It's not a night out with the guys if we're not getting pizza. Our favorite restaurant is right in the heart of town. We park down the street because it's a Friday night and finding a closer spot is nearly impossible.

The incoming rush hour trains on the trestle above to our left lets me know it's home. I'm so used to the sound and missed it while I was in college. The dorms, while loud at times, were never the sounds of the village I grew up in.

The pizzeria is on one of the most high-traffic corners. It's small and overcrowded with commuters coming in for a slice before heading home.

Thankfully we find a spot in the back where all of us can sit. The place is dimly lit, minus the low hanging chandeliers over the tables. The sun outside is still blaring, but starting to hoover low in the sky, the tall buildings around us blocking most of the light.

Everett and Danny slide into the spot across from me. We take menus from the waitress but tell her we are still waiting on someone to arrive. It doesn't take long before a familiar face stands tall amongst the crowd. He's not Everett's height, and he's taller than Danny, but it's easy to spot him amongst everyone.

There's an overwhelming feeling of being whole again as he catches my attention from across the crowded restaurant. The tingles start in my nose, fizzling up to my eyes, making them water. Something keeps me planted in my seat, but the minute he comes over here I'm going to hold on to him and never let go again.

His dark brows smile when his lips curl upward, in fact his whole face lights up. He stops moving towards us, glances back over his shoulder, and waves his hand at someone. A part of the crowd pushes open as he walks forward. My gaze lands on his hand wrapped in someone else's.

Numb tingles hit me all at once. He pulls the person whose hand he's holding into him. She's beautiful with chestnut brown hair like mine, only its cut a few inches shorter. She's dressed up as if she were going out for a fancy night on the town, unlike me. I watch as she stares up at him with a wide smile on her small lips.

Everett and Danny's eyes burn into me. I can already feel my lip trembling, and I try to stop it. Danny's foot collides with mine under the table and I somehow grip onto him with my own foot. The sensation is comforting.

"It took you long enough to show, Bennett!" Everett says. "Julia." He turns to the woman at Bennett's side.

"Hey," she responds, waving her hand as if she knows them both.

She waves at Danny too, and then her eyes land on me, but the only one not looking at me is Bennett. Biting down on my lip stops the shaking, but it doesn't make the pain creeping through the numbness go away.

"Hi. You must be Fallon. I've heard so much about you."

She holds out her pale, well-manicured fingers. Her deep red polish annoys me for some reason. I don't even know her, but already I know whatever his surprise is, it's not her, it's something bigger.

"And I know nothing about you." I clench my jaw so tight it hurts.

Danny slips his arm behind the condiments between us and reaches for the hand I've placed on the table. He runs his fingers over mine. His touch almost makes me forget the heartache raging through me.

With my other hand I take hers, so I don't look like an asshole. Her touch is delicate. My hands aren't soft like hers, they are dry, and sometimes, like now, cracked a little. She pulls away, wiping them on her skintight ripped jeans.

Part of me wants to get up out of this booth and walk away, because they all knew he had a girlfriend, all except me. I'm also trapped because Danny is still holding me down with his foot under the table. His fingers have retreated and something in me wishes he'd put them back so I can relax again.

"Hey, Fal," Bennett finally notices me, but his attention is out the window at a loud car driving by.

"Hi."

I don't know why I expected a big greeting like I got with the other guys, but I had, and now the fact that he won't even hug me or look at me, makes it feel even worse.

"Are you going to tell them?" Julia asks, bumping her hip into his.

"So, my big surprise is-"

"Bennett asked me to marry him! And we're going to do it in a small intimate ceremony next month." She squeals, holding up her left hand with a ring.

He's smiling at her.

"Wow man, that's great!" Everett says.

Danny's quiet, but still manages to smile at Bennett. There's nothing for me to say. Maybe I'm being a bitch, but I think I have a right to be. I'm mostly angry at him, but Danny and Everett knew, yet failed to tell me.

While she's showing her ring off to Everett, Danny catches my attention with his fingers again. My gaze finds his. A crushing weight sits heavily on my shoulders.

Please, I mouth. Please, let go. He hesitates at first, but then I'm free of his grasp.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to use the restroom."

I slide out of the booth. Bennett bumps his shoulder with mine as I get up. Ignoring him I head for the back door, which is only a few feet from our table.

"That's not the restroom." I hear Julia say, but her words get cut off by the sounds of the world around me rushing back in.

Leaning up against the building, I press my hands flat on the brick. Breathing in and out is helping fight the tears threatening to emerge. We literally talked on the phone and on face-time last week. He's said nothing about a girlfriend for months and months, and now here he is taken and engaged.

The door opens and I already know it's him. Any time he walks into a room I know. I feel him, always. He slips beside me but doesn't say a word. Glancing down at the gum encrusted sidewalk, I scuff the tip of my shoe into the concrete.

"I'm not going to be your best man." I sniffle, wiping my nose with my sleeve. So far there are no tears, but I'll save those until I'm alone.

He chuckles, but it's not him. It's reserved and quiet.

"That role goes to all three of you."

I'm silent, staring off at the swelling of traffic in front of us. An electric train races through the station behind the building, making it hard to hear anything but the rattling, until it's gone.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I figured with the breakup-"

"It's fine." My tone is shorter than I mean it to be. Do I have a right to be mad? Sad even? I don't know, he was never mine anyway, so what does it matter?

"If it's fine, then why haven't you given me my hello hug yet?"

I shrug. "You haven't given me one either. It works both ways. I'm the one who was in shock."

He steps in front of me, and my view is of his upper chest, and Adam's apple. It shakes as he swallows hard. I glance to my left where his hand lifts and settles on my arm. Don't feel anything, I whisper only in my head. It's too late though, once it's there the touch is electric, shocking me back to life. His touch is home.

"Do I have to wear a dress?" I ask, still staring at the way the veins in his neck pop, and a sliver of black ink peeks out from the neckline of his dark tee.

"You want to match the guys? I'm all for it."

"Good. I'm not looking girly for you."

I can feel his stare burning through me, checking me over. He observes my new style, clothing similar to what his girlfriend wears - no fiancé's. That's going to take some getting used to.

"I would never ask you to be."

The quiet between us is loud. The mixture of tension and traffic surrounding us hurts my ears.

"Come here."

He's the first to wrap his arms around me. Pulling me into his chest I gasp. It hurts, everything does. I want to cry, scream, punch him, I don't know. I don't though. It takes me a good minute before I put my arms around him. As always, he smells like a Long Island summer. Freshly cut grass, suntan lotion, and an earthy rain.

"Forgive me, please. I know you're mad at me, and I hate it."

"Then don't lie." I breathe the words into his chest. "I've never lied to you about anything."

"I didn't lie."

"No, but you kept a secret. That's just as bad. You told me we'd always be honest with each other." My voice breaks, but I bite back the tears still. Technically I'm lying too, but fuck that, he's the one with the bigger secret. Hiding feelings is one thing, but hiding a whole person is something else entirely.

Pushing me away, he holds me at arm's length.

"Let me make it up to you. Tomorrow night, you and I, beach at sunset. We can talk. Okay?"

I nod towards the restaurant. "Won't Julia be upset you're doing a beach date with another girl?"

"You're not just another girl, Fallon. You're my best friend."

I don't know why, but that confession hurts. While I'm glad I'm not just another girl, I'll always be friend zoned, and I should have known that. Shaking off my feelings, I finally let his sea green eyes find mine.

I get it now. Why every time we were close to being "too close" he'd pull away. He only ever saw me as a friend, nothing more. It might make sense, but it still hurts.

"Come on. I'm hungry. Let's eat and have fun tonight. Tomorrow you and I will sit down and make everything right again, okay?"

I should tell him that nothing will ever feel right, because I can't be with him how I want, but instead I nod. He goes to take my hand, but I shove them both in my pockets instead. His scruffy cheeks burn with a red blush. Turning away he takes a few steps to the door and holds it open for me. I slip inside without another word.

Squishedat the end of the booth with Julia beside me and Bennett on the other sidedoesn't help anything. As promised, Danny buys me the drinks, and even adds anextra one or two more than he buys for Everett. He watches me like a hawk, occasionallybumping me with his foot under the table. I attempt to engage in conversationand act like I didn't just learn that the one man I was willing to give myheart to doesn't even want it at all.