SIXTEEN.   YOU FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF
YOU'S DEAD INSIDE 

The tension between Carl and Rick made Mia want to hide in one of the rooms and not come out. The silence was suffocating and Carl's bad attitude only made it worse. She was hanging up black blankets over the windows to keep anyone or anything from being able to see inside. Rick was shuffling around the dark room, limping and holding his side. Mia watched him with concern.

Rick started to scoot the couch toward the door, grunting in the process. Carl, who was tying the door shut with a black tv cord, snapped. "I tied the door shut."

"We don't need to take any chances."

"You don't think it'll hold?"

"Carl!" Rick shouted his name.

"It's a strong knot! Clove hitch." Carl's face darkened. "Shane taught me. Remember him?"

Mia remembered the conversation they had where Carl told her about Shane, who was Rick's best friend that he shot. She widened her eyes. "Carl!"

"Yeah, I remember him," Rick confirmed with a firm tone. "I remember him every day. There something else you want to say to me?"

Mia looked between the father and son with nervous eyes. Since being at the prison, she hardly saw them fight but ever since the prison raid, it was like they were challenging each other.

Carl didn't say anything and walked around the couch,  helping his push it against the door. Rick wheezed in pain. "This'll have to do for the night." He told them.

Mia hopped down from the stool she was standing on and sat down on one of the chairs across from them.  Rick sat down on the couch and looked through the bag of food. He held up a bag of chips. "Are you going to have some?" Carl asked.

"You and Mia should eat." He suggested.

"We should save it."

Rick looked at him in disbelief. He held the bag towards Mia. "Mia?" He offered.

She shook her head slightly even though she was starving. She was too nervous to eat. "No, I'm okay.  Thank you."

He walked back to Carl and held the bag up. "Hey—"

"I don't want any." His son snapped again.

"Eat it!" He shot back and threw the food on the floor.  "Now."

Mia flinched at their tones.

Rick limped out of the room to go to the bathroom and left the two teenagers alone. The silence was awkward.  Carl glanced at the girl. "You should eat something." He uttered.

"Why are you acting like this?" She asked, ignoring his request.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not acting like anything."

Mia stood up from the chair. "You're angry. I get it. But why are you taking it out on your dad?" She kept on.

Carl glared at her. "He's weak, Mia."

"He's your father."

"I don't need this from you, okay? Eat or don't eat. I don't care."

Mia stepped forward and glared back. "What did I say before? Stop talking to me like that!" She raised her voice.

Carl didn't say anything and walked away from her, doing anything he could do avoid another conversation.

Her face fell dramatically. Her frown deepened. Mia sighed and dropped back on the couch.

Mia didn't remember falling asleep that night. She only remembered staying angry and ignoring Carl for how he was acting. They didn't speak to each other the rest of the night. Her clear eyes opened into slits and she immediately groaned, still feeling tired. Rick was still asleep on the couch. He was as stiff as a board. Carl wasn't in sight.

Mia stood up and stretched her muscles, her bones popping painfully. She tip toed out of the living room and walked up the creaking stairs. She found Carl in his room, sitting in the bed, reading Little Women with a bowl of cereal by his side. She leaned against the door frame. "Good morning." She voiced.

Carl flinched and lowered the book, seeing her presence. "Morning." He said back. Not mean or snappy. It was normal. Which made her slightly happy.

She shuffled forward and sat on the edge of the bed.  She crossed her legs. "How'd you sleep?"

Carl shrugged his shoulders. "Not very good but it's better than nothing."

Mia nodded.

After a minute of silence, he closed the book and put it on his lap. "Mia, I'm really sorry for talking to you the way I did." He apologized.

She only gave him a half smile. "It's okay."

"No, it's not. You're my best friend. You're all I have and I don't want to take you for granted. So I'm sorry."

Mia wanted to comment that he still had his father but she chose not to, not wanting to cause another fight.  She smiled again and patted his leg. "Thank you."

He pursed his lips and smiled back, though it was faint. Carl stood up from the bed and grabbed the empty bowl of cereal. Mia followed him down the stairs. He paused when he saw his dad still asleep on the couch. "Dad?" He voiced and walked closer into the living room. "Dad?"

"Is he okay?" Mia voiced, still standing by the staircase.

Carl kicked Rick's foot with his own but still got no response. He put down the bowl and got on his knees.  "Dad, wake up." When Rick still didn't respond, Carl started to shake him. "Wake up. Come on. Dad, wake up."

Mia slowly walked into the living room, feeling scared.

"Wake up. Wake up! Wake up!" He started to shout.  "Wake up!  Wake up!"

"Carl, stop!" Mia shouted with wide eyes.

They then heard a force hitting against the door. She  jumped and that's when she heard the snarls of the walkers. She could see the door knob shake. 

Carl stood up and backed away slightly. He looked over his shoulders at Mia and motioned his head to the back door. "C'mon."

She clutched the knife she had in her pocket and followed behind him. When they got outside, Carl poked his head out from behind the house, seeing if there was any walkers close. Mia stood close to him and steadied her breathing. She could hear the snarling from the front of the house.

They walked down the steps, clutching their weapons,  and slowly walked around the house till they came in view of the walkers beating against the front door.  Carl started to walk toward them but Mia quickly grabbed the sleeve of his flannel. "What are you doing?" She whispered.

"I have to lure them away. Just stay here." He said quietly and walked to the front of the house. He looked around him before looking back at the walkers.  "Hey, you!"

Mia's eyes widened.

The walkers stopped pounding on the door and turned in his direction. "Fresh meat right here. Come and get it." Carl taunted them.

"Carl."

He didn't respond and started walking backwards. The walkers followed him. Mia immediately ran and joined his side. Carl casted her a glare. "What are you doing?"

She continued to walk backwards. "I'm not letting you do this alone." She hissed without looking at him.

"I can handle it."

"I know you can." She nodded and glanced at him. "So can I."

Carl shook his head but didn't argue. "Let's take a walk." He taunted the walkers and the two of them continued to walk backwards till they got to the road.  "Keep up."

"You think you're funny don't you?" Mia asked and they started walking normal again, taking off down the abandoned road.

"I think I'm hilarious." He said back with a playful smile.

Mia rolled her eyes. "Where exactly are we leading them?" She questioned, the corner of her lips curling up.

"To the woods."

They walked backwards again down the road and led the walkers to the woods. Their snarling grew louder and they started walking fast in their direction. Mia was starting to get nervous. She suddenly heard more snarling and she looked over her shoulder, seeing another walker behind her. "Carl!"

"Oh shit!"

Carl grabbed the walker and attempted to push it away from him. Mia snuck up behind the dead creature and shoved her knife into its skull, feeling its blood splatter on her face. While she was distracted, one of the others got closer to Carl and he ended up tripping over his foot, collapsing on the ground with the dead walker ontop of him.

"Carl!" Mia shouted again and felt a walker grab onto her. She let out a shriek and tried to fight it off.

"Mia, help me!"

She trembled under the walker's snapping jaw and clutched the knife in her hand. She shoved it into the walker's eye socket and it let out a noise before falling onto the ground.

A gunshot went off and Mia looked over to see that Carl had shot the last one. It fell ontop of him. She exhaled deeply and wiped the sweat and blood dripping from her face. Mia began shoving the walkers off of Carl and she helped him off the ground. "Are you okay?" She asked with concern.

"I'm fine." Carl shrugged her off. He breathed in and out deeply with sweat dripped from his forehead. He suddenly bent over and held his stomach and barfed up the cereal he ate all over the ground.

Mia cringed but reached down and rubbed his back. She stopped when he released a cough and bent down further to retrieve is hat. Carl stared at the dead walkers with a harsh stare. "I win."

Mia rolled her eyes. "Oh, God."

They walked away from the dead creatures and made their way back to the road. "You shouldn't have come." Carl said to her.

She looked at him with a confused expression. "What?"

"You could've gotten hurt. You should've let me handle it."

Mia stopped in her tracks and glared at him. "What?  You think I can't take down a couple of walkers?" She jeered.

Carl backtracked. "I didn't say that—"

"I was alone out there for years, Carl. Since I was twelve years old. I've seen things and done things no kid our age should have to do. You've had people to survive. I haven't. So don't tell me what I should have done or what to do because I don't need you to tell me anything." She raised her voice, finally growing tired of his attitude towards her. She never broke eye contact with him. "Now if you're done being a misogynist asshole, let's go back to the house before more of them come."

She walked away and took off down the street back to the house. Carl was speechless. He couldn't help but crack a smile. He knew Mia could handle herself but he wanted to protect her. He wasn't a bad guy for wanting that. He followed her back to the house.

Rick was still passed out on the couch when the two teenagers got back. Mia was starting to get scared. He was in the same position and everything and he wasn't moving. Carl shrugged off his flannel. "I killed three walkers. Mia killed two." He started saying to his dad.  "They were at the door. They were gonna get in, but we lured them away."

But still, Rick didn't move a muscle and Mia sat on the chair. She looked between the father and son.

"I killed them," Carl continued. "I saved you. Mia saved you." He pointed between Mia and himself. "I didn't forget while you had us playing farmer. I still know how to survive. Lucky for us."

"Carl." Mia said gently.

He didn't look at her. He glared at his father. "I don't need you anymore. I don't need you to protect me anymore."

Her jaw dropped at his cruel words. "Carl, stop."

"I can take care of myself. You probably can't protect me anyways. You couldn't protect Judith—"

"Carl, that's enough—"

"You couldn't protect. . . Hershel or Glenn or Maggie.  Michonne, Daryl, or mom."

Tears formed in Mia's eyes at the mentions of their dead friends. 

"You just wanted to plant vegetables. You just wanted to hide. He knew where we were and you didn't care!" Carl shouted in anger.

She covered her mouth with one of her hands.

"You just hid behind those fences and waited for. . . They're all gone now. Because of you! They counted on you! You were their leader!"

Silence settled and the tension was so thick that Mia started to sweat. Her hands gripped the side of the chair. Carl fell to the floor and leaned his back against the arm of the couch. He brought his knees up to his chest and sniffled. "And now, you're nothing."

Carl Grimes was a teenage boy who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and that weight had finally broke him. He was so young and so doomed. A boy of only fourteen. They were children thrown into a war and expected to have all the answers. 

Mia stood up from her chair and started walking out of the living room toward the stairs.

"Mia."

She ignored him and walked up the staircase.  She heard him follow her. "Mia. Mia!"

"Don't talk to me."

Carl followed her into her room. He shook his head. "Don't start this."

"You started it. Not me."

"You're being dramatic—" he was caught off guard when she whirled around and slapped him across the face. He immediately touched his cheek, feeling it grow hot. "What was that for?" He nearly shouted at her.

"For being the biggest asshole I've ever met in my entire life!" Mia shouted and shoved him backwards by the shoulders. "Do you not realize what you've done?"

Carl furrowed his brows.

"You jinxed yourself." She pointed a finger at him. "You just jinxed us and now something terrible is going to happen to him!"

"Why are you talking about?"

"You're so selfish." She shook her head and her eyes watered. "Do you have any idea what it's like to not have anyone?"

"Mia—"

"No!" She snapped and walked closer to him. "I was alone for two years. I had nobody! I watched my family die right in front of my eyes and I had to hide so they wouldn't kill me. I killed my twin brother."

Carl's face softened when she stared to cry. "Mia,
please—"

"You're angry, I know that. You have every right to be angry at the world for taking your mother away from you and your sister. I know that better than anyone. But you have no right to treat your father like he's not a person when he's still here," Mia lectured him with tear filled eyes. "Do you have any idea how many times I've prayed to have my dad back? How many nights I cry for him and my family? They're gone and I'll never get to see them again."

Carl didn't say anything.

"I wanted to die out there. I tried to die, Carl. That's how tired I was of being alone." Tears fell down her face and she stared him dead in the eye. "Call me weak. Call me a coward. I don't care."

He shook his head and stepped closer to her. "You're not a coward, Mia."

"How can you stand here and say that when you just said it to him?"

Carl didn't know what to say and only looked down at his tattered boots.

She wiped her tears. "Your father is trying his best. Stop trying to act superior to us when you're in the same boat that we're in."

She left the room and he stood there in silence. He squeezed his eyes shut and cursed himself.