(ok so i used this chapter kinda as venting for me, so its a bit angsty,  but not too much.  THE ANGST IS NOT DEPRESSION I REPEAT NOT DEPRESSION) 

as you sat down in your room that you just retreated to, you tried to process what just happened. what did i do? why? why did i say anything? why didnt i just say yes? what the hell? Why did i call keef? as you sat there pondering what your equivalent to the meaning of life was, there was a silent knocking on your door. "come in im not moving" you said, your voice muffled by the pillow your head was engulfed in. You heard the door creak open. "so im guessing thats a yes" you didnt even bother to look back,  you already knew who it was.  "yes now let me be or i will strangle you. " you snapped back. Lance sat down on the bed beside you "i gotta be  honest,  this is not how i expected this to happen" he said. "yeah,  me neither,  i expected more 'BOW DOWN TO ME PATHETIC MORTALS' on my part. But no cause im stupid.  Not as stupid as you, but stupid." you still didnt really know what you were doing, but it just felt like you needed to.  This was probubly as close as you would get to opening up to someone. Lance chuckled at that last comment. You finally found the strength to get up of the pillow and sit down on the bed. Suddenly you found yourself leaning on lances shoulder.  FUCK FUCK FUCK NO WHAT DID I JUST DO NO NOOOOOWAY HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS NOW  GONNA LOOK WEAK WHAT DO I D- "Im sorry,  i just cant be anything.  I cant speak,  i cant think, i cant do anything that makes me weak." those words escaped your mouth,  no matter how hard you tried to hold it back.  You've held it back for too long. "and ive tried to stop it,  but if i do,  ill be weak.  Its an endless circle ive been trying to escape this entire time, and i cant. It silenced that tiny voice in my head so much,  i cant find it anymore. Icant find me.  All because im weak,  im not strong,  im not funny,  im not smart,  im just weak.And it just ends up hurting people. I try to be tough, but im not. Im mean.  Im rude.  I hurt people.  I dont want to HURT PEOPLE.  I dont want this to be my life.  I wanna be better.  But if i try,  im weak. " you said on the verge of tears. everything you were saying was true. Lance senced the pain in your voice, and held you close. You could have stayed like that for hours.  It felt like hours. After a while you just fell asleep in his arms. You wished you could stay forever... But you cant.