Joshs POV

I get back to my house and head straight to the garage, where my punching bag is. I don't even bother putting on gloves, it wont be the first mistake I made tonight.

I can't believe I actually told her.

I hit the bag harder.

I can't believe she didn't say anything.

I hit it even harder.

I can't believe she just walked away.

I see the blood on the punching bag but I don't stop. The pain of my knuckles slowly breaking is nothing compared to how my heart is shattering. I don't give a fuck that I sound like some whiny teenage girl right now because this fucking hurts more than I ever thought it would. My punching turns into kicking and when thats not enough I start throwing shit around the garage.

This place reminds me to much of her.

It's where I first realized I was in love with her.

She used to sit in here, on the stool by the workbench, and work on songs or just eat ice cream, fucking cookie dough ice cream. I hate that shit but I always buy it for her.  I walk over to the stool and pick it up, I'm about to through it at the window when I hear the door open.

"What the hell is going on out here?" My parents are standing in the door way, my dad has a bat in his hand.

"Nothing." I brush past them walking straight to my room and slamming the door shut. We haven't been on the best of terms since I told them I dropped out of college and I'm definitely not going to talk to them now. I think I've said enough stuff that I regret for one night.

I turn my stereo up, it's my universal sign that I want to be left alone, I hope for their sakes they actually get it this time.

I don't plan on getting any sleep tonight, how can I when I just keep replaying her walking away from me over and over in my head. She is all I can think about, normally I don't mind but tonight its driving me fucking insane.

Flashback

"Josh are you in here?"

"Of course."

She walks in the garage with her guitar and some sheet music, she has been coming over every day this summer and now has her own set up here in the garage, on the workbench where I happily moved some of my stuff so she could have room. I have always loved listening to her sing but this past summer its been different. Sometimes I'll be working under the car and then she will start singing and I'll just stop and listen.

"I got you ice cream." This has also become a daily thing, when she's not working on her music she's eating nasty cookie dough ice cream. I don't get how she likes that stuff so much but seeing her face light up every time I tell her I bought some is so worth it.

I go back to work on the car occasionally looking over at her. Something changed this summer. We have always been really close, but her coming over almost every day these past couple months has really made me think that it might be something more. These new feelings are really making me not want to leave for college in a week.

"Got anything new?" I walk over to the work bench, mainly just because I want to be closer to her. She hates when I do this though, apparently she needs her space when she is writing, but I think its adorable how her eyebrows knit together when she's angry at me so I do it any way.

"Actually yes I've been working on this for awhile now. Do you want to hear it?"

"Of course do you even have to ask."

She starts playing the song and as soon as I hear the first two lines I know its about Aiden. As much as I love hearing her sing this just really pisses me off. I don't get how he can treat her like shit, but whats even worse is how she's still hung up on him. He doesn't deserve her.

Authors Note: This is the song that they are talking about.

https://youtu.be/uGFNyecBWrM

I notice a tear slide down her cheek, I start to wipe it away but she shakes her head. I put my hand back in my lap and listen as more tears run down her face. This is definitely the best song she's ever written but its breaking my heart to see her like this.

As soon as the song is over I take the guitar and hug her. I know she has cried about Aiden but it's never been in front of me and all I wanna do right now is go beat the shit out of him, I don't care that it's illegal. Nobody hurts my Clair Bear and gets away with it.

"Stay here I'll be back." I get up and head towards the door.

"What? Where are you going?"

"That ass hole deserves to have the shit beat out of him." Im beyond pissed, my fist are clenched and I plan on taking it out on that idiots face not the punching bag.

"Josh no! Don't even think about it." She walks up behind me and grabs my arm. That one touch almost makes me forget about punching him but then I turn around and see her tear stained face and all of the anger comes rushing back. "Please just stay. Don't do anything stupid he's not worth you going to jail."

End of flashback

She stayed with me that night. We laid in my bed and watched scary movies all night. That was the first night, since we were kids, that she fell asleep in my arms. It was also the first night that I realized how deep my feelings were for her.

I should have told her that night but the timing was off. I should have realized that she was more important than anything and never left. Maybe if I would have told her two years ago Aiden wouldn't hold such a huge place in her heart. I know he's the reason she's not giving me an answer. I know that even though she said she's trying to move on she's still in love with him.

What I don't understand though is why she's giving stupid Dean a chance over me. If she wants to get over Aiden so much why not do it with someone who she already loves. She may not be in love with me but I know she loves me and if she would just give me a chance I know I could make her fall in love with me.

Somewhere in the middle of the night my thinking about her turned into dreaming about her and in the morning I wake up feeling like shit.

Sleeping with a broken heart sucks, and the worst part about this whole situation is that she hasn't even gave me an answer yet.