Season 2, Episode 14: Blame It On The Alcohol

Ownership of Glee: FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

/ / /

The New Directions were on the phone with each other. Rachel has invited them to her house for a party.

Santana is on the phone with Brittany. "It sounds awful. Is anybody going?"

"Let me find out." Brittany says and calls Artie who is being pushed by Mercedes. "Did you hear?"

Artie nods. "Yes. Mercedes just told me."

Mercedes talks to Artie. "Tell them I'll go if they go."

Artie looks at Mercedes. "Tell them yourself, I ain't no pony express."

Mercedes calls Santana. "You're going, right?" Mercedes asks.

"Only if there's liquor, because a Rachel Berry party is not something I can do sober." Santana says.

"But it's Alcohol Awareness Week." Brittany points out.

Santana is now talking to Brittany on the phone. "Precisely. And I am aware of how much fun alcohol is. Let's ask Puckerman." Santana calls Puck.

Puck is now on the phone. "You're go for Puck."

Santana is talking to Puck. "Noah, it's Santittany and Artcedes. Can your friend score us some wine coolers?"

"No, but his I.D. can." Puck says.

All of them meet each other near the stairs.

Mercedes sighs. "Well, if we're all in, it's settled. The Rachel Berry house party train wreck extravaganza is officially a go."

Santana's eyes widen. "Oh crap. We forgot one important variable."

"Lord Tubbington?" Brittany asks.

"No! Angie. It's a Rachel Berry party. What if Yentl tries to break Angie and Finn up? They just started dating!" Santana exclaims.

No one says a word.

They didn't take into consideration that their friend would be attending a party hosted by her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.

Talk about karma biting you in the ass.

/ / /

Angie's sitting in Finn's truck, tapping her fingers on her knee. She's very anxious about this party. Mostly because she's anxious that Rachel might try and snatch Finn from Angie.

As Finn was driving, he stole glances at his girlfriend. Not only because her outfit made her sexy as hell, but also because he was worried for her. Would she be okay?

When they pull up, Finn parks and grabs her hand. "We don't have to go. We can always go to Breadstix or something."

Angie shakes her head. "No way. We're already here, and I want to have a good time at Rachel's party with my boyfriend."

Finn smiled at her. "I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"Baby, I appreciate your concern, but I'll be fine. I wouldn't want to make Rachel think that she can try anything with you." Angie states.

Finn smirked as he pecked Angie's lips. "Let's go in there and show Rachel Berry who's boss."

/ / /

Rachel smiles in shock when she sees two unexpected guests walk in. "Welcome. Kurt. Blaine. I wasn't expecting you guys." She says to the two boys.

They climb down the stairs.

Blaine smiles as he takes his coat off. "I'm totally off the clock right now, Rachel. I'm not a Warbler. I'm just Blaine. I'm not even wearing my uniform."

Angie walks over and hugs Kurt. "You look good."

Kurt hugs back. "Thank you. You look amazing."

The two finish hugging and Kurt looks around. "So, this is your dads' Oscar room."

Rachel nods. "Yes. They transformed our ordinary basement for our famous annual Oscar parties."

Blaine looks surprised to see a stage. "Is that a stage?"

Rachel smiles. "I kind of like to give impromptu performances for our neighbors sometimes." She says and then turns to Quinn. "Hey, girlfriend. Having fun?"

Quinn nods. "Yeah." She says sarcastically with Sam at her side. "Awesome party."

Rachel can sense the tension. "Uh, okay. Let's, uh- " she grabs a ticket from a metal chair with a white cushion and a pink and lilac box that says "Drink Tickets Free" in big letters. "Let's go over the rules. Everybody gets two drink tickets to keep things from getting out of hand. We are serving wine coolers today. That is our specialty drink. It's actually all we have. Brittany! Remember the rules. No sitting on anything. Okay. Okay, everybody. Cheers!" Rachel rants.

"Great party, Rachel. We gotta run." Artie says sarcastically.

Tina nods. "Yeah, dinner reservations."

Rachel looks shocked. "But-But we-we haven't even played celebrity yet. I..." She trails off as everyone starts leaving. "Wh-Why is everybody leaving?" She asks.

Puck answers. "Because this party blows."

Rachel pouts. "I haven't even had my first sip yet. How am I supposed to write "Both Sides Now" if I can't even throw a party?"

"Look, if you want everyone to stay you have to let me break in your dads' liquor cabinet. No one's gonna get buzzed off two wine coolers. I'll replace it before they get home." Puck says.

Rachel surrenders. "Let's party!"

/ / /

Most of the New Directions are drunk, including Blaine. Angie, Finn and Kurt are the only ones who are sober.

Rachel has been dared to chug a whole bottle of liquor. Rachel talks into the microphone as she finishes drinking and burping. "It tastes like pink. It tastes like pink! Pink!"

Kurt is dancing near Finn. "Are you not drinking?"

Finn shakes his head. "No. Designated driver. What about you?"

Kurt is dancing. "I'm trying to impress Blaine. Can't get too sloppy. Apparently he doesn't have the same concern." He says.

Blaine hops onstage, drunk, and putting his arm around Finn's shoulders. "Hey! It is so cool that you and Kurt are brothers. Right? Like, brothers! Wow! You're so tall." Blaine slurs.

Kurt laughs in amusement as he's dancing. "You having fun, Blaine?"

Blaine nods. "Yeah. This is the best party ever!" Blaine cheers.

Everyone cheers and Blaine falls on the floor.

Rachel walks to Finn, holding a red cup of presumably liquor. "Finny. Dance with me." She says and begins waltzing with him. "We had it going on, right? I wasn't making it up or anything? I would do anything for you. Anything!"

Finn smiles awkwardly. "Okay, Rachel. Since this is your first time at this I'm gonna break it down for you."

Rachel sits down. "Okay."

Finn looks at Rachel. "Guys and girls fall into certain archetypes when they get drunk. Exhibit "A": Santana- the weepy, hysterical drunk."

Santana is in hysterics in one corner of the room.

Finn looks over to the center of the room. "Lauren Zizes and Quinn - the "angry girl" drunks."

Quinn and Lauren are dancing near Puck. Quinn glares at Puck.

"I can't believe what you did to my body. I used to have abs!" She says.

Puck looks at Quinn. "Back off."

Lauren takes her turn. "Who told you that hairstyle was cool - Geronimo?"

Puck looks to Lauren. "Chill out."

Finn continues. "Brittany - also known as the "girl who turns into a stripper" drunk."

Brittany is dancing like a stripper. Artie is throwing out money. "Makin' it rain! Whoo!" Artie cheers as Brittany takes off her shirt, revealing her pink polka dotted bra. "That's my girlfriend. I love you, baby."

Finn is still continuing. "Mercedes and Tina - "happy girl" drunks." He says. Mercedes and Tina laughing like hyenas.

"And then we come around full circle right back to you, Rachel. And right now you're being the "needy girl" drunk. Hanging all over me, being overly lovey. It's not cool." Finn says.

Angie watches the conversation between Finn and Rachel carefully. She's standing next to a drunken Sam. "I don't like how she's all up on him." Angie tells the blonde.

Sam looks over and nods to her. "I know. But Finn really likes you. He's not going to leave you for her." He reminds her.

Rachel, who was previously with her head on his shoulder, stops "hanging over" him and pats him on the shoulder. "Well, what kind of girl is this?" She asks and stands up. "Let's play spin the bottle!" She shouts and everyone cheers. "Who wants to play spin the bottle? Spin the bottle."

/ / /

They're now playing Spin The bottle. The Bottle stops on Sam and Brittany.

Brittany and Sam kiss.

Santana has had enough, jealous of Sam kissing Brittany. "You know what this is not?" She says and breaks them apart. "Hey, honeys. It's not a Big Red commercial. No me gusta."

Rachel smiles. "Whoo! Party! It's my turn! It's my turn!" She says and spins the bottle.

The bottle stops on Blaine and everyone cheers. Angie looks at Kurt, who's very tense.

Rachel points at Blaine. "Blaine Warbler, I'm gonna rock your world." She says before they French kiss... in front of Kurt.

Kurt pretends like he's not jealous. "Okay, I think we've had enough of that."

Rachel looks at Blaine seductively. "Your face tastes awesome."

Rachel then starts screaming. "I think I just found a new duet partner!"

/ / /

Blaine and Rachel perform 'Don't You Want Me' in their drunken states.

[Don't You Want Me by Blainechel]

Angie is sitting on the bottom step at the entrance of the Oscar room. Finn sits himself next to her.

"You okay?" He asks.

Angie sighs. "Not really. I had a feeling that Rachel would try to do something with you. God, why can't she just leave you alone?"

Finn sighed. "Well right now Rachel is the 'needy girl' drunk. She just wants attention from me, and it's not cool. I've moved on from her — she needs to move on from me."

"I don't understand why she can't comprehend the word 'no.' I've tried to have fun all night, but seeing her cuddled up next to you... I just want to go home." Angie explained.

Finn sighs and takes her hand. "Hey. I'm not going to leave you for her. You're my girlfriend, not Rachel." He tells her.

Angie smiles. "I know. But I still don't like her. She needs to keep her paws off my man."

Finn smirks. "I couldn't agree more." He said and gave her a kiss.

Angie kissed back and smiled.

Rachel Berry didn't even cross her mind. Right now, her focus was on Finn Hudson, her boyfriend.

/ / /

Artie starts singing '"Blame It On The Alcohol" and is soon joined by the rest of the new directions. The number ends in the auditorium where they make use of a couch, stairs and what looks like a box as stage props.

[Blame It On The Alcohol by New Directions]

Will smiles. "Well done, you guys. I mean, you always bring it with the singing and the dancing. But what I was really impressed with today was your acting. I truly thought that some of you guys were drunk."

Artie smirks. "We take our craft serious."

Will's smile falters. "Problem is - that-that song is great... but it - it kind of glorifies drinking, don't you think? I mean, we're supposed to sing about the dangers of alcohol for this assembly."

Mercedes scoffs. "Well, good luck finding a song that does that."

Rachel smiles. "Mr. Schue? First of all, that vest is very cute. You are all kinds of awesome. But second, maybe there's really no songs about the dangers of drinking because there's really none, as long as you have a proper designated driver." She says and whispers to Mike. "Have I ever told you how great you are?"

Will sighs. "Well, Rachel, yeah, driving drunk is dangerous. And have you guys ever heard of alcohol poisoning? Yeah, it kills about 400 people every year." He says.

Santana starts crying. "Santana, are you- Are you crying?" Will asks.

Santana sniffles. "I'm okay. I'm okay." She says and Brittany hugs her.

Quinn looks at Will angrily. "You're such a hypocrite. You drink. Most adults do."

Will sighs. "I may have a beer every now and then, but I don't - I don't get drunk."

Puck puts in his two cents. "We're just saying this is a waste of time. We're totally aware of alcohol. We see adults drinking it and having fun. Every commercial during NASCAR is for beer."

Will gets frustrated. "Okay. Enough, guys. Look, tomorrow, come with your thinking caps on because we're gonna spend the entire day brainstorming ideas for songs to sing at this assembly." He says and sighs.

Angie sighs and looks at Finn, who's staring at her in her outfit.

Finn can only think of one thing.

Mailman.

/ / /

Angie's at her locker, and she jumps when a drunken Rachel slams her locker shut.

"Are you out of your mind?" Angie sneers.

Rachel gives her a look. "As Finn's ex-girlfriend, you have a right to tell me if you're dating him or not." She slurs.

Angie rolls her eyes. "I don't have to tell you anything. When will you learn how to take the word 'no?' And Rachel, if you want me to kiss you, you should brush your teeth." Angie states.

Rachel scoffs and looks offended. "Finn still loves me. You're just a distraction. He'll see that we're meant to be together."

Angie glares at Rachel. "Shut the hell up. He's over you, Rachel! You two are done. Accept it and move on. Finn has." She says and walks off.

She definitely hates Rachel Berry.

/ / /

Angie missed the Alcohol Awareness Week assembly because she had been feeling unwell that day during school.

Finn was sad that his girlfriend wasn't feeling good. So... after the performance, he went over to her house.

Finn and Angie cuddled together for a few hours before they both fell asleep together.

Artie took a picture and smiled.

Both Abrams siblings had significant others.

/ / /

Rachel and Kurt are at the Lima Bean, waiting for Blaine. "You said he comes this way at 3:30."

Kurt nods. "Like clockwork - for his post rehearsal medium drip."

Rachel smiles. "I just can't wait to lay one on him."

Kurt sighs. "I've got a bad feeling about this, Rachel. I don't mean to be a scold, but I don't want you to get hurt either. There's no victory in this for me either way."

Rachel chuckles. "Who cares for you, buddy? I may get a new boyfriend out of this who can keep up with me vocally and, in the future, give me vaguely Eurasian-looking children."

Kurt's heart stings at this.

Blaine arrives.

Kurt sees Blaine. "There he is, dreamy as ever."

Rachel nods. "Okay. Wish me luck." She whispers. Rachel stands up and walks towards Blaine.

Blaine smiles. "Hey, Rachel. What's going on?" He asks. She kisses him while Kurt drinks his coffee.

Blaine looks confused for a minute after they break the kiss. "Huh. Yup. I'm gay. 100% gay. Thank you so much for clearing that up for me, Rachel. Save my space in line, will you? I gotta go hit the restroom." Blaine says and then leaves.

Kurt walks towards Rachel. "That was hard, wasn't it?" He asks.

Rachel looks shocked and amazed. "Are you kidding? That was amazing. I am speechless. I just had a relationship with a guy who turned out to be gay. That is songwriting gold." She says and kisses Kurt on the cheek. "Oh! Okay. I have to go compose but thank you. Thank you!" She says and then leaves.

Kurt just stands there awkwardly.

"You're welcome... I guess."

/ / /

2548 words

Songs Mentioned/Performed
1. Don't You Want Me - Blainechel
2. Blame It On The Alcohol - New Directions

This episode was more content, less singing.

Next update:  Sexy

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