Mare

When my eyes open all I see is a black scene and I can feel a warm body next to me. My head immediately goes into searing pain when I sit up. I wince as I do so, my head swims in pain with every breath I take. That's what I get for being drunker than an alcoholic.  I gasp for air once I feel the pain subside, but it's still a stab. 

I try to recall what happened but it's fuzzy.  I look around the dark room, trying to see where I am.  I can tell it's not the usual environment I am in, and I am on the side of the bed I don't sleep on.  I feel around me until I feel a body beside me.  Frommy senses, it isn't Maven.  Then everything floods back. 

Tiberius Calore was next to me, and I had sex with him. 

Oh god, Maven would kill me if he found out I had a love affair. 

Did I do it out of love, or just being a drunk idiot.  When I was with Cal, I loved him dearly, maybe those feelings buried in my heart needed to be released, explains why I did what I did. 

I decide it's best to leave this situation, get back to where I am supposed to be before Cal and I have an interaction.  When my cold bare feet hit the carpet and when I stand I experience a sharp pain in my stomach, taking me aback.  I place a hand over my stomach where the stab hit, my stomach is warm, either from Cal or pain.  It was at the moment the pain in my lower abdomen left me I realized I was only in my bra.  I bite my lip from saying something stupid to myself. 

I use my feet to feel for my clothes.  I find my underwear first, I slide it through my legs and they wrap around my womanhood perfectly.  Once I finish that task I find my dress.   I stumble over Cal's uniform, his fabric being softer than my bejeweled short dress.  I find it by stepping on it, making my foot hurt as I do so,  I try my hardest to not gasp in pain, then I remember how deep of a sleeper Cal can be, and he's hung over so who knows, best not to risk it. 

It's a hard task to get the dress on all by myself, but I manage with enough.  Then I find a crack of a door, unlock it with a click and leave the room with the door creaked open so I don't make a shutting sound.  Then I walk away. 

While I navigate my way back to my room, I ponder.  I realize how stupid I am, that I did that.  I told myself not to, but I did anyway.  Being an idiot I did.  It was enjoyable, felt good, but I can't have that happen again.  I am to be married in a month to a person I love dearly, hate to say it, but the love of my life. I loved Maven before and after our mistakes. He trusts me, I trust him, we can't be breaking that. It isn't my turn to betray him, even though I somewhat did. Screw me for doing it.

When I find my room, the door is half open and dimly lit. I stop myself before I fully walk in. I feel my eyes dilate, if Maven wakes up what will I tell him? That I had sex with his brother, my "ex- boyfriend"? Or just lie. Both seem like terrible options to do. He'd be furious either way. I didn't want to make him angry, let alone at me.

I grab the door handle reluctantly, I take a deep sigh before I open the door slowly.

Once I get in fully, I turn the doorknob while I close the door so I don't wake Maven. He's asleep in our bed, snoring lightly. The door closes with a quiet click, quiet but enough to make Maven stir in his sleep, I hold my breath as he growls in his sleep. He eventually comes to his senses and wakes up. I bite my lip. This isn't what I wanted.

He sits up in a grumble and he turns on his bedside light, making me twitch. He locks eyes with me, I can assume I look like a mess, from Cal's fingers running through my hair, me putting on my wrinkled clothes and my make up being smeared from pillows, blankets, and Cal's forceful kisses. I shudder in pain at the memory of what I just did. Don't cry.

"Mare?" Maven mumbles, rubbing his eyes. I force a smile, a dumb, stupid, weak smile. "What are you doing? Where were you?"

I think of anything I can say that isn't the truth.

"Crashed at the party," I say through gritted teeth and clenched fists. I want to slap myself for my obvious lies. Lying never got Maven or I anywhere, I remember what it did to us before, it divided us.

"Okay," he says with a questioning tone. He looks at my body suspiciously, scanning me up and down with his eyes. "Fell asleep in your dress?"

"Yeah," another lie. "I was going to change, sorry for waking you."

"It's fine, I'll be right here," there is a background of suspicion in his tone. He doesn't shift into a resting pose, he stays sitting up in his nightwear, a silk black robe with his arm holding him up right. I slowly start to walk to the restroom.

"Are you sure your alright?" Maven asks, I continue to walk to the bathroom, not even daring to look at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say over my shoulder. Another lie, I've lied so much in the past day. All my lies leading back to Cal.

I can feel that he senses my lies.

"Are you sure your fine?" He asks again, with a calm and heartwarming tone.

"I said I'm fine," I turn my head towards him as I angrily snap those words. Immediately regretting what I yelped at him after I see I took him aback.

"Alright," he says with a small nod with sadness and surrender in his eyes.  I sigh before turning back into the bathroom.  I shut the door when I can, shut the door to quickly.  I lean against the door with a sigh that shakes with regret and shame.  My head falls, making my neck crack a bit.  I take a hearty sigh before walking off, going to grab my pajamas that I have spare in the bathroom.  I take my dress off at the door and walk across the tilted bathroom floor.  I leave the dress on the floor as I walk across the floor in my bra and underwear, not even caring if Maven walks in and sees me. 

When I walk past the long mirror I can see my reflection in my peripheral vision.  I grab my smooth silk pajamas, and stop.  I slowly walk back to the mirror, holding my pajamas in one hand.  When I see my reflection stare back at me, all I can see is someone who has been crushed, someone so empty and emotionless that I feel all emotions at once.  I can't stand looking at myself like this, just in my lace undergarments that I have been wearing to much, like I want Maven to do those things and see me like this, that I want it to much. 

While staring into my eyes, I pull the sleep shirt over my head and pull my messy brown hair with the faded tips of a light bleached gray.  Then I pull on the shorts with a paisley pattern on the cuffed edges, to seductive for my liking.  I don't even look away from my eyes as I do so. 

It was at that moment that I realized what happened.  I was a different person.  The fight in me had died out, the storm of war has gone, the want of revenge against silvers was gone.  All I had was Maven, that was all I wanted.  I wasn't even part of the Scarlet Guard at this point.  What happened to me?  Was Cal and I doing that a good thing?  It was a reminder of who I was before I changed.  I remember who I was, and what happened to me.  I betrayed Maven, something that I promised wouldn't happen. 

I had no clue I could feel anger, sadness, and regret of betrayal all at once, while being hungover with a headache while staring at myself in the mirror, and once I realize what I am doing, the tears start to stream down my cheeks. 

I choke loudly as I sob.  I just betrayed myself, I told myself I would cry, and I did.  I told Maven I wouldn't go behind his back, and I did.  I am the worst fiancé ever. 

I back into the wall and slide into the corner as I continue to sob harshly.  I slide into the corner and slip to the floor, my knees hiding my face, the salty tears stain my cheeks and eyes, making them both red.

I hear the door click open.  I look up from my spot on the floor, but I continue to sob.  Maven doesn't need to say words to describe or ask anything.  That's when words trickle out of my mouth.

"Maven I'm sorry, please forgive me I'm sorry," I beg for forgiveness when he doesn't know what I've done. 

"Wh- what happened?" Maven gets on his knees, down to my level. 

"It was Cal,"

That's all I have to say, he understands in seconds.  His face goes pale and he immediately wraps his hands around me, making me choke out more sobs and tears as I embrace him back. 

"Your not mad?" I choke.

"No," he says with no emotion.  "Did you agree to it?"

I falter, having to remember what happened.  I don't remember what I said, or if he asked, all I remember was it happening. 

"I don't know," I stop choking, forming real words for once. 

Maven let's go of me.  

"I never should have let him back in," Maven shakes his head.  I sniffle and rub my nose with my wrist. 

"You really aren't mad?"

"Did you initiate it?"

This I remember.  "No, he did," I shake my head. 

"Then I'm not mad," Maven forces a smile, but it's enough for me.