Season 2, Episode 15:  Sexy

Ownership of Glee:  FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

/ / /

In a classroom where Emma, Quinn, Angie and Rachel sit at separate tables, facing each other. Angie and Quinn are sitting together. Emma bangs a gavel.

Emma smiles. "The Celibacy Club will now come to order. Let's start the meeting by reading the minutes from last week's meeting, where we... read the minutes from the previous meeting, and Rachel spent the hour quizzing Angie about the nature of her relationship with Finn and Quinn about the nature of her relationship with Sam."

Rachel looks over at Angie and Quinn. "Questions somebody still refuses to answer."

"And we will continue to refuse to answer them, because they are none of your business. All I will reveal is that I rejoined the Celibacy Club to focus on me." Quinn says as she holds Angie's hands.

Angie smiles. "I rejoined because A) Quinn asked me to, and B) I think it'll be good for me." She says. Emma gives her a thumbs up.

Rachel nods. "Me, too. Finn is kryptonite, which is why I'm focusing all my energies now on my songwriting."

"It sounds like she's not over him." Quinn whispers to Angie. 

"She's not. But I'm not worried." Angie whispers back.

Emma nods. "Yes. And, I have to say, I am very inspired that both of you are showing how celibacy is a viable option for teens who simply aren't ready for intimacy. And for those who are older and are terrified of the hose monster. I have a little bit of club swag here that I think is really going to catch on. Ready? Chastity charms. We hand out the little hearts, but not the key. That way, nobody can open the lock forever. And, ladies, that's what keeps us safe!"

Angie smiles. "Hey Mrs. Pillsbury, do you think I could give the key to Finn?" She asks.

Emma nods. "Yes Angie, I think that's a wonderful idea. You're full of wonderful ideas you know."

"It's true." Quinn agrees, making Angie blush.

Rachel raises her hand. "I have some questions. Some things that I-I'm curious about."

Emma goes into panic mode. "No, no, no. Why be curious? No. Wait to have relations until you're comfortable. Right? Maybe 'til your honeymoon. I don't know, maybe even later. Celibacy, ladies! Dig it!"

Angie smiles. "I dig celibacy."

/ / /

Will looks to the New Directions that afternoon at glee practice. "All right, folks. Regionals is in a week. It's time to get deep into our setlist." He says and then he notices Artie's blank stare. "Artie, you okay?"

Artie looks horrified. "My life is over. How am I supposed to support a baby?" He asks. Everyone gets quiet. Artie looks to Brittany. "How could you not tell me about this?"

Angie has to take a second. "Wait. Brittany, are you pregnant?"

Brittany nods. "Definitely." She assures.

Angie looks at Artie with a mixture of anger and sympathy.

"I'm so sorry, Artie. I didn't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when I dropped him off. Pretty sure it's a boy." Brittany says.

Angie raises an eyebrow. Quinn does as well. Where does Brittany think babies come from?

Puck looks at Brittany. "Um, babies don't get dropped off."

Will shakes off his initial shock. "Wait, Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet? That's the only way to be sure."

Brittany smiles innocently. "I don't need to go to a doctor. I just need to look outside my window. Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid, it's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from."

Everyone wears various expressions of shock and disbelief.

/ / /

Angie smiles when she walks into the Lima Bean, immediately spotting Kurt's perfectly coiffed hair. She makes a 'keep quiet' notion to Blaine and walks up behind her best friend.

"Boo!"

Kurt nearly falls out of his seat. "Holy hell!" He says and looks up to see a giggling Angie.

"Ha ha, very funny sis." He says with a smile as he gets up.

Angie giggles more. "Sorry. You're just too easy." She says.

Kurt smiles as she sits next to him. "So what's up?" He asks.

"I'm back in the Celibacy Club." Angie says.

Blaine smiles at her. "You are? That's great. I think it's awesome you're in the Celibacy Club."

Angie smiles. "Thanks Blainey Days."

Blaine glares. "Don't call me that."

Angie smirks. "Okay whatever." She says and pulls out her chastity charm. "I'm wearing this."

"A chastity charm? That's beautiful." Kurt says and takes the key charm.

Angie nods. "Yeah. Mrs. Pillsbury thinks that it'll help keep celibacy an option for high school kids."

"So it's just you, Quinn and Rachel in the Celibacy Club?" Kurt asks.

Angie nods. "Yeah. Though Rachel keeps bugging me about my relationship with Finn."

Kurt sighs. "Rachel never understands the word no."

Angie decides to drop the bombshell.

"Brittany thought she was pregnant because a stork was building its nest on top of her garage."

A spit take from both Kurt and Blaine at the same time.

/ / /

Angie and Finn walk down the hall together.

"I got you something." Angie said. She hands Finn the key chastity charm.

Finn smiles. "It's a key. It's cool." He says as he holds it in his hand.

"It's the other half of the chastity charm. I have the lock and you have the key. Ms. Pillsbury thinks it's an efficient way to keep Celibacy an open option for high school kids. No one wants to see another teen pregnancy." Angie explains.

Finn nods. "You know I'll wear this right?"

Angie smiles. "I know you'll wear it for a few days before you either lose it or forget about it."

Finn frowns. "I won't forget or lose it." He promises.

Angie smiles. "Okay. I believe you." She says and rewards him with a quick peck on the lips.

Finn smiles as he wraps his arm around her shoulders.

He's definitely in love with this girl.

/ / /

On Tuesday, Will writes something on the board. "Sexy." He states.

Santana looks confused. "I really hope that's not one of the requirements for Regionals, because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance."

Will shakes his head. "No, this isn't about Regionals. I'm less worried about that right now and more worried about the fact that it's become clear to me that some of you have been lacking when it comes to understanding the...the, uh...the intricacies of adult relationships. Yeah, anyways. Along with preparing for our regionals next week, I want to spend the week educating ourselves about some of these intricacies."

Rachel looks concerned. "Is this the appropriate forum for that?"

Will looks uncomfortable. "Look, whenever we had, uh, issues in the past that are on our minds or giving us problems, it's always helped us to sing about it. So, this week I have invited a special guest: Ms. Holliday!" He says with a smile at the end.

Holly arrives with applause. "Hola, clase."

Mercedes groans. "Oh no, it's the salad lady."

Holly smiles. "Okay, so: sex. It's just like hugging, only wetter."

Artie nods. "Yeah, it is."

Holly smiles. "Okay, so let's start with the basics. Finn, is it true that you thought you got your ex-girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?"

Finn has wide eyes. "I have always been dubious."

Holly turns to Brittany. "And, Brittany, you think that storks bring babies?"

Brittany smiles. "I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons."

"Well, that's all going to end right here, right now. Because, today, we are going to get under the covers, all together, and get the ditty on the dirty." Holly says.

"I'm so turned on right now." Puck says.

Rachel raises her hand. "Ah, what about those of us who choose to remain celibate?" She asks. She touches Angie and Quinn's arms for support, but Quinn holds up a hand to stop her. Angie just smacks Rachel's hand away.

"Oh, well, I admire you. Although I think you're naive and possibly frigid, I do admire your choice." Holly says.

Will decides to intervene. "I think this is a good time for a song."

Holly smiles. "Oh! Yes, okay. Rule number one: every intimate encounter that you're ever going to have in your life is going to start with a touch. Hit it!"

Holly sings "Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)." Brittany and Santana join in the choreography, eventually followed by everyone else, including Rachel, Angie and Quinn. When the performance ends, the Glee Club members clap and cheer, breathless.

[Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) by Holly Holliday]

Holly smiles. "So just remember, whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's kinda random."

Angie smiles as she hugs Holly.

"That number was awesome!"

/ / /

Finn and Angie are having a movie date at the Hudson-Hummel house.

Finn picked The Notebook, on behalf of Kurt's suggestion.

By the middle of the movie, Finn looks over to his girlfriend, who's fixated on the story.

Angie looks at Finn, who's got his signature dopey grin on his face.

Angie smiles. "What?" She asked.

Finn smiles. "I love you."

Angie's heart skips a beat or two. "I love you too."

The two share a sweet and passionate kiss before they pull away and continue to cuddle.

Carole and Burt found the two fast asleep on the couch, Finn securing Angie in his embrace.

Carole put a blanket over the two of them and Burt turned the TV and the lamp off.

They left the two teenagers there to sleep for the night.

/ / /

It's Wednesday in the choir room, where Santana, Holly, and Brittany are sitting on stools in front of the rest of the Glee Club. Holly sings lead in the Dixie Chicks's cover of Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide," with Santana and Brittany contributing vocals.

[Landslide by Holly, Brittany and Santana]

Santana and Brittany seldom look away from each other during the song, and to a much lesser extent, Holly and Will also share looks. As the song progresses, Santana gets visibly emotional. When it's over, everyone applauds. Santana wipes away her tears.

Brittany looks at Santana. "Is that really how you feel?"

Santana nods. "Uh huh, yeah." She says. She stands up and goes to hug Brittany.

Angie smiles. It shows how close Brittany and Santana truly are.

Rachel smiles. "Can I just applaud this trio for exploring the uncharted world of Sapphic charm? Brava, brava."

Santana looks at Rachel. "Look, just because I sang a song with Brittany doesn't mean that you can put a label on me. Is that clear?" She asks. She walks back to her chair after giving Brittany a look. Brittany watches her go.

/ / /

Emma calls for a Celibacy Club meeting on Thursday. "This meeting of the Celibacy Club will now come to order. Before we begin, I would just like to start by congratulating you, by reminding you not one member of this club has had an unwanted pregnancy in almost a year. You get tensies for menses! I also would like to welcome our newest member, Noah Puckerman." Emma says.

Rachel looks confused. "Are you lost, Noah?"

Angie nods. "Yeah, you don't belong here, you're the biggest French whore of them all."

Puck shrugs. "Zizes and I were going to make a sex tape. I found out that making that tape would result in my arrest. I've hit rock bottom and I've come here to set myself straight."

Emma smiles. "That's just awesome, Noah. And you're just in time, because tomorrow, the girls and I are going to perform a song for Glee Club extolling the benefits of celibacy."

Puck nods. "I'm down for that. Point of order, though. While three chicks and me is just a typical Saturday night in the Puckerman bedroom, it's not the best balance for singing. We need at least one more dude."

Emma smiles. "I've got that covered."

/ / /

In the auditorium where The Celibacy Club, plus the jazz band and Carl, are on stage singing "Afternoon Delight" with photos of dessert as the backdrop. Angie is looking bored as she sings, but keeps up the energetic act for Emma.

Will and Holly laugh during the song. Some look confused. When it's over, Brittany stands and claps.

[Afternoon Delight by The Celibacy Club]

Holly smiles. "Hi! Um, Holly here. So, I'm a little confused. Isn't this a strange song for the Celibacy Club to sing?"

Emma looks confused. "What, why? It's so wholesome. It was written during the Bicentennial to celebrate America and fireworks, and - "

Holly shakes her head. "No, it's about sneaking out for a nooner."

Emma smiles. "Yes, exactly! A nooner is when you have dessert in the middle of the day, right? Right, Carl?" Emma asks her husband.

Will looks awkward now. "Well, regardless, great job, guys. Great number."

Emma smiles. "It was fantastic."

Will looks at all his kids. "Hey, Glee Club, let's go."

Everyone gets up to leave.

Angie looks at Quinn worriedly.

"Does Mrs. Pillsbury honestly not know what a nooner is?"

/ / /

In the Celibacy club on Friday where Rachel, in Emma's usual seat, bangs the gavel. Lauren, Santana, Brittany, and Artie are newly present.

Rachel smiles. "I hereby call the Celibacy Club to order."

Puck looks around the room. "Where's Ms. Pillsbury?"

"She decided to take the hour she was spending here to fix her sham of a marriage. In the interim, I'll be taking over." Rachel says.

Santana scoffs. "Because you annoyingly take over everything?"

Rachel sighs. "Because I realized that while all of us making our celibacy pledge is wonderful, one day we're gonna fall in love with someone and we're going to choose to be intimate with them."

Santana glances over at Brittany and Artie.

Angie thinks about being intimate with Finn. Maybe sometime in the future.

Puck looks over at his ex-lover. "Speaking of intimate, what's with the hickey, Quinn?"

Quinn shakes her head. "It's not a hickey."

Puck smirks. "Oh, I know hickeys. I'm a freaking connoisseur. I can make them into shapes like balloon animals."

"I burnt myself this morning with a curling iron." Quinn claims.

Brittany smiles. "The key is to use the curling iron in the bathtub, to keep you from getting burnt."

Lauren shakes her head. "No."

After the hour is up, Angie pulls Quinn into the girl's bathroom.

"You should really start putting makeup on your hickeys, Q. You and Sam need to be more careful." Angie says.

Quinn's eyes double in size. "How did - "

"You think I don't know that my best friend and her boyfriend are getting steamy? C'mon Q, you know me better than that. Besides... I think you've made Sam very happy."

/ / /

2552 words

Songs Mentioned/Performed
1. Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) - Holly Holliday
2. Landslide - Holly, Brittany and Santana
3. Afternoon Delight - The Celibacy Club

I loved this one!

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