TWENTY FOUR. WHAT DIED DIDN'T STAY DEAD

There's a poisonous feeling that crawled in her throat when Mia thought of her family. At the mention or thought of their names, her throat burned white hot fury, like someone was shoving an iron down her throat. The poison coated her tongue and the toxins ached her stomach. In another world, she is a little girl sitting in her living room with her family, her mother laughing and her father smiling, and her brother and sister playing on the floor, and she's watching them with crystal clear eyes. In another universe, her hands are allowed to be hers.

But she is trapped inside the bubble of her own regret,  inside like splinters stuck under skin. Stuck in the dark of night like an angel in exile. Her hands tremble as she tries to remember the moments she shared with her family before her life turned into a tragedy. In her dreams, she remembers her father's laugh as he watches tv with his daughters curled into his sides. She remembers her mother's smile as Lucas shows her a drawing he made of her. Remembers Paris crying because she lost her favorite toy and their father helps her look for it. Remembers Lucas coming into her room at night because he can't sleep and he just wants to talk. So many sleepless nights. Mia regretted ever taking them for granted.

Now, the memories are a stampede in her heart and she over and over tried to pick her bones up from the floor and sew them back into the body of the girl she used to be, a girl who always woke up smiling and sat at the dinner table with her family, talking about what happened at school. Now, Mia runs from the ghosts within her that try to tear her apart at the seams. She wonders how many times she has died in the night only to wake up the next morning in more pain that she was in the night before. If Mia had known a piece of her was going to die from the loss of all her family, she would have never forgotten to always be kind in her short years of living because that's what her mother always told her; kindness is the most powerful strength you can produce.

Seeing Judith alive and healthy ripped open the stitches in her wrists, letting the ghosts that haunt her roam free. Her chest was a wall of fire and her heart was set to flames. They spent so much time thinking the baby girl was dead and Mia hated the world for ripping away another innocent life. But she was here and she was alive, and the Grimes family felt harmonious as they sprinted towards Tyreese and the baby.

Mia watched with teary eyes as Rick clutched his daughter in his arms and Carl's water colored eyes sighed in relief, now full of love as he talked to his sister that he spent so much time grieving over. She watched as Sasha cried as she hugged her brother and she couldn't help but think of her own brother. A tear slipped down her dirt and blood stained cheek, and then another.

Maggie pulled her close and Mia's arms went around her thin waist. It was the comfort of a mother, of a woman who was a sister herself, a woman who was in pain of not having her own sister with her. But she loved the girl she was holding tightly in her arms and she understood the eminence pain she was feeling.

If Mia didn't know better, she would thought she could hear her mother's voice talking to her. His voice was clear as day, sweet and southern filled. She would thought she was still around. She felt her in Maggie's arms. It was the same kind of hug Madeline Jones gave all of her children. She was dead but she wasn't, because Mia was her mother. She was exactly like her mother.

And with Maggie, she wasn't too far off either.

She watched the light come back in Carl's face as he was reunited with his sister. It was a light she longed to see again. His bright eyes had been dimmed for too long. He held the baby in his arms like his most prized possession, feeling touch starved. Their eyes met and he smiled. It was a beautiful smile. Mia smiled back but hers was light, and she didn't know if it was real or not.

He walked up to her with Judith in his arms. "Thank you."

She furrowed her brows. "W-What?"

"You never lost faith. Every time I was angry, every time I shouted, and every time I doubted that there was a chance she was alive, you were there for me. You kept my faith up. You helped me, Mia. Thank you."

She smiled again and this time it was real. She looked at Judith and touched the back of her head with her hand, missing the touch of the baby girl.

"I don't know if the fire is still burning." Rick announced as he overlooked the burning smoke that was rising in the air.

"It is." Carol confirmed.

"Yeah. We need to go."

"Yeah, but where?" Asked Daryl.

"Somewhere far away from there."

They walked on foot. Mia's head was rattled. She was tired and her body was weak. She couldn't remember the last time she slept. She listened to the sound of Judith's gurgles as she bounced in Carl's arms. Another memory came to her, when Paris was born and she would have to hold her occasional for her mom. She was a quiet baby, a good baby, until you sat her down. Her screaming cries ripped Mia's ears apart. She came into this world crying and she died crying.

Now she wished she had held onto her longer because every scarp of her would've been taken away.

Mia leaned against a tree. It was the first time she was allowed to catch her breath. Her legs were weak from the miles and miles of walking she had endured. Being in the woods surrounded by the viscous nature took her back to the tears she spent alone in the evergreens.  She looked down at her scarred wrists, the marks faded but still visible.

Her short hair was limb and greasy. The skin around her nails were blood red. She constantly picked at them.  Her anxiety grew worse every day. Her nails were chewed off. Her skin was dirty and sweat coated. She couldn't remember the last time she showered. She felt like she had just dived into a mud bath and left herself that way. Mia clutched the sleeves of her flannel shirt even thought it was burning hot outside. She was uncomfortable in her own skin, longing for the comfort that the shirt brought her.

Rick walked past her and looked down, seeing her staring at her hands. "You doing okay, Mia?"

Mia looked at him through her lashes. "I'm okay." She lied.

He'd gotten good at knowing when she was lying. She was apart of his family. She was a child forced to grow up too fast, like his son. He bent down in front of her.  "I know you're probably scared. I know you're tired.  You fought like hell back there. I admire how strong you are, Mia. Thank you for doing everything to protect me and my son."

A smile curled on the corner of her mouth. "It's least I can do." She said quietly.

He shook his head. "No, you do it because you're good.  You're a great kid, Mia."

"Thank you, Rick."

He patted her leg and stood back up, going over to where Tara was. Mia watched as he walked away and her eyes landed on Carl who was feeding Judith water from her bottle. She felt sorry for the baby but she also somewhat envied her. She had no idea what was going on. She was in her own little world. Mia would give anything to be that small again.

"Are you okay?" Carl voiced, his tone soft with concern.

"I think so."

He looked down at Judith. "Do you want to hold her." He asked.

Her shoulders slumped over and she quickly shook her head. "No, no. . . I-I shouldn't." She stuttered, her heart beat quickening.

He frowned slightly but nodded, not speaking more on it. He watched as she looked down at her hands again,  tracing her fingers along her wrists. Carl noticed her looking at her scars more. They were old but still fresh.  He never asked her about them even though he already knew. She was in pain and not just physically.  She was exhausted of living life this way. It hurt him to see her in pain.

They continued walking again. Her feet dragged along the abandoned train track. Her eyes were tired but awake, insomnia taking over her. The group was silent as they walked. Mia looked behind her and saw Rosita.  She walked slowly and stood beside her. "Is he your boyfriend?" She asked, referring to the red haired man that wasn't too far behind them.

Rosita chuckled in surprise. "Nice to meet you too."

Mia chuckled back. "I'm sorry. I'm not good at talking to people."

"That's okay. Yeah, he is. I mean. . . we're together, I guess. Never did put a label on it." She explained with a shy grin. She then smirked. "What about you and cowboy up there?"

Her eyes went wide. "What? N-No, definitely not!"

"You sure?" Rosita asked and looked between her and Carl with the same smirk.

"Totally." She nodded quickly, feeling embarrassed.  "He's my best friend."

"Huh." She responded with a slight nod. She looked down at her again. "Want some advice?"

The girl shrugged. "Why not."

"Don't waste your life away wondering if you should or should not. You never know when your life is going to end."

She slowly nodded, taking the advice in, and she stared at the back of Carl's head. His hair peaking through the oversized cowboy hat. Mia never gave much thought before about their relationship. He hated her at first, and she was shy; it was an unlikely pair. When he began to warm up to her, Mia was shocked because Carl hadn't warmed up to anyone. He was still grieving over the loss of his mother.

But things were different now. They were closer, best friends — they would kill for each other. Mia loved him. Of course she did. He was her family. He became her other half and Mia couldn't picture him not being in her life.

She remembered their conversation in the car that one forsaken night. He told her he couldn't picture his life without her and he meant it. Mia was a part of him.  From the very beginning, Carl knew she wasn't going anywhere whether he liked it or not. But he grew to like it and not just because she was his age. She was his best friend. He would do anything for her. He loved her.

Did that mean there was something there, lingering between the string that tethered them together?

Night time came quickly. Mia sat in front of the fire they had built. She watched the way the flames swirled around and she wondered how something so beautiful could be so deadly. Everything beautiful nowadays was deadly. She felt someone sit beside her in the wooden log.

Maggie sat close beside her. "You doing okay?"

"I wish people would stop asking me that," she mumbled to herself, then remembered who she was talking to. She looked at the woman. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She shook her head. "I don't blame you if there's something wrong."

Mia sighed and looked at her, the light from the fire making her green eyes glow. "I'm just. . . tired."

"Tired of what?"

"Everything."

Maggie frowned. There was no light in her brown eyes.  She was that girl she found in the woods, all alone and on the verge of death. She wrapped her arm around her and laid her head on hers. Mia reminded her of Beth. She was young and scared but she tried to act tough because she didn't want people to worry. The protectiveness inside her came out and she knew she had to be there for her, protect her like she protected Beth.

She turned her head slightly and saw her husband looking at them. She smiled. Glenn smiled back. He loved Mia the same ever since that day in the woods.  He trusted that if his wife saw the good in her, then he saw it too.

Mia's closed her eyes and her head laid against Maggie's shoulder. She wished she could sleep but there was permanent fear inside her that prevented it.  The world was tearing her apart and she wondered which would be the first to break her down, the world or the walkers.