Demi

The date went well, Chris took me to a restaurant on the pier that was very quiet, so there was no paparazzi. He held my hand across the dinner table and we just talked for hours while we picked at our food. He was so easy to be with, there was no tension or frustration, it was just fluid. When we got in his car to leave, he slipped his hand onto my knee and I bit my lip, looking out the window as he began to drive.

"Is something wrong?" He wondered, glancing over at me, "You seem a little tense, and you've gotten quiet."

I shook my head, "I'm fine, this just feels so foreign. I was with Nicko for so long and now here with you, it's so different. It's new, but in a good way. It's like I don't have to fight to make it work."

He smiled, "I know how you feel. I really want this to work out. I know it's a weird situation but I want to work it out with Nicko and Mia however you want to do it." Chris paused, "Do you think there's a chance of you two getting back together? I know you're not completely over him yet, and he's obviously not over you, but I don't want to look like the fool who falls in love with the girl he can't ever have."

I smiled, "I mean, Mia is still our daughter, so he'll always be in my life, and in hers. So if things between me and you work out, he'll always be there anyway. I just... I honestly don't know. He won't talk about that night or what happened. It's like he wanted us to break up, he just didn't want to do it himself."

Chris sighed, "I know this is our first date but I feel like, since we actually have known each other for so long... I don't know. I mean it's not my place to say anything, never mind.

I cocked my head, "What is it?"

He sighed, "I just... I don't know if Nicko is good to be around you guys so much. I mean, he's a scary dude. I'm sure he's even scarier when he's angry and that happens a lot. He's the kind of guy that snaps and whoever is standing too close gets hurt, I don't want that for you, or for Mia."

I tensed, "He would never hurt Mia."

"I know." He assured me, "At least, not intentionally. Demi, he was in all of the tabloids a while back. He has rage issues. Like, deep rooted issues. I'm just trying to protect you."

I shook my head, "Look, he's a great dad, and he loves that little girl more than anything in the world. He'd never hurt her, or me."

Chris nodded, "I understand it's not my place. I just thought, when you were doing our little venting session, that he seemed a little... I don't know, controlling? It was more than just protectiveness. It was as if you weren't allowed away from him."

I didn't respond as Chris drove the rest of the way home, but what he said had me thinking. Was Nicko controlling of me? When Michael, the yoga instructor had even demonstrated a move on me he was practically shaking with rage. That anger had become such a normal thing for me, but was it normal? Did guys get that way whenever a different guy touched their girlfriend's butt? I furrowed my brow and bit my lip, was Nicko controlling me?

When I got home, Chris walked me to the door of the apartment building, "So I guess if I wanted to kiss you goodnight, this is place to do it, away from the big, bad, scary wolf?"

I chuckled, "I guess so."

He smiled softly and cupped my cheek, leaning in so our lips met. His lips felt completely different from Nicko's, but it was nice to have something different. After a couple seconds, he pulled away, and smiled, "Goodnight."

"Night." I whispered, and then walked into the building, trying to get my huge, face-eating grin off of my expression before I had to see Nicko.

When I walked into my apartment, the sounds of giggling made me smile and I followed the sound to my bedroom, where Mia and Nicko were laying on the bed, playing airplane. I stood in the doorway for a couple seconds, watching them fondly before I cleared my throat, and Mia focused her eyes on me.

"Mama!"

I smiled, "Hey babygirl, did you have fun with daddy?"

Nicko chuckled, "We did, Mia ate all of her dinner, and then she ate her fingers and her toes too. We crawled around and drooled a lot, but eventually we took a nap, ate some more, then decided to play a rousing game of airplane."

I smiled and laid down next to him, far enough apart so we weren't touching, but close enough so that I was in Mia's line of sight, "Is that so?" I took her from him and nuzzled my nose against hers, "I missed you so much!"

"She missed you too." Nicko murmured, and I met his gaze quickly before looking away. "How was your date?" He asked, trying to look innocent.

"It was really nice, I had a good time."

He nodded, "Did he kiss you?"

I sighed, "Do you really want to know that answer to that question?"

His fists clenched, "I thought I did..." He looked up at me, "What did you guys talk about?"

My mind drifted to the conversation Chris had brought up about Nicko being controlling, "Just, different things. Recording, Mia, you."

He perked up, "Me? You spoke about me?"

I smiled, "He asked me if we were getting back together, because he didn't want to waste his time."

Nicko rolled his eyes in disgust, "Waste his time? Really? What a douche."

I curled my lip up, "That was a paraphrase, he was much nicer about it."

Nicko rolled over onto his stomach and looked down at me, "Well what was your answer?"

I sighed and leaned over to put Mia in the bassinet that stayed by the side of my bed, "Do you really want to know the answer to that?"

He locked his jaw, "Yes."

I took a deep breath, "I told him... that since you're Mia's father, and we do have a child together that you'll always be in my life, and that you'll always be in Mia's. But that our relationship romantically was toxic, and that it probably wouldn't work out."

Nicko closed his eyes for a second, "That was a good answer, very well planned."

I shook my head, "I don't want things to be weird between us like this Nik. I want you in my life, but I can't have it be as toxic as it was. I can't be in a relationship with you. It's too stressful."

He chuckled, "Are you done twisting the knife? I don't want to be in a relationship with you right now, or frankly, if it's anyone else, ever. I just want you to be happy, and if happy is not me, and it's him or any other guy, then I'm happy for you."

I sighed, "It's not that I wasn't happy with you Nicko, I just... it was too much."

He shifted over and I rolled on my side to rest my head on his shoulder, "I know, I'll never forgive myself."

I shook my head, "You can't blame just yourself, I did things too and it got to be too much. It was just toxic. When we were friends it was as easy as breathing, but once we brought in relationships to it, it got a lot harder."

Nicko stared up at the ceiling, "I meant what I said Demi, it'll always be you."

I unconsciously snuggled deeper into his side, "I don't want that for you though. I want you to be happy, and to move on."

He was shaking his head before I could even finish speaking, "Seeing you happy, makes me happy. If there's ever a time where you think we could make it work, then I'll be there to try. You deserve the world, and everything in it. I just need to know if there's hope." He turned to meet my gaze, "Do you think... with time I mean, that we could get back to us?"

I swallowed, "I want to, God I want to, I want to be able to trust you again, and not doubt you when you tell me you love me. I want to believe you when you say it's only me. But I can't. It's so hard, when you go out and pull shit like that when you're away from me." I searched his blue eyes, "I love you so much, but it's that same love that's killing me." I wiped under my eyes, "I just don't know why you did it. Can we please just talk about it? You never want to, and I feel like if we did, I could try and move past it, and move on with you to a better place."

Nicko shook his head, "No, I don't want to talk about it. I want you to explore things with new people, and go on dates and fall for people. I want to be a person you can talk to about your dates and someone you can lean on when they don't go well. I want to be your best friend again, and even though it might be the most fucked-up friendship ever, I can't, not be around you Demi."

I closed my eyes and leaned in, kissing him gently, "I love you."

He kissed me back once, twice, three times, our lips moving together softly, "I love you too."

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-Rachel