"Secrets I have held in my heart, maybe I just wanna be yours."

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[Y/N POV]

Just when I thought I knew everything revolving in my life, this new revelation flipped my head upside down, my entire forehead was throbbing with pain and it might crack open at this point. It is not what I'm thinking right? 

If Jungkook can see the timer on my neck and if he's seeing it from the very beginning, then he's into the game for a very long time. He knows my truth and he knows what I'm going to say is not some lunatic shit, it's my reality, our reality.

Just as I was about to open up my sealed lips, he placed the stack of my six diaries on the table. Wait, how did he get them?! Did he read those? I instantly turned my head towards him, my eyes yearning for an explanation, a very detailed explanation and I want to know up to which extent he's aware of things because there are certain things I would never want him to know. Things such as... his death, the aftermath and all that. 

I would never reveal that to him because I'm certain he might lose his mind if he gets to know that.

Or that's what I thought.

He gazed intently into my eyes, urging for an immediate answer and he sucked in a breath whilst holding my hands in his warm ones, rubbing soothing circles on my knuckles and caressing them as if I might disappear if he leaves my hands.

I couldn't even bring up to question him about the diaries and if he has read the entire thing, he's pretty much aware of almost everything of my life. Honestly, my patience was running low but I didn't wish to make things any more awkward between us and so, I chose to remain silent and wait patiently until he was ready to speak up. 

"Two hundred days..." He finally spoke up and I listened intently.

"I can believe in this entire thing. Do you know why?" He questioned, smiling weakly but I shook my head as 'no'. I was awestruck by his sudden actions and now this, I was blank, devoid of thoughts but just the inquisitiveness to know the answers to my bundle of questions.

"Because I woke up on the day of the fan sign, the first time we met. Those dreams of mine, they're my memories, I know." He muttered, trying his best to sound sane my brows knitted in perplexity, soon followed by the widening of my eyes and my jaw dropped as realization struck me inside-out.

"WOKE UP?!" I couldn't help but let out a scream of horror. Did he wake up? Does he know the history?! Before I could sink into the reality, he continued speaking his side of the story, the side of which I wasn't aware. 

"I died Y/N, I know I did. You've seen my grave." He uttered, as calmly as ever and a terrified gasp left my mouth. My palms instantly clamped on my mouth, a cold shiver ran down my spine and goosebumps peppered on my skin. I'm certain, if I were to be standing I would've collapsed on the floor, on my knees.

Till now, I thought only I was a player in this web of two hundred days but no, Jungkook too, returned. He has been into this since the beginning!

"Y-you know what you're saying right?" I stammered and licked the dryness of my lips, trying to form words that sounded realistic but we both were aware of the sort of fantasized reality we're a part of.

He curtly nodded towards me and continued speaking, "Do you remember that butterfly?"

"The blue one?" I replied, almost instantly and he nodded fidgeting with his fingers, as if carefully measuring his words before speaking.

"Protect her. Those were the words it said me to when I woke up. I was stunned at first and considered it all to be a nightmare, after all, how can a butterfly talk? But then, everything slowly started falling into its place."

"Are you aware that your death was considered to be a suicide?" I asked, unable to sink into my thoughts.

"I know, but I didn't commit suicide, I was poisoned. I vividly remember that day, I had my medicines and there was something wrong with them because I could feel life drifting away from me at that moment." He gave the minute details and I could feel the chills, I can understand his situation very well. Never in my wildest did I expect, Jungkook to be on the same boat as me. 

Just what game are you playing, Blue Butterfly?

"The dreams that constantly came up to me... they were once our reality, weren't they?" I nodded, looking downwards and trying my best to control the warm tears forming in the corner of my eyes, threatening to fall anytime soon. 

His hold on my shivering hands tightened as he spoke further, "It was hard to believe at first. I woke up in my bedroom and the first thing I checked was the date, I woke up almost a year back. At that time I thought maybe everything was a nightmare... that I was just having a bad dream, that you're just a girl I saw in my nightmare but then I saw you in the flesh and the events were way too familiar, as if I'm living everything again. This is why I behaved rudely in front of you initially, so that you'd leave me but the events eventually flipped this time and I was once again thrown into a dilemma- whom do I believe? I didn't want you to carry my baggage of pain, this is why I was so adamant about freeing you from the beginning. I couldn't change a lot of times but I tried to protect you, Y/N. I wanted to see you alive just as much as you wanted me to be. I was an asshole to realize my feelings so late, but I... I can't live without you."

"I love you." I cried engulfing him in a tight hug. I don't know any other way to express my overwhelming emotions. We've been through so much and I don't wish to suffer anymore, I want to be happy, to be free of this web. I want to start a new life with my husband. 

"Promise me one thing. No matter what happens, you will save yourself." He asked breaking the hug, the tone of his voice portraying that he was very serious but I won't promise anything which I can't fulfill.

Life gives you circumstances enough to make decisions that'll change your fate and my fate seems to be already hanging on a very thin thread. 

"Even if I'm given a hundred more chances to live, I would still choose you over me. Call me crazy, but I would still choose you because I can die for this love, Jeon Jungkook." I replied whatever came to my mind, honestly bullshit did I spew? I'm a lunatic bitch for this man. This man makes me weak. He pulled me into a hug and laughed whilst caressing my hair.

"You're one such crazy woman but you're mine." He tutted, confidently and I laughed along with my cheeks flushed up.

Can't believe we're laughing at a situation as bizarre as ours but when life gives you enough reasons to cry, give it one reason to laugh and smile and you'll win the biggest battle, the battle of life. Our reason was - the memories we've created together, either good or bad. 

Time passed away in the blink of an eye since we started our discussion and we didn't even realize that the moon has lightened the sky. We decided to watch a movie, out of the blue and that's how we ended up spending three hours just laying like couch potatoes. I glanced up at the clock and it was eleven already. From the corner of my eyes, I can see Jungkook yawning and dozing off but he was trying his best to remain still and not close his eyes. Cute.

How long was it since I saw him being himself? 

The way a small smile curved upon his face, made me smile too. His smile is truly contagious. I was busy admiring his beautiful features until he decided to turn around and his brown orbs made contact with mine. 

"Done drooling over me?" He asked, shamelessly and I shouldn't blush but that's exactly what I was doing.

"Nope." I swiftly shook my head as 'no' and then slowly wrapped my arms around his shoulders and started giving pecks all over his face ranging from his forehead to his eyes, then to the nose and cheeks. I didn't peck him on the lips, in an attempt to tease him. He chuckled boyishly throughout the process. 

"You forgot here, Mrs. Jeon." He pointed towards his cherry lips and it was truly tough to control the urge to suck the juices out of those kissable lips, the small mole below them acting like a cherry on top. But I won't give in easily. 

"I don't want to. I'm going to sleep." I replied, shrugging casually and his eyes darkened. I walked seductively towards our shared bedroom and he followed along trying to match with my footsteps.

"But I want it." He spoke out once we entered our room. 

"Try me." I teased and ran away like throughout the room a toddler. He sprinted behind me and then the cat-and-mouse chase started. We both laughed and ran behind each other with pillows in our hands. 

"Ok! Time out! I'm tired!" I showed him a T-sign and took in a deep breath but this competitive bunny, he didn't listen to me and hit me with the pillow. I lost my balance and held him for support but he too, fell along with me on the bed. 

His eyes widened at the sudden ordeal but soon he smiled, "Can I kiss you, Y/N?" I nodded and he instantaneously gave in. 

Our lips moulded against each other and I could sense the sweet taste of the chocolate we just ate while watching the movie. The moment was protruding slowly and I was enjoying every bit of it. I tilted my head to give him more access to my insides and he understood the assignment, sliding his tongue inside. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands busy caressing the tiny locks of his hair. He sucked into the crook of my neck, the place where the timer is placed and now that I know that he can see it, makes it even more awkward but to my surprise, the burning sensation of the timer felt to be cooling down as if his intimacy was acting like a coolant on my burning skin.

This intimacy, this taste of him, these pure feelings, these moments... how much I missed it all this time. 

A drop of warm liquid fell upon my face as he broke the kiss and joined his forehead with mine, breathing heavily. Soon, he broke out from the proximity and sat in front of me, I got on my knees and looked at his face, only to see him breaking down like a damsel in distress.

"What happened?!" I enquired, startled as I placed my hands on his shoulders and he instantly hugged my waist, burying his head into my stomach, speaking gibberish.

"You... had to go through s-so much because of me. I'm-I'm so sorry! I made everything worse." He stammered on his words and cried out his emotions and I couldn't help but softly caress his silky soft hair. I didn't say anything, just silently listened to his ordeal and made him let it all out. After all, I'm aware of what he has gone through this entire month. If being with me gives him a little happiness, then let me be a part of it. We've gone through a lot and now, I only wish we had peace in our lives.

"I love you, Y/N. Thank you for always being there for me." He muttered under his breath and I wiped off his tears with the pad of my thumb whilst nodding my head, an irresistible smile made its way on my face and I couldn't make it out when we fell asleep.

I wish all my nights end as beautifully as this.

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POTATO'S NOTE:
Celebrating 70k of ICDFTL! I'm truly SPEECHLESS. Thank you so much for all the love and checking out this book, you guys have no idea how happy it makes me feel that people read and enjoy my work! :')

As a little gift to y'all, the upcoming chapters would be in Jungkook's POV and tune in for the thrill! 😉

Fr! He literally looks like the male lead of a rom com. That character would be like his actual personality.