Araw na ng kasal. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ni Ahn nang magising siya ng araw na iyon. It would be the first time since three years ago na makikita niyang muli si Ken. Ayaw na sana niyang dumalo. Pero baka lalong magalit ang ate Iya niya sa kanya. 

Her mom helped her with her gown and makeup. Hanggang ngayon kasi ay hindi pa rin siya mahilig mag-ayos. And when Ken went away, she didn't bother learning the craft. Para kanino pa sya magpapaganda kung sakali?

--

Hindi na siya makahinga sa sobrang kaba. Maya-maya lang ay darating na sina Ken. Naiilang siya sa tingin na ibinibigay sa kanya ng mga kakilala. Rica's glaring at her from the other side of the aisle. Umabot ng taon ang galit nito sa kanya.

She felt her mom's hand on her hand. Ngumiti ito sa kanya.

"It'll be fine," she promised.

"Ma, lilipat na lang po ako sa hulihan," sabi niya rito.

"Ahn—"

"Please. I just can't—I can't stand it here."

Tumayo na siya bago pa man ito makatanggi. Alam niyang nakasunod ang tingin ng ilan sa kanya habang naglalakad siya papunta sa pinakang-likod ng simbahan. Naupo siya sa pinakadulo, sa pinakasulok. Mabilis niyang pinahid ng panyo ang nangingilid na luha.

She felt like an outcast sitting there, habang nakatingin ang mga ito sa kanya.

Maya-maya pa ay nagsimula ng tumugtog ang piano. The church was filled with the melodious rendetion of the wedding march. They all stood up and looked at the door, waiting...

Isa-isang pumasok ang entourage. Napakapit siya sa gilid ng upuan nang makita si Ken. Blangko ang ekspresyon ng mukha nito. He didn't even see her. Nakatingin lang ito sa unahan. Nakakapit sa braso nito si Aubrey. She heard that the two have been going out for a few months now. Noong una ay ayaw niyang maniwala. Aubrey's not Ken's type.

Pero ano nga ba naman ang alam niya? People change. And maybe he's changed. Tatlong taon na rin naman ang nakalipas. Nakasunod pa rin ang mata niya rito hanggang sa makarating sila sa altar. By then, masyado na itong malayo. Maybe it's a good thing na lumipat sya ng upuan.

Nang pumasok ng simbahan si Iya, nawaglit kay Ken ang atensyon niya. Napakaganda nito sa suot nitong gown. Hans is such a lucky guy to have someone like her. And it still saddens her na hindi na siya ang made of honor nito.

May usapan kasi sila noon na si Ken ang best man at sya naman ang maid of honor kung sakali mang ayain ito ni Hans na magpakasal. Pero nabalewala ang usapan na 'yon when she said no to Ken. Sa lahat yata ng taong nagalit sa kanya, si Iya ang pinakang-iniyakan niya.

Nagulat pa siya noong inimbitahan siya nito sa kasal. But did she just do that to hurt her? Kasi aaminin niyang nasasaktan siya. It hurts to know what almost everyone she loves hate her. It hurts to know that the man she loves now loves someone else. Pero wala siyang karapatang manumbat o magreklamo. Sa mata ng nakararami, kasalanan niya ang lahat.

--

From the corner of his eye, he saw her. Nakatingin ito sa kanila habang naglalakad sila papuntang altar. He tried to ignore the itchy feeling in his chest. Naramdaman niyang humigpit ang kapit sa kanya ni Aubrey.

Pasimple siyang bumuntong-hininga nang makalampas sila sa may pwesto ni Ahn.

Mabuti na lamang at nasa pinakasulok ng pinakadulong upuan ito. It's a good thing that he can't clearly see her face. He missed her, that's for sure.

It took a lot of self-control not to get out of the line and hug her. Gusto niyang batukan ang sarili. Ang tanga-tanga niya. Hanggang ngayon ba naman, si Ahn pa rin?

--

After the wedding, they all lined up outside para salubungin ang bagong kasal. Traditionally, they shower the newlyweds with rice, for prosperity. But this time, they showered them with white rose petals instead. Gusto sana niyang makigulo, kasi mukhang masaya. But she decided to stay away.

Uuwi na rin siya pagkatapos. Gusto lang niyang manuod.

When it was time to throw the bouquet, nagpunta siya sa pinakang-likuran ng kumpulan. Wala namang pumapansin sa kanya kaya ayos lang. She had no plans of catching the bouquet, but she was still hoping that it would somehow land onto her hands. Parang senyales mula sa langit. Para malaman niya kung tama pa ba ang umasa, pagkatapos ng tatlong taon.

When Iya threw the bouquet in the air, wala sa sarili niyang itinaas ang mga braso. But of course, sa layo niya, imposibleng siya ang makasalo. Pasimple niyang ibinaba ang mga kamay nang may makakuha ng bulaklak sa unahan.

She asked for a sign, and maybe it was given to her. Aubrey caught the bouquet. Agad itong yumakap kay Ken at humalik sa pisngi nito.

Maybe that's the sign she's been looking for.

Feeling the familiar pain in her chest, she decided to just go home, curl up in bed and cry. Because that's what she does best. Cry. And maybe when her tear ducts become dry, saka lang mawawala ang sakit.

"Ahn!"

She felt her blood rush to her face when she heard his familiar voice. When she turned around, she saw him standing a few feet away, hands in his pockets, smiling.

Pinilit niyang ngumiti.

"Hi, Ken."

"Long time, no see," he said casually. Mabuti pa ito, mukhang walang bigat na dinadala. Nakuha pa nitong makipag-usap sa kanya. Samantalang siya, kanina pa gustong umiyak.

"Oo nga e. Welcome back."

She was silently wishing na magpaalam na ito agad para makauwi na siya.

"Sabay ka na sa 'min sa reception?" aya nito.

Agad siyang umiling. "H-Hindi na. Uuwi na rin naman ako."

"Uuwi ka na? Bakit? Come on. Sumabay ka na sa 'min."

Huminga sya ng malalim. Mukhang ayos na naman dito ang lahat. Mukhang napatawad na siya ni Ken. Maybe she needs to start mending too.

"Okay," sa wakas ay sabi niya.

Nasa backseat siya habang nasa unahan naman sina Aubrey at Ken. Gusto na sana niyang lumabas ng sasakyan. Why did she decide to put herself through that torture? Habang naglalambingan ang dalawa sa unahan, nandoon sya sa likuran, nanahimik. Nagpipigil umiyak. Nasasaktan.

"So Ahn, what have you been doing for the past three years?" tanong ni Ken sa kanya, which caught her by surprise, dahil kanina pa nag-uusap ang dalawa na parang walang tao sa backseat.

"Studying? Sa April pa ako ga-graduate e."

"Oh, right. College ka pa nga pala."

She wanted to scowl. Really? Did he just forget about that? O baka naman lahat ng tungkol sa kanya, kinalimutan na nito?

"So, OJT, right?" tanong ulit nito.

"Yeah," tipid niyang sagot.

Ken chuckled. "Ingat ka. OJT's a bitch," pabiro nitong sabi.

But she knew that statement had a deeper meaning. His laugh meant something else.

"Don't scare her, Ken," malambing na sabi ni Aubrey sa kinakapatid niya.

"I'm not scaring her."

"Hm, anyway..." She waved the bouquet in front of him. "I think the universe is telling us something."

Tumawa si Ken. "What? That you're a good catcher?"

"That... and that I'm a good catch."

--

Maybe inviting her to the reception was a bad move, but he couldn't help himself. Kanina pa niya pinipigilan ang sarili na lumapit dito. But when Iya was about to throw the bouquet and Ahn isolated herself from the crowd, nakuha na naman nito ang atensyon niya.

He knew that there's no way na masasalo nito ang bulaklak. Mukhang wala naman itong balak. But he couldn't help but smile when she raised her hands all the same. Her face was hopeful. And just like that, he was reminded again why he couldn't simply move on from her.

Maybe there's no way of getting over her.

When Aubrey caught the bouquet, agad siyang hinila nito para magpa-picture. She even kissed him on the cheek. When he looked at Ahn again, paalis na ito ng simbahan.

"Sandali lang, Aubrey," paalam niya sa girlfriend. He let his feet take him to where they were itching to go. To her.

"Ahn!" he called out.

Tahimik lang si Ahn sa backseat habang sila ni Aubrey ay panay ang usapan. He decided to be extra sweet to Aubrey just to see if it would gain any reaction from Ahn, but she remained wrapped up in her own bubble.

Nagsalita lamang ito nang simulan nya itong kausapin.

Nang makarating sila sa reception, nagpasalamat lang ito sa pagsabay nila rito saka ito umalis para magsarili na naman. He and Aubrey gave their speeches. Everyone laughed when Iya stuffed Hans' face with a huge slice of cake. Almost everyone slow-danced to Lifehouse's You and Me. But not Ahn.

Ahn remained on one corner, drinking her champagne, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He even caught her wipe the corner of her eye. Mukhang malungkot ito. Miserable. And he didn't bother asking her what's wrong.

Ano naman ang pakialam niya?

Still, he felt his blood start boiling nang lapitan ito ni Paris. Alam niyang walang relasyon ang dalawa. His mom filled him in with the details when he was in Canada. She's been sending him these emails about Ahn. Hindi lang sya nagrereply. He made her think na naka-auto delete ang emails nito sa kanya.

Paris never went out with Ahn. Masaya na raw ito sa girlfriend nito. But he couldn't bring himself to talk to his cousin and sort things out. Masyado nang malaki ang gap sa pagitan nilang dalawa.

Tatlong taon. That can't be patched up with a single apology.

--

The reception was bringing her to tears. Lalo na nang pumailanlang yung kanta ng Lifehouse tapos wala ni isang nagyaya sa kanya. Everybody danced with their significant other. Wala naman syang ka-partner kaya uminom na lang siya nang uminom ng champagne habang hinihintay na matapos ang kanta.

"Uy, okay ka lang dyan?"

Nagulat siya nang biglang maupo sa tabi niya si Paris.

"O-Okay lang."

"Huwag kang masyadong uminom, Ahn. It won't help."

She forced a smile. "Huwag kang masyadong malapit, Paris. Baka ma-issue na naman tayo."

Tumawa ito at saka tinawag ang girlfriend nito. Jasmine sat next to her. Pinagitnaan siya ng dalawa.

"Ahn, are you okay?" tanong ni Jasmine sa kanya.

"Oo naman," she lied.

"Halika, saway tayong tatlo," aya ni Paris nang magsimulang tumugtog ang isang party song. Wala na syang nagawa nang hilahin siya ng dalawa sa gitna. Ginaya na lamang niya ang paggalaw ng mga ito. And for a moment, she forgot that she's lonely.

Of course, when the song ended, so did the hype. Depression seeped in again.

Bumalik siya sa pwesto niya nang matapos ang tugtog. Nakakailang baso na siya ng champagne pero hindi pa rin siya nalalasing. Maybe she needs a stronger drink.

She took a bottle of champagne from a nearby table and then she snuck out of the place. Sa may mini pond siya pumunta. May maiksing bridge doon na pwedeng tambayan. She decided to hang there and maybe talk to the fish.

She just needs to let it all out.

--

Ken saw Ahn walk out of the venue. May dala-dala itong isang bote ng wine. Suddenly feeling concerned, he followed her. She walked to the miniature bridge over a small pond and drank three gulps of wine before exhaling sharply.

Then, she smiled. But while smiling, nakita niyang may luhang unti-unting pumapatak galing sa mga mata nito. Ahn giggled and drank some more.

Lalapitan na sana niya ito. But then, he saw his ninong walk towards Ahn. Kinuha nito ang bote kay Ahn at saka nito niyakap ang anak.

Ahn broke down.

Huminga siya ng malalim. He just couldn't take the scene. Why would Ahn cry? She rejected him three years ago. She told him that she likes someone else. Dahil ba kay Paris? Dahil ba may girlfriend na ito and he couldn't reciprocate her love?

Or was it because of him?