CROSS POSTED ON AO3

The goal of this book: Give Etsu as many children as conceivably possible

Disclaimer: This is like, a crack fic. The logic is nonexistent. Sometimes, Etsu will do or say things, and you'll have an immediate "why the fuck would she just say that, why didn't she just say this" reaction. It's for plot purposes. It will work out and be fine. The goal is not to be smart, it's to get children. 

Hooplah! Godspeed, everyone!

NOTE: A lot of this book takes place in Shoto's childhood. Watching him grow up is sort of the whole point of the book. Eventually, UA will be reached, but as of right now all written 23 chapters have him aging up/being raised and developing, as well as the other children that eventually join him!

Third person pov

Shoto Todoroki was five years old when he went missing. The son of Endeavor vanished from the hospital, just after his mother had poured a kettle's worth of boiling water over the left side of his face. 

The hero community was in a frenzy trying to find the Number Two hero's youngest son. The little boy's name and face was plastered across every newspaper and TV screen around the globe. Speculations about who could've taken him spread like wildfire throughout the media, everyone asking questions and getting no answers.

Was it a villain? An old nemesis of Endeavor's? Had Rei Todoroki been working with whoever took him? The theories were endless, and Endeavor was crazed trying to work through them and get to the bottom of this.

There were entire taskforces dedicated to finding this kid. The detectives and the police officers under them were working overtime whilst Endeavor raged over the loss of his child. The hospital footage turned up nothing useful, and the testaments of everyone who'd been there reported nothing out of the ordinary. 

No villains or even other heroes spotted there that day. No suspicious or unusual figures. It had been an ordinary day full of ordinary events-- none of which gave any clues as to where Shoto was. 

Honestly, the kidnapping hadn't been premeditated like many suspected it was. After all, what homeless thirteen year old planned on kidnapping a five year old from the hospital? 

Not Etsu, but the world had a weird fucking way of working out. She's been moseying around stealing jello cups and bags of chips to fuel the snack craving she'd spontaneously developed just that morning. She was too broke to buy anything, and stealing from an actual convenience store wasn't her forte. 

Thus, why not take advantage of the sick and elderly instead? They could always just ask for more. Etsu was pretty much starving to death out there in the wild. They weren't going to miss some Doritos and lime flavored jello that made them gag anyway.

Shoto's door had been cracked wide open, and her bleeding heart had snapped in two and the sight of him. Not just because he was little, but because he was alone. 

Someone had left this poor five year old all by himself to sit and wallow. Half his head was wrapped in thick white bandages. What could be seen of his expression proved that he was scarily blank, staring at nothing at all. 

She'd never seen someone so young look so void before, and it hurt. Talking to him wasn't going to hurt anything, right? As a minor, she was less susceptible to the law. As a teenage girl with a round face, that was even more true. 

(She took advantage of this in many cases. If she got caught in his room, that was okay. But she hadn't wanted him to be alone.)

Etsu was too nice for her own good in cases like these. This had happened before. Maybe she enjoyed comforting others, and perhaps that's why she found herself going to the hospital at times to scout for free food. 

It gave her a chance to connect socially and emotionally with others who may need it just as much as she did. The streets were a lonely place. Sometimes, it was just as much for herself as it was for them.

This wasn't a simple conversation with someone who'd broken their arm or just gotten out of surgery, though. This was a heartbreaking sight that stopped her in her very tracks. This wasn't an interesting social encounter waiting to happen! 

This was... this was tragic. It was awful. It was like a scene out of a sad movie, and it made Etsu feel sick.

He was tiny. Just a baby, dwarfed by his massive hospital bed. He was wrapped in a gown that didn't look like it fit right. Etsu stood in the doorway for a moment and just took the sight in, a lump in her throat. 

There were no signs of a parent or any personal belongings. No teddy bears or get well soon balloons. No bright cards from friends wishing him well or toys gifted by doting relatives. He was painfully alone, and it hurt to look at. 

Etsu tried not to be vulnerable to these types of emotions. As a kid without a home to go back to, there wasn't a lot of times she could allow herself to open up and cry. She didn't have time to. But who in their right mind could possible walk away from this-- from him? He was too little, and he was too sad.

So she'd gone in and sat on his bed, which was definitely not her best idea, but she couldn't help herself. He'd looked at her like he was asking her what was wrong with the world, and she had to wonder how this had happened to him. 

He'd been hurt so bad, and she didn't think it was an accident either. This injury wasn't even the beginning. She looked into his one eye and asked if he was okay. Etsu had always had a soft spot for children, and this wasn't helping. 

He'd gazed at her like he'd lost all hope, quiet. This was too young an age to be broken. Etsu knew this, and she hated it. She didn't know this little boy, nor did she know his story, but she was so... so mad. Mad for him, and mad at life for doing this to someone so little and undeserving. 

So Etsu had hugged him. She leaned forward, grabbed him, and dragged him into herself. He hadn't done anything at first. He sat there in her arms for a moment whilst she rubbed his back, telling him that it was going to be okay and that he was safe now. She let him sit there and process. 

She introduced herself-- told him that her name was Etsu, and that it was okay to cry and be upset. She explained that she had been hurt when she was little too, and that it had taken her a long, long time to realize that hurting was fine. That she was actually supposed to sometimes, and that there was no one was here to get mad at him if he needed to let it all out. 

It hadn't taken long for him to break after that. Everything he'd been holding back seemed to come tumbling forward, and soon he was hugging her tight around the neck and refusing to let go. Just like that.

He buried his little face in her shoulder and sobbed so quietly she had to wonder how many times he'd been forced to hide his cries. It made her angry on his behalf. Who the fuck had done this? He was just-- he was so, so tiny. 

She could cradle him in her arms and engulf him almost entirely by doing so. Etsu had known she was getting attached to this random little candy cane of a child, but he was just so tiny and so sad. How could she not? 

The situation had devolved into him literally refusing to let go, even after he'd calmed down. Like, he actually wouldn't. He'd just shaken his head when she quietly asked if he wanted to, and it's not like Etsu had the heart to pull him off of her. 

The simple solution, in her mind, was to instead tell him that she was going to go and that he could come if he wanted. 

A horrible idea in hindsight. In what world was it easy to care for an entire other human? Not this one. 

(Shoto was an amazing five year old, however, so maybe it had all worked out.)

He still hadn't let go by that point, so Etsu had pretty much just... carried him out? Hadn't even had to hide it. No one stopped her. The nurse on charge even smiled and waved at her when she left. Not too shabby if you asked Etsu.

With nothing else to do, she took him to the underdeveloped apartment construction site she was staying at. The place had been abandoned due to property ownership issues. It had electricity and running water still. For how much longer, there was no telling, but it was a makeshift home of a kind nonetheless. It was livable.

Etsu had gotten her hands on an air mattress somewhere down the line and it now served as her bed. Shoto didn't complain a bit, even as time passed. He ate anything she fed him and did whatever she wanted. It was... extremely odd when you considered how old he was. 

Didn't most five year old's scream and watch Thomas the Train? Or had that just been her? She wasn't going to complain. There was no way she'd risk jinxing it. Though this home of hers was shabby and nothing short of temporary, he settled right in. 

"So, when were you going to tell me Endeavor was your dad?" Etsu asked idly, dropping some ramen into the small, dinged up pot she owned. Shoto immediately froze, his little fists closing around the book he'd been reading. 

He was a talented kid with a dual quirk that had to be the coolest thing she'd ever seen in her short, short life. He was quiet and compliant almost to a fault. Did he know the word 'no'? 

It had been two weeks and he hadn't argued once. He did everything she asked. The only real thing that could maybe be considered a quote-on-quote "fault" was how clingy he was, and she wasn't going to complain about that. 

He spent most of his time latched onto her side like she'd vanish if he wasn't holding her. Maybe he was just touch starved. Either way, it didn't paint a pretty picture of whatever life she'd taken him from.

Shoto shrugged in response, shriveling up like a wilting flower and tugging at his hands. Etsu blew out a slow puff of air. She wasn't sure how she hadn't been arrested yet. Tackled in the streets and left to hang by her neck off a light post or something. 

It's not as though they'd spent their time cooped up in here. She had online schoolwork to do. As a result, the pair of them had went to the park on several occasions so she could leech off of Starbucks wifi next door. 

He would typically sit next to her and read, but sometimes she could get him to go swing or sit in the sandbox. He avoided other kids like he was afraid they'd give him cooties, but he wasn't trying to hide. Neither of them were.

His unusual hair and the bandage stuck over his eye should've been a dead give away. The little candy cane was all over the news! How had no one seen him and called it in? No, really. She was actually asking. 

"Don't worry. You don't have to go back." Etsu shrugged. If he didn't want to return home, there had to be a good reason, and she had already kidnapped him. In her mind, there was no going back. 

Endeavor didn't seem like real father material anyway. Etsu was honestly embarrassed she hadn't found out what kid she had sooner, as that probably would've been a good idea considering she'd illegally taken him. She should've realized. 

Ironically, she'd found out whilst at a thrift store. With Shoto. She'd been talking with the cashier whilst buying clothes for him when she brought it up. She'd even brought out her phone and showed her photos. 

Of Shoto. Who was standing next to her. 

Like, actually standing next to her. Had the cashier just not noticed? It wasn't Etsu's quirk or anything. It wasn't Shoto's. People just genuinely hadn't noticed. Did they just assume he was dead or had been taken by some top tier villain?

"I don't?" Shoto asked in a small voice that made her want to melt. He was too cute to give back! He was already seeming a lot happier. Still reserved, but a lot more relaxed. 

Etsu was impossibly glad. She'd honestly been afraid she might kill him by mistake, but taking care of him was easier than she'd presumed. She had to hunt down more food and hash out for clothes, but it had been well worth it so far, and it honestly hadn't been any harder than living on her own had been.

"Not if you don't want to. I personally wouldn't like it very much if someone tried to make me go back to my old house, so who am I to try and force you back?" Etsu reached over and pinched the cheek that wasn't covered by a bandage. "Besides, I'd miss you too much! Who else is going to keep me company everyday?" 

Shoto flushed, ducking his head a little and looking pleased. Because she'd said she'd miss him or because he didn't have to go back, Etsu wasn't sure. She was just glad he didn't look like he was going to cry. 

She'd dealt with the crying in the hospital super well. An A+ on her part, really. She just... didn't particularly want it to happen again. Him being upset was literally awful, and Etsu had never been one for comforting others. 

If he needed to cry, by all means, he should. But having a full blown meltdown or tantrum over something in particular was going to make her head spin. She was decent with kids when they were behaving. So far, Shoto had been. She was hoping that didn't change.

Endeavor didn't come up again. Etsu didn't ask why Shoto didn't want to go back, and the little boy didn't bring it up. Again, what was the point? If they were caught, they were caught. 

Two weeks in and the hunt for Shoto was still going full steam ahead, yet he hadn't been snatched away from her. That was a pretty decent sign, was it not? It wasn't something she wanted to stress too hard about, even though she probably should. 

She was too preoccupied with other things. Trying to find somewhere willing to hire a thirteen year old wasn't easy, and keeping up with her schoolwork had her on her toes. It wasn't super hard, but it was a pain in the ass being a student whilst also masquerading as her own parent. Had to make sure CPS stayed off her case. Especially now that she had this little guy to look after.

They ate and settled down for bed. Etsu had tried to sleep on the floor his first few nights here, but he quietly insisted it was okay if they shared. He would roll up into a tiny ball and insert himself right by her stomach like a cat looking for warmth. It was actually somewhat of a relief. 

Though there was electricity here and running water, they had never gotten around to connecting any sort of A/C or heating unit. That meant Etsu was typically left at the mercy of the summer's heat. Not anymore. 

In a perhaps not so shocking turn of events, Shoto naturally cooled himself off to keep himself a steady temperature, inadvertently keeping her from dying of heat exhaustion in her sleep. He was such a little angel and he didn't even know it.

A few more days passed by, a little tense but generally fine. She started looking at ways to enroll him in school, which was helped by reddit. She could dress up and pass as sort of an adult, right? Maybe a teen pregnancy, young (young, young, very young) mother moment. 

Shoto looked nothing like her, but details, details. There was the small issue of him not being hers. She could forge documents, but weren't they going to know the moment they saw him who he was? She... really wasn't sure. 

She'd still been calling him Shoto which wasn't subtle of her at all. She'd discarded her own last name, so she couldn't give him that. Maybe the could come up with one? She didn't know. She'd have to ask him about it later. 

Or was this something you should even bother a five year old with? Making decisions for someone else sure was hard. Who knew illegal parenting would come with so many obstacles.

Shoto sat next to her, watching her fabricate a birth certificate for him on a pirated version of photoshop when someone stopped in front of their bench. Etsu didn't notice at first, too busy typing in the false information. 

The only thing true on this thing on it was his name, which she could change later should they decide they needed to move on from the Todoroki title. Again, he needed to go to some sort of preschool. That's what kids his age normally did, right? He'd be six soon, so it would be unavoidable. 

If she was going to be raising him, she was going to go all in with it. Shoto deserved it. Using his actual name? Probably not a smart move, but you know. It was his identity, and she'd kidnapped him. She'll take the heat if the heat comes. She's thirteen, they probably won't kill her.

It wasn't until Shoto nudged her that she finally drew her attention away from her tablet, which was being particularly glitchy at the moment.

"Yes, Shoto?" Etsu asked. He nodded his head forward, shrinking into her side and gripping at her sleeve. She looked up, blinking at the woman staring at them. She cleared her throat a bit. "Hi! Can I help you?"

The woman stood there with a stroller in front of her and a toddler on her hip. Her brows were furrowed suspiciously, and she looked... confused. Etsu glanced between the older woman and Shoto. Had she spoken too soon? Were they caught? 

Because let it be said right here, right now that Etsu wasn't completely against running. This lady didn't look like law enforcement or a hero of any kind-- though she could be off duty. If she didn't have the authority to stop them, why stop? 

"U-Uh, yes! Sorry." The woman shook her head a bit, turning her attention from Shoto and instead to Etsu. The dark-haired teen gave the mother of two a brilliant smile, turning her tablet off and setting it down in her lap respectfully. The lady blinked. Etsu blinked right back. "Is that... Shoto Todoroki?"

"Who?" Etsu asked. Playing dumb was a great idea, right? Give them the runaround. She hoped she wouldn't have to abandon this spot completely. The wifi signal was great, and she wasn't even inside the Starbucks.

"Him." The woman nodded to the boy. 

Etsu turned to look at Shoto for a moment. The poor kid looked terrified. 

"What about him?" Etsu's brows furrowed as though she were confused. The lady looked even more bewildered now.

"Is he Shoto Todoroki?" The woman asked, a little firmer and surer this time. 

Etsu twisted around completely and looked behind the bench dramatically. Shoto brought a hand up to cover his mouth, trying not to giggle at the move. He dug himself further into her side. 

"Is who Shoto Todoroki?" Etsu turned back around towards her, eyes comically wide. The woman looked positively flummoxed. 

"Him! The boy!" The lady waved a hand at him.

"What about him?" Etsu asked, startled.

"Is he the missing Todoroki boy?" 

Why was this... kind of working?

"The missing Todoroki boy? Where?!" Etsu gasped, head whipping back and forth. The woman was now red in the face, and not in a good way. She absent-mindedly gripped the handles of her stroller. So hard that her knuckles were white. 

"Is the boy next to you Shoto Todoroki?" The woman asked, taking a deep breath. Etsu looked down at Shoto as though she were just now seeing him, hiding a snort. Shoto blinked back at her. Etsu shrugged, turning back towards the woman.

"Sorry," Etsu gave a smile. "I don't know a Shoto." 

~~~

This is a patreon early access story! You can read up to Chapter 23 on the second tier of Patreon! The link is in my bio or here:

 https://www.patreon.com/strawhatpirate

It's a lot of fun-- lots of Etsu accumulating children, Tenya Iida sort of being a serial killer in the making, and Aizawa suffering. Plus some other stuff but I don't want to spoil. 

Here's a sneak peek from Chapter 21, one of my favorite chapters to date, in which they are attending Tensei Iida's hero graduation and have put a bag over Shoto's head so nobody recognizes him! I will be redacting the names though I don't wanna spoil it for y'all jaja:

Gang Orca was one of the heroes manning the front gate and looking greatly uncomfortable as he did so, his arms crossed hard over his chest. He startled slightly as they stumbled out of the vague barrier they'd made around the gates to stop people from scaling it, Etsu nearly falling as the kids all barreled into her back.

[REDACTED NAME} popped out behind them all, almost tripping. Etsu held their bundle of tickets up like a torch of victory. Gang Orca looked incredibly sympathetic. For someone with the head of a killer whale, he was surprisingly expressive.

"Why the bag?" Gang Orca asked, though not unkindly or with suspicion. Despite this, [REDACTED NAME] popped out with a vengeance.

"Are you discriminating? He was born that way." [REDACTED NAME] snapped out, dragging Shoto into his side so fiercely you'd think Shoto really had been born with a bag on his head. [REDACTED NAME] tsked as Gang Orca flinched slightly.

Etsu contemplated if it was worth it to intervene. Decided it wasn't. Handed the tickets over to the person checking them so they could be scanned instead. Sometimes, it's good to pick your battles.

"Bold of you to discriminate like that when you're a real life furry." [REDACTED NAME] agreed. Gang Orca's jaw physically dropped. Etsu's just about did too. "We were fans, but now? I'm ripping down your poster and I'm letting him burn it. With his bag head powers that he was born with."

They were going to get kicked out. They were going to get kicked out before they even got in. This was it. Etsu was going to have to call Tensei and explain exactly why they weren't in the crowd cheering for him like they swore they would be.

"Would it be furry?" [REDACTED NAME] asked, now holding Blueberry in both arms instead of just in one. "Wouldn't it be like... scalie? Or something?"

"Why do you know that?" [REDACTED NAME] asked, a bit disgusted, before contradicting himself and adding on, "And I'm pretty sure they're called aquatics. Or you could just call him an anthropomorphized Orca and call it a day." 

The kids all nodded like this was great wisdom bestowed upon them. Probably the most respect they'd ever shown words of [REDACTED NAME]. There's a first time for everything. And a last, which this probably will be.