A cold hand gripped my shoulder, fusing with the wool of my sweater, immobilizing me.

"Haven't seen you in a bit." I was pushed back to face Hitoshi. He looked around, smiling at me. It was a dead expression on him.

"Where's Kuroo?"

I evaded meeting his eyes. If I held still and didn't look at him, he wouldn't be able to see me.

This is so fucking stupid.

"He keeps weird company nowadays, don't you think, Minoru?"
Blondie floated into frame, nodding.
Hitoshi prodded the side of my head, flicking the place where he had hit me. I didn't flinch.
"How's your head been?"
I didn't respond. I just stood and breathed. I wouldn't let him get anything out of me.

This was so fucking stupid.

Hitoshi released me and made a tch sound.
I turned around and started walking down the hall. He called out after me.
"I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you!"

I didn't understand people who sought to make others small.

I sat behind the gym and pulled my phone out. I could use some good news.

hey

can I get a hint
about where we're
heading today?
just curio~

By the time lunch ended, I hadn't received a text back.
The rest of the day passed like a montage. I felt like I was under a trance, making the motions of a good student while my mind was somewhere outside of me.

School was exhausting.

As soon as the final bell rang, I headed for the 8/11. Usually, I would spot Kuroo heading over before he saw me, but today he was nowhere to be found.
I took out my phone.

AAAAAAAAH!

I thought i had told
you yesterday

some movie came
out that my girlfriend
has been craZy
about seeing so im
taking her today

call me a simp and
I'll kill u.

see u tomorrow

Kuroo had a girlfriend?
I felt strange. Something about that made me feel strange and I could not comfortably place it. I slumped against the brick wall.
It was probably because I hadn't known. We had spent so much time together, I felt like I was growing close to him.

No. I was growing close to him. Wasn't I?

I felt like if I was, I would've known such a detail. Right?
Hm.
I watched students walk in groups, dispersing to trains and neighborhoods, mounting bikes, laughing and talking.

What was I supposed to do now?

I didn't want to go back to my house.

I could go to that coffee shop in our neighborhood, I could even go to the park... but those places didn't feel like mine. They belonged to both of us. I would feel like I was trespassing if I went without him.

Why did I feel so strange?

In a blink, I found myself on a train. I didn't remember walking through the station, but there I was, face against the glass- watching buildings sprint into focus and crumble away.

In another blink, I found myself breathing in the steamy air of the city. I didn't consciously know which area I had arrived in, but I didn't mind.
I wanted to distance myself from all the somewheres and find a nowhere, but in hindsight, that was impossible in a world so crowded.
My lost feet stumbled through the city walkways.
I would stop and observe every couple of minutes, maybe looking for something to do, maybe just looking.

Why was I so bent up?

I felt needy and selfish. I had gotten used to the comfort of company.

I roamed about in the cold, taking thoughts and rearranging them until I had made a mental picture I could understand.

Maybe it was just about the game. Maybe it was always just about Kuroo's game. He became luminescent whenever volleyball was mentioned. How could I expect him to have interest beyond the light that fueled him from within?

But... that wasn't true. It wasn't that simple. Kuroo was kind.
He paid attention to the old men and the young children in the park. He struck up drawn out conversations with every peddler at the fish market. I had watched him coax the shyest cats out of their corners in the cafe, so they wouldn't feel left out.

Such displays of humanity must've come from a place of genuine care.

Otherwise, and I knew from experience, they would exhaust him.

How could I expect myself to be any different?

I had watched the ways he had shown love to the world, and as much as I tried to distance myself from the present, I was a part of that same world that Kuroo tended.

Of course he had a girlfriend. I bet he got flowers for her, I bet he remembered all of her likes and dislikes. I bet she was beautiful and nice, I bet she like.. recycled.. or something.
Ugh.
She probably felt very important. She was, if he devotes time to her. I wondered how serious it-no. It wasn't my business.

As I made my way back to the station, past the steely and unfamiliar buildings, I made up my mind about what I should do.