The tiny voice is no longer tiny but it has now become a loud and sneering voice. It is full of disgust and pretend pity.

"You're not good enough or deserving enough for someone to love you, especially someone like Lan Zhan. Why should he want someone like you? He could have anyone in the world. Why should he settle for you?"

So in his anguish he pushed and pushed Lan Zhan to prove his love. He needed to shut that voice out. It's not that he didn't believe in Lan Zhan but when you've been programmed your whole life that your worthless, it's very hard to believe otherwise.

So all his fears and doubts crashed like waves into his brain and heart. He couldn't express his thoughts no matter how much he wanted to. The more he begged, the more Lan Zhan gave. Until something inside Lan Zhan snapped and the beast that always laid hidden and controlled broke free.

Wei Ying sensing something different in Lan Zhan is becoming scared and excited at the same time. He is now crying and begging for mercy. He is so conflicted he wants to stop Lan Zhan but does he really?

It really doesn't matter anymore what Wei Ying wants because Lan Zhan can't hear him anymore. All he can do is feel, feel his need for Wei Ying. Feel the need to prove over and over again his love for his Wei Ying. It's almost like a shield has been broken and all his restraint and tenderness is gone leaving only a feral animal in its wake. It was a night of untamed madness and in the end they both paid the price.

(Present Day, Morning)

After tending to Wei Ying's wounds Lan Zhan becomes more and more quiet as he busies himself straightening up the Jingshi and their bed. He stops when he notices droplets of blood on the sheets and pillows. Then his eyes fall upon the bloody handprint on the bed frame. His face becomes pale and he slowly looks over at Wei Ying who is watching him. Lan Zhan puts a hand over his mouth in shock and dismay, Wei Ying rushes over to tightly hug him.

"Please, no Lan Zhan, it's fine, I'm fine, see" .....

Lan Zhan kneels to the floor and bows his head. "How can I face Wei Ying? I never meant to hurt him. What is he thinking of me?" He covers his face with his hands. He is so ashamed and saddened at what he has done. He is the stronger of the two physically. He should have taken better care of his husband. "I am a monster", he screams internally.

Wei Ying watches all the emotions crossing Lan Zhan's face and he is afraid. He swiftly kneels in front of Lan Zhan and cups his face with both hands "Please Lan Zhan it's all my fault. I pushed you too far, my insecurities and doubts overtook me. "I forced," Lan Zhan stops him from talking by placing his hand over Wei Ying's mouth. At first he says nothing, slowly he looks at Wei Ying, the sadness fully evident in his face.

With a strained voice he says each word slowly and plainly, "My love, I don't know how to say what's in my heart without hurting you. You know words are hard for me to speak out loud".

Wei Ying nods slowly, his heart is thumping so hard, he is sure Lan Zhan can hear it.

"I don't know why you always doubt me and our love. I don't know why you don't trust what we have. I don't know what I should do or how to help but somehow I need to find a way to make you believe in us, our love and that I am here, always. This is real, we are real, not a dream or a fantasy. But please don't make me become a monster again to prove my love for you. I fear neither of us will survive another night like that, both physically or mentally."

Wei Ying slides onto Lan Zhan's lap on the floor. They take a moment to inhale each other's scent to help calm themselves, each lost in their own thoughts. Each searching their minds for the right words to help the other. Words of comfort, love and understanding.

Wei Ying digs deeper into Lan Zhan's body and Lan Zhan wraps him in his arms, his wide sleeves covering them both. They need this, neither speak for a long time.

Finally Wei Ying says "I will try Lan Zhan, but I need time, time to gather my strength and memories, memories I have tried so hard to forget."

Lan Zhan holds him tighter "Let me be your strength, let me be your light in the darkness and let me be your truth. I will not let you fight your demons alone. I know I have let you down and you might not believe or trust me but I promise from this moment forward you are my only priority and I will work hard to earn your trust and belief in me."

Wei Ying smiles gently through his tears and strokes his husband's face. "I love you and I do believe in you." He snuggles closer yet to Lan Zhan and when he doesn't speak anymore he realizes Wei Ying has fallen asleep. All his emotions have finally taken their toll on him. Lan Zhan waits a few more moments before carrying him to bed.

Lan Zhan wonders "If they are too broken to be fixed or can they survive this?" He shudders when he thinks about the monster he became and he knows he never wants to be that again. He thinks Wei Ying is hiding something. Something so dark from his past that it's hurting his soul. He must find a way to save his beloved's soul from that darkness and pain.

Lan Zhan sends a message to his brother, he must stay with his husband. He cannot and will not leave his Wei Ying. He will not forget again who his priority is. Although Wei Ying has never spoken of it, Lan Zhan knows others have hurt his beloved. Some more deeply than others. But he has always brushed it off or smiled through his pain. He now realizes he has also done this, causing his husband to feel pain and insecurity. He is no better than the others. As he saw it, he was the worst offender because he knew how fragile Wei Ying was.

Trying to bribe him to be happy and smile, only brought Wei Ying more sadness. "You're such a fool Lan Zhan" he mutters to himself. Why didn't I realize what I was doing.? As he kisses his husband's temple he whispers "Forgive me love, I will never assume or take advantage of your love again. I never meant to make you feel unwanted or unloved."

He tucks Wei Ying into the crook of his arm, keeping him as close as possible. Because of this position he doesn't see Wei Ying's lashes sparkling with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry too Lan Zhan but I was scared. Scared of being left alone again. I don't think I can bear that feeling ever again. I cannot live a life without you. Please don't make me." Silently his tears slide down his cheeks unchecked and unnoticed. Finally sleeps claims him.

Deep in sleep, Wei Ying goes through a door he thought would forever remain shut never to see the light of day again.

Screaming in fear he begins having a panic attack. He cannot breathe, he cannot think or reason. All he feels is pain and terror. Those eyes staring a hole into his soul. Those lips sneering and laughing at him. The pure evil aimed at only him. For a brief moment he is a child again, suffering alone and in silence. Something or someone is holding him, he begins to panic in earnest.

Lan Zhan has seen this before but never so severely. He envelopes Wei Ying tightly against his chest. He softly kisses his hair and whispers "I am here, my love. I will protect you. I am here."

Every so slowly Wei Ying hears his husband's voice and presses his face against Lan Zhan's neck. He inhales the smell that is his husband that means safety and home His breathing becomes more normal. Lan Zhan's chest and neck are wet from Wei Ying's tears. He tries to move to make Wei Ying more comfortable but Wei Ying clutches Lan Zhan's robes tighter in his panic.

"Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me alone." sobs Wei Ying.

"Never!!" whispers Lan Zhan and lifts Wei Ying's face to his. Gently he kisses Wei Ying's eyes, his cheeks and finally his lips.

"You are my life and my world. How could I leave you?" says Lan Zhan while looking deeply in the silver eyes of his love.

Wei Ying, locked in Lan Zhan's gaze, sees the truth and the love shining through those amber eyes he so loves. Both Lan Zhan's words and the look in his eyes have shaken Wei Ying. So much so he begins to tremble in Lan Zhan's arms.

Finally Lan Zhan says "Do you believe me, my love?"

Wei Ying nods his head yes then lifts his face for more kisses which Lan Zhan gladly provides. Finally Wei Ying is calm and falls asleep against his husband's chest. Holding his beloved tightly, Lan Zhan wonders "Did I cause this to happen and or is there more I don't know about?"

Slowly his own eyes close, it has been a very emotional day for them both. He wraps his Wei Ying with the covers and falls asleep. Shyly Wei Ying snuggles even closer as if even a hair's breadth is too far away. Finally satisfied as he spreads himself across Lan Zhan chest, he falls asleep while listening to Lan Zhan's steady and strong heartbeat.

His last thought before sleep took him was "Tomorrow, I will face whatever I must but tonight I am where I want to be with who I want to be with. It is enough for now."