Nicko

Wilmer's eyes widened when he saw me and Demi gasped after she peaked behind me.

"Wilmer? What are you doing here?"

"I heard what happened. I came to... Uhh... I came to give you flowers and tell you how sorry I am for what happened."

Inside of me, something snapped. I don't know if it's the way he said it, or the fact that he thought he had the right to see her, especially at a time like this, but one moment we were five feet apart, and the next I was on top of him, hitting him over and over again. He was yelling and trying to defend himself but I didn't give him the chance, not stopping even after he was unconscious. Hospital aids were trying to pull me off of him but they weren't strong enough. Eventually though, I felt two arms wrap around my waist and somebody's lips at my ear.

"Nicko. Baby, please stop."

It was Demi, and she was crying.

"Please Nicko, stop hitting him." I finished with one more punch, then sat back to look at the damage. I had definitely broken his nose, and probably his jaw and cheekbone. I was pulled to my feet and Demi tugged me away from the crowd of people, out the doors and into the parking lot where I leaned on my knees, gasping for air. Demi put a hand on my back and I could feel her trembling. I looked at my hands, covered in Wilmer's blood. I looked at her, seeing the fear in her eyes. I straightened up and flexed my hands out, my aching knuckles screaming in protest.

"He had no right to come here."

It wasn't a good justification for what I had just done.

Demi shook her head, "Let's just go."

We didn't talk the entire way home from the hospital, Demi kept her eyes out the window, occasionally wiping a tear from her eyes. We pulled into the driveway and I got out, walking to Demi's side of the car to help her.

"I need you to call Phil, tell him what happened, and cancel my appearances for the next two weeks. Put a statement out." She said, ignoring my hand that was outstretched to help her.

I nodded and shoved my hand into my pocket, "Are you hungry? You haven't eaten today."

She glanced at me, her eyes flitting to my bruised and bloody knuckles, "I don't have much of an appetite."

I swallowed hard, "Okay."

We walked inside, and instantly Dianna flew into our view, pulling Demi into a tight hug, "Babygirl." She breathed, "I'm so sorry. How are you feeling?"

Demi cut me a glare that read, "You called my mom?!" And I gave her a sheepish shrug.

"I'm okay. You really didn't have to come all the way from California. It's not a big deal mom. I really just want and need to be alone to deal with this."

She put her hand on Demi's cheek, "Okay baby, I just needed to make sure you were alright and to see my grand baby. Mia's asleep in her room. I love you."

They hugged, then Dianna hugged me, "Don't let go of her." She whispered fiercely, then kissed Demi's cheek and was out the door.

"You called my mom?!" Demi demanded, once the door shut.

"Demi you were in surgery! Of course I called your mom!"

She shook her head, "You shouldn't of done that. I don't want to be around anyone right now. I just need to deal with this and be alone for awhile."

I looked down, "I thought we were supposed to be dealing with this together."

Demi curled her lip up, "That was before you attacked Wilmer when he just came to say he was sorry. He came because he was sorry for what happened and before he could ever explain himself you attacked him! I don't want to deal with this with you if that's how you work through your emotions."

I bit my lip and looked down at the floor, not speaking. The inside of my stomach was in knots and the thoughts were coming back; my own personal inner demons. I needed her right now, but I didn't know how to tell her that. I didn't know how to tell her that I was afraid of my own thoughts, that I was afraid to try and deal with this alone.

I looked up again and she was staring at me with an angry expression, "So you don't have anything to say for yourself?"

I slowly shook my head, "Not really."

"Typical." She shook her head, "I want to be alone tonight. You can take the spare bedroom."

My heart began to beat faster, I couldn't sleep alone. Not tonight. But instead of arguing, I nodded, "I'm gonna go on the balcony. Let me know if you need anything."

Demi watched me walk out the set of double doors, then went off to the bedroom. I sat in the huge chair, my knees up as I stared out at the skyline. All at once, tears blurred my vision and I began to cry again, making my whole body shake with sobs. I hadn't cried this much since my brother killed himself.

It's all your fault.

You lost control.

Pathetic.

You did this.

Monster.

I gripped my hair in my hands, my breathing coming out heavily as I tried to breath through my nose. The urges were getting too strong, and my feet carried me up to the kitchen, and I began rummaging through the cabinets, trying to find something, anything, alcoholic to drink.

"Looking for this?"

I turned around slowly to see Demi holding a bottle of absolute vodka. She nodded to herself at my expression. With a flick of her wrist the bottle shattered in the sink. I watched the contents swirl down the drain. My demons roared with rage and I gripped the counter top, closing my eyes tightly, counting to ten in my head.

"Just like I thought." She chuckled, making my eyes opened, "Pathetic. If I have to do this sober, so do you. You can't drink away this problem."

I was trembling now, desperately holding onto the countertop so I didn't lunge for the next bottle that she picked up from my stash. Another crash, and that one was down the drain.

"Demi." I seethed, "Stop it."

"No." She taunted, smashing another one. "I thought you wanted to actually try and control yourself this time. I thought you learned that alcohol solves nothing. See, I'm actually serious about getting better, but you? No. You act all high and mighty but when it comes down to it, you're nothing more than a drunk."

I let go of the counter then gripped it again, and she chuckled, walking over to me, "Come on. Don't you want to scream and yell? Don't you want to hash it out with me?"

I stiffened as she shoved my chest, "Demi stop."

"Are you getting angry? Am I pushing the right buttons?"

I stared at her like she was a different person, "Demi... Please. Don't get me angry."

"I want you to get angry." She hissed, and shoved me again, making me let go of the counter to try and get away from her. "Come on baby! Let's scream and yell! It's not like this is gonna work out anyway! You're just gonna cheat on me again and we're gonna be back to square one. Who know's? She laughed, "Mia and I might just end up with Wilmer again!"

I gripped my hair as she continued to narrate one of my nightmares, trying to get a reaction out of me, "Who knows? The next time I see him I may have to see if he's still as good as I remember."

I flinched, and surprisingly anger wasn't the emotion rushing to the surface, it was hurt and betrayal. She wasn't succeeding in getting me angry, I didn't have any anger left in me. It was only pain as I backed away from her, my body hitting the wall signaling that I couldn't get any farther. She kept getting closer though.

"You know what? When we were kissing? There was this moment when I didn't want to stop. I moaned, and that's why he started kissing my neck."

I stared at her, my body and spirit completely broken as she taunted some sort of reaction out of me. All I could do was stare at her. Demi smirked at me, then curled her lip up, "Nothing?"

I slowly shook my head, "I'm going to bed now." I walked almost trance like to the door of the spare bedroom where I hesitated, then turned to look at her, "I can't believe you said that."

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