Clairs POV

As I get back in my car I'm tempted to just drive, drive far away from here, from all my problems, running is so much easier than facing all of this. I have enough cash, I'd make it far enough. I could go stay with Brooke in New York, finish my senior year there, yeah I would be okay with that, my parents probably not so much. They freaked when Brooke told them she wanted to move to New York to be a doctor. They didn't think she was ready for the big move from Fairhope to the Big Apple, honestly I didn't either but she seems to be doing fine. I could do fine out there as well except for the fact that I would hate to live in the city.

It doesn't take me no where near long enough to get home. I'm not ready for my parents to harass me about where I've been. I'm almost two hours late and I didn't even call, I'll be lucky if I don't get grounded. It wouldn't be the first time but its definitely a rare occurrence for me. I'm the good child, I get straight A's, don't go out enough to really break curfew, and have a great relationship with both of my parents. The only reason I know their disappointed faces is because I've seen it used on my siblings way to much.

I get out of my car and sit on the hood. I need some time to think about the events that will be happening in my near future. First I need to get rid of his stuff, talk to him when I'm ready and able to do so without having a mental breakdown, then maybe I can finally move on and get a decent boyfriend. With everything that he's done to me this should be easy so why is it so hard?

Flashback

"I don't know why you're making me go to this."

"Because it's our first highschool dance and you've been so busy mopping about Aiden that we haven't enjoyed anything school related yet."

"It's only been two months Lucy."

"Yeah 'only' now go put on that dress and lets show Aiden what he gave up."

I looked at the dress that she picked out weeks ago, the top was multi colored with giant jewels all over it and a black tutu skirt.

"This dress is so not me."

"Who cares you're going to look hot in it now go."

I put the dress on and as much as I hated to admit it she was right, it was gorgeous.

After an hour of Lucy doing my hair and makeup I was hot off the press. Her words not mine she is going through an I want to be a journalist phase, its more annoying than anything else.

I was trying to figure out how I was going to walk in my 6 inch heels without dieing as the doorbell rang.

"Thank god Josh is here lets get tonight over with."

After 20 agonizing minutes of my mother taking pictures and Josh constantly staring at me we  finally left for the dance. If all of the guys react the way Josh did I'll be ready to leave as soon as we get there. Unless of course HE is one of those guys.

At first look the dance was everything I imagined it would be, kids sneaking liquor into the punch, people grinding on each other everywhere, couple going down hall ways to do secretive things. It didn't get any better as the night went on. In fact it somehow managed to get worse.

I was so thirsty from dancing that I ended up drinking the spiked punch, a group of guys decided to grind up on me and Lucy for three whole songs, and some random perv tried to get me to go down the hallway with him. I may have seemed like I was having fun, probably thanks to the punch, but I was sweaty and tired and my feet were killing me, by 9 I was ready to leave. To make things worse I hadn't seen Josh most of the night.

I went outside hoping that I would find him there, and to get some fresh air. I sat out on the wall enjoying the quietness of the music from a distance. My peacefulness was interrupted when a group of guys walked outside. Of course it had to be Him and his stupid jock friends. I get up to go back inside, I'm still not okay enough from the break up to be this close to him. As I'm walking towards the door he starts heading in my direction.

What is he doing? Is he actually going to talk to me? Is he drunk?

"Aiden what are..."

"Sorry for this." I don't even have time to register his words before I am soaking wet with spiked punch.

End of Flashback

That should have been enough to make me hate him but it just made me more confused.

Walking up to the porch thinking about the things he's done, I realize that its not about hating him, I can hate him all I want its not going to change what he did or how I feel. I need to learn to love myself more than I love him.

I stop dead in my tracks, almost falling back down the porch steps when I see him sitting on the swing. He's here. Its 1 A.M on a Saturday night, I've finally decided to move on, and now he decides to just show up at my door.

I have to be strong.

"Aiden you need to leave." I am over hearing what he has to say, he's had way to many chances. His time is up.

"Where have you been? You said you would be here 6 hours ago?" I'm confused by the sound of his voice, he defiantly sounds angry but I think there is also a bit of worry in there, maybe even a bit of jealousy, but thats impossible. Right?

"It's none of your business." I can't tell him the truth. I can't tell him that I was at our, I mean the park, thinking about ways to get over him. That would make me sound desperate. I was desperate though in the past, he's always known that I liked him and he always uses it to his advantage. He really is an ass and I don't understand why I feel the way that I do. I don't get how those four amazing weeks can still outweigh the three years of shit he has put me through.

"Why didn't you show up last night or today?"

"I didn't want to. I don't care what you have to say, not anymore." My voice comes out harsh, I'm shocked by the tone and so is he, I've never been this harsh towards him.

I see hurt flash across his face but its gone in an instant. For a second I feel bad for being rude but then I notice his cold glare and remember why I'm doing this. I can't let him get to me it's exactly what he wants.

"Clair I need to talk to you though."

"Aiden you have had three years to talk you cant just..." He takes a step forward, grabbing my hands and pushing me up against the porch railing. The old me would have loved this, I would have been begging for him to kiss me, but now I just feel disgusted.

"Clair please." His eyes are pleading. This is what always gets me, those eyes, and I almost give in. I want to tangle my hands in his hair, I want him to lift me up so I have to wrap my legs around him, and I want him to kiss me like I'm the air that he needs to live. I could for tonight I could give in, I could have what I want just one more time, but I'd be taking three steps back when I've barely even taken half a step forward.

"Just leave please." Now I'm the one thats pleading, I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep resisting him when he's this close. I need to step away but he's stronger than I am. I'm not strong enough physically or emotionally to push him away right now.

"Clair please I..."

"No Aiden just stop," With everything I have I push him away. "You don't get to do this. I don't know what your going to say and honestly I don't care because what ever it is it wont be the truth. This is all a game to you. I'm just a part of the game you like to get out and play when you're bored, and I'm done. I continue to let you use me over and over again knowing the outcome will always be the same. I keep hoping that you will say something different, that you will actually mean it, but you've made me into a love sick fool. This is your game Aiden and you win." I turn towards the door.

"Your wrong. It's not winning if I lose you."

"You already lost me." I say before slamming the door in his face.

Important Please Read

Authors Note: Hey guys so i have messaged some of you about the things going on in my life at the moment. for those of you that don't know my husband has been diagnosed with cancer again and chemo is really kicking his ass right now. These past couple days have been a bit better hence the reason I am updating today. That being said I do not know when I will be updating next it could be in a week or in a month it all depends on how things are going in my personal life. I will do by best to still update but I am not making any promises considering I barely have any time to write and my focus has not really been on this lately.Please keep us in your prayers and know that I am very grateful for your love and support. 

Love you all XOXO- Chels