Virgil's Pov

When I got home I climbed up the tree in my front yard and opened the window to my bedroom. I jumped inside making sure no one would hear me. I ripped off the outfit quickly. I couldn't stand being in it anymore. I put on a big black hoodie and sweat pants. I only took my sketch pad, a pencil, my ear buds, phone..... my eyes made contact with my razor blade. I stuffed it in my pocket and I climbed back out the window. I ran to the little forestation by my house and there it was.

A run down tree house that was old but still stable enough to inhabit. He climbed inside and threw my stuff in it. I sat on the floor against the wall, knees to my chest. I sat there for awhile, thinking.

Why?

I wasn't sure how long I sat there in silence thinking why I couldn't have been made differently. At least put a few inches on me. Gimme a bit a strength and a heterosexual complex and I could match the kids that fucked with me. Give me a will to live. Give me self esteem. Give me emotional strength. Give me happiness.

Make me fuckin normal for gods sake.

Why was I cursed with a shit father and a mother who's been broken down and mentally manipulated so much she can't try anymore. Cursed with the mind of a fag and the body of a sissy. Made to be fragile and taken care of by another man.

Wouldn't that be nice, To be taken care of by someone?

Not.

Fuck being touched. Fuck condescending kindness.

I don't want any of it. It's makes makes me wanna vomit. But I can't stand being alone. With these conflicting feelings I'm so depressed and confused it puts me into dazed, suicidal anger.

I yelled furiously and punched the wall, in a blind fury I took out the blade. I pulled back the sleeve and I pressed it to the soft pale skin of my wrist.

And it didn't move.

My breaths were shaky and sounded like a growl each time. My hands were trembling.

I can't do it.

I threw it to the ground and it just all spilled out, I had started to cry. "IF I DON'T WANNA BE ALIVE THEN WHY CANT I FUCKING DO IT!?" I screamed, slamming my other fist into the wall.

I broke down, tears began to pour from my face and and sobbed loudly. My head buried between my legs, arms covering my head, crying violently for god knows how long. But when I wasn't having a panic attack and I was just crying, the sun was starting setting behind the houses. I sighed and I looked at the piece of sharp metal on the ground.

Maybe if I cut deep enough I'll do it on accident.

That's exactly what I did. I made cut over scabs and scars cutting out the emotional pain and replacing it with empty physical pain.

Empty pain?

Pfft.

Every time I get hurt it means something different.

I get beat up by kids at school?

I'm a slut with no standards, I go after straight men, I'm a retard, I'm a fag, and I'm not worth anything.

My dad hits me?

I'm a disappointment to god and my entire family.

I hurt myself?

Because I deserve it. I'm just such a piece of shit.

Pain really does have a story behind it. If you looked at every scar on my body you could map out my entire life. But it's all the emotional and mental stuff that tells the story.

Yet no one listens.

Because you cant see brain waves and chemical reactions, all you can see is the after math on my body. The only other time you can see it is when you're brave enough to say something. When you're brave enough to cry or tell some who asks you if you're doing good, you say no. When you're brave enough to let that dead, tough, and emotionless mask that never fades, die. You show those eyes that are glossed with fear and tears, tear stains and streaked makeup, eyebrows that sink down of the opposite ends of your face, a quivering lip and face that's been hiding your scars, your abnormalities, and your ethnicity. But their yours. Why should anyone manage how you look?

They don't.

But it hurts when we only get push back for being ourselves.

I have this adorable little metaphor I came up with.

I am a marshmallow protected in some plastic rap. Some one wanted to open me up, I obliged and then they threw me on the fire of society. Pain. Hatred. So then that burnt up little marshmallow crawled it's pathetic melted body to a metal container that locks when closed so no one can ever hurt that soft and fragile little marshmallow with the burnt shell ever again. But someone can open the box. Only someone who truly understands can take me out.

That person, for me at least, doesn't fuckin exist.

So I'll rot in my box and one day I'll die.

Is it miserable?

Of course.

Do I deserve it?

Sure. But it's for some reason that's beyond me.

So with everywhere I go being a shit hole I just stayed and I cried again. Only silently this time.

Romans Pov

I was walking home from football practice and my mind was as racing.

Where did Virgil go?

Is he ok?

Does he hate me?

Why shouldn't he?! I'm a fucking idiot!

I was so worried, I started to bite my nails. I needed to take a walk. So I took a left and saw the trees by a row of houses.

I walked into the forest and breathed in the smell. I walked for a couple of minutes before I saw something out of the corner of my eye. A small dark tree house held up by an old oak tree. I smiled.

Dude.. this is sick! An abandoned treehouse out here! I walked over and climbed the branches nailed onto the trunk. I heaved my upper body on the platform and saw a shaking black ball.

"Ew what the hell is that?" I leaned towards it.

His head shot up and he screamed, tears running down his face. I shrieked and fell off the tree.

"HOLY SHIT" I heard a guys voice yell.

Virgil's Pov

Ugh. Did I seriously do that? I scared a guy by being pussy ass bitch. I wiped my eyes and looked down to see him on the ground.

"Are you ok?!" I said frantically.

I heard groaning and he climbed back up when he did I made eye contact with an incredibly handsome...~—

IS THAT FUCKING ROMAN?!

OH GOD IM LITERALLY GONNA STOP BREATHING-

"ROMAN!?"  I screamed and backed up against the wall.

"Virgil! Oh my god i missed you! I was so worried!" Roman swallowed me in his arms. It took me a second but I tried my best to wrap my arms around his muscular torso.

"Tell me what happened! Why did you leave? Was it because of me? Ugh you had a right I'm such a dumb ass! I'm sorry for everything I've done—" Ro apologized profusely.

"Ro... you weren't why I left... I had a run in with the popular girls and I got into a really dark place..." I leaned my head on his chest subconsciously. He felt like a big, strong, warm pillow...~ and his pecks are nice to rest on... their like marshmallows~

I'm doing that swooning thing again aren't i...

"Virge... you really are too sweet~" Princey pet my head.

Oo bitch-

"What do you mean?" I tilted my head.

"I've literally been such an ass to you verbally and physically but as soon as showed you kindness you acted like my best friend. Why?" Ro asked me genuinely.

"I'm not sure... maybe I've just been blinded by how much I like you.." I said with unbridled honesty.

Wait...

Oh no..

D-did I...?

Oh god.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

DID I SERIOUSLY JUST SAY THAT?!

GOD DAMNIT.

F U C K ME

WAIT NO-

actually yes please~

WAIT N O-

DON'T GET HORNY.

Roman smiled and noticed my panicking mess, Ro put both hands on my ass and pushed me forward. Bringing me in his lap, legs spread on his thighs and holding my waist. He held my face and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. "I like you too princess~" He held my hand.

WELL BEND ME OVER AND SLAP MY ASS BECAUSE I WANNA BE THIS MANS HOUSE WIFE

"O-oh my..." I muttered, speechless.

"I'm really glad we can start over. I was thinking you would resent me. Anyway~ I'll talk to the girls tomorrow. But you don't have to be alone right now. The last thing I want is to make you sad again. Maybe come to my place~?" He leaned against the wall, still cradling me in his arms.

✨Am I dreaming~?✨

"No.. I have to go home. I already wasn't home last night..." I sighed. "But I don't want to..." I muttered.

"Why not?" Roman asked.

"School wasn't the only thing that made me this way Roman..." I said sadly.

"Oh... well is there anyone at home who is good?" Ro asked gently.

"Yeah.." I picked up my phone and called her number.

"Hey sweetie! How are you?" Mom answered happily.

"Fine" I answered.

"Patrick told me about your sleepover with Patton. Where are you right now? Do you wanna come home?" She asked.

"N-not really.. Can I stay at Romans tonight?" I blushed a bit.

"Aww of course! Isn't that the boy you like? The one you told me was so dreamy. You put a heart around him in your yearbook last year, right?" She laughed.

"M-ma!" I went red. "Yeah that's him! I'll come over to get clothes.. is dad home?" I winced.

"No he's working late tonight. But come over quick." My mom said.

"Ok I'll be right over" I hung up.

"Lets go!" Roman put me on his shoulders and climbed down.

"Oh jeez!" I clung to his back, arms wrapped around his neck and legs wrapped on his waist.

He carried me down the street while I directed him towards my house. When we got inside I hopped off princey and gave my mom a big hug.

"I missed you ya little love bug!" Mom kissed my forehead.

I laughed and disconnected from her "and Roman! Virgil has told me a lot about you!" She turned towards him.

"Is that so?" The attractive boy smirked down at me. I smiled guiltily.

Mom knew not to say anything about me being desperately in love with him "oh yeah he told me your an amazing football player and your singing voice is angelic! As far as I've heard you're an amazing boy!" She hugged him as well.

"Aw jeez well... I have been trying be a little more compassionate... being popular does do things to you" Ro said with light smile.

"Oh I completely agree well I'll let you two go upstairs to get somethings. Come back down here when you're ready and I'll drive you as long day dream over here can tell me where it is" My mom joked.

"O-oh!" Roman, who was indeed spacing out. "Yeah totally!" He giggled.

"Come on Roman I'll show you my room." I rolled my eyes and took his hand, leading him upstairs.

Ro looked at my room in awe "your room is cool! Why would you leave?" He looked at me.

"I'll admit it's a sanctuary but it gets mind numbing listening to your parents fight and I'm starting to get really lonely... like crying cuz I don't feel another person in bed with me... I guess I'm just touch starved. It's why I have so many blankets and plushies" I shrugged.

"Aw~ I'll have to change that." Roman hugged my waist from behind, his hand landing on my flat stomach and caressing gently. I turned red.

That was when I knew I was a whore for belly rubs.

I'm really just a whore for Roman but that will come with time.

I let out a small hum of satisfaction and leaned against Ro more. After a second I felt his large hand go up my shirt and touch my bear skin.

His hands are so big and warm...

You know what they say about big hands~?

Wait no

Ro drifted his hand up and passed one of my bruises. I hissed in pain.

"You ok?" He asked.

"I-I think you touched one of my bruises" I pulled it up a bit to see.

"Here let me take a look" Roman gently laid me on the bed and got on top of me.

Oh god I'm going to explode-

He lifted up my shirt exposing emasculate, skinny and pale body. It was covered in injuries and freckles.

"Lemme just take this off" Princey started to lift my hoodie.

"W-wait! N-no—" I tried to stop him his but it already crossed the floor. Now I was half naked, all his insecurities exposed. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. I tried to leave but Ro kept me in a strong yet gentle grip.

"Hey hey hey. It's ok. It's ok" Roman whispered. I kept whimpering, I wanted to cry.

"B-but.. but- but—" I blubbered.

He put his thumb to my lips and shushed me. "It's ok. I'm gonna get something to dress these you stay right here." Roman caressed my cheek and got up and headed to my bathroom.

I tried to breathe and hide my forearms that were covered in cuts and scabs with dried blood. He came back with bandages, hydrogen peroxide, band aids, and bruise cream.

Roman sat down on the bed I and I sat up, my arms pressed to my chest.

He pushed my side bangs out of my face and saw my black eye and cut on my cheeks.

"This is why you have emo bangs?" He joked.

"Yup..." I muttered with a small smile.

He put a pastel purple bandaid on my cheek and held my head as he put the paste on my bruise. Next he put the bruise cream on my spots and bandages where there was bleeding.

Then he looked at my arms. "I'm sorry.. please don't hate me..." I wanted to cry.

"Hey.. Virgil I don't hate you. Why would I hate you?" Ro held my hands.

"Kids used to think I was freak when they found out. They didn't wonder why they just came up with their stories and made fun of me for it. Oh it gets him off, he wants attention, he's retarded, all these stories and in return everyone hated me. That's why I don't tell anyone. I don't want any more. I'm already enough of a target at school for things I don't even do! So I'm trusting you Roman... please don't tell anyone. Patton is the only other person that knows." I pleaded to him. While he cleaned and wrapped up my arms.

Roman hugged me tightly. "Virgil I promise you that this is our secret. All of this is between you and me. No one knows about our feelings, about who we are behind closed doors, nothing." He reassured me.

"You're my dirty little secret~" He smirked and kissed my forehead

(If you understand you're my hero)

I giggled "I'll keep you my dirty little secret~" I sung with tears in my eyes.

Roman gasped "don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret~" He sung with a smile.

I laughed and nuzzled into his chest. He put his arms around me. "Is gonna help you with all of this, Virge I promise" He rubbed my back.

"Thank you Ro" I hugged him back.

"Maybe we should do this at my place so we don't keep your mom waiting" Roman let go.

"Yeah sorry" I blushed and went to pack clothes.

"It's fine" He laughed.

I quickly packed and grabbed my backpack. We headed down stairs and my Mom took us to his house. Roman told his parents the situation so I got the all clear. My mom and his mom got off really well while me and him went to his room... alone~

This is going to be fun....

...

Wait we're sleeping in the same bed-

AH-