"Sweetheart, you can't stay in bed. Please get up and showered" Jin says as he sits on the bed beside me, gently pulling the blanket off my head.

Pity. It's written all over his face. It's been one month, two weeks, and three days since the breakup and, at this point, everyone knows about it. I don't even know what hurts more, the rejection from my parents or the rejection from Kookie.

I hadn't done much since the incident. When I woke up the morning after in Tae's bed, he tried to reassure me that things would be okay. But they weren't. Kookie had kept his word, he wasn't rude or mean like when I had come home the first time.

But we were definitely like two strangers. If we saw each other, he would always say nothing past a polite greeting. It was killing me, I hardly got any sleep, it was weird sleeping in my bed alone. I was so used to being wrapped up with him that now I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling praying for exhaustion to take over.

Yoongi was furious at Kookie and we had a big argument about how he needed to stay out of it this time. I couldn't have Yoongi going off on him on my behalf, because, let us be honest, this was all my fault.

Tae has been attached at my hip trying to get me out of my funk, he takes me to work and is usually there waiting for me after. He's tried to be cuddly with me and tried to step into the role he had with me from the beginning, but I've pushed him away. Tae isn't a replacement for Kookie and he never would be. We've tried to do one of our movie nights we used to do, but it was a flop. All I could think about was me and Kookie's bedroom picnics.

Joon had tried to speak with me but all his big brain knowledge wasn't helping me. Words wouldn't fix this. They didn't soothe my hurt feelings and they definitely didn't make Kookie talk to me, so I exploded on him. I felt terrible about it. He said he understood, reassuring me that when I was ready he'd be there with advice, but I hadn't sought it out again.

Jimin was the only one who stayed normal with me. He didn't treat me like a broken bird like the others, he continued his flirty behavior and we'd gone out a couple of times just to get my mind off things and it would usually work until something reminded me of Kookie.

I went out drinking with Hobi last night and that was probably the worst mistake because of course we got super hammered and I became a crying mess. The alcohol no longer allowing me to keep my feelings in check. Poor Hobi didn't know what to do, so he, in turn, called Dani. She showed up with Jin, which made me cry even harder because it wasn't Kookie who was there to take care of me. And now, here was Jin again with his sad face, eyes full of pity, trying to baby bird me.

"No, Jinnie, my head hurts and I'm tired, just let me rest today" I squeak out as I roll in the bed, turning my back to him.

"I've got a cure for your headache. Come on get up and put on your favorite hoodie. It's kinda chilly outside" Jin says standing up from the bed. 

It wasn't worth the argument, so I nodded and rolled out of bed. Jin exits the room now that I'm up, saying he's giving me 20 minutes. I step into the bathroom and catch a glimpse of my reflection.

My eyes look sunken in and I've got large bags under them from lack of rest. My hair is kinda greasy and stringy and definitely in need of a brush. I sigh, hopping in the shower, trying to scrub my sins away.

When I'm dressing I look at my closet full of hoodies and my eyes land on a large black one hanging in the back. It was in my duffel bag from when I came back. I take it out of the closet and bring it up to my nose just to be engulfed with his familiar comforting scent.

I don't even try to stop my tears anymore, they are always around. When did I become so weepy? It seems like all I ever do is cry. There's a knock at my door and Jin steps in quickly rushing to my side.

"Oh sweetheart, don't cry, everything will be okay" he says softly, taking the hoodie out of my hands and replacing it with a long sweater instead.

Jin really is an angel, he brushes my hair quietly and piles it into a bun before taking my hand and leading me out of the house. The car ride is silent, but when we pull up in front of a park that's lit up with tons of lights and food trucks, I finally break into a smile. He's taken me to get comfort food.

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We'd been walking around for hours, trying bits of different foods. I loved the authentic street tacos, while Jin was inhaling every type of sweet he could get his hands on.

We stop in front of the bright pink truck that has a make your own sundae station and Jin is bouncing in excitement, quickly pulling me in line with him.

I can't suppress my laugh as I watch Jin pile every topping they have onto his small amount of vanilla ice cream.

"That looks like it will definitely cause you diabetes this time" I giggle out.

"Well, yours looks boring!" He says motioning to my Oreo/chocolate sauce-covered sundae.

I roll my eyes and after they are weighed we pay and walk along the park quietly. We find an empty bench as the sun sets and sit finishing our snack.

"I think it's time you talk about it, sweetheart" Jin says, placing his empty bowl beside us.

"I don't want to" I say flatly.

"Can't always get what you want, Jelly."

"What's there to talk about, Jinnie? My parents didn't want me and Kookie doesn't want me, nothing I can do except move on..." I say leaning back against the bench, my face looking up at the stars that are starting to show.

"Your parents will reap what they sow someday. There's nothing we can do about that, but you are so much better off without them" Jin says angrily clutching his chin as he thinks. 

"As for Kookie, you're completely wrong. That boy wants you more than anything else in this world, he'd trade all his little collectible figures for you. Hell, he'd eat his vegetables for you!" Jin says, chuckling to himself.

"He left me, Jin. He doesn't want me anymore."

"He's just hurt, he loves you and he's worked so hard to show you that. I understand why you didn't tell him right away about your parents, but you should have told him when you told Tae..."

I sit up in surprise. "I didn't tell Tae! He came into the studio one day while Yoongi had the stuff up on the computer screen. He kinda figured it out on his own and we just confirmed we were looking for them!"

"Kookie found out about it because Tae was telling Jimin about it, sweetheart. He just feels betrayed because you didn't open up to him, he feels like he will never be good enough for you."

"That's not true though, Jinnie! He's more than enough for me! He's too good! Don't you think I already know that I fucked up our relationship? That it was me who caused him to doubt my feelings for him!" my voice raises in anger, Jin isn't telling me anything I don't already know.

"I miss him so much...I miss him when I'm alone, but then I also miss him when I have things to do. I'm always thinking of him! But what can I do, Jin? How can I fix this?"

"Talk to him, sweetheart. Isn't that what he's been asking for this whole time? For you to be honest about your feelings? You shouldn't be here telling me how you feel about him, you should be telling him!" Jin says seriously, standing up from the bench and pulling me along with him to the car.

"Where are you taking me, Jin?" I ask out of breath as he shoves me into the passenger seat and pulls out of the parking lot.

"To see Kook!"

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We pull up in front of the park I know so well. It's where we had our first date, where we have spent many nights laying on a blanket looking at the stars while we talk, it's where he confessed to me.

"You've got this, sweetheart!" Jin says giving me a thumbs-up as I step out of the car.

I take a steadying breath and muster up all my courage to walk to our spot under a line of oak trees. I won't back down anymore. I'll tell Kookie the truth.

I love him.

My excitement builds and I pick up my pace as our spot comes into view. Then I freeze because he's there sitting in our spot, but he's not alone.

My heart shatters into a million tiny pieces as I watch a girl snuggled up next to him with her arms wrapped around his.

I'm stuck, my lungs aren't drawing in any air and I feel like I'm drowning. Surprisingly, I don't have a single tear to shed as I watch them in our spot. He turns to say something to her and she looks up at him, leans in, and kisses him on the lips.

I've seen enough. I quietly turn around and make my way back to Jin's car. He's startled when I open the passenger door and slide back in.

"Your back already? What happened?" Jin asks, concerned. But I smile, not letting on that something is wrong.

"He's not here, Jinnie" I said sweetly.

"Damn! He's been here every night for weeks, maybe he's back home already!" he says cheerfully.

When we get home I tell Jin I'm pretty tired and he wishes me a good night reminding me to talk to Kookie soon to fix things. I nod and shuffle into my room. I strip and grab his hoodie out of the closet again tossing it on.

But the smell I love so much isn't soothing, it's a reminder of what I've lost and then the darkness comes back. My thoughts are flooded with all my self-hate. No one wants you. He could never love someone like you. The others just feel sorry for you.

It's well past 2 AM when I finally fall into a fitful sleep.

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