I dreaded opening my eyes, even though I could see sunlight through them.

I dreaded moving at all because I could still feel Michael's arm across my chest, meaning he was here too, next to me. I wanted to believe that I was staying still like this so I wouldn't have to face him and not because I liked the feeling of him holding me, but I couldn't.

I liked it a lot.

What I didn't like was the fact that we sleeping in bed together like some married couple.

I turned a little, testing the waters, and watched him stretch and flop over onto his side, lost somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. This created a sort of problem for me, since he flopped over onto me and I suddenly became trapped. His weight was suffocating. The guy must seriously be two hundred pounds. I widened my eyes as he nuzzled into my neck, the tip of his cold nose tracing over my skin.

"Um," I said. "Michael?"

He either ignored me or didn't hear me, because he just continued doing this until he had settled his face comfortably between my shoulder and jaw. His eyes were still closed, and I wondered if maybe he was completely asleep.

I contemplated kicking him.

He sighed, his hand sliding up across my hip. It was extremely awkward because he seemed to be slipping back into sleep and now I was lying here, growing more awake by the millisecond. In every context.

"Michael," I finally snapped, slamming my elbow into his side. "Get off me." It was enough of a shove to push him back the way he'd come from, and I seized the opportunity to escape.

He groaned and rolled onto his back, blinking open his eyes. They were shining and blue and wet with sleep. "Hi, sweetie," he whispered groggily. Like we did this all the time.

"You were crushing me." 

Eyes closed, his lips curved in a smile. "Sorry. The bed's small."

I bit my lip and freed my leg from the sheet, then slowly entwined it around his, our skin still separated by the cotton of his sweatpants. "Put your arms back around me," I said.

He said nothing, just outstretched his arm and curled it under me while I pressed myself against him. I felt closer to him now than last night.

And now, in the light, I could see every detail of his face. His high, prominent cheekbones, his shaped brows, unruly enough to be masculine and yet perfectly fitting his face, his surprisingly long eyelashes, his sharp jawline. The shadow of stubble over his top lip from the night. He was pretty and still manly. I think I would have actually killed to look like him.

"Do you like looking at me?" he said, smiling.

I blinked and looked away. "I dunno," I mumbled awkwardly.

He brought his hand up suddenly and ran it through my hair. "So soft," he whispered. He smiled slightly and looked at me. "You have really nice hair, Benjamin."

"You've said that."

He kissed the side of my head, keeping his face nestled against my hair. "I'll tell you again," he said. "Fuck. I really want to kiss you right now, is that bad?"

I considered. "Probably," I said. "I suppose I wouldn't mind kissing you."

I should have minded the prospect of locking lips with this insane man. But for some reason, when I looked up at his big beautiful eyes, just an inch from mine, and at his perfect lips, I just wanted them on mine.

It only took the slightest movement for me to kiss him; we were already so close. I kissed hard, parting my lips against his and stretching my arms around the back of his neck so I could pull him in. He cupped my face in his hand and twisted his head to kiss me a second time while I wrapped my whole body around him. I pushed the guilt of what I was doing away and followed him as he drew back, craving his soft lips on mine again.

Michael pulled away first. He sat back, amusement flickering in his expression. "I knew you'd cave eventually."

"Oh, yeah?" I locked our eyes in a challenge. "How?"

"A lot of things. The way you look at me. It's a dead giveaway." He smiled. "And how you freak out if I get closer than fifty feet to you."

I wondered if these things would be as apparent to anyone else. I looked down, suddenly awkward again. Michael was bad for anyone he got involved with. You don't want to end up like Kitty, do you? Damn it. I'd already gone too far. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "Fuck you," I said.

His dark eyebrows rose. "Fuck you? Well, you certainly know how to keep me on my toes."

"I hate you so much," I snapped. "Why'd we just do that, Michael? Jesus Christ."

He was silent for a moment, a tiny smirk wavering on his lips. "Ah," he murmured. "You like me, don't you?"

"I just said I-"

"Yeah, yeah, you hate me, yadda yadda yadda. But you like me. I can tell." He grinned like he'd just won something. "Kiss me again."

"No."

"God, you're difficult," he said. "You hungry?"

I thought about it. "I could eat."

"Cool," he said. "'Cuz if you're not doing anything right now... I know this really cute little cafe in town and they have delicious donuts and cof- uh, donuts and water?"

"I lied about the not liking coffee thing, dude. Everyone likes coffee."

"Why?"

"I dunno. I was mad you hit my car and I just, like, felt like being..."

"Difficult," he said pointedly.

"I'm still mad about the car, by the way."

"I'm sorry. I promised I would give you the money. How does two hundred for the headlight sound?" He unlocked his phone, Googling prices maybe. Speechless, I grappled for words, still reeling from his relaxed attitude. "Do you have Venmo? CashApp? I can send it to you right now."

"Okay. Yeah. Shit-" I reached for my phone, feeling rushed. "I don't have Venmo or anything. I could... I could download it."

"It's okay," he assured me. "I'll hit the ATM and get you the cash. Do you want two hundred, three hundred? Maybe some donuts to sweeten the deal?"

My stomach rumbled audibly. "Um... I think it's only like twenty-five bucks to fix the headlight."

"Oh." He began laughing. "I have that in my wallet, then."

As he stood, a pang of confused regret hit me. Could I really have gotten my hands on three hundred dollars just now? And I was passing that up? "Tell you what. I'll take the car to the shop, and you can pay me back later. That sounds easier." And won't hurt to exaggerate the cost a smidge.

"Good idea. I'll drive for today," he said, one leg in his jeans. "Assuming you still want to go?"

I tried to keep my eyes on his face as he pulled his pants on. Blue jeans, stiff and tight. "Yeah, I'll go."

He caught my gaze and ducked his head. "Or we could go... later. Choice is yours."

"I don't know how I feel about this, Michael," I confessed in a whisper. "I'm so confused."

"Most people are," he shrugged. I narrowed my eyes. "Trust me," he said. "Most people are. Did no one tell you that's what college is for?"

"You go to college to get a degree," I said, "not to have sex with your roommate."

He grinned again. "So you wanna have sex with me? Wonderful."

"No!" I rolled my eyes. Well. Maybe.

Until last night, I would have been immediately repulsed by that idea, but now I wasn't so sure. I wasn't sure about anything.

╭-°—✞—˚✧❨✧˚—✞—°-╮

╰-°—✞—˚✧❨✧˚—✞—°-╯

The donuts were as good as Michael promised, especially considering the fact I hadn't eaten a proper meal since the last time he bought me food. We sat at a table outside, no other customers to be seen at noon on a weekday.

About halfway through breakfast, I got a text from Rhoda asking why I didn't show up to Intro to World History.

Rhoda (potential fuck buddy??): ugh its boring here without you 😭😭 nerds kissing the profs ass again

Michael laughed when I showed him my screen. His paper cup of coffee wobbled as his elbow met the tabletop. "Rhoda, huh? Not bad."

I frowned and pocketed my phone. "Stay away from her, I saw her first."

He lifted his hands in a surrendering motion and leaned back comfortably. "All yours, man. I got my own bitches."

I took another bite. "What's... what's that like?"

"Pretty much, you get to fuck whoever you want, whenever you want." I blinked up at him and he smirked. "Wanna be my bitch, Benjamin?"

I blushed. "Uh, yeah, I don't know about that," I mumbled.

"Kidding. We can just be friends. We are friends now, right? Or do I have to buy you more food to win you over?"

I finished off my donut before responding, which happened to be a sugar-coated one with lemon filling. "Can we be friends that kiss each other?" I said quietly.

He smirked. "I would love to be friends that kiss each other."

"And occasionally buy each other donuts?"

He lifted his hand to the side of my face. "Hold still," he murmured, tracing my lower lip with his thumb. I sat still, leaning into his palm, entranced. "Sugar." Michael grinned before sucking the white grain off his finger.

I looked down at my lap and laughed, half in amusement, half in disbelief. I was actively, effortlessly, hopelessly being seduced and there was nothing I could do but sit back and watch it happen.

"Are you full?" he asked. "Do you want anything else?"

My napkin, pinned beneath my coffee cup, fluttered in the breeze. "I'm okay. I should get going."

In the parking lot, his hand brushed against mine, my legs burning to keep up with his confident strides. He flashed a playful, mischievous grin around the empty lot before pushing me against the side of his car.

My eyes widened as he ducked down and pressed his lips to mine, quick and daring. His tongue grazed mine before I shoved him away. "The fuck are you doing?"

"A kiss," he said. "As per our agreement."

I rocked back against the car and he leaned in again, this time without the tongue. One rough palm slid to the back of my neck and squeezed, turning my limbs slack. Maybe I liked being manhandled.

"Hey!" a deep voice shouted from somewhere behind me. "Find another fucking parking lot, would ya?"

I didn't even bother looking at whoever it was. I let go of Michael with a squeak and twisted out of his grasp into the passenger's seat.

My partner in crime was not so lucky. He glanced up, a cheeky grin spreading on his face. I could see now the angry-looking bald man in an apron standing on the steps of the cafe. "Don't you kids have school?" he said.

"Sorry, sir," said Michael as he made his way around the front of the car to the driver's side. "By the way, I like your donuts," he murmured with a wink.

The man looked visibly disturbed, but he just turned and shuffled back inside.

"Oops," Michael whispered to me.

I cleared my throat. "That was the most embarrassing of my entire..." I trailed off, noticing his gaze on my lap.

"Someone got excited."

He flicked his eyebrows up and then, after a second-long glance around, reached his hand out. I slammed my legs together and covered my crotch with both hands. "Don't you dare. I'll kill you."

Michael shrugged and pulled his keys from his pocket. "Alright, alright. You wanna home?"

"No," I said a little too quickly. I knew he had a vivid imagination; I was sure he was picturing all doing kinds of nasty things that would come back to haunt me when I was lying awake across the room from him. "No, no, definitely not. I gotta go to class anyway, maybe you can just drop me off?"

He nodded, the smile creeping back to his face. "Oh right, Rhoda. Don't wanna keep her waiting any more. Have fun with her."

"How... how can you do that?" I asked as he started backing out of the parking lot.

He looked behind him and turned the car around to face the road. "Do what?"

I twisted my fingers together. "Like, offer to have sex with me and then two seconds later encourage me to have sex with someone else?"

He smiled and clicked his tongue. "Well I've always seen it this way: a person is never happy fully committing themselves to one other person, more so than ever at our age. This isn't the time to settle down with a life partner, it's time to go and experience as many different people as you want. If I were to love another person, which so far has been very rare, I wouldn't expect the kind of sexual loyalty that is often promoted as the pinnacle of relationships."

I sat there in silence for a minute, trying to translate into my own mind what the fuck he'd just said. "So like... if Kitty cheated on you with twenty guys you just... wouldn't care?"

Michael sighed. "Unfortunately, Kitty and I aren't together anymore."

"Like that was gonna last," I snorted.

His only reply was a tight-lipped nod and a slight quirk of his brow. Maybe I'd struck a nerve. I didn't ask what had happened with the flowers yesterday.

"What building is your class in?" he asked instead, pulling off the main road to the block of academic buildings.

I had to find the schedule on my phone. World History was over, but I could still make it to my second class. I pointed it out to him.

"Sorry," I said when he'd parked. "That was kinda rude, I guess. I just figured... you two... it was kind of a recipe for disaster. I think you're better off."

Michael said nothing, his eyes on his lap, twisting his keychain between two fingers.

"Well, anyway. I should go. I'll see you around. If you're out tonight, it's fine. Just let me know. What am I saying? You don't have to let me know." I fumbled with the door handle. "I'll stop talking now. Bye."

He scratched his nose. "Don't worry, sweetheart, you'll see me tonight."

"Really?"

"Maybe, maybe not. We'll have to see, won't we."

I frowned. "Yeah, whatever," I said, and got out of the car.

I groaned as he drove away, mentally kicking myself.

What the hell was I getting myself into? There were only two ways this could end - bad and worse. Bad being whatever this was fizzling out into nothing and me moving on from my sad crush to someone that could actually bring some good to my life, like Sarah would want for me. Worse meaning what's already happened, me falling for this guy, with his fancy talk about experiencing people or whatever, inevitably leading to heartbreak and a new handful of mental issues.

Worse it is then.