Season 2, Episode 4:  Duets

Ownership of Glee:  FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

/ / /

Will walks into the choir room. "All right, let's, uh, let's gather around. Sorry I'm late, guys. I was with Principal Figgins. Bad news, guys. Puckerman's in juvie." He announces.

Angie sighs. "I swear I'll kill him."

Tina scoffs. "It really was just a matter of time."

Quinn looks confused. "What did he do?"

"He drove his mom's Volvo through the front of a convenience store and drove off with the ATM." Will says.

Brittana laughs.

Rachel looks shocked. "And when is he getting out?"

"Unknown." Will answers.

"He might be the dumbest person on this planet, and that's coming from me." Brittany says.

"Guys! Let's have some sympathy." Will says.

"For a guy who put his needs before the team's? We need his voice and his bad-boy stage presence." Finn says.

Will shakes his head. "We can't look at this as, as a crisis. It's an opportunity."

Quinn looks at Will. "For what? Further embarrassment and humiliation?"

Will smiles. "For welcoming our new member... Sam Evans!"

Sam enters and Finn walks up to him. "There he is. How's it going?" Finn says.

Sam smiles at everyone. "Hey, everybody. I'm Sam. ... Sam, I am. ... And I don't like green eggs and ham."

Santana smirks. "Oh, wow. He has no game."

Finn smiles brightly. "Okay! This is gonna be great. You're not going to regret joining, Sam."

Sam smiles. "Oh, good."

"Welcome to the New Directions, Sam. Stick with me and Kurt." Angie said to Sam, motioning towards her GBF (gay best friend).

Finn smiles. "That's cool guys. Sam, you sit right here." He instructs.

Angie shakes her head. "He's sitting with me and Kurt." She says.

Sam smiles and sits with Angie and Kurt.

Will smiles. "All right! Question for the group. What's a duet?"

Brittany smiles. "A blanket."

Will continues. "A duet is when two voices join to become one. Great duets are like a great marriage. The singers complement each other, push each other to be better. Now, some people may think..."

Kurt talks quietly to Angie. "Pssst! He's on team gay. No straight boy dyes his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1993."

Angie rolls her eyes. "You're crazy, circa 2010."

Will finishes talking. "And that is what duets are all about. So, this week I want you to pair up and sing a duet. And, since you guys all seemed to love our little "Defying Gravity" diva-off, I'm making this a competition."

Mike perks up. "What's the winner get?"

Will smiles. "Dinner for two, on me... at Breadstix."

There's a collective gasp.

"Breadstix, yes!" Tina cheers.

Everyone chatters excitedly.

Santana looks at Brittany. "I have to win."

Brittany nods. "I know."

Tina smiles. "I love this idea! I love this idea!"

Mercedes looks at her best friend. "Who you gonna sing with, Kurt?"

The bell rings.

/ / /

Kurt walks up to Sam at his locker. "Hi. I'm Kurt Hummel." He introduces.

Sam smiles. "Hey."

Kurt smiles more. "I just wanted to personally welcome you to the glee club." He says.

Sam nods. "Thanks."

Kurt can't keep it in any longer. "Just tell me." He says. Sam looks confused.

"Look... maybe at your old school, you could get away with the whole "I just stayed in the sun all summer" excuse, but I have three gifts: my voice, my ability to spot trends in men's fashion, and my ability to know when it comes from a bottle." Kurt says.

Sam shakes his head. "I don't dye my hair, dude." He denies.

"Yes, you do. But it's just between friends. That's not natural." Kurt says.

Sam nods awkwardly. "I'm gonna... go... 'cause you're kinda freaking me out."

"Wait, wait. Maybe my instincts were a little off. Let me make it up to you. Team up with me for the duet competition. Listen, unless you team up with Rachel, I am your best bet at winning." Kurt says.

Sam raises an eyebrow. "Aren't duets supposed to be between, like, a girl and a guy?"

Kurt laughs. "Well, Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor would protest. ... 'Make 'Em Laugh?'"

Sam shakes his head. "Sorry."

Kurt sighs. "'Singin' in the Rain.' 1952. Nothing? Okay, maybe you are straight." He mumbles.

Sam looks even more confused. "What?"

Kurt panics. "Nothing. Listen, rent it. And then look up the menu for Breadstix online, and call me, because we are gonna win this." He says.

Sam smiles. "Cool." He says and walks down the hall.

The bell rings.

/ / /

Finn and Kurt are in the lunch line. "You can't do this to him." Finn says, referring to Sam and Kurt pairing up for the duets competition.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "You're over-reacting."

Finn sighs. "If he sings with you, you're painting a bullseye on his back."

"Once again, your closeted homophobia seeps to the surface like the contents of a cracked cesspool." Kurt says bitterly.

"Don't give me that. Look, I know I shouldn't have used that word in your basement, but it's not like you were innocent. I really like you, Kurt. But the fact of the matter is, the way you were all over me last year? If I did that to a girl, she'd take out a restraining order." Finn says.

Kurt shakes his head. "You have issues with me being gay, I get it."

Finn shakes his head. "No, actually, I don't. I have issues with the fact that you don't understand that no means no."

"I just want to sing with him." Kurt says.

"Then you don't give a damn about any of us. If he sings with you, I guarantee within a week he'll take so much crap, he'll have to quit glee club. Your call, dude." Finn says and then leaves.

/ / /

In the hallway, Karofsky and Azimio throw cherry slushees in Sam's face.

"Boom!" Karofsky says.

Azimio cackles. "Welcome to glee club, lady lips!"

Karofsky and Azimio walk away laughing.

Sam is frozen in place. Quinn approaches.

/ / /

Quinn is helping Sam wash his hair in the sink in the girl's bathroom.

Quinn smiles gently. "The blueberry flavor is the worst, especially if it gets down your pants. I looked like a creature out of "Avatar" down there when I got slusheed."

Sam smiles. "I saw "Avatar," like, six times."

Quinn nods. "Oh... Anyway, you'll get used to it."

Sam looks at her. "You're the head cheerleader, why do you even bother? I mean, you don't need glee club."

Quinn smiles gently. "I like to sing... and the fact is, those guys were pretty cool to me last year when I wasn't on top. What's the point of being popular when you can't do what you want?"

Sam smiles. "Lor manari." He says. Quinn looks confused. "It means you have pretty eyes. It's Na'vi... the "Avatar" language. Lor manari."

/ / /

Next day in the choir room, Sancedes perform "River Deep, Mountain High."

[River Deep, Mountain High by Santana and Mercedes]

Brittany looks on boredly; everyone else is rocking out.

Everyone cheers and applauds as the song ends.

Will celebrates. "Whoo! Ladies, nice work! What an incredible song!"

Brittany is shown biting a nail, still looking bored.

Santana smirks. "And just so you know, I've already bought custom bibs for me and Mercedes here. You know why? 'Cause we's be going..."

"To Breadstix!" They both say and they high five.

Will laughs. "You hear that, guys? You have your work cut out for you."

/ / /

The next day, Will is looking at his students. "Okay, guys, so... who is up first today?"

Kurt raises his hand. "Mr. Schue, if I may?" He asks.

Will nods. "You may."

Kurt stands up and walks to the front of the room. "As many of you know, I had a duet partner, but due to sensitivities I'd rather not get into at the moment, I have dissolved the partnership."

Will looks confused. "Okay, so who are you going to sing a duet with?"

"Only the most talented member of the glee club... myself. When you're different, when you're special, sometimes you have to get used to being alone. I've asked a few members of the glee club as well as some Cheerios to help me out." Kurt answers.

Santana looks confused as well. "How can you do a duet by yourself? That's like vocal masturbation or something."

Angie bites back a laugh.

Kurt smiles. "I will be doing a number from the seminal classic movie "Victor/Victoria." It's a show about embracing both the male and the female sides. Watch and learn, Santana." He says and turns to Brad at the piano. "Hit it!"

Now the New Directions are in the auditorium, where Kurt performs "Le Jazz Hot."

[Le Jazz Hot by Kurt]

Britanny and Mike join him and other dancers on-stage. Will and the glee club watch from the audience.

Laughing, cheers and applause as the song ends.

Angie cheers the loudest.

"That's my best friend!"

/ / /

Mike is nervous to perform with Tina the following day. "I don't think I can do this."

"It's the perfect song for this very situation." Tina says.

Will smiles. "Whenever you're ready, guys."

Santana nods. "Yeah, hurry up. I needs to get myself to Breadstix."

Brittany looks at Santana. "Don't count on it...I'm mad at you, but you're still so hot." She says. Santana looks bewildered.

Tina whispers to Mike. "Trust me, you're gonna be great."

Mike and Tina perform "Sing" using a chair as a stage prop.

[Sing! by Tina and Mike]

Cheers and applause as the song ends.

Will claps as he looks at the couple. "Now that is a duet! Thank you, Tina, for introducing us to the amazing voice of Mike Chang!"

Another round of applause.

Brittany smiles. "That was good!"

/ / /

The next day, New Directions looks disturbed/confused/offended as Finchel, dressed as religious figures, perform "With You I'm Born Again."

[With You I'm Born Again by Finn and Rachel]

Mercedes is in shock. "This isn't happening."

Angie hides her face in sheer embarrassment. "Worst. Costume. Choice. Ever."

An awkward silence falls as the song ends.

Mike attempts a polite clap and Tina grabs his hands.

Mercedes breaks the tension. "Okay, do I even need to say it?"

"That was really rude." Sam states.

Tina nods. "Like... really rude."

"I seriously wanted to punch both of you." Quinn says.

"And that costume choice was extremely offensive." Angie says.

Will sighs in disappointment. "I have to agree. It's a great duet, but what you guys did with it was... really inappropriate. Your costume choice was a little insensitive. Frankly... I'm disappointed."

Rachel feigns outrage. "What?!"

Finn also feigns outrage. "Are you serious? I'm..."

"Shocked." Rachel continues.

"Shocked." Finn repeats.

Rachel nods. "We're... we're shocked. I... I really hope that this doesn't cost us the competition."

Finn nods. "Yeah, uh..."

Rachel looks at Finn. "Hey. Let's sit down. Come." She says. Finn and Rachel take their seats.

Will stands up. "Well, getting back on track, who's next?" He asks. Sam and Quinn stand up. "All right." Will says.

Sam looks at everyone. "Okay, I just want to say I'm really excited, and that I couldn't have asked for a better partner." He says and smiles to Quinn.

Sam and Quinn perform "Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.

[Lucky by Sam and Quinn]

Santana looks disgusted towards the end of the song. "So freakin' charming."

They receive applause as the song ends.

The bell rings.

/ / /

Will talks to New Directions the following day. "Okay! Since Artie and Brittany have dropped out of the race, I guess it's time for Angie to sing her duet before we vote." He says.

Angie walks to the front of the room, where she looks at the New Directions. "Mr. Shue, if it's okay, I'd like to sing this song with my brother."

Will nods. "Of course Angie." He says.

Artie wheels to the front of the room, and Angie begins playing the guitar. They're singing 'Count On Me' by Bruno Mars.

[Count On Me by The Abrams Siblings]

When they finish, everyone's cheering and clapping — Kurt, Sam, Finn and Quinn being the loudest ones.

Will smiles as he claps. "Guys... that was just beautiful." He praises.

The two siblings smile and then sit down. Kurt smiles as he pulls Angie to his side. "You guys were amazing." He whispers.

Angie smiles. "So were you."

Will claps his hands. "Okay guys. It's time to vote."

The glee club writes down their votes. 

Finn's Vote:  Angie and Artie
Rachel's Vote:  Sam & Quinn
Kurt's Vote:  Kurt Elizabeth Hummel 
Angie's Vote:  Sam and Quinn 
Sam's Vote:  Angie and Artie 
Quinn's Vote:  Sam + Quinn
Mercedes's Vote:  Mercedes + Satan
Santana's Vote:  Santana and Mercedes
Tina's Vote:  Tina and Mike
Mike's Vote:  Tina
Brittany's Vote:  Me!
Artie's Vote:  Artie and Angie 

Will drops all the ballots into a hat. "Well, even though it looks like just about everyone voted for themselves – even those who didn't compete – we do have a winner. And the winner is... a tie between Sam and Quinn and Artie and Angie!" Will announces.

Angie stands up. "Artie and I will gladly give Sam and Quinn the victory."

Santana is furious. "What?! What?!" She screams and jumps out of her seat. "Screw that, I want my 'stix!"

Mercedes pulls Santana down into her seat. "Ooh, let it go. Let go. Let it go!"

Santana scoffs. "Unbelievable!"

Rachel feigns hurt. "It was mine! No, I don't know how this happened. Unbelievable."

Mercedes is consoling Santana.

Quinn looks shocked. "You guys won them fair and square."

Angie smiles. "We won the competition fair and square." She says.

"But you guys were the ones that tied with us. The second place duo should get the free Breadstix meal." Artie finishes.

Will smiles proudly at his students showing humility and showing good sportsmanship. "Alright. Quinn, Sam, you heard 'em. Come get your passes." He says.

The New Directions smile and clap for Sam and Quinn.

Quinn looks at Sam. "This is so not a date." She says quietly.

Finn smiles at Rachel. "We did it, babe. We had a little help but we did it."

The bell rings.

/ / /

Rachel appears at Kurt's locker that Friday. "Hey, I had something I wanted to talk to you about."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Oh, please not another pregnancy."

Rachel smiles. "I think that you and I are a little bit more similar than you think."

Kurt shudders. "That's a terrible thing to say." He scowls.

Rachel sighs. "I know. But we're gonna win Nationals this year, and you know how we're going to do that? Because we have you."

Kurt closes his locker. "That's true."

"That's thirteen people who love you just for being exactly the way that you are. Look, you're not alone." Rachel states. Kurt smiles and looks teary-eyed. "So, I was wondering if you would maybe wanna sing a duet with me? I think you'll be really happy with my song selection. It's sort of everything that both you and I love."

Kurt looks confused. "But the, uh, duet competition is over."

Rachel smiles. "I know. I just... I thought this one could be for me and you."

The bell rings.

/ / /

That afternoon in the choir room, Rachel and Kurt are singing a mashup of "Happy Days Are Here Again" and "Get Happy" in front of the glee club.

Angie smiles as she watches the two. If Kurt can stand to sing with Rachel for three minutes, then there's a chance Angie and Rachel can become friends.

[Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy by Kurt and Rachel]

/ / /

2668 words

Songs Mentioned/Performed
1. River Deep, Mountain High - Sancedes
2. Le Jazz Hot - Kurt
3. Sing! - Tike
4. With You I'm Born Again - Finchel
5. Lucky - Fabrevans
6. Count On Me - The Abrams Siblings 
7. Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy - Hummelberry

This was so much fun to write!

Next update:  The Rocky Horror Glee Show

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