Life had changed now, man. Really. My ways of living since the birth of our new, spicy, on-the-topic relationship had changed, making me feel happier than ever. At first, I was hardly aware whether any of the other nerds had yet known, the truth of us two. But later, with the passing moments of their suspicious gaze in our lives, I realized the fuck hell about the whole thing;)

I never realized, but the truth was, every detail of our relationship was already leaked in, between the crowd. Hardly did I understand how to react to this, because, in the end, I still had mixed feelings. On one side, I was concerned about Jemi, and what would she think about this. But on the other, I was very happy and felt on top of the world! Like, yeah!

I was eager to look at the faces of all those guys who once dreamt of Jemi. I wanted to molest them with envy and let them fuckin inhale that she was now mine. I wished to renounce myself as the luckiest average-looking guy on this planet, and that was exactly what I had tipped my head off with, hehehe.

~

Here came the first guy:

"Hey, Mark. What's up, buddy?"

"I am good. What about you?"

"I am doing good."

"Hmm... so?"

"Ah, actually, I had a question to ask.."

"Owh. What?" ~with sarcasm

"I just heard, you are dating Jemima... Is it true??"

"Owh. That! Well, that's true. I am dating her;)"

"Ah?"

"Do you want to ask something else?"

"Well. Well, no. Thanks, I will leave|"

"Goodbye:)"

Here came the second one:

"Dude. Don't tell me, what I am hearing lately is true, okay?"

"What, what you gotta be talking about;)"

"C'mon, don't fuck up with me man!? I know what kind of a jerk you are."

"I am not getting it, Eleanor! Just spit out the facts, okay?"

"Blah, blah, blah! You wish me to tell you the truth? Such a hypocrite, you are Mark White.

"Anyways, I do not have time to waste and will come to the point, straightaway."

"Better:)"

"So, Mr Mark. Are those rumors true? The rumors about the two of you? About you, and Jemima!?"

"."

"Tell the truth, don't dare lie! Because I well know the menace behind your curtain."

"Really? Then why are you wasting your time here? Better leave, Eleanor, I don't have time for you."

"Either way, I don't care Mark. Just answer me, and do whatever you want!"

"Whatever. If you wish to know, then here I go."

"Yes, I do love her. My heart belongs to her, and hers belongs to mine. We both love each other and that's the fuckin truth of our beautiful famine! ~ "Is that fine?"

"Alas!"

"What!"

"You are gonna wreck yourself apart."

'Oh really? And, why is that?"

"Because she is simply not worth it."

"Huh? C'mon, you need not to tell me anything about her, Eleanor. I don't even care about your opinion!"

"Oh, so you think, she is the one for you?"

"I do. With no doubt."

"I wish, your hell of a brain, had a mind."

"Whatever, Eleanor. Fuck off!"

"I wish. Anyways. I just came here to warn you. You are free to do whatever the hell you want. But!"

"Another but of yours?"~ "Just tell me everything in one go and let go, bitch."

"Then prepare yourself to listen, bastard."

"See, I do not give a damn about your life, okay. But I do care about someone who gives a damn about you and your little everything. I don't even think you recognize her anymore these days. She has been waiting for your entangled letters of response for a long, but you still do not tend to care. I do know how pathetic of a guy you are. But sadly, she doesn't. So don't take her advantage, or I will eat you alive!"

"Why are you giving me such reckless hints? Can't you just tell me the truth right away? Or are you wishing to portray cowardice?" ~feeling irritated

"Funny, haha. You can't even recognize her anymore."

"Listen you damn of shit. It's 'Isabella' whom I am talking about! Even if you are or were her best friend since childhood, I too have seen her grow close to me, as her only family friend! So please, I request you now to just tell her the truth! The truth about you and Jemima!"

"FINE."

"You will find her in the library, after school."

~

Alas, I was in for trouble. I knew that I had to go through this at some or the other moment in my life because, in the end, even my heart knew I had committed a crime.

A crime which ought to suffer punishment.

Isabella, for days, had been trying to contact me through different ways, but the only answer she had received until now, was silence. It was not like, I had ghosted her or did not even exchange a word with her. But the truth was, our conversation no longer remained the same way it used to be before. Laughing with shrills, smiling with thrills was nothing that now thrived in our hearts because we both had now somewhere, separated apart.

Eleanor's anger was somewhere obvious, but hardly did I wish to care about it anymore. She had always been a good friend of Isabella's but also someone, who envied our friendship for a long. My hatred towards her was the reason I always denied her presence, but not today.

Though today, I still felt disdain towards her, my thoughts somewhere knew her words had meaning. I realized that now I could not ignore my childhood friend any longer. Because even if not with the same bond any longer, she was still my friend and a part of my life, remaining untouched. I could not let her down, nor her, nor myself.

I had to meet her, I wished to meet her.

~

~when the heart wanders, thy voice

"I have to meet her," I thought. "But if not now, when?" I questioned.

"Tonight, in the library," I answered.

~

It was round the clock already and the time had nearly touched the tick for the school bell to ring. I was feeling obnoxious inside and my mere discomfort could be felt in my eyes. Jemi was already sitting by my side, holding my hand. She knew something was wrong, but was yet to figure out what. Deep within, my heart was asserting itself to part ways and run away from her, from here, but, I knew that was now next to impossible. I anyhow had to face these consequences, no matter how tough and terrifying they might turn out to be.

I had no option. After the end of our last theory session within the next few minutes, I had to meet her anyhow. I knew there was nothing to choose from this time, and these were the mere thoughts my mind felt babbled with. It did not feel terrible to think about the forthcoming consequences in my life, but thinking about hers, it did. Somewhere, my subconscious always knew whatever I was doing to her was wrong, but my insecurities of failing Jemi had turned to be way beyond, to seek her some relief.

Maybe this is the reason, why I am the culprit. But.

I did not hate her or something like that. I loved her too. Loved her too, but, just not the way she would want me to. That place was only reserved for Jemi, and unfortunately, so I had no option now but to choose the one.

As soon as time passed by and the school bell rang with a thud, I prepared myself to leave. My school bag was already upon my shoulders, but this time the weight felt heavier than before. Jemi, kept looking into my eyes, waiting for some self-explanatory words. But all she received in the end, was a peck on her cheeks, assuring her that her beloved, will be back for her, soon.

With every step I took forward in the school corridors, I knew, I was in for a big traumatic push. Whether it was for me or her, the intensity was going to stay the same. Though I was responsible for whatever was happening, looking at the bigger picture, I knew I had no option but to just abandon her, rather than carry her forward any longer.

I did not wish to stay with her on those beneficial terms anymore, whether it was about her cute affirmations in my life, her possessiveness for me, her sexual intimacy with my body, or her unsolicited will to seek the world with me, forever. I was no longer in for any of it, reasoning my absolute guilt of betraying Jemi, rather than Bella, my ex-best friend herself. Because my priorities had now changed and I was no longer the same person, I used to be before:(

"So, Alas! I had no option, but to keep going."

Along with the wreath of swirling winds passing within my feet, I at last found myself at the step of the school's library. As usual,pin-drop silence was instilling here and students were found to be nowhere. Wherever one could look, there was nothing else except the scent of books and literature. Covered up, with the presence of vintage writers who rarely live to be remembered by people these days, but still are worth it.

I was sure that if I wished to find her, then the only option I had was to step in, in the deep roots of this place, which still was a mystery to my heart. My mind was determined for everything, but my heart still felt liable for none of it.

Feeling resistant, somehow, I decided to push myself inside the library with my next step and reclined for her aura, everywhere possible. Though my life was not in her, my heart was still in her and her friendship. My emotions could no way stop themselves from being expressed, while my mind was resistant to get a hold of, them anymore. Soon, I realized my plans were not going to work and therefore, I desired to go with the flow. Trying to step my foot in every corner of the library, I glimpsed everywhere but still became the failure to find her, anywhere. My mind was trying to negotiate with my heart and leave this situation as it was supposed to be. But my heart was incapable of becoming a part of it.

Moments were passing away like this, and my courage to stand up in here was turning too frail. I was determined, but for how long? Was my unanswered prospect.

Until today, it had been her who wished to find me in every demotivating sphere of her life. But today, when I was here to reshape her again for the last time, she was there to be found nowhere.

I wish this could be unreal;(

~

The clock was about to hit 6 in the evening! The due time for the school library to be closed and shunned away from the public providence was not far away. My instincts were now well sure, that meeting her was just another quest, my heart had failed to browse in reality. My options were utmost closed now, and the only one choice I had left with, was to leave this library and her life forever.

Leave?

Because I no longer had the energy to resist my life with these two sides of the same coin. I had to choose the one to stay with, and the one to bequest with. And so, this was my absurd decision. A decision... I knew I would regret, later.

With sadness interpreting my heart, I decided to revoke my wish to stay here any longer. I was feeling deeply grieved, but sadly I had no option but to move away, now. I knew I had a heart, but I no longer wished to divide its spheres into two different pieces.

Steps pleading to go back, I reluctantly forced myself to keep walking away towards the exit door. My footsteps stumbled now and then, but I was firm with my decision. It hardly took me more than a minute to find myself standing at the entrance door of this place, where I saw Felix, agonized months back. And the very same library, where I had found my best friend. Isabella Mudryk, for the first time.

For the last time, with feelings of deep sadness within my beak, I turned back to bid this place a sweet goodbye. Going with the flow of the moment, I had accepted my fate and was just about to leave. But then, I sadly saw someone my heart was yearning to feel.

Someone, who was entangled between things and emotions, which my heart wished to kill.