A week almost passed as I and the rest of my friends got ourselves immersed to move forward with our first fun trip planned in the south of the United Kingdom. We all were cheered up and knew that we were gonna enjoy ourselves on the sea coast of Southampton, especially looking at those bikini girls with their, ah, breasts sticking out to make us feel hornier than usual in the pants.

Together, a total of eleven people are amongst us as planned and luckily one of those is Jemima Hewitt, the sweetheart of our class who easily got convinced by one of my female friends named Isabella Mudryk who belonged to Ukraine but migrated to the United Kingdom, a decade back along with her parents. I felt lucky that she was one of my good friends and at times she helped me somehow talk with a lot of my crushes, while also letting my hand slip within her skirt if I wanted to. We have been friends with benefits for a long time and had a lot of time to spend with each other whenever we wanted to. Though her personality did not completely align with mine, our puberty hit was one of the biggest reasons we sought each other and helped each other at times. Anyway, my relationship with Isabella Mudryk is something I do not wish to talk about right now because my focus has lately been on Jemima, the star girl and hot seat baby girl of our class! I wanted her as the tale of adventure of my life, but, I know that is next to impossible for the fact of the way cooler boyfriends, she has had her whole life.

Right now, I am rapidly looking through my Instagram inbox which is rather very empty as nobody is actually online and it's around 3:13 A.M. in the late night. And you know what, it feels as if I am awake, just like the owl who doesn't sleep or has no eyes to sleep for, hehe!!

Looking for some kind of entertainment, I rapidly kept looking for somebody online on the Instagram open section or through my possible mutuals. I knew that the possibility of finding anyone online right now like a fool as of me is next to impossible but still with low work and a Saturday schooling tomorrow, I did not care to work hard to find that one girl to spend time chit-chatting with, at this point somehow.

Taking my time off the mark and wheeling myself through the course of searching for a beautiful girly, I suddenly came across a familiar profile I had no idea about the existence in here on this social platform of Instagram. I was utmost shocked because illogically it was the profile of Jemima, Jemima Hewitt, my favorite crush and fantasizing desire of everyday life. It was just like a fuckin wild dream come true, I thought, where this was just another sign that I should approach her as soon as possible because maybe God too cared about my choice of taste in her, for real!

Her profile aesthetic was quite different than the ones of the playgirls I have encountered before in my life. Her username was xocalientexo____ while her name was Jemima Hewitt, with a big infinite love symbol dwelling beside it. Her bio was single-lined but flawlessly gorgeous enough to attract any guy, uhh:

"I want to do bad things with you." It echoed in my heart and I felt the discomfort of getting myself lodged in the washroom desirably. "Man, she must be too good," I thought, my lustful manly thought expressed, and zoomed at her profile pic which nurtured her face with blushy make-up, her unusually usual tortilla skin, dark blonde hair, and blue eyes, enough to break the glass of anyone's eyes. Indeed, I too was obsessed like the rest of them. Inside I really wished to send her the follow request along with the DM but somewhere unusually afraid I stood. I was obsessed out of the fear of being rejected at first, while the next moment being sought as another desperate guy who wanted to touch the woman's flawless body but not her divine heart.

That is questioning and certainly uncertain I know, because even I craved her body more than her damn self. Because that is how sometimes we teenage kicks are made off as I believe. We completely forget to care about the heart of the other, while all we do is care about their sidekick's sexual composition which won't please the world forever. Even I shall admit that I am rather someone who prefers bodily relationships more than the so-called relationships of the heart because for me sexual satisfaction has been the priority ever since I was hit with puberty. And this damn fuck is not just the case with me dude, it is the case with more than half of the girls and boys in our school, Ryan International, terribly notorious for its lustful students who use each other and touch each other's clothes before their hearts. This is the reality and you know, I don't want to change it nor do any of the guys I know. I have been okay with it since the beginning and I hope to stay the same forever, no wonder you called me selfish or completely lethargic for loving relationships.

Thinking next, I cuddled myself on the bed with my eyes feeling the gest of happiness and upsurged feelings to text Jemima, although I still was sick and afraid inside. I did not want her to see the desperate guy within me and that was my biggest insecurity in her case which I thought was not unusual. Ticking with the clock I wondered and wondered what to do, until I finally texted her with a 'Heyy' and reverted to close the app for a while, waiting for her text, for her notification with impatience. I well knew wanted her, wanted to talk to her, touch her, and make love with her. And the simple reason was because I very highly fancied her amongst all the other damn slutty girls from school.

"Shit! I want her, I want her, I want her!!!" I yelled like a five-year-old child and instantly took the blanket over myself to hide beneath and wondered if we together would ever make love under the stars and fall for their shine. Ah, I think I am being too romantic about it now, but who cares, I am always like this at the start, fencing her clothes, her perfume, her smile, and her whole life when the only thing that satisfies her in the end is her sexual arousal touching mine. I am not different because I am too like the rest and want a normal average life with no destination and long-term commitments troubling my eye sockets.

Looking at the phone and the complete change of events within my eyes, I kept looking in the inbox for a while though I knew it was impossible that I would receive any message from her now. I felt gushed to life and love at the same time. I knew it was nothing but love filled with lust and puberty reactions in mahh, mind, that actually can never really love anyone unconditionally. I knew it, but.

Filled with the egoism of my own life, I kept looking in the inbox until it was morning, the time for my school and the exact when my mom came and screamed at me with her annoyed look. I did not want to leave but in the end, I knew I would receive no message from her side considering my inferior looks and bad reputation in the whole school.

Afterward, throwing the soft pillow I was in love with a few moments back, I ran on my way towards the bathroom and once again turned on the shower to relish my life, away from the dark;)

~

"Where the fuck were you, dude?!" Isabella asked me as soon as I entered the class at the very moment the bell for the prayer rang. Panting, I wanted to rest but still, as I think and have thought sometimes, today there was no way actually to rest away for a while. Isabella was already feeling very disgusted and I could tell the look on her face because it was the two of us who together always wandered to the eatery before school began as supper was always the must for us, being foodies and kind of things that relate to food, like yeah. Well, this is also one of the factors why some of the others think I am a little weird and ugly as I interfere with the food in many things. The only person who is okay with this is my friend-with-benefits girly, Isabella Mudryk, coz she is a foodie too you, know!

"Hey, baby, I am sorry!" I missed the school bus and so I had to take a taxi. Have you eaten anything?" I asked timidly with a slight look of fear on my face because I very well knew how this girl would eat me alive if the answer was a 'no.'

"No, bastard. I haven't!!" She exclaimed and looked away from me.

(Fuck) 'no.' I thought and grinned at her wide with a sorry card being expressed on my face as we went on our way towards the church hall for the prayers. Making Isabella happy again is no fun of a task but I had to do it because she had been a really good friend of mine emotionally too, many times in life. Though clueless I was about what to do today to convince her, I just decided to hold hands with her as soon as the prayers were completed and smooch her sweet within the deep flavor of her lips.

I think that would do it well, I thought, and stood in the center of the hall for the prayers. Everybody as usual was wearing their robes in proper uniform fashion and later I was searching here and there for her, Jemima, who was away from the gaze of my eyes and unregistered in their vision, yet. My inner heart was aware that she might be there somewhere around with her beautiful blushy face and pink body sticking out with the beautified glow I could avert my eyes at the moment. I was feeling desperate to find her and amongst the end of the prayers, I was very needy to see her, feel her here in this hall, and in the place where we stood together for years but never really wished to look at for long.

Everywhere I looked, there was someone or the other person associated with her life, whether they were her ex-boyfriends, her friends, her best friend, or her lifetime haters... For the first time in my life, I was obsessing and searching for something with so much dedication but still, all I was receiving on my side was a failure. Only five minutes were left for our first theory session to begin and I knew somehow I had to let go from here now. It was only a matter of few moments when I at last got myself over the rough failure and engaged in conversation with Isabella who surprisingly had already forgotten about my silly mistake, rapidly smooching on my cheeks, which were now dead red, either with with lust or with love.