This is to my internet friend, many of you know him. That's part of the reason why I didn't say his name anywhere in here. It's a little upsetting, but it got some stuff out. I apologize if this makes you upset. 

Dear Internet Friend,

It's been a few months since we've started talking, and you are one of the best people I've ever met. I'm not good with words, especially when you are reading it, and I know you're reading it. It's fear of mine. A bit irrational, but, it's kept me safe for years. So I though...maybe by doing this I could finally get somethings out, that I could never say face to face. Things that scare me so bad, that I bury it deep down, hoping it'll go away. Things that'll maybe make you feel bad, but, don't feel bad, I'm okay. Things that make me feel safer, knowing you probably will never see this, but others will, and if you do find out, that's okay. Just...don't stop being my friend.

I remember the first word you ever spoke....well, typed. It was a single 'Hey'. And just to make sure...I even....you know what, never mind, I couldn't go farther then about a month ago. Maybe it has been only a month since we started talking...time flies doesn't it? I remember you always told me not to ask you how you were doing. So I didn't, because I knew you weren't doing well. So instead of asking How you were doing, I asked what you were doing. Most of the time you were drawing, and I always loved looking at your drawings. And other's you were trying to sleep, I pray that you did get to sleep most days. Then...something started to happen.

In the beginning I knew you weren't doing well, but I didn't mind. That was until you came to me, tears in your eyes, clinging to me for some sort of comfort. I never minded even then. It was a weird sort of comfort that you came to me, knowing that I wasn't just someone you tolerated, I was someone you trusted. Even when my own mental health was in danger, I didn't stop. I've been told that I need to stop helping you, but a voice in my head screamed at me say no, don't stop! So I listened to the voice, and didn't. I'm a natural born caretaker, at least for those I care for. If they don't come to me, I feel useless, it's a horrid feeling, so thank you for coming to me, I don't regret putting myself at risk on bit. Thank you so so much.

My main goal when I became friends with you was to make you laugh. And I did! That was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made! It was on a rough day too! Some days you told me that you didn't laugh, but secretly, I know you did. Not only that, but you were also a really big mystery. And mysteries are not my thing. But you, you were different. You are a good mystery. You'd always answer with a 'whatever' or an 'I guess'. It left me wondering what the heck was going on in your head. But hey! That's okay, I got years to figure you out, my friend!

I know, and hope that I've helped you out with a lot for the past month...maybe two since we've been talking. But never once did I really tell you how you've helped me. In all honesty, I feel like I know more about you, then you know about me. You don't even know my real name! Yes, Rae is not my real name, it isn't even a nickname. Anyway, there's a point to this paragraph. Though it doesn't sound like much, but when you come to me for help, it honestly means the world to me. I've always felt useless, unworthy of helping others. But when you come to me, I know that I can help! I know I can, because in a some way I'm going through the exact same thing! When I'm having a horrid day, and you come to me feeling like crap, I immediately shove my problems away, and take care of you. I know that sounds bad, but let me explain. By you coming to me, I can forget about my horrid day, I have the strength to use my bad energy to turn it into good energy to hopefully get you to smile, or make you think differently. Don't feel bad, okay, just don't. I'm okay, and plus it's worth it to see you happy again. You always make me smile, just by being you, so thank you.

There's one thing that I was going to add, I even started to type it out. But it's too sad, so decided against it. The whole point in this is to let you how much you mean to me. You mean so much! So, so much! I don't want you to doubt that, please don't. Thank you so much for making life bearable. Thank you for being my friend! I love you, platonically, of course.

~ Rae 

Thanks for reading guys! 

Adios Amigos!