8:49Am

I've been absent from work for a couple of days since I was brought to the ER due to severe dizziness and palpitation. 

Vertigo was the initial diagnosis but was advised to see my cardio. Yeah, you heard it right. Cardiologist.

My bradycardia is resurfacing again.

Bradycradia - abnormally slow heart action

I mean, kahit wala pa sa ER, I already had the hunch Brady is back. The symptoms were the same. I can't tell PK how scared I am. 

I am emotionally stronger sa aming dalawa. I remember PK telling me before more than once when he first learned years ago, "Di pwedeng mauna ka, Ryo. Hindi ko kaya."

What he didn't know, I had irregular palpitations since childhood.

Maybe that's the reason suddenly it depressed me.

I was awake the whole evening. I wanted to finish all my stories. But I ended up just staring at the empty Microsoft word YHSMD12.

Wala akong maisulat.

A lot of random stuff are running in my complicated mind.

This is not so me. I'm not the worry wart type. PK is, in fact.

But I'm beginning to worry about the future.

My family.

Si PK.

My work.

And lastly.... my stories.

I just hope that I could finish all of them.

I feel afraid every time I feel like my heart is pumping hard for no reason at all. Like I'm running out of air then I'd feel dizzy.

I am known in my family and at work to be a warrior. Yung palaban. 

Sanay sila sa linya ko na, 

"Ako'ng bahala!"

"Tss. Don't stress yourself to such petty stuff."

"Lakompake!"

And now, here I am. Worrying. Scaring myself to shit!

Just like when my Mom died. They didn't see me cry until the moment I had to say my thanks to those who came to her funeral. But it was a brief cry. My cousin's husband took my  place as the host of that short talk to thank the visitors because I couldn't talk anymore. I couldn't talk because I was holding back my tears. If a word comes out of my mouth, I was going to break. Yet I calmed immediately when I was led back to the front row of the chairs.

Maybe ... maybe... hindi ako sanay na may makakita sa aking mahina ako. Kasi hindi kami sanay na ganoon ako.

When I was browsing kanina sa YouTube, I saw this vid and I started crying.

Yeah... there is still a child in every person.

https://youtu.be/oxas9Gub5AU

And I know PK is always there for me... but I hope, he won't worry much that will trigger something bad in his health.

Kanina naiisip ko, is Brady coming back because it's how my consciousness and imagination reacts to what I write?

That I'm bringing out my characters' struggles adding to my personal struggles in reality? 

I hope not.

Because I do not intend to stop telling stories.

Marami pa... maraming pang nakalinyang istorya.

And with what I have discovered today, may ganito pala ang Wattpad.

at ang Chu-Fam na wala pang laman. LOLZ!

So, paano ko maiisip iwan ang pagkukwento?

Kaya salamat. 

Salamat sa mga nagtyatyaga sa mga kwento kong walang edit-edit.

--- Ako si Ryonamiko

> Tambay_In_Hoodie

> Dyosa ni PK

Quote of the day : Just another struggle... a hurdle ... a drama of a story-teller.