Demi

It was around midnight when I finally went out to the balcony where Nicko was. He sat in a chair with his elbows on his knees, one hand pinching the bridge of his nose. Quietly, I tip-toed outside and came up behind him, after a few seconds of deliberation I gently put my hand on his shoulder.

"Are you coming to bed?"

He lifted his head and again my heart ached when I saw his red-tinged eyes, "I guess so."

Nicko stood up, walking behind me into our bedroom. He changed quickly, then got under the covers next to me. I curled into a ball, facing him, but Nicko just laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling. I shuffled closer and leaned my forehead against his bare back, kissing his skin gently.

"Nicko." I breathed out. "Nicko please."

He didn't move, and I wiggled even closer, draping one leg over his, and my arm coming around his waist. My cheek leaned on his head and I kissed his temple.

"Nicko." My voice came out in a gasp as I began to panic. The thought of losing him was such a huge fear of mine just thinking about it often led me into an anxiety attack.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to control my breathing, "Please don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere Demi."

His words surprised me enough to lift my head, "You're not."

Nicko shook his head, "I'm hurt, and upset, but I'm not going to break up with you over it. It was just a simple kiss, right?"

I closed my eyes, knowing I had to be honest with him, "It was more like a makeout I guess."

I felt his muscles go tense, "You guess?"

I sat up and looked at my hands as he stared up at me with questioning eyes, "I can't even explain it. It was like it was 2012 again and we were just being us again. He said kiss me and I did. We madeout and when he kissed my neck I snapped out of it and ran."

Nicko exhaled slowly through his nose, "I don't think I can talk about this anymore tonight. I can't Demi. I can't hear about you making out with some psycho."

I bit my lip, "He's not a psycho-"

He sat up abruptly, his eyes angry, "Demi do not fucking defend him right now. He's psychotic."

"He got help."

Nicko snorted, "Help doesn't cure. It just helps you deal with things. Especially with rage issues. I should know. Wilmer is psychotic and dangerous. I don't know how you expect me to trust you enough to ask you to marry me when you go behind my back to meet up with your abusive ex-boyfriend! What am I supposed to think huh? How is that supposed to make me feel?! You saying that you two just felt like you were back in 2012 is a slap in the face. You forgot about me, you forgot about our daughter! I'm trying really, really hard to be calm with you Demi. But I'm not gonna have you defending him."

"You would've tried to stop me if I had told you!"

"You're damn right!" I flinched as his voice raised, "You should've been stopped! The man threatened to fucking rape you with a gun! I should've hauled his ass to the police station when I had the chance. I've got half a mind to put in a restraining order against him!"

"That seems harsh." I knew I wasn't making sense, but I felt the internal urge to protect Wilmer from Nicko, "And you can't go after him either. That would be the last straw."

"The last straw? Are you fucking kidding me?"

I groaned, "I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, well it sounded like you did. I can't promise you not to hit him if I see him Demi. It's takes more control than you know not to leave here and go find him."

I shook my head, "You don't want to do that."

He leaned in until he was in my face, "I don't think you understand me Demi. It is taking every ounce of control I have not to go find him, hunt him down. My mind maps it out for me. It would be too easy. When I think about him I feel like a monster, and I like it. I want to snap. I want to hurt him. I want to hear him scream in pain. You don't get it, and you never will. It's who I am. And you acting like it's not a big deal at all hurts. It fucking kills because you over estimate my level of control. When you pull this shit you test every once of my control and don't even pause to think about how it will make me feel. This is a scene from my worst nightmare, you forgetting about me when you're with him. You played right into his hand."

I felt my heart cracking and went to touch him, "Nik..."

Nicko pushed my hands away and stood up, "I'm going to sleep in the spare bedroom tonight. I need to be alone."

Again the tears began to fall as I stood up, "We're not supposed to go to bed angry."

He let his head fall back, turning around, "That rule doesn't work when your boyfriend has rage issues and you just made out with your abusive ex-boyfriend and met up with him behind my back. You fucking cheated on me. Angry is allowed right now. Besides, I don't think I'll be sleeping much, because every fucking time I close my eyes I picture you and him kissing!"

I shook my head, walking towards him and ignoring it when he backed up, "Nik, please, let's just talk through this."

He shook his head, "Demi I need to get away from you before I say or do something I'm really going to regret."

I gritted my teeth and stepped up until our chests were touching, not backing down as I stared ups t him, "You don't scare me."

He towered over me with an equally annoyed expression, "I should."

We stared each other down for a full minute until Nicko's jaw flexed and suddenly his lips were crushed against mine, his hot breath mixing with mine. I raked my nails through his hair, letting out a groan as he lifted me by my thighs and slammed my back against the wall. I normally never saw this side of Nicko he was always so gentle and loving and passionate but this wasn't any of that. It was animalistic, raging, instinctual sex. He no longer cared about being gentle or careful. Instead his hands gripped my hips with force that would no doubt leave bruises the next day. His teeth bit down on my skin and he kissed me so hard I knew my lips would be swollen in the morning. He left trails of hickeys all over me, covering my neck in love bites. He didn't care about pain, slamming into me so hard the headboard shook. He didn't care about my whimpers and moans. In those moments, he wasn't perfect.

And I loved it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comment and Vote!

Twitter: Lovatic_Chica

-Rachel