I love you, Wooyoung. I have for the longest time.

Those words repeated in my head, again and again, waiting painfully to be set free. Wooyoung scrambled back to his feet, reaching for my hand, but I backed away. If only he didn't have the urge to hurry everything up. San made a step forward in alarm but stopped when his gaze found mine. This was personal.

Wooyoung's shut eyes and hand clenched in a fist showed how much he tried to get himself back under control. I wanted to reassure him I was okay, but that'd be a lie. Something in my head still screamed about last night - the way he lost himself, the anger against me and the way my body rushed out of his room. It was still too alive and scary.

"I hate myself. I really do." I thought I'd never hear it. Not again. "How can you not feel the same towards me? I broke the only person I love." The way my heart missed a beat when he said it. The vulnerability that would bring death to him.

"Why do you-"

"Are you blind? I'm a selfish monster; I deserve nothing! You always care about me - no matter what state I'm in - and this is how I pay back. I've already crossed the alcohol line, definitely more times than I can remember, and you still chose to forget it. When Nora appeared I really thought she was the one. Your words sounded like betrayal and it hurt me. And how did it end? I'm nothing but a loser with chaos in his mind who tried to use his own best friend. Why would you stay with somebody like me, hm?! Why would you do it to yourself?!"

He shouted at me but it felt as if he did more at himself. I couldn't imagine what was going through his head. We both hurt, just in different ways, and as much as my pain was his fault, I couldn't watch him fall even deeper and do nothing.

"Listen to me," I started authoritatively, marching to him and grasping his collar. If we're screaming at each other, be it. "I do not hate you and you know I never could. I chose to forget those things because you are more than them, and they do not define you! I might be scared of you now. I might need some time to get back to you. But I would never, I repeat NEVER, leave you because you're too important to me. Nora is a bitch, and whatever happened is done. Yes, I tried to warn you. I'm a girl, you know, I can lowkey see when somebody is trying to get to your pants. You could have known that by now. But I fell in love with you, Wooyoung, and keeping you happy is the only thing that matters!"

I had no idea if it was anger or conscience, but I was fed up carrying this with me for all those years. No matter if he rejected or accepted, he deserved to know. At least as my best friend. His shocked eyes scanned my face, waiting if there was anything else to come. We were so close our noses almost touched. My heart sped up once again, trying to resist the desire of kissing him. I've waited for too long.

And it seemed as he could read my mind because, in the next second, his lips landed on mine.

If I've ever imagined anything, this was something totally different. They were soft, full of hidden feelings, and every single touch sent ecstatic shocks through my body. Nothing else mattered at that moment. My hands moved from his collar to his messy hair, hiding in them, while his own travelled down to my waist. I couldn't fear him anymore - fear and love do not go together.

"Do you forgive me?" he whispered with his eyelids closed, breathing heavily.

"I can't say I do, but I'll try. For once and all."

"Good, because I was not ready to lose you."

"How many times-"

"You wouldn't, yes, I get it."

"I hope you do."

He chuckled and placed his forehead on mine. A long pause continued. I realised the boys were still there, watching us the whole time. My eyes moved to Seonghwa. His expression softened and a small smile pulled up his lips. San and Yunho looked surprised but happy. Hongjoong lost any ability to speak. Mingi stood there with a knowing smirk. They all somehow knew but didn't expect it to happen. And I felt that in every single bone.

"I love you too, you know."

"That's good, I wasn't ready to lose you either."