Keep your eyes out for the <>!

I tossed and turned all night with memories from my time in London with Sherlock and John. It was probably the worst night's sleep I have had in a long time. I didn't know if I missed my time spent there or just was not sure what to do next. For the first time in a long time, I had no plan.

To my displeasure, I woke up at 7:30 not able to go back to sleep. So I slipped out of my bed and walked downstairs to see Ameila making a cup of coffee.

"Morning," I said as I walked into the kitchen.

She turned around with a smile, "Morning! Want a cuppa?"

"Sure," I said as I pulled out a kitchen chair to sit on.

"Just letting you know, I have to work till four today, but then I was thinking we could go out for dinner. What do you say?"

"Sounds great," I said emotionlessly as my mind was elsewhere. Being here did not feel right to me. I felt out of place, like I didn't belong. But if I didn't stay here, I didn't know where else to turn to. I was wanted.

"Awesome. Do you have any idea of what you want to do while we're at work?" she asked, also referring to her husband, unaware of my internal emotional struggle.

"I don't know, maybe go out for a run." I didn't know what else to do in this dismal town.

"Oh so your run now?" she asked as she packed her lunch for the day.

No, but I was grasping at straws to feel better here. "Yeah, sometimes because it gets my mind off of everything."

"I know what you mean. Hey Maire?" she nodded as if she could relate. I knew she couldn't., she never understood me.

"What's up?"

"I noticed on one of your photos that you showed us last night of John and you, there was writing on the back that said Merry Christmas Rori. Is that what you changed your name to?"

I shrugged and said, "yeah, I changed it to Rori Anderson."

"That couldn't be short for Aurora, right?"

I frowned, knowing where this was going, but it would to be too painful to say anything, so I just shook my head yes. At this moment, I was done talking. I knew in a matter of seconds I had to prepare myself to hold back tears.

"That was your Nan's name. You never stopped caring for your Nan have you?"

I shrugged, trying to keep my emotions at bay. For the rest of my life, I will never stop thinking about her. There were so many regrets I had with her. But now I would never be able to give my gratitude. "No."

"Hey Maire, I'm sorry, really, I am," she said and hugged me again. I forgot how much of a hugger she was.

"Thank you," I whispered to her as I pushed her back.

I watched in silence as she walked over to the counter and finished her coffee. After a few minutes, she turned back to me and said, "Try to have a nice day, I have to go to work."

"Ok." Was all I said as I watched her put on her coat and walk the front door.

It felt weird to be back 'home' in Ireland. I didn't think I would ever come back, but here I was and I hated it. I didn't think I would hate it as much as I was. All the memories, all the wrong choices I had made throughout the years, were flooding back to me. It was like a cut that was healed, only to get broken open again. This was Hell.

After about 30 minutes of just sitting around in their kitchen, I walked over to the fridge, used to having frozen body parts. I automatically closed my eyes as I opened the door. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised how much food they had in their small fridge. I got out the milk I sniffed it, out of habit only to find that it was not spoiled, so I poured myself a drink and then got some yogurt.

I sat around after I had had breakfast. I just couldn't force myself to move forward. "Come on, just a little run," I said out loud as I stood up and walked into the spare room I was staying at. I put on my bright yellow running shoes and let out a breath.

I stepped outside into the cool morning air and started running down the road. I knew where I was going, like old times, I often took this road to get to my house. It was probably like four kilometers up the road from here.

<>

Within minutes, I came to a run-down shack of a house. The front door and windows were boarded up, making it look even more dismal than what I remembered. Memories flooded back to me as I tore off the boards until I was able to squeeze inside.

The place smelt like mold and there wasn't anything left of value. I wasn't surprised that nothing was left. It had been years since I stepped foot in this house. As soon I realized my mum wasn't coming back for me when I was 10, I wanted nothing to do with this place. I took my clothes and some small belongings and left everything else.

I had never thought about doing anything with this place, even though the house was in my name. I wanted to see this place rot on the ground. In a way, I felt like that would be some kind of recompense for what my mother and this town did to me. It was their fault I was the way I was.

I took a step and heard a crack. I looked down, and there was a shattered photo on the ground. It was me and my mum. I had to be eight in the photo and we both had smiles on our faces. I couldn't help but smirk; my mum was such a good faker. She was never that cheerful person in the photo. It was always a show to her. I dropped it to the ground and kept on walking.

There was another photo on the ground, resting against the wall. I picked it up to see a photo of me when I was five smiling at the camera, my front teeth were missing and my red hair looked like flames. I shook my head as I dropped it on the ground. Regardless of what the photos showed, I had no happy memories in here, I never did. It was all a lie that my mum fabricated and it all crashed down as I grew older.

I didn't even know why I was back here again. I walked into the kitchen to see that there was a pipe on the floor with some matches. Figures, the druggies were using this place. I picked up the matches. I struck a match as watched as the fire danced in front of my eyes.

I didn't want this place as a reminder. I would never live here and I wasn't coming back. I took one last look around the house, then I dropped the match to the ground and left. Once this house was gone, all my memories of it would go down in flames.

By the time I got out of the house, there was smoke coming out of the windows. It was only time until it would be burnt to the ground and no one was here to stop it. Without looking back, I ran back down the road, back where I came from.

<><>

"You wouldn't believe what happened down the road from us Maire," Ameila said as we were at the restaurant later that evening.

"What?" I said with a tone of boredom in my voice, knowing what she was going to say. Few houses caught on fire in such a damp place, my childhood home was bound to make the news.

"Your old house, it caught fire. It took two trucks to put it out but by time that happened, your house was almost completely gone. It was crazy. I drove by that place earlier and saw that it was really up in flames," she explained to me.

"Really, wow, that sounds crazy."

She paused and gave me a look. "You did it, didn't you?"

I shrugged. "I didn't care for the house anyhow."

"You could have sold it," she said with a hint of frustration in her voice, as if I didn't understand the value of money.

I shook my head at her. Who was she to tell me what to do. "The place smelt like mold, it was just rotting for the druggies to use. It is now better this way," I stated as I picked at my food, suddenly losing my apatite.

"But that was your house," she said, pushing forward on the conversation. I frowned. Did she see I wanted nothing to do with that house or this conversation? Amelia never learned how to drop a conversation when no one wanted to speak.

"I never wanted that place anyhow," I said, knowing that with it burnt, no one could have any terrible memories in the house like I did. I was doing the world a favor, but she didn't get that.

"But was burning it really a good idea?" she asked, just like a mother would her child.

I gritted my teeth. I was as old as her and yet she treated me like a kid. I wanted to leave this restaurant and her conversation, but I knew that wasn't the smartest move, so instead I glued myself to the chair. "It was smart to me," I said plainly to her.

"I really don't get you sometimes, Maire."

"Amelia," Walter said in a tone. He could see how uncomfortable I was. At least he got it. "Enough. Can we just talk about something else?"

Saved by Walter once again. 

Wow! sorry this is a bit late! I just got back from LA and I was meaning to put a new chapt before I left but it was my birthday and one of my friends took me out rock claiming for the first time ever. it was fantastic, thanks for asking. I kind of grew up in the city and so when I got out here there was so many out door things that I had never tried before. its really great. everyone should be open to trying new things.

well anyhow, I'm done talking. this is a bit sort but I do hope you like it.

DarlaH