Lazuli! I.. I can't love her! She doesn't deserve me! She deserves so much better than me!" She sobbed, holding onto the little boy desperately. 

How could I do this? To him? He's only 14! Peridot felt disgusted with herself. 

"It's going to be okay." That made her snap.

"No it isn't! Of course you'd say that! You've never been in love! You have no idea how it feels to feel like your nothing! To know that you aren't good enough!" Peridot glared at the little boy, who flinched, before glaring at her.  "Yeah I do! You think you have it bad! There's something wrong with me! I KILLED MY OWN MOM!!!" 

Peridot flinched, "Steven wha-" 

"Oh, don't pretend Peridot! I heard the stories. My mom was sick so when she had me she couldn't handle it and she died." Steven clenched his fist and stared at the ground, tears streaming down his face. 

"Steven.. oh god.. Steven no! Oh god no!" Peridot pulled him close, "Steven, listen to me, you're mom loved you. She loved you so much that.." Peridot gulped, emotions starting to be a bit to much.

"But I killed her. It's my fault she's dead." Steven muttered, inverting his eyes away.

"Steven.. let me tell you something." Peridot sat down Indian style, pulling the small boy in her lap, "You're mom could of killed you." That got the little boys attention as he looked up a look of wonder on his face. "When you were still inside her, she could of killed you so that she lived.. someone.." Peridot bit her lip, "Someone close to her even suggested that she did that and you know what she said?" She lifted the boys chin, using her thumb to wipe away a tear, a soft smile on her face. "She said that everything deserved a chance. She loved you so much Steven. So much that she gave herself to give birth to you." She chuckled, tears running down her face. "I remember going to the hospital, I was only 4 though but I remember all of it like it was yesterday. Greg was so scared that he would lose his son and wife in the same week, you were so small and weak." She let out a soft sigh, "You know Steven, that hospital trip sucked but we got one good thing out of it."

"Oh? What was that?" Steven asked, leaning into her hand that was stroking his cheek, he had moved in front of her.

Peridot smiled, lifting his chin so that he looked into her green eyes, "We got you." 

Stevens breath hitched and tears ran more violently, he crawled into her lap, crying softly. Peridot held him, whispering assurances in his ear, rocking slowly back and force till he quieted. 

"......Peridot?"

"Hmm?"

Dark brown eyes peeked up at her, "You're not going to tell Lapis that you like her are you?" 

The girl smiled, "No, I'm not." she murmured sadly.

"What are you going to do?"

"Fight like hell." 

Steven giggled softly before he frowned, "You shouldn't.. I think she really likes you."

Smiling sadly, Peridot set him on the floor before she stood up, "I need to get ready." She walked out and washed off her face before going back into her room, finding Steven on Call of Duty, shooting a bunch of people. Smiling slightly, Peridot undid her flannel that she slept in and grabbed a short sleeved shirt that said: GET REKT SON on it, but before it covered her boobs, that were covered by a bra, she heard Steven yelled, "PERIDOT OH GOD WARN ME!"

Giggling at the pureness of the little boy, she pulled the shirt down and pulled her black hoodie over it, smiling down at the boy before tugging off her jeans and replacing them with others. 

She dropped her dirty clothes in the hamper and pushed them into the hallway, thankful that today was the day that Garnet would do their laundry. 

She sighed and looked at Steven, "Have fun." She murmured, grabbing her bag and pulling the strap so it rested diagonally on her body. She walked out and went to her car and drove to the Big Doughnut, noticing that it was early. 

She walked in and instantly was greeted by Sadie who held out some coffee and her typical chocolate doughnut. She paid, muttering a thanks, before walking out and driving to Beech City College. She parked and finished her doughnut and coffee, throwing the cup away. As she walked towards the door, she heard a voice that made her tense. 

"Peri!"

Lapis.

Peridot bolted, pushing open the doors but Lapis wouldn't let her get away so easily. "Peridot!"

Peridot sped up and ducked into a hallway, watching Lapis pass by. She panted softly, her heart aching, because of running or because of Lapis she couldn't tell.

"Running away eh?" She looked up, seeing Amethyst standing there, her phone in her hand.

"Yeah." She murmured, sighing. "I can't deal with this anymore. I can't.. I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love again."

Amethyst frowned, "Think it's a bit to late. I saw how desperate that kiss was. Both of you were all over each other, why do you keep pushing her away! I saw you at the bar, I see you steal glances her way, you guys went on a date, what's stopping you? Her?!" 

Flinching, Peridot growled, "Fuck off Amethyst." 

With that, the bell rang and Peridot headed to History. 

----

Inside her computer class, Lapis sat right next to her. She tried not to tense up and continued to tap on the keys.

"Peridot."

Ignore her.

"Peridot, talk to me."

Don't you fucking dare.

"Peridot!"

Only 10 minutes left.

"PERIDOT!"

"WHAT!"

The class looked up, staring at the two. The teacher glanced up, eyebrow raised, but made no move to stop them; she two was very curious about the two girls sudden change. (A/N she ships it)

Lapis crossed her arms, before grabbing the blondes wrist and dragged her outside.

She slammed the computer lab door and threw the blonde in front of her, making her stumble but not fall. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" She demanded, glaring at the nerd.

Peridot froze, this could be her one moment to tell Lapis how she felt, but she wasn't ready for rejection. She couldn't be hurt again, so she decided to do something she normally would never do.

She acted on impulse.

"What's wrong with me?! You're whats wrong with me! Every time we interact you sexually assault me, you always flirt with me, and all in all you're so.. so.." Peridot searched for the right word.

"So what?" Lapis growled impatiently, tapping her foot, glaring at the girl inimically, she was desperate to know, but hid it.

"Distracting and abhorring!" The techie ran her fingers through her hair, "Can you just leave me alone? And make my life easier? I told Yami, I'd think about it and here's my answer."

Lapis's heart slowed, as did time as Peridot said the next few words.

"I hate you." 

The swimmers heart shattered, she wanted to cry but willed herself not to. She was confused because it was Peridot who initiated the heated kiss last night, it was Peridot who sang to her, it was Peridot who had been the one changed so suddenly. Suddenly the heartbreak turned into anger.

"You're such a fucking dick." She seethed, glaring at Peridot who tensed. "You complain about me being unpredictable and yet look at you! Yesterday you sing and kiss me and now you hate me? You're a hypocrite!"  

Peridot stared at her, eyes wide, but Lapis was far from finished.

"I fell in love with you Peridot! I love you, and for a second I thought that... you were a human, with actual emotions! But I was wrong, you're a freak!" She turned heel, "Have a good day Techie." She growled before swiftly retreating.

Peridot never thought that the word 'Techie' could hurt so bad.

----

Lapis let out a sigh, her heart hurt. She wanted to go talk to Peridot but she refused to be the one crawling back. No. If her friendship meant anything to Peridot then she would have to come to her.

"Lazuli?"

Speak of the devil. Lapis turned, looking blankly at the blonde in front of her. The normally clear and bored emerald eyes that Lapis loved oh-so-much were now unsure and cloudy. Her heart ached for her, she wanted to wrap her arms around the smaller girl and kiss her but she refrained, she wanted Peridot to apologize. 

"What." She deadpanned, making -much to her dismay- the girl flinch.

"I.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean all that, well I did but.. I don't hate you. Don't ask me when I became so erratic, I didn't think it was possible, but.. I like what we have. I'm sick of acting like I don't like you. I value our relationship so.. friends?"

Friends..

Lapis stared at the girl, praying to whoever was the higher power that she didn't cry, then smiled. "Yeah, friends." It hurt to say that.

She wanted so desperately to be more then just friends, but she'd take what she could get.

Because that's how much she loved Peridot. 

----

Peridot sighed softly, she had her chance and she blew it.

Chance for what?

Nothing.

Maybe she likes-

Nothing.

But maybe-

NOTHING.

Biting her lip, she went to walk forward but then she was grabbed, a hand covered her mouth so her scream was muffled and she was dragged very roughly to an empty room and thrown, making her fall on her ass. 

She looked up and saw Amethyst walk out, "I'll keep lookout." She said to a frowning Jasper, who nodded in acknowledgement. 

Nervously, Peridot stood up, "What the hell Jasper?" She gazed at the girl, chewing the skin of her bottom lip. 

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Doing what to myself?" Peridot asked, looking at the ground.

"Pushing your emotions away! You like her! I know you do!"

"No I don't!" It left a disgusting taste in her mouth to say that. 

"Yes you do! Look, I know what you had with.. her.. but you can't continue to torture yourself like this. I saw the kiss, I saw you checking her out, I see the glances you throw her way, I watched you fall in love with her. The only person who isn't accepting it is yourself." Jasper heaved a sigh, "You need to stop lying to yourself Peridot."

Peridot was about to say something when a knock at the door sounded. It was obviously the lookout sign as Jasper turned and walked out, leaving Peridot alone. 

The girl furrowed her brows, staring at her shoes. The room was cool and silent other then the sound of her heart and breathing. She released her bottom lip from her teethes clutches and slowly said something that she had been fighting to say. 

"I love Lapis Lazuli." 

This time Peridot didn't quickly correct herself or refuse it. She just accepted it, a warm feeling spread across her chest, making her shoulders and heart feel light, as though a weight had been lifted. 

"I love Lapis Lazuli." She said again, smiled at the way it rolled off her tongue. 

But how could she tell her that when she was so scared of rejection?