Morning is shining through the windows bathing the lovers in dappled sunlight. The gentle breeze wafts through bringing the soft scent of lotus flowers. Ever so slowly the two lovers wake up and stare into each other's eyes.

Wei Ying reaches out to his husband's face and smiles "Lan Zhan, last night happened didn't it. I didn't dream it, right? Suddenly fearful he made it up all in his head. Lan Zhan smiles while kissing the lips he loves and says "Yes my love, it really happened, you did not dream it" Wei Ying raises his face to get the kisses he wants and needs.

Soon after many kisses, Lan Zhan loves Wei Ying's body as only he knows how. WeI Ying is again crying with the intensity of his climaxes over and over again. He never wants to come back to earth. He craves Lan Zhan like he craves the air around him. He will never tire of his touch.

Much, much later they finally stop to catch their breaths. Wei Ying senses something is on his beloved's mind but as always he gives Lan Zhan time to speak his thoughts. Finally Lan Zhan seems to have come to a decision, "My love I feel I must confess my past as well, so that you may know me better and understand why it was so hard for me to show my feelings."

Wei Ying holds his husband tightly and kisses his forehead. He takes Lan Zhan's headband and wraps one end on his wrist and the other on Lan Zhan's wrist. "Together my love, you were there for me, now I will be here for you", says Wei Ying.

Lan Zhan simply nods and lays his head on Wei Ying's chest, listening to his heartbeat. Suddenly he feels safe and calm. No wonder his Wei Ying does this to him every night. Their hearts beat together, always together.

Wei Ying places Lan Zhan in his arms, "My turn to hold you husband, I will never let you go." Lan Zhan lays his head against Wei Ying, he closes his eyes. His mind goes back to the past, a past filled with pain and loneliness. To a void that never closed till this beautiful man holding him filled it. He grips WeI Ying's hands and begins ...

"Most of my childhood was sad and lonely. I grew up feeling I was not deserving of love. I never felt love from anyone except my brother and I made it enough. I didn't need anyone else. You see my beloved, we didn't have parents like the other children. We never saw our parents together, honestly I never saw my father. My father was in self isolation and my mother was in forced isolation.

I would often see parents with their children and I wondered what that would be like. To know love and care, to know that they were wanted and were happy to hold their children in a loving embrace.

Brother tried to step in but he was a child himself. Later in life I learned that my father loved my mother but she hated him, yet he wouldn't let her go. I often wondered if she hated him so much why have his children? I often wondered why we were born if they didn't want us? What did we do so wrong to be abandoned like that? Wei Ying squeezes Lan Zhan as tears slide down his face. He knows only to well about wanting love and finding none,

My mother was kind but always distant and sad. She cried often. She never held me as a mother holds her child. I was treated almost as a stranger. I tried and tried to make her love me, I honestly couldn't think what I had done wrong. I tried to please her by behaving and trying to make her proud of me. A mother should love her child , right? A father should be proud of his sons and love them. Nothing, Nothing came from them. If my parents are unwilling to love me, then I was undeserving and I shouldn't want love."

Lan Zhan is trying to stay calm and stoic but hearing Wei Ying cry, he cries as well. But he knows he must continue so he tries to stay strong.

"One day, uncle took my brother and I to see mother. He went in first as was his habit, suddenly he grabbed our hands and took us away. All he said was your mother is no more. We will not be returning here again. I didn't understand, I couldn't understand, why can't we see mother? NO ONE was explaining anything. How was a young child supposed to deal with that? I needed my mother, I wanted my mother, why won't she see me?

Wei Ying is openly weeping now. His heart is breaking for the little boy who only wanted love and tenderness and found none. How could his parents not see past their own pain and realize how much they were hurting their children. He realized that he and Lan Zhan were the same in wanting a parent's love. He crushes Lan Zhan to his chest and tries to pour all his love into that embrace.

Wei Ying whispers "What happened to your mother?". Lan Zhan takes a deep breath and inhales the Lotus scent that always calms his soul and slowly steadies himself. Very, very quietly Lan Zhan whispers, "She killed herself. Apparently she couldn't live with her pain any longer to want to live. So she became no more."

Finally Lan Zhan breaks down and sobs so hard his chest is heaving and he is having a hard time catching his breath. Wei Ying rocks his husband in his arms as he knows how much it soothes him when Lan Zhan does this to him. Eventually Lan Zhan stops and switches places with Wei Ying. He feels better holding his beloved and places Wei Ying firmly in his lap and wraps his strong arms around Wei Ying.

Wei Ying turns around in Lan Zhan's lap and wipes his tears away. He gently kisses him and strokes his cheeks. "My love, do you want to stop or continue?"

"As long as I can hold you in my arms I can go on" says Lan Zhan with a hoarse voice from his crying. Wei Ying nods "Alright my love, whenever you are ready." After several cleansing breaths, Lan Zhan continues.

"I waited outside the jingshi for two days before anyone even noticed I was missing. Why Wei Ying, why have children if you didn't want or love us? I never understood and I still don't understand." sobs Lan Zhan.

"I waited and I waited for a door that was never going to open again, for a mother's love that never was. My child's brain could only think, could I have been a better son? Why didn't she want me? Was I not worthy of love and attention? So because of that, the door to my heart closed, never to be reopened until you came into my life." Lan Zhan begins to rock back and forth with Wei Ying in his arms trying to come to terms with the devastation that began so early in his life. Both are crying for the pain their childhood has caused them. Without warning Lan Zhan starts speaking again...

"Uncle never comforted us or explained why our parents didn't want us. I honestly never felt true affection from him. We were treated more as prize possessions. I became cold and emotionless. I built a fortress around myself. The 3,000 rules became my solace and my prison. I paid attention to no one save brother and uncle.

"I knew people called me the Ice Prince and people thought I was cold and rude but I didn't care. I knew no one would like me let alone love me so I thought to myself why bother making friends with anybody. That is until the day my eyes met yours. Out of nowhere you came into my life and the thought of pain and you not wanting me the way I wanted you didn't matter because I instantly fell in love with you."

Wei Ying looks up at Lan Zhan with a tearful smile and kisses him. Lan Zhan kisses back with desperation and Wei Ying sensing this, opens himself more to his husband to let him know he is loved.

"When I first saw you, I realized you were everything I was not. The 3,000 rules had not ruled your life. You were wild and untamed. I wanted to be with you and talk to you but I didn't know how. The Ice Prince didn't know how to approach someone who made friends with everyone, played around and always had fun. I now understand better why you did that having heard your childhood nightmare. I soon realized I only wanted you for myself but talking to you was extremely difficult for me. Even now sometimes I can't always say what I want and need without difficulty and anxiety."

One look from your eyes was all it took to make me fall in love with you and I wanted to stay by your side always." In a smaller voice Lan Zhan said, "Even when you didn't want me and I thought you couldn't love me, I knew I could never leave you."

Wei Ying is in full blown tears remembering how cruel he was to the man who only wanted love. He remembered how he threw Lan Zhan away because he was scared of both to love him and to taint his reputation. As if remembering himself, Lan Zhan is crying. Also remembering the pain of that time and it is just as painful now as it was back then.

Both Lan Zhan and Wei Ying are crying for the children they once were and for the cruelty of their childhood. Reliving their desperate need to want love and finding loneliness instead, brought back too much pain. Finally their tears are spent.

Wei Ying fully turns into Lan Zhan's lap "My beautiful husband, I promise you I will always give you time to speak your thoughts and I promise to never let you want for love. Your heartbeat is my heartbeat. I will never close the door, It will always be open to you my love."

With that said they held each other and felt they could finally move forward in their lives. Knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses and knowing they will always be there for each other gives them hope and peace. Their strength is their love and their trust in each other.

Finally exhaustion takes over and they fall asleep in each other's arms knowing that they love each other deeply and will spend the rest of their lives showing each other how much they are cherished and needed.