^^^the song I listened to while writing this so you might as well read it and listen to it...

Crying. I can't even do that anymore. I can't feel anything anymore. I'm numb.

I told Soda how I felt the best I could. He tried to stay home from work today but I made him go. We can't afford it. We can't afford me. I'm just living here for free. I'm such a mistake.

I can't take this anymore. I need to leave this planet. I walked into the bathroom and opened the cabinet and grabbed the pills.

I dumped them all in my hands. "I'm coming Johnny." I whispered to myself.

I took all the pills and swallowed them. I didn't know what to do while I waited so I grabbed some paper and a pencil.

Dear Everyone,

I'm guessing you found me. Yes I did this to myself and I wanted it. I can't live here anymore. I'm unwanted I don't want you guys to be sad though I'm happy now. I'm not strong like anyone else in the gang. I'm weak. Just a stupid disappointment. I'm not even crying while writing this...I might be high on these pills I don't even know what they are. I'll tell Johnny you said hi. I really am gonna miss you guys but I don't have much time left so oh well...

                                   Don't miss me,
                  Ponyboy Michael Curtis.

I then grabbed Gone With The Wind and sat by the bathtub again. I guess I'll just read it.

I heard the front door open but I wasn't feeling up to check. I couldn't think strait. All I could think was sleeping.

"Anyone home?" I heard yelling but my eyelids were getting heavy.

Then TwoBit walked in. "Hey Ponyboy you okay-hey what's this." He picked up the paper.

I finally shut my eyes when I was lifted up so fast that my head was spinning.

I felt fingers shoved down my throat and I puked. It somehow all landed in the toilet.

I was forced the throw up about five more times. "What the fuck Ponyboy?!"

I was to dizzy to answer and fell to the ground. I tried to say I'm fine. But all that came out was a quiet groan.

"We gotta call Darry!" He turned to leave but I stopped him.

"No!" I jumped to my feet. Darry couldn't know. He'd never understand I was just a disappointment to him.

"Pony this isn't okay!" He argued.

"I-I won't do it again...just please don't call Dary!" I begged.

"I don't know Ponyboy...this is serious."

TwoBit was being serious...maybe he cares...no nobody cares I'm a mistake and that's all I'll ever be.

I noticed tears in his eyes. "Two don't cry I'm not worth it." I wasn't.

"How can you say that?! You're so worth it why can't you see it?! Why are you acting like this?!" He choked out.

"I'm-I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. How do you think Soda would feel?"

"I'm just a stupid tag along."

"No. It's not like that."

"Yes it is and you can just shit you're trap Keith cause you don't know a damn thing!"

"Pony-"

"No just leave me the hell alone. Don't need you're damn charity."
____________________________________
Jesus those ^^^ lines take forever to type like jesus. Idk if this chapter was good or not bc I kinda just found it in my drafts so yee. Its like 3 AM so im out.

Stay Gold,
-Ħªłə¥