please bring some holy water with you to this chapter. and give some to me. i need it.

⚠️ highly explicit content.

The light from the hallway grew to a sliver as Michael sealed us inside the bedroom.

My back pressed against the door, legs still hooked around his waist, hands buried in his hair. He kissed down my throat while I clung to him, my whole body burning, aching with anticipation. I wanted this so bad. I didn't care about anything else. Couldn't think beyond this moment. My every thought was him.

His lips found mine again. Fast, dizzying. I let him in, let myself melt beneath him. "I need you," I whispered, half-pleading. "Right now."

He kissed me again. "You've got me."

I grinned, too excited for words. He laid me down on the bed, still pressed against me. The alcohol in my system swirled with my heightened emotions and left me dizzy.

His hand trailed higher up my thigh, lips pressed harder against mine. I loved the way he kissed. Building up, then falling, then building. He ducked his head down and kissed the side of my neck, making me groan.

The warmth of his breath left me shivering as he sucked my skin into his mouth. I pushed my hips up against his, felt the hardness in his jeans press between my thighs. I was ashamed of how much I liked this. This feeling of defeat, of weakness, of being held down. I felt completely helpless. I felt consumed.

I watched him, breathing hard, as he lifted my legs into the air and pulled both my pants and underwear off urgently, smiling down at me like I was a fresh buffet and he'd been starving for weeks.

"Are you comfortable?" Michael asked as he crawled over me. "You feel okay?"

I nodded, trying to keep myself from trembling.

"You look like a little bunny in a cage," he commented, tracing the side of my face with one finger.

I bit my lip. "You look like you're about to eat me."

He chuckled and leaned down, kissing my lips lightly. I sighed, letting some calm wash over me. His hands were warm on my sides, the tips of his curls brushing my forehead. It was grounding. The bedroom we were in, despite being large, was devoid of any decoration. The only light came from a small white lamp on the nightstand, next to a fake plant and a jewelry tree.

The light cast a gentle glow on us, just bright enough to make out his expression. He looked down at me, eyes on mine as he went in for another kiss.

"Why are you being so romantic?" I laughed.

He paused. That seemed to catch him off-guard. "I don't know," he murmured, then smiled and ducked lower.

A groan built in my throat as I felt his lips make their way down my chest, and I knew immediately where he was headed.

It was easy with Michael. Apparently all I had to do was exist and he would suck my dick.

He kept eye contact as he bobbed his head up and down, his tongue twisting around my tip to catch the drops of precum forming. I squeezed my eyes closed as I groaned, my face scrunching up.

Fuck. He was so good at this. Masterful. It amazed me that someone could wield so much power on their knees.

I whined in protest as he sat up and drew my legs together. "Don't worry, you'll get more later. Can you lie on your tummy for me?"

I gulped.

"C'mon," he said, giving my ass a pat. "I wanna eat you, little bunny."

I pressed my lips together as I flipped over, reaching above my head to grab one of the bed's pillows. He planted a few stray kisses on my lower back, pushing my shirt up so more of my skin was exposed, then shifted himself down further and spread my legs.

I wanted to magically disappear.

He traced his fingertips along the backs of my thighs so lightly I shivered. "You ticklish?" he asked teasingly as he did it again, going back up this time. My whole body twitched. "Guess so."

I hated how quickly - and visibly - my body responded to him. Every little touch, everything he did, was reflected in my shivers, my burning skin, my ragged breaths.

He touched something at the base of my spine that made me have an involuntary spasm and arch my back, pushing my ass in his face.

"So impatient," he chuckled. He gripped my cheeks in his hands and, before I could react, licked all the way up between them.

I curled my toes in my socks, bending my knees so my legs hung in the air on either side of him. I had goosebumps everywhere now, and I was shaking as if I was cold, but at the same time I felt like there was a fire burning inside me and I would burst into flames any second.

I never could have imagined how good this felt. His hands cradled my hips, keeping me locked in place but also gently caressing my skin. I buried my face in the pillow, heart pounding, lungs pulling air in deep.

He kept going until I was so desperate to come I started rubbing myself against the sheets. I bit my lip to contain my moans and when that wasn't enough, I bit down on the pillow and I was still letting out pathetic little whimpers.

Michael paused and kissed the back of my thigh. He watched me for a moment, seeming to drink in the sight of me. "You like that, huh?"

I wanted to deny it. But my whole body was screaming evidence.

"Can I try using my finger?"

I tensed immediately. Idiot, what did you expect? This was how guys had sex. One of them had to take it up the ass. I didn't know much beyond that. I should have done some research, watched a video or something, but it was too late now.

He must have seen how terrified I looked. I didn't want him to know how nervous I was, because then maybe he would stop, and I really wanted to be with him.

"Hey, calm down," he whispered, his voice soft and soothing. "No rush, okay?"

I faked a smile and fell back into silence, busying myself with pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor with my other clothes. I was so scared. I started imagining all the things that could go wrong. Sweat formed at my hairline.

Michael touched my shoulder with one hand. "Maybe we should wait." I could tell he was trying to be gentle.

"Why?" I didn't want to ruin this. I always ruined everything. Why did I have to be like this? I couldn't go to sleep without freaking out. I couldn't have sex without freaking out. I couldn't even hold a conversation half the time before something came up that upset me.

"Listen, it's no big deal." The confidence in his voice cradled my worries until they were subdued. "You don't ever have to do it, you know. I won't like you any less."

"I know. I want to do it."

His arms were around me, tender, demanding nothing. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I mumbled as convincingly as possible. I felt so dizzy I wondered if I would pass out. Hoping to take both our minds off my state, I leaned forward, ready to press my lips to his, then gulped as I remembered where his mouth had been and ducked down to his neck.

"You're psyching yourself out. Take a deep breath, count to three. Okay?" he whispered, subtly sliding one hand under me while the other rubbed my bare shoulders. "I'll go really slow. If it hurts, just tell me."

"Okay," I agreed hesitantly.

"Count."

"One," I said, practically shaking in fear. "Two." I let out a tiny squeak of surprise as he, without warning, pushed his finger into me.

By the way, he happened to have the nicest hands I think anyone on earth possessed: tanned, with thumb bones that stuck out and a whole network of veins visible under his skin.

I gasped as he slid his finger deeper. It felt weird, not as painful as I'd thought. He kept whispering relax, and I leaned back, really trying to, until I finally did. I gave up control completely, let him in, inside my body, let him try two fingers, slowly open me up.

"You're doing so good," he murmured, lips warm on my ear. "So good, baby. That's it." My eyes fell shut and I leaned into him until the feeling of shock and intrusion faded to a pleasurable pressure.

He twisted his fingers deeper in a wave motion, curling them upward until he hit something inside me that sent a shock wave of intense feeling through my whole body. I gasped, jolting upward, my hips shaking.

"Fuck." My voice ripped from my throat. I was throbbing, ready to explode, shaking and gripping his arm as he kept going, giving me wave after wave of pleasure. He rolled over pulling my hips closer to him and taking me in his mouth again.

He'd go down, hold for an impossible, blissful eternity, then pull up, curving his head to the side, and go again. He licked me, he fondled me, he pressed my legs down against my chest as he worked his fingers in and out until I was almost screaming at all the stimulation.

"I'm-" I dropped my legs, letting them stretch over his shoulder, then arched my back as his other hand hit that spot inside me. "I'm gonna cum," I mumbled. "Just keep-" I let out a strangled moan, squeezing my eyes shut as I hit the back of his throat.

I came harder than I could ever remember, like a gunshot. My body collapsed back into the sheets, defeated.

For a long time, I felt like I was floating. Michael's chest was warm against mine, and I could feel the sweat cooling on my back. But I was somewhere else. A state of pure bliss and calm. I stared at him, eyes dark in the dim light.

"Did you like that?" His lips were spread in a smile. He knew the answer.

I closed my eyes. "The best ever," I mumbled, face in the sheets.

"I thought you would." He chuckled, and I was so relaxed and worn out I couldn't even be offended.

But I knew this wasn't over. "Do you want to..." I wet my dry lips. Looked down at him. He was fully hard, yet he hadn't asked me for a thing. And it wasn't hard to guess what he wanted most.

"It's completely up to you." His hands were on my sides, grounding me again. "We can stop here for now."

Licked my lips again. My breath came out fast, heartbeats climbing. "I want to try it."

Now he looked speechless. "What?" Shaking. "Say it, baby."

A rush of adrenaline fueled my words. It was as though they were being pulled from my lips by an outside force. "Fuck me. Please."

"Turn over."

I took hold of the pillow weakly before flipping onto my stomach. I heard the zip of his jeans and rustle as he slid his pants down. Blind, face in the pillow, I gasped as his hands gripped my hips and pulled me up to him.

His cock pressed against me, slippery with precum. He held himself carefully and pushed the tip inside, making me grip a fistful of the pillow, then leaned down, pausing about halfway to cover my body with his, his arms curling under mine.

"Hi," I whimpered, staring into his eyes. I wondered if I could ever look at him again and not remember this very moment.

"Hi, sweetheart," he whispered. He moved over and gave my temple a quick kiss. "I know it hurts. It'll get better, I promise."

I was shaking, but I couldn't tell if it was from pain or just shock or something else. I bit down on my lip, digging my teeth into the skin, then cried out as he slammed the rest of the way in, making my whole body slide forward.

"Fuck," he said, his voice a throaty groan, as he threaded our fingers tighter together. A bead of blood welled up on my lip where I'd bitten it. "Are you okay?" I nodded deliriously. His arm brushed my lip, smearing the drop of blood. "Here. I want you to bite down."

"Bite you?" 

"If you're hurting, I want to hurt too. Bite me."

I clamped my mouth down on his arm, sinking my teeth in as he thrusts harder, slamming into that spot inside me and turning my legs to liquid.

"Shit," he panted, the sound setting me aflame all over again. "Fucking god." He raised himself up, pulling back and then pushing all the way, again and again until we fell into a rhythm. I got louder with every stroke, not even caring about anyone else hearing.

Then he sat up, grunting as he pulled out completely and gripped my waist with both hands to flip me onto my back. I gasped and let him push my legs up so forcefully my knees touched my chin and my ass lifted off the mattress.

I felt so vulnerable, so helpless being crumpled like that underneath him, knowing there would be no way of getting away even if I wanted to. His hesitance was completely gone, replaced by a savage, desperate need. "Fuck," he whispered again, his face twisted in pleasure. "Fuck, I'm almost there."

I gripped my quivering legs to his sides, stretching my neck back. He moaned then, burying himself in me and holding my hips so his thighs touched the backs of mine, and a second later he came, his body shuddering on top of mine.

He held my thighs as he gently eased out, making some liquid spill out immediately, then with a heavy sigh dropped onto his side and looked at me. "Oh my god."

As Michael collapsed on the mattress, I couldn't help but feel broken. Literally and figuratively. The thrill and spike of hormones had faded and now I was left feeling naked, dirty. Instinctively, my arms wrapped around my chest, shielding myself.

I retrieved my trunks and slid them back on, hoping it might restore some of my dignity. And since I was still acutely aware that we were in a house with other people, it might be a good idea to have some clothes on if someone barged in.

Michael was watching me get dressed. "Are you... leaving?" he asked softly.

I looked back, a wave of guilt spilling over me. "No... I just... it's hard to explain."

I scooted over to him and laid my head on his chest, suddenly feeling very clingy.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" he asked. "Would you like something to drink?"

I wanted him to hold me, but I felt too pathetic to say even that, so I just silently wrapped my arms around him.

He laughed and pulled me into his embrace. "Okay. This works too."

"Have you done this with other guys?" I asked suddenly. I didn't even plan to ask. I just had to know if this meant anything to him or if I was simply one of countless bodies.

"Cuddling? Or are you talking about sex?"

I didn't answer. I regretted asking in the first place.

"Yeah, I've had sex with guys. But honestly, most of them are gone five minutes later. It was never anything more than that."

I turned myself towards him, resting my cheek on his shoulder. "You're the only man that'll ever get to touch me."

"Are you sure about that?" he said, chuckling a little.

I nodded vigorously.

He laughed and kissed the top of my head, tousling my hair. "Okay then. I feel very special."

"You are special," I told him.

He moved his hand down from my back to my ass, and I could feel the warmth of his palm through my underwear. "Hmm. I kinda like knowing this is all for me. Thank you."

"I have one more question," I murmured sleepily, rubbing my cheek against his chest. "It's very important." I yawned deeply.

"Ask away," he said.

"Do you know how to take a bra off a girl?"

He gave me a weird look, then narrowed his eyes. "Uh, yeah, why?"

"I need you to show me how."

He laughed for like the hundredth time and pressed his face into my hair. "Okay."

"Thank you." A yawn stretched my lips and I snuggled into his arms, eyes heavy. "That's all. You can sleep now."

He tilted his head down, not moving his body at all, and kissed my forehead gently. "Goodnight."

My confusing feelings were dulled by my tiredness. Too tired to care tonight. Tomorrow I would try to make sense of it. What we had just done, what it meant. How I felt dirty and cleansed at the same time. The truth was, right then, I felt happy and safe like I couldn't remember feeling in years. I felt the same butterflies that normally made me feel sick, but now just giddy like I was a kid.

Like nothing bad in the world would happen to me, because I was with him, the man I feared would lead me astray but now I saw as my saving grace.