Ahn buried her face on a pillow. Sumakit bigla ang ulo niya. Totoong nagulat siya sa inasal ni Ken kanina. Akala nya kasi ay okay na. Akala nya ay tulad pa rin ito ng dati, the same kind Ken. It was clear now that he had also undergone a makeover, and a painful one.

Pero sa kabila ng pagkagulat, nagpapasalamat pa rin siya na may nagbago. She can't exactly hang on to her belief that nothing has changed. At least, alam na niyang hindi siya nabubuhay sa panaginip. He's real and he's changed and she has to deal with this new Ken, somehow.

Hindi pa niya alam kung paano.            

Kanina nga ay wala syang nagawa kundi lumabas ng kotse nito at hayaan itong umalis. He was very rude to her and maybe she deserved that, but it's still low of him to treat her like that, or any girl for that matter.

Bukod sa pagkagulat at inis, nalungkot din siya. She felt sad knowing that he's changed for worse because of what she did to him. It's like a permanent scar na hindi kayang tanggalin ng kahit anong ointment. She's the permanent scar in Ken's life. And whenever he touches that scar of his, he will always flinch as unwanted memories start barging in.

Maybe it's too late for that second chance after all.

--

From: 0915089****

Hi Ken, can we talk? For the last time na. Sana mapagbigyan mo.

Pigil na pigil si Ken. Gusto niyang ibato ang phone nang mabasa ang message ni Ahn. Ang kapal naman ng mukha nito para makiusap pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa nito sa kanya. But a part of him was feeling guilty. Guilty for being a jerk.

Kahit pa sabihing nasaktan siya, he should have chosen to be the bigger person. But at that time, it did not matter who the bigger person is. Basta galit siya. Iyon na 'yon.

Hindi na siya nagtaka kung bakit alam nito ang bagong number niya. His mom made everything so easy for Ahn. For the last time. Huh. Ito pa ang may ganang manakot?

So what if it's the last time? Kung hindi nya ba ito sisiputin, will that be the end of it?

To: +63915089****

And who might you be?

Kung hindi lang siguro touchscreen ang phone niya, baka lumubog na ang keypad nito sa diin ng pagkakapindot niya sa SEND.

From: +63915089****

It's Ahn.

"Clueless mo!" bulyaw niya sa phone.

To: +63915089****

Ahn who?

From: +63915089****

Kinakapatid mo

"So kinakapatid na lang kita ngayon?"

Pakiramdam niya'y unti-unting umakyat sa ulo ang dugo niya. She just makes him so angry! Nagpupuyos na siya sa galit, exchange of messages pa lang. What more kung magkikita sila sa personal?

To: +63915089****

Ah. That one. Lol

From: +63915089****

Pwede ka bang makausap nang matino?

To: +63915089****

You should ask yourself that. Matino naman akong kausap.

From: +63915089****

Can you not be a jerk for one last time? Please?

One last time. Tangina. He was half-heartedly wishing that she didn't mean that. Doesn't she have any idea that she's part of the reason why he extended his stay?

To: +63915089****

Fine. I'll name the place and set the time.

--

Bumuntong-hininga si Ahn. Alam niyang sadya yung replies ni Ken. Kahit naman hindi siya magpakilala, malalaman pa rin nito kung sino sya. People who have connections tend to do that, they tend to just know, no explanations necessary.

Ahn who? She wanted to laugh at this one. If Ken wants to forget, pretending won't help. She already tried that. It didn't work for her. Para kang tangang pinaniniwala ang sarili mo sa isang bagay na alam mong hindi mo kayang gawin. Like the thought that you could fly with happy thoughts. They tend to only sink your heart to the depths of depression.

When he finally agreed, she let out a sigh of relief. She knew it would be hard. Never namang naging madali ang closure, lalo na kung hindi pa ready na mag-let go ng tao. She's not ready yet, but she needs to. Masasaktan lang siya kung patuloy siyang aasa.

Saka gusto niyang humingi ng tawad kay Ken and if he forgives her, then it would lift three years worth of burden off of her shoulders.

He texted her the place and time. It's one hour later. She didn't expect it to be this soon. Akala niya ay kinabukasan pa o sa weekend. May pasok pa siya bukas. Saka mag-aalas-nwebe na rin.

To: Ken

Hindi ba pwedeng bukas na lang, after ng OJT ko? I can be there by 6.

From: Ken

No. The sooner, the better.

She sighed. Dagli siyang bumangon para mag-ayos. Nagpalit lang siya ng damit. She ran downstairs at madaliang nagpaalam. Hindi na niya sinagot ang ama nang tanungin nito kung saan siya pupunta. She knew he will just stop her. And she needed to do this. She needs to put a stop to the bleeding or else, she won't heal.

--

Ahn was thirty minutes early. She scanned the place and sat on a table at one corner. It was pretty packed inside the diner. Hindi niya alam kung bakit doon ni Ken napiling makipag-usap. Magkarinigan pa kaya sila sa dami ng tao?

Nilapitan siya ng isang waitress at saka inabutan ng menu. Hindi niya alam kung gaano katagal bago makarating si Ken kaya napilitan siyang bumili ng kakainin, kahit snack lang. Nakakahiya naman kasi sa ibang kakaing walang makuhang table kung hindi sya oorder.

She ordered a plate of pasta and iced tea. It took a while bago iyon dumating. The pasta looked very greasy but she still gave it a try. Sayang naman ang 120 pesos. Pero nagsisi siya agad, sa unang subo pa lang.

Ang hirap talaga kapag susubok ka ng isang bagay na hindi mo alam kung makakabuti ba sa 'yo o hindi. Most of the time, madi-disappoint ka.

Nangangalahati pa lang siya nang dumating si Ken.

"Did you like it?" he asked as he sit across the table.

"Okay lang naman," sagot niya, out of politeness na rin siguro. After all, it was still an effort to make spaghetti.

"It's disgusting," Ken told her.

She rolled her eyes. Does he have to be this rude? Halos katabi lang nila yung isang nagsi-serve when he said that. She mouthed sorry to the woman and paid her bills. Then she turned to Ken, who was looking really bored.

"Dito ba tayo mag-uusap? It's kinda loud in here."

Umiling ito. "No. I rented a room upstairs. We'll talk there."

She felt a flutter inside her stomach. Room? Upstairs? Did he mean the motel? But she didn't dare argue. He already rented a room. And they will just talk. Maybe.

--

"Sit," he told her.

Ahn sat on the edge of the bed and looked away as he shrug his jacket off. Ni hindi niya ito narinig na magreklamo nang sabihin niyang sa isang motel room sila mag-uusap. She didn't even ask why.

He knew he was going overboard again. A motel room is not where you take a lady to talk. He could have taken her to a nicer place, a restaurant maybe. The diner below serves disgusting food. He was appalled when she managed to finish her spaghetti.

"Talk," he commanded. He sat on a chair in across her.

Ahn bit her lip, feeling awkward. She looked so... helpless—for the lack of a better description. He was the victim here, but he felt like a predator all of a sudden. Maybe it's her sad eyes or her trembling hands, pero gusto nya na itong yakapin. He was so overwhelmed with the thought. Thank God she decided to speak before he could even get up.

"I'm sorry."

He sneered. "For what? Kindly enumerate."

Ahn sighed. Alam niyang malalim ang pinaghugutan ng buntong-hiningang iyon.

"I'm sorry if I said no to you three years ago. I'm sorry if I told you that I liked someone else... at that time."

He ignored the emphasis. "Paris. Yes. Go on."

"I'm sorry for making you feel worthless, like you're not good enough. I'm sorry for making you wait, only to reject you in the end. I didn't mean to."

He scoffed. Did she honestly believe that he will take that in a good way?

"Kahit hindi mo sinadya, nasaktan mo 'ko."

"Alam ko," she said. Her voice trembled a little. "That's why I'm saying sorry. I know I can't turn back time, but even if I can, I would still say no to you."

"You're unbelievable," naiiling niyang sabi.

"If I hadn't said no to you, I would not have realized that I made a mistake. Hindi ko sana malalaman na... n-na ikaw pala talaga."

Nagyuko ito ng ulo. Siya naman ay natigilan ng bahagya. So, does this mean na sya ang dahilan ng ilang beses nitong pag-iyak?

"Are you seriously trying to reason out with me? You rejected me, Ahn! Kahit ano pang paliwanag mo, it would not change the fact that you made me fucking wait for three fucking years only to fucking reject me! You're not kind, you're cruel!"

Suminghot ito at nagpahid ng luha. Great! Now, she's crying again!

"I made a mistake. Once!" she told him. "I made one mistake and people started hating me! Hindi mo alam yung pakiramdam na lahat ng taong mahal mo ay galit sa 'yo. You don't know how much it hurts! Ikaw, si Rica, si Ate Iya, even my dad hated me for a while! And for three years, Ken, nothing has changed about that. Tingin mo ginusto ko yun? At least you've moved on! At least nakaalis ka ng bansa. Ako, I have no choice but to stay and endure it all! You went away! You left me here!"

"You pushed me away, remember? You said no to me."

"Hindi pa ba sapat yung tatlong taon na pagsisisi ko? Ano pa ba'ng kailangan kong gawin para mapatawad mo 'ko ha?! Gusto mong lumuhod ako sa harapan mo, ganun ba?!" She got up and knelt on the floor. "Do you want me to kiss your feet too?"

He hauled her up and hauled her to the bed. He pinned her down. Ahn was crying so hard and it's breaking his heart, but he couldn't just let go of the hate. Not yet.

"Tinatanong mo kung ano pa ang dapat mong gawin?" he asked. "Sleep with me. Let's have sex until I'm satisfied."

He felt her shiver and it's not the good kind. He could see fear in her eyes, but aside from that, there's also disappointment. And sadness. And pity.

"I-I can't believe you just said that," sabi nito sa kanya.

He laughed at her face. "Why? Because I'm a good guy? Not anymore, Ahn."

Her face softened. He hated that expression.

"I love you, Ken. I still do." He flinched when she touched his face. "But this is pathetic."

And she's right. It's pathetic. But he's never going to admit that. He wiped the tears off her face with his hand.

"Marry me then," he blurted out. Sa utak niya ay paulit-ulit na niyang pinukpok ng martilyo ang sarili. What the hell was that? Naghuhukay ba sya ng mas malalim na hukay?

Ahn didn't look surprised with that one though. Maybe because that's more him. But she looked confused.

"Why?"

"Gusto mong makabawi, di ba? Be my wife and maybe I'll forgive you."

"K-Ken... marriage is for people who are in love."

"I know. Mahal mo naman ako, di ba?" tanong niya sa tonong nanunuya. "Prove it."

"Yes, I love you. But do you love me?"

I do, he almost replied. "No. But if your love is true, it's enough for the both of us."

He knew she was hurt. Her face contorted in pain. And it was almost gratifying, knowing that he had the same face three years ago. Tears started flowing again, but this time, there was no sound. She just cried in silence and he just stared at her while relishing her pain.

"If you say no to me again, I'll never forgive you," dagdag niya.

"And I'm cruel, huh?" sabi nito saka bahaw na tumawa.