"You have to take a pregnancy test."

DOCTOR LADY SAY WHAT!?

Me?

The never-been-kissed-except-for-plays-which-were-really-lame girl who's only experience consists of pretending mentally I'm a wattpad character.

Seriously, I'm in love with Cole Stone and Jordan Wallace and so many others that I can't find in real life.

Not that I'm looking! I'm only in 10th grade!

So, the pregnancy test, you ask?
One of the only tests I'll fail... lol just kidding. Seriously.

Oh wait not about the pregnancy but the test joke.

Oh crap.

I'm not pregnant.

Okay? Okay

So, my dad really really really didn't want to hear that.

We all knew it wasn't possible. My parents trusted me a lot.

They just didn't trust the rest of the world.

But honestly, I've never dated, been kissed, definitely never had sex, never been asked out, never had someone declare they like me except flirters in summer camps but that doesn't count.

I also have never drank, even at religious events such as my Bat Mitzvah which was FLIPPING PANCAKES awesome.

I don't do drugs. Honestly, the idea is so stupid. The only people I would befriend who do drugs are Kelso, Eric, FEZ, Hyde, Jackie and Donna.
I'd love to chill in the basement and then go upstairs and listen to a drunk Kitty.
Then hear sweet Eric be threatened to have a foot up his ass by the lovely Red.

So no drugs, alcohol, boys, and don't get me started on parties. LOL.

Nope.

So the pregnancy test was weird but we saw unnecessary.

The state didn't see it that way.

I took it and guess what?!

I'm not pregnant.

What a relief.

But I would've been a great add on to 16 and Pregnant, wouldn't I?

I also had to get my blood taken.

As time went on and my skin finally began to clear up, had to get my blood taken at least once a month. I became so used to it, I would just stare and watch it fill up the shot thingy.

They ran tests every month and I had to take a written test kind of thing online. I also had to fill out countless things of paperwork and my parents did as well.

Now, I said my brothers and mom went through this too, right? Well my brothers were forced to take the pregnancy tests too because the state.

New York has no chill.

Well that's what they want right? (For nobody "to chill"

Haha.

I'm funny.

So, I was healthy.

Everything was a precaution because of the danger of the chemicals from this specific drug.

The pregnancy part had to do with the fact that the fetus would be endangered and have birth defects if it was in their mother's blood system.
Therefore, no one is allowed to be on this medication if they are or planning to become pregnant.

Which is why they put me on

the pill!

I was actually embarrassed and hid it in my drawer so people wouldn't see it.

Wimp.

No one thinks I'm getting some.

So virgin loner girl had a pregnancy test and was on the pill.

The irony.

Month after month went by and my skin was getting really clear, a little dry, but clear.

I was really excited.

It'd be the first time since I was a little kid, that I'd have clear skin. And I wasn't someone who wore makeup much and I didn't try to cover it up.

Back then I was too lazy for that and a lot of the time, still am. But I also do enjoy makeup, especially when someone else does it for me.

Just like my hair. I leave it natural. I don't blow dry. That's so annoying and as lazy as I sound and unfit, it hurts my arm. (I've literally gotten Carpel Tunnel syndrome three times in my life, all from holding things too long and one of them was the TV remote) I don't bother straightening or curling it. If someone else wants to do it for me, go for it. So when I go to the salon, they do it for me and I leave it in for a few days. It's always like I'm a new person, because people take notice and love it.

Like "OMG Grace, your hair looks so pretty" and always the "you look sooo nice today, not that you don't always look nice but you know especially today!" "You did your hair?" "You should always do it like that!"

Like no.

I'm lazy.

I don't know how hundreds of y'all have time for that.

I barely do my homework and I don't spend an extra hour and a half dolling myself up in the morning.

I mean go you girl but I ain't got time for that.

And when my skin started to clear up people took notice too.

Acne is always a tough subject with people.

A few years ago, I was at Temple (Jewish "Church" kind of thing) and a man I've known since I was 5 came up to me and literally just pointed out my acne and made a joke about it.

We weren't close.

We barely talked.

I was a kid.

I was hurt.

I was sad.

I never forgot that and neither did my family, especially my dad so we talk shit about the dude.

I mean he's a decent guy and he's never had kids so he doesn't understand kids as much but what person just does that?

And to a kid?

Like do you want me to mention your ugly hair and face? No! So back off.

I remember a time in 5th grade where a girl who I used to do GirlScouts (I was an MVP, I once sold over 255 boxes because no one could resist my cuteness) with came up to me and said I should use Clean and Clear.

She was trying to be kind and help me and she said it worked for her. She wasn't being mean, but it's still not something you like to hear.

There's always going to be people who pick on your insecurities, sometimes on purpose, and sometimes with good intentions, but it will always make us look a little harder at ourselves.

I may remember those things but I don't let them hurt me.

I was normal.

I am normal.

Acne is normal.

That didn't mean I didn't want it gone. I did. And it was finally disappearing.

My family noticed. My few friends noticed.

I noticed.

It was finally happening.

That part of my life felt like it was coming to an end. I would no longer have something be a part of me that I didn't want.

You can control what becomes a part of you mentally and that's a battle within itself but physically...

Physically, you can't always change, but you can learn to love yourself.

I loved myself beforehand and myself during the process.

My acne was clearing up, my grades were pretty good, and I was a lead in the school play. Sophomore year was going well.

I was still stressed though.

High school makes you stressed.

Life makes you stressed.

I'd always had problems with my mom. We fought a lot and we never had a mother daughter bond. And I got more angry at her during this time.

I got more angry at a lot of things.

My stress level was rising.

And no, I wasn't on my period.

Well I was, but not throughout more than a week or so each month.

And let me tell you, those cramps kill me. I have a heating pad ready to go at all times and pads everywhere.

So if it wasn't my period, it was school stress.

I was doing my best and I tried so hard.

But I couldn't control it...
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Hi everyone! This is my first ever book and I'm so excited to share it with you. It all started at 3 in the morning in my bed in between new wattpad stories. I love this app. I love this community. I really hope you enjoy this book. Always vote and comment please. Xoxo Dara