a/n: i fell in love with my nonbinary freed from 'crash & burn' so here we are! a note that freed's journey in exploring their gender identity is very similar to mine, and as such that is all I can speak to. gender identity is such a personal experience, so I'm only able to write what I know. :)

this story is set five years after the end of 'crash & burn' (two years after the epilogue)

title is from 'this means war' by marianas trench'

cw for homophobia/transphobia and dysphoria as well as mental health issue. each chapter will have trigger warnings if necessary.

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Freed gets an unexpected visit from someone they never expected to see again.

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The windchime at the front of the Pride Center rang as the door flew open, and Freed looked up from the desk to see a harried-looking Ryos standing there.

"I'm here, sorry." Ryos sighed, shifting baby Ava on his hip while Kiya hid behind him, clutching at his jeans. Ryos nudged her inside gently, letting the door close behind him. "I swear I was finally going to be on time for once, but then Levy called and apparently her and Gajeel both forgot that each other were working again, so guess who got roped into babysitting?"

"No worries," Freed said, smiling at the kids. "We're not on a schedule."

"Don't pretend you don't love watching these two." Gray appeared from the back room, carrying a box of leaflets and setting them on the table. He crouched down, smiling at the Kiya, who was still hiding behind Ryos' legs. "Hey, Kiya! How's my sweet pea?"

Freed watched with amusement as Kiya's face instantly transformed from apprehensive to thrilled as she launched herself across the room and into Gray's arms.

"Gay!" Kiya shouted, knocking him over. "Hi, Gay!"

Freed laughed, reaching out to take Ada as Ryos dropped his bag on the floor next to the desk. Ryos pulled his hair back out of his face, fastening it with one of the many rainbow-colored elastics he had wrapped around his wrist.

Ada gazed up at Freed curiously, and they returned the look with raised eyebrows. Babies were strange. Freed had never been particularly interested in children, but their friendship with Gray had introduced Freed to a multitude of them. Freed had determined that kids weren't that bad – as long as they could be given back to their parents at the end of the day.

"She's not wrong." Ryos snorted at Kiya's excited squeals of Gray's name, reaching out and taking Ada back from Freed.

"Not the first kid to call me that," Gray said good-naturedly, pushing himself back to standing and lifting Kiya onto his hip. "Hey, no touching that." He guided Kiya's fingers away from his earring, courtesy of Ever and her apprenticeship at the tattoo shop. Kiya ran her hands down the stubble on Gray's jaw instead, giggling.

"Looks like she thinks you need to shave, too," Freed commented, smiling at Gray. The three of them moved from the front entrance into the common room of the Pride Center.

"Eh, I was just trying it out," Gray said, bopping Kiya's nose and setting her down on the ground. She ran over to the coffee table and grabbed a coloring book. Nobody was there at the moment – the youth group that Freed and Ryos co-hosted wasn't until later that evening – but the three of them had been getting together to plan the summer camp. "Natsu's not back for another week," Gray added, "so I'll probably get rid of it before then. He doesn't like beards."

"How's he doing up there?" Freed settled down on the couch and Gray flopped into the corner, kicking his feet up across Freed's legs. "It's still smoky here, didn't they have an air quality warning today?"

"Mm," Ryos agreed. "The preschool couldn't go out for recess. Have you talked to Natsu?"

Gray sighed. "We talked last night," he said. "He's alright, they've got pretty much every firefighter in the province out there. Almost all of Fort McKay's been evacuated – he said most of it's just... gone." Gray fiddled with his wedding band anxiously. "He's just so tired and emotional."

"I can't imagine," Freed murmured, rubbing Gray's leg sympathetically. Natsu had been gone for almost two weeks now, ever since the fires had started and his squad had been called up with barely a day's notice. "How are you doing?"

"Worried and lonely," Gray admitted as Ryos settled on the couch next to Freed and bounced Ada on his knee. "I'm spending the weekend with Ultear and the kids, which seems like a good idea right now, but I might regret it by Sunday evening."

"Good lord, that's gonna be busy." Ryos pulled his finger out of Ada's mouth, inspecting his nail polish for teeth marks. "How was the robotics expo?"

"Amazing," Gray replied, immediately lighting up. "Sylvie got first in her grade, of course, but she was sad that Uncle Natsu wasn't there to see her – he helped her build her project. Renaud had his gymnastics competition yesterday, too."

"How do you keep track of all this stuff?" Freed marveled. Organizing the summer camp was a huge endeavor, but it seemed to pale in comparison to the scheduling gymnastics Gray and Natsu had to do to accommodate their various nieces and nephews – biological and otherwise. One more reason Freed was certain that they and Laxus were never having kids.

"We have a color-coded calendar in the kitchen," Gray admitted, rubbing his face. "It's kind of ridiculous, but it works. I'm glad we don't have kids, but... it's different with these guys." He stuck his tongue out at Kiya, who giggled and brought him her drawing. Gray took it with a smile, then turned to Ryos. "Speaking of adopted nephews, how's school?"

"I am not-" Ryos sputtered indignantly, and Gray laughed.

"You're definitely an adopted nephew."

"I'm twenty," Ryos grumbled, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling. "And school's fine. University's so much different than high school. But, um, I auditioned for the theatre club and got in. We're doing 'We Will Rock You' this year."

"Natsu will have to see that," Gray said. "He loves Queen. When do tickets go on sale?"

"Oh..." Ryos blushed, ducking his head. "You don't have to..."

"Don't be ridiculous," Freed argued. "Of course we'll all come."

Ryos smiled shyly. "It's, um, at the end of May," he said, pulling out his phone and swiping through the calendar. "I can send you the poster when it comes out." He fidgeted a bit in his seat, and Gray gave him a look.

"You got the lead, didn't you?" Gray asked. Ryos couldn't help a small smile, and Gray grinned, sitting up and reaching over Freed to pull Ryos into a sideways hug. Freed joined in, wrapping an arm around Ryos' shoulders. "We're so proud of you."

"Ironically, my voice got low enough that I was worried I couldn't hit Freddie Mercury's high notes," Ryos admitted, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands. "I've been working with a voice coach which has been... weird. I had to explain... everything to him. The testosterone and stuff. But he was actually pretty cool."

"How'd that feel?" Freed asked, smiling down at Kiya as she played with the ripped edges of their shoes.

"It's getting easier," Ryos admitted, shifting Ada in his arms again. She made a sleepy noise and grabbed at his sweater with her chubby hands. "There's still always that... terror. Like being on top of a rollercoaster about to drop down."

"Mm." Freed sympathized. Explaining their pronouns to new people was always terrifying.

"Sorry, I'm out of my depth, I'm just here to provide hugs," Gray said. Freed laughed, leaning into Gray's shoulder.

"Hugs!" Kiya ran back to the couch, fingers covered in crayon marks, and threw herself onto Gray's chest. She looked over at Freed, brow furrowed.

"You sad?" she asked. Then she peered closely at Freed's face and smiled. "I like your ring." She pointed to the septum piercing that Ever had talked them into – she had convinced nearly all of their group of friends to get a piercing (or more than one) so she could practice. Natsu had been thrilled.

"Thank you," Freed said, smiling.

"Un'ca Ryos says you're not a boy or a girl," Kiya said, eyes serious. Ryos immediately looked uncomfortable and tried to apologize, but Freed waved it off. They were used to kids being curious, and Ryos wasn't wrong.

"That's right," they said, letting Kiya crawl into their lap. "I'm just Freed." Kiya considered Freed for a moment, then grinned.

"Okay," she said simply, leaning forward and resting her head on Freed's shoulder in a half-hug. Then she sat up and turned to Gray eagerly. "Park?" she asked, bouncing up and down.

"We have some work to do here, sweet pea," Gray said apologetically, but Freed shook their head, waving it off.

"It can wait," they said, squeezing Gray's hand and releasing it, then lifting Kiya up as they stood. "I'll get Tyler to come upstairs and watch the front desk. Why don't we walk to Starbucks and then go to the park? We can talk a bit there while she plays, but honestly, my brain is fried today anyway."

"Park!" Kiya shouted, squirming out of Freed's arms and running toward the door. Ryos followed her, cradling Ada to his chest. "Park! Park!" Kiya paused, frowning. "There's a person." Ryos looked up through the screen door and smiled.

"Hello! Can we help you? Would you like to come in?" There was muffled response from outside and Ryos shook his head. "Sorry, we don't have an Amanda working here."

Freed froze. Gray immediately stood up, touching their elbow, but they just stared at the door, eyes wide.

"Well, that's private, I can't give out personal information." Ryos glanced over at Freed and frowned.

It can't be her, Freed though desperately. How did she find me? Freed felt warmth flush across their face as they covered their mouth. Gray pressed his hand against their lower back, but Freed stepped away from him, the closeness suddenly too much. Before they could change their mind, Freed moved toward the door, gesturing for Ryos to move Kiya out of the way.

"There you are, Amanda!" A middle-aged woman stood at the door – a familiar stranger that Freed had never expected to see again. The woman looked delighted, and Freed had no idea why. "This man said you didn't work here!"

Freed swallowed heavily, still not opening the door, arms crossed self-consciously over their stomach. After a moment, they found their voice.

"That's because Amanda doesn't work here," they said as firmly as possible. "What do you want, mom?"