Thirtieth Verse

Knowing that I love you

makes my heart happy

knowing that you don't love me

makes my heart sad...

-translated from "Exquisite Torture"

from Future Colors' first mini-album Love/Pain

———————-

"Yeobo?" Manong Jay came out of his study and looked around. "Bebeh, where's Mia?"

Bea, coming downstairs from her room after changing out of her school clothes, opened her mouth to answer but was forestalled by Manang Mia, who came out of the kitchen.

"What is it, yeobo?" Manang Mia asked.

Manong Jay answered in Korean. Bea, not understanding a word of the resulting conversation, continued down the stairs and headed for the kitchen, but Manang Mia called her back.

"Beh, could you go to the studio and ask the boys to come here, please?"

"Okay, Manang," Bea answered. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

The studio door was closed. However, it opened as she reached for the doorknob, and Minha stepped out, cheerfully talking over his shoulder to whoever was inside. Bea stared at him and inhaled, preparing to deliver Manang Mia's message.

Should I smile? He might think I'm mad at him. Maybe I should smile. Show him I'm okay...

The polite smile died on her lips, though, when Minha turned around and saw her. And just stood there and stared at her without saying anything.

She mustered up the courage to speak, but her mouth wouldn't form the words.

Jungkyu, following Minha out, broke the silence.

"Oh, Bea! What is it?"

Minha turned and walked off. Bea, released from paralysis, gave Jungkyu the message. Jungkyu stuck his head back in the studio and called the other three.

Bea trailed behind them back to the house.

Fine, he's still mad at me.

Fiiiine.

See if I care.

"Why should I make the first move?" she'd often heard her friends and classmates say. "I'm the girl. He's the guy. He's the one who should make amends. It's not for me to make the first move." And the other girls would chime in. "You're right, girl. Keep your self-respect. Make him make the first move. Don't do anything."

So. Right. If he won't, I won't either.

Let's see who breaks first.

* * *

"Ya, Minmin-ah, wait up!"

Minha turned as Jungkyu caught up to him.

"I was just going to the kitchen for some water," he said.

"But there was water in the mini-fridge in the studio," Jungkyu pointed out.

"I wanted ice," Minha improvised immediately.

"Are you allowed to have ice?" Jungkyu narrowed his eyes at Minha. "With that throat of yours?"

"Whatever." Minha didn't want to admit that he had really wanted to find out if Bea was already home from school. He hadn't seen much of her since the weekend- not even at dinnertime, since she often had dinner early and then went up to her room immediately afterwards. Whenever he came into a room and she was there, she quickly found a way to leave. He hadn't expected to open the door just now and see her standing there.

I was so surprised I just blanked out and couldn't think of anything to say.

Babo-ya, he berated himself. You could at least have said hi. Or asked how she was. Instead you just stood there gaping like a fool.

And the longer the silence stretched on, the harder it was to speak.

Ugh. What should I do?

He hadn't realized that Jungkyu had been talking to him.

"What?" he asked.

Jungkyu stared at him.

"I wondered why Mia noona sent for us," Jungkyu repeated.

"Oh. I don't know."

"I was just wondering. Ah, noona." The band leader went on ahead to greet Mia noona, who was sitting on the couch in the living room.

* * *

"Some people from a magazine are coming to interview us this weekend," Jae sunbae said. "At first it was just supposed to be an interview with Mia and me, about our marriage and the baby, but then they found out Mia's your new manager, so they'll also be talking about that. And since Royal has released an update saying that Minha is recovering well and you're working on a new album, and you're here anyway, President Kang decided the opportunity was too good to miss and convinced them to do a piece on you too."

"At least it means we have something to do, sunbae," Jungkyu said. "But we don't have our usual team here..."

"Ah, they'll all be arriving with Yoonju tomorrow, so you don't have to worry about that, Jungie-ya. Just prepare for the interview, okay? They'll probably ask you about the new album."

"Yes, sunbae."

Sangmin sighed loudly. "I guess this means we won't go sightseeing this weekend," he commented. "Oh well, I knew it was too good to last."

Work is catching up with us again, Minha realized. Soon we'll be back on a full schedule again. Back to Korea.

Away from Bea.

Will it be a good thing or a bad thing?

Will it be better to try and make up in the time I have left, or to go back home and forget?

When he turned his head, though, a glimpse of Bea through the open archway that led to the kitchen gave his heart a funny little jolt.

Aish.

This is hard.

* * *

Bea, on her way to the fridge to get the makings for lunch, paused by the archway to look at the group in the living room. Minha was listening attentively to Manong Jay. At one point, he turned his head in her direction, but he just looked at her and then past her as if she wasn't there.

She quickly moved away to resume her task. When she paused on her way back, he was already in a huddle with his bandmates, accompanied by much discussion and hand-waving. Myungseok began drumming on the edge of the coffee table, and Junhee pretended to strum a guitar. Sangmin was laughing, Minha was scowling, and Jungkyu was making placating gestures.

That's his element I guess. That's where he belongs.

That's not my world.

She watched Minha ease his phone out of his pocket and look at it, then put it back. He then resumed what looked like an intense discussion with Jungkyu while Manong Jay and Manang Mia occasionally made comments.

"Beh? Bebeh! Ay, look at this child, she's lost in a daze."

Bea realized Manang Ading had been calling her for some time, and turned hastily.

"Yes, Manang, I'm sorry."

"I asked if you've already taken the fish out of the freezer," Manang Ading answered.

"Yes, here it is." Bea crossed the room to put the fish in the sink to thaw.

This is my world.

She sighed.

"Ay, don't sigh over the food like that, it will be insulted and run away!" Manang Ading scolded.

* * *

The phone in Minha's pocket vibrated again. Director Lee again. Minha debated turning his phone off for the rest of the day- except for his family, everyone else he needed to stay in contact with was here with him.

That includes Bea.

Not that she wants to contact me at present.

He consciously made an effort to avoid even glancing towards the kitchen. Even then, he was aware every time Bea came into view. The one time she emerged and went up the stairs, he determinedly looked elsewhere. But he knew when she reached the top of the stairs.

Keumanhae, Jeon Minha! Keumanhae! he told himself.

Hearing his name being mentioned brought his attention back to the group.

"So, if they ask about Minmin hyung's voice we're going to say that we'll all share the vocals from now on?" Junhee was saying.

"Why are you all looking at me? Didn't we talk about this already?" Minha asked.

"I'm... just not comfortable saying it," Sangmin said.

"Don't be. I'm all right with it," Minha said, and made himself smile.

"That's what makes me uncomfortable, hyung," Sangmin answered, and edged away from him.

"Punk," Minha retorted. "You already do most of the rap parts anyway." He looked at Junhee. "Will you sing a sample for them if they ask you?"

Junhee looked at Jae sunbae in turn.

"Sunbae said to tell them to wait for it during our next live performance so they will be surprised."

"It's a good thing it's Junhee hyung who's going to sing more and not me," Myungseok commented. "I'm okay with backup vocals."

"What will we do if they ask why it's not Jungkyu hyung?" from Junhee.

"Tell them to ask me... if they dare," Jungkyu retorted, and they all laughed.

"There you are, Shingu-ya," Mia noona said. "Slept well?" They all turned to see Shingu sunbae coming downstairs, yawning and looking rumpled. "Lunch won't be for a while yet, but if you go to the kitchen, I'm sure Bebeh or Manang Ading will give you coffee," Mia noona added.

As he watched the older man amble over to the kitchen, Minha thought that it was crazy, getting envious of Shingu sunbae. But maybe he was going crazy.

* * *

As she waited for the bread to finish toasting, Bea thought that it was rather like living in a drama, with Baek Shingu (she finally remembered his last name) sitting at the kitchen table with his cup of coffee and glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

"Would you like cream cheese with your toast, sir, or maybe butter? Strawberry jam? Orange marmalade?" she asked, mindful of Manang Mia's instructions.

"Cream cheese is okay, thank you," he answered. "And please do not call me sir."

"But sir..." She stopped and laughed at the expression on his face. "What should I call you then?"

"You're Mia's dongsaeng, right? What do you call Jay?"

"Manong."

He raised his eyebrows.

"It means 'older brother.'" She shook her head. "It doesn't sound right."

"Well then, call me oppa. Everyone does, anyway."

"Op... pa." She tried it out, and started giggling. "I'm sorry! It's just that it sounds like 'Papa', and you're not my father!"

"In Korea we also call our dads 'Appa'," Shingu answered. "See? There's a difference. Shingu oppa. Try saying it again."

"Shin-gu op-pa." She pronounced the syllables slowly, and then faster.

BLAG!

"Oops, sorry," said Minha, who had slammed the refrigerator door. He turned and went out of the kitchen without saying anything more.

Bea watched him leave, then swallowed and turned back to Shingu oppa, hoping that nothing showed on her face.

If he noticed anything, Shingu oppa didn't show it. Instead he said, "I think the toast is done."

* * *

Shingu oppa.

SHINGU OPPA.

Hah.

First she rejects my proposal and then she proceeds to ignore me and now she's calling someone else oppa?!?

I thought she said she loved me.

HAH.

Minha stomped out of the kitchen. He wanted to find somewhere to sulk in peace, but Jungkyu collared him as he walked past.

"To the studio, chingu-ya," his band leader said. "We've announced we're working on an album; by all means let us work on an album."

As Jungkyu dragged him along, the words kept playing over and over in his mind.

I thought she said she loved me.

I thought you said you loved me.

I thought you said you loved me...

Once in the studio, Minha went straight for the blank sheet music and a pencil, and began scribbling. The words in his head were slowly becoming a song.

I thought you said you love me

Are these the actions of someone in love?

You don't talk to me anymore

and you call someone else oppa

I thought you said you love me...

-

Vocabulary:

Chingu-ya - Korean, "friend". The word "chingu" means "friend" and adding -ya indicates that it is being used as a form of direct address.

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Author's Note:

Whew! Thirtieth Verse? I have to admit, the original was only 20 chapters and an epilogue at 56k words. We're now almost at double that. The end is in sight; only about 10 chapters more. Thank you for reading! Any comments, suggestions, and reactions, violent or otherwise, are appreciated. :P