"She is there waiting for you," I felt it in my heart as I left.

I had so many things going on inside that I hardly cared about anybody around me. I walked with mixed feelings of happiness and resentment in my heart, bumping in different corridors until reaching the end of the Library section. Inside, I had no plan to evoke myself in this place as I had told Jemi seconds before, but out of nowhere, now I was standing here.

It had been the first time, I had been here this year since the refurbishing of the whole department and I was quite immersed in the shade of the Literary atmosphere. My stainless feelings were above the verse of happiness of sadness at the same time until this point, but then my gaze turned on a non-existent human being of our school life. It was 'Lix.' Our definition of depression whom we never really liked but did not even feel any hate for.

I was curious what he was doing here, but I was sure this was the only place that was meant for the unlikely world of his own.

Sad did he seem by the dry feeling on his face and hard were his expressions to let anyone feel the feeling behind, at the moment. I spared to look at him for less than a minute and decided to ask him, what was wrong. This was so weird of me I thought, but I decided to ignore the soul within my heart.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked.

He ignored.

"Oh, c'mon. Though we don't know each other and never are on talking terms, you can still exchange some words with me"

Irresponsive.

"Is it something about your personal life? Like something about your girlfriend, likewise?

Ignorant.

"C'mon, Dude. Don't be such an asshole in life. Be happy. I have been observing you since you got yourself admitted here. I refrain to say, but you are the worst living being I must have encountered in my life till now."

Still trying to look away!

I could not understand what to do and I was frustrated with the way worse his behavior was than it seemed on the outside. At first, I thought of abandoning him here, but somehow surprisingly my heart did not wish to. For years, I had bullied him, made fun of him along with my pussy friends, but today, nothing out of it did feel the same way anymore. Somewhere, I could inside cite the uncertainty of this young boy, my age, trying to cope with things we had never even wondered about. And maybe that was what held me back from leaving him alone, once again.

"Listen, Felix. I am no enemy of yours, nor are my friends. The only thing is, we could never understand you and your life. Whether it was the way you preferred silence over mess or tears over happiness. We always wondered who you were and why you were this way since your childhood. Whether it had to be those days of our elementary school or these present times of our high school life. We never really understood the things beyond our lives, nor do we do now.

Except for the fact that now somewhere one of us feels bad for you and your way of living, in this beautiful journey of life.

See, I perfectly know that you can't trust me and don't wanna trust me. But, I think you should give me one moment of your life so that at least I can try to help you... That's the bare minimum I will ask you for, Felix. Please don't lose faith."

Stuttering!

"I am waiting for it. Felix."

"I.. I... I, I!"

"Just, just go away! Please, go away."

"But..."

"I, I plead to thee, go away!"

Listen...

"GO!! AWAY! Please."

"Fine... Take care, Felix."

I at last replied, feeling dejected while reluctant to leave. I didn't wish to leave him alone but eventually, I knew I deserved to play no part in his life.

Slowly, with the passing moment, I returned my footsteps to the opposite direction, in front of where stood the exit door, and started walking myself out. There was sadness on my face and reluctance in my body, but all of it was nothing in front of the questions I had in my mind. What was wrong with this guy? Why he was the way he was right now? Why he never turned out to be like one of us with time? And of all, who was responsible for the cold tragedy in his life? God, him or the unknown... I wish I could know.

The next moment, I was standing outside the library and stood ready to walk back on my way home.

I could sense here the presence of a familiar fragrance I had been enclosed with before. Something or somebody whom I had close been within my heart, was edging closer, my heart believed but my mind rejected it. I wanted to turn around to look but thought it was better to walk away from here. I did not wish to have another encounter with Jemima today, all that could happen today had already happened. My heart did not want to take any possible risk to fasten the process and commit some mistake it would regret all its life till the end. Patience was the key I believed and so there I revoked my decision to turn around at the glimpse of my luck. Every step of mine was stumbling as it failed to try to turn and look back. My heart was heavily unready for this but my mind was made for it, to remain firm with its bruised decisions.

~

Heart squeezed, Mouth teased, Voice pitched, Mind switched!

~

Vulnerable towards thinking about the consequences, I looked back in the direction from where flaunted the dusk of this fragrance in scattered directions. I was still unsure about it all, but somewhere this fragrance was enough to make me fall in love again, I thought.

A second passed by, and the very next one commenced me to dash inside the library once again to find the one who garnished this familiar beauty of my life. In the rush of the events, I had completely forgotten about Felix and had turned to step inside the library with a heavy rushing footstep. I did expect somebody whom I knew, and though my heart won't admit it, I knew who it was. Inside, my heart was beckoned with feelings of happiness and extreme excitement while all I wanted was to make my expectations, come true. I was just inches away from stepping inside when I saw her shadow fall on the floor.

This was the best moment for me yet again, I thought with my dearly living heart inside, until I started noticing the truth.

As soon as I turned around to look at the person gazing in my dreams right now, I saw something I never wanted to.

Jemima was not there standing alone, in her flawless beauty, but there was somebody else too. Somebody, whom I recognized but still had failed to recognize my whole life. It was not just somebody but yet the failed living body I had just talked with, moments back.

Yes, I am talking about nobody else but Felix, Felix Holland. The young guy whom nobody likes and spends their time with except the air and its fragile components of living life. Oxygen had been the only companion yet, in the life of Felix Holland, whom I did not hate anymore but yet within could not guess the truth about. He was standing beside Jemima, and for the first time trying to talk with someone. Though his efforts were high, his endurance in life was not enough to howsoever let him engage in any good human conversation. Shortly, he was fragile and just helpless in defeating his antisociality. Not just him, but by the look of the two of them, it seemed that Jemima was equally concerned about his efforts to live a better life than what he resisted.

While it was really sad for me to witness Felix in such a trauma on one hand. On the other, I could not stand the insecurity and difficulty of understanding the reason behind her uncertain and sudden presence in his life. Because neither of us had some or the other interest in Felix's life till now, nor did girls like Jemima expect to talk or care for an ugly young boy like him. I knew this insecurity of mine was absurd and completely inappropriate, but sadly this was the way I always had been.

At times, my insecurities had forced me to elevate away from my close ones and part ways with them, forever. I know this is not the right time for this shit, but, I am sorry. This is the way I am, this is the way my teen self is. Wish, I could change it:(

As swishy moments passed by with my eyes staring at the two of them, I could not decide, whether to stay or leave. My mind kept telling me to leave the two of them here and not be so insecure about her, her friend circle, and her life. While my heart made me rewind myself into well-sung stories of those grumpy x sunshine love stories... Where the beautiful girl chose the ugly boy, but not the one who could give her everything.

I did not wish her to leave me now. I completely agree that we were just friends but still, I loved her and did not wish someone else to be the twilight of her life! Maybe this was too much to think about in the present. But, sadly, I am a failure to do anything about it:(

I love you Jemi... I do not wish to interfere in your life, but what if, you leave me and fall in love with someone else? My mind might accept it with maturity, but, my heart? Sorry, but it is still a child:(