Everything was dark. Even though I couldn't see myself, I somehow knew that I was five again. I stumbled around in the dark, looking for a source of light. My hands finally connected with what felt like a door. Standing on tiptoes, my hand found a doorknob. I pushed open the door to find myself standing in an empty kitchen. I turned to leave, but I heard a rustling sound that made me pause. Slowly, I walked towards the refrigerator where a pile of torn paper was littering the floor. I knelt down and began rearranging the pieces like a puzzle until I could make out a pink and green butterfly.

"I didn't want a girly daughter! You should have been born a boy or not at all! Don't ever bring something so disgusting home again!"

I jumped up, running away from Father's voice while trying to figure out where it was coming from. I ran full tilt into one of the bar chairs and I grabbed onto the legs to keep myself from falling.

"My skirt! You're ruining it, you little pest!" Mother's voice erupted from the chair and I fell backward in a panic. I ran from the kitchen back into the dark, but from the open door I could hear Father hissing,

"Stay out of our sight, good for nothing brat."

I ran as fast as my little legs would carry me, trying to get away. I tripped over something in the darkness and I closed my eyes as I pitched forward. Instead of landing on the ground though, I found myself sitting on the living room couch. A library book was open on my lap and I knew that I was eight years old.

The click of the door opening sounded and immediately I laid down, pressing myself into the cushions to keep from being seen. I could hear heavy footsteps and the clink of glass rubbing together. Slowly, I crawled out of the living room, not drawing any attention to myself. When I made it to the staircase I glanced into the kitchen to see a dark creature, seemingly made of shadows, pulling out a glass bottle from a bag and taking a swig. I made my way silently upstairs and closed my door. For several long moments, I stared at the doorknob.

Would the creature downstairs give up if I locked the door? Would that keep him from hitting me? My dream self wondered.

I gulped and pushed the button in, locking the door. Looking around, my eyes fell on the little black teddy bear with a red heart-shaped nose that Auntie had given me for my Christmas present that year. I reached out and stroked its ears before burying my face in it, clutching it tightly to me.

Time passed and the sound of splintering wood and a terrifying roar enveloped me. The black creature came into the room with flames in its eyes. It spread its blackness throughout the room so that I couldn't see anything that was taking place. I knew what was happening, but I was happy to pretend that I didn't.

Suddenly Father's voice rang out through the darkness, "Get out of the way, woman!"

"If you EVER hit her face I will leave you, do you hear me? I don't care about the rest of her, but her face is my face and I won't allow you to ruin it!"

"What good is she to either of us? You promised me a son!"

"I did everything I could do. It's not my fault. She's what you've got, so train her. I bet she can do anything a boy can," Mother sniffed.

"Just one more time. Let's try just one more time for a boy." I'd never heard Father use that tone before, it was almost like he was begging.

"Never again. Do you know how uncomfortable pregnancy is? Besides, I lost my modeling career because of her. What would happen if I had another child?"

In the darkness I felt a tear slip down my cheek as my mother's presence left the room, leaving me alone in the dark with my father's voice.

"Tomorrow you will start karate lessons. And don't you ever lock your door again."

The darkness receded and I was floating above my elementary school, watching myself walk the four blocks to Father's karate school. At first I enjoyed it. Father didn't teach the younger students and I was actually good at it. However, soon it was obvious that I was too weak to keep up with the other kids. Father was disgusted with me, and Mother didn't care.

I felt myself being pulled up higher and higher into the sky. Soon I was surrounded by nothing but pure white light and I wished I could stay in that warm glow forever. Yet all too soon I began falling back to earth.

Blinking my eyes opened I realized I was walking in late to my freshman homeroom class. Again. I handed a doctor's note to the teacher, although with my arm in a sling I didn't understand why the teacher insisted on this formality. After taking the doctor's note in between his thumb and forefinger as if it was diseased, he shooed me to my seat. I walked to the back of the class where my assigned seat was and tried to ignore the whispers from my classmates as I passed row after row.

"I wonder which gang she's a member of?

"She's always wearing her winter uniform, even in the middle of summer. Do you think she's got tattoos on her arms?"

"She's so creepy!"

"No wonder everyone says to steer clear of her."

"I wonder if the guy who hurt her arm is dead now."

Keeping my eyes down I sat, not looking at anyone, and struggled to get my textbook out of my backpack with only one arm. I knew that the whole school thought the same way about me. Everyone stayed away, not wanting to be caught with "Gangster".

It's better this way, I would tell myself. Father would never allow me to have a friend anyways. I'm a mistake, and mistakes don't deserve happiness.

My mind snapped from school back to my childhood home and I realized that I was once again sixteen. Mother and Father were yelling at each other again. I lay on my bed, wondering if it would be worth it to get up and put my headphones in. Auntie had sent me an iPod and bright pink headphones for my birthday and they were my treasures. Just as I was about to get them, I heard the slam of a door, rapid footsteps down the stairs, and then the front door being slammed shut. I sighed. Mother and Father were fighting more often than usual and I knew what was coming, so I set my alarm for 2:30 am and fell asleep.

My alarm went off and I shut it off immediately. Mother hated it if I woke her up with my alarm. Although I didn't understand how my alarm could wake her up, yet what was going to happen in a couple of minutes didn't. I got up from bed and stood three paces from the door, hands clasped behind me and feet spread shoulder-width apart in a strong defensive stance. Barely a minute passed before my door flew open and I was hard-pressed to keep up with Father's flying fists.

Father's shouts of "You ruined my life, you stupid girl. Why were you born?" bounced off the walls and filled my mind. Father and I weaved around each other in the small space between my bed and the walls. Suddenly Father lashed out a roundhouse kick that slammed through my defense and sent me flying. I hit the wall and slid down to the ground. Everything went dark for a few minutes and when a flickering light illuminated the room again I was lying on the ground, alone, with silent tears slipping down my cheeks.

I really did a horrible thing being born, I thought to myself as my tears continued to drip onto the floor.

I slowly pushed myself out of my subconscious and opened my eyes. The sun had set. I rubbed my eyes and was surprised to feel wetness. Slowly, I patted my cheeks and felt tear trails. Wiping them away I sighed and sat up while stretching my arms. Phantom pain made my muscles tense and I winced, lowering my arms to my side and letting out a sigh.

Turning to look towards the kitchen I saw the digital display on the microwave read 7:45 pm. Heaving another sigh, I stood up from my spot on the couch and moved into the kitchen to put a pot of water on the stove. It boiled quickly and I made some shrimp-flavored ramen. When it was done, I sat at the table and read through the first two scenes of Taming of the Shrew while I ate. After that, I started on my calculus homework that would be due at the end of the week. After four problems I switched to physics, reading through the material the teacher had suggested.

After my hour of homework was up I sat back and wondered what I should do next. When I had lived at home I had always done a series of karate exercises and then read a few chapters from one of my books before going to bed, but since coming to Auntie's house all desire to pursue karate had vanished. Then Amber and her friends flashed through my mind and I grimaced.

Maybe staying fit is a good thing, after all, I thought as I stood and began stretching.A/N I'm sure you could tell, but everything in italics is either a dream or thoughts. Just to clarify.