This chapter contains scenes of self-harm and emotional trauma. Please read with caution.

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Six months.

Six horrible, heartbreaking months had now passed since he decided to leave me, since he made a choice that affected the both of us, without me — since he broke my heart into an infinity of pieces without once looking back,

He left, that chilly, pouring night, six months ago and yet to this day — I can't spare him one single thought without my tears falling, my breath leaving ceasing lungs, my heart aching even more,

He left, and he never came back, he never sent me a letter, he never spoke a word, for six months, one hundred and eighty-two days — without nothing, and every day that went by, that I didn't get to see him, to touch him, to feel him, drowned me even further,

I was dying within the barrier of my own skin, and only he could save me,

The first days passing after he went — I didn't sleep, talk, cry. I simply shifted utterly numb, my emotions had no touch with reality, and I couldn't grasp the fact that he wasn't here anymore. It was as if he only were to be gone for a little while, similar to what he used to do, disappear for a few days at a time, but this was different, because the days turned to weeks, and the weeks became months, yet still no sign from him,

The torture graced graver, my mind darker, my body weaker, and before it was too late, before my sorrows had the possibility of killing me — Blaise and Narcissa agreed for me to spend time with her, at the manor, in his childhood home, because nothing else was bearable, being here, in school, in the castle where we fell in love was too much,

He was gone, Luna was dead, and Blaise—, he turned just as vein as I did when his best friend disappeared and the look of me being here without Draco was too much for him as well, none of us managed with the truth of Draco not being here,

Narcissa brought me to their home, keeping me safe and sound for over a month; she took me in with open arms, she cared for me, looked after me, comforted me, she did everything possible for me to feel better, to be better in a world without her son in it,

But still, with her caring and her support, my life was complete hell — some days I didn't have the strength to get out of bed, because all I wanted and all I craved for was him, the one person I could not have,

The boy who left me,

His mother's heart broke with mine — she knew why he left, and so did I; eventually, after weeks of tries, I finally convinced her to tell me, to enlighten me to why Draco left with his father and the answer to that question was enough for me to wish I never asked,

Flashback,

Narcissa held close to me on the couch in front of the fireplace, the motherly fingers brushed through my hair, and yet again, all my mind sought to think about was him. Tears pooled by the love that kept haunting me, a quiet sniff left my throat as I tried to hide it, but she noticed it without question, '' Are you alright, dear?'' Narcissa asked, her voice calm, her fingers stopped stroking, she slightly bent over, eyes reaching for mine,

I shook my head, my face turned in a grimace, my shaking hands sought to wipe the salty liquid off my cheeks, but to no use, they kept falling, always, '' I'm—,'' I sobbed, drawing my knees further up to my chest, hugging myself closely '' I'm not—,''

'' I'm not okay, Narcissa,'' - tears kept streaming, trails of cries left my quivering lips, '' He left me, and I —,''

'' And I don't know why, because none of you care to tell me—,'' My hair fell over my shoulders as my body shook violently, the pain, the hurt, the torture of my reality was too much, he was gone, and he left me here, all alone in this misery,

Narcissus hands wrapped around my body, dragging me even closer, '' Dear, if this means so much to you — I will tell you what caused my son to leave,'' Her honest words made my neck to arch back, staring intensely into her eyes,

She tilted her head, giving me the most humble of smiles, her thumb wiping a tear off, still staining my cheeks, just like her son always sought to do, '' You must understand, Leiah, that your father is capable of many things — many cruel things, and with that dark mind, no one is safe,''

I slightly nodded, feeling how she took my hand in hers, but I couldn't focus — all I wanted to hear was why, what he did that could've been so horrible, inhuman for him to leave, '' Your father granted Draco a task, of the most vicious kind,'' My breaths hitched in my throat, my mouth hung and dry,

Narcissa waved her head, swallowing the growing hesitation, each word leaving her red-colored lips tortured her, '' He sought to it that Draco killed Harry Potter, and if he didn't, the dark lord would have killed you,''

My insides burned, ruptured, hurt as my heart completely broke,

I grasped that I should be mad, angry, furious with the blonde boy for ceasing someone of their life, but I couldn't — my heart shattered for him, the boy I loved, because he had to go through this alone, in the beliefs that no one cared, that no one stood by his side,

And even if his acts were more than cruel, unlawful — I would have been there, for every last part of it. I would've supported him, helped him, comforted him in all the ways he deserved because he always did that for me. Only the idea of how scared he must have been, how empty and not cared for he must have felt — killed me,

I flayed my eyes open, looking at his mother, her hair fell perfectly over her shoulders, the mixture of brown and blonde locks shun gracefully, '' I—,'' I whimpered, '' Don't he trust me, is that why he left?''

'' No, dear—,'' She held, once again swallowing the lump growing in her throat, '' He left because your father wanted him and Lucius to take care of more matters, and Draco believed that this was for the better—,'' Her eyes glinted in tears, her breaths slightly ragged, '' He left to protect you, he would never leave to hurt you, and I wish that deep down, beneath all that hurt you are feeling at this time, and all your sorrows, you know that—,''

'' Leaving you was the hardest thing he ever had to do—,''

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Following the weeks I spent with Narcissa, sleeping in his bed, resting in his sheets, wearing his clothes, we both agreed that it would be for the better if I returned home, back to the safety within the walls of Hogwarts — my father had it out for me, the ink embedded in my arm tore in agony every time he tried to contact me, to reach out to me, to bring me to him, but Narcissa told me never to give in to his tries,

And I never did. I scratched the mark till it bled, to my skin was shredded in attempts to cave his doings,

Every night since I got back from visiting his mother, I spent crying in the astronomy tower, the place everyone sought to leave before he actually did. I spent hours up there, no matter if there was a storm hauling, a windy breeze, rain pouring — I needed to be there, even if I knew that I shouldn't, but I had to because, in some strange way, it made me feel closer to both him and Luna, nearly as if they were here, as if they never left,

I did my best to forget about him, the boy who took my breath away, but still hold on at the same time, and my mind was in a constant war with my heart, not knowing what the right thing was to do, was there even a right thing about this?

Most of the time, it felt as if the precise thing to do was to jump, every time I took my last step of the stairs, I went to the edge, climbing the railing and wishing that today was the day I dared to jump, that I somewhere deep within had the bravery to end my suffering, but every time I did, every time I let the metallic go, hoping for the wind to lead me off, his voice echoed loud throughout my head,

'' I will always come back for you,''

'' It has always been us, you and me,''

'' I'm yours till the end of time, never forget that,''

'' I love you,''

The image of him blasted through my mind every time I wished for this to end, the way his blonde strands of hair fell perfectly over his forehead, the way his blue eyes always mastered to consume me, the way he traced his thumb in circles over my cheek after tucking a curl behind my ear, the way his arms wrapped around me when he held me close, the way his lips felt on mine, the way he tried to hide his smile by the look of mine, the cold hands always striving to be in mine, our fingers braided together, the good mornings, the goodnights, the I love you's,

The way his nostrils flared when he turned upset, how his temper failed him in the blink of an eye, how he yelled at me when we fought, how he always sought to make it up to me after,

Him,

All of him,

The good and the bad,

How is that, that the memories of him, of us, is more alive than I am?

It was the most painful type of loss, him, slowly melting away, making sure he burnt every last piece of my heart as he went,

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Today, my heart ached a little more because today was the day he'd been gone for six months and one day. Today was the day I had made a promise to myself to do this, to do the thing I've been longing to do for months, to end the suffering of missing him, because somewhere in my dark, clouded mind — I knew that he really was gone and that he wasn't coming back,

Even if he promised me to do so, even if he gave me his honest word, Draco Malfoy was in my heart known to break the promises he made, and there was no way for me to do this anymore, to live through the constant agony of him not being here.

It haunted me, every day, every night, no matter where I was or what I did, the memories of him, of us, haunted me — it cursed my mind beyond despair,

I needed to let him go because he wasn't coming back,

He left me, and I had to do what was best for me, even if I believed that to be ending my life, to reunite with my angel Luna somewhere in heaven — I couldn't, because of my mother and the truth of her still being out there, in hiding, waiting to make her way back to me,

This was the only way. This was my last chance of a chain-free life. I was drowning, suffocating from the inside out, and it was killing me, slowly — the given reminders, the glimpses of hope,

I had to let him go,

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Blaise stood tall in front of me, the warm autumn wind tugged our cheeks, the breeze danced through my hair, and even if the look of worry consumed his face, his eyes watered — I couldn't help but to feel relieved, eased that my life of torture was soon to be over.

He cleared his throat, brows furrowed, '' Are you absolutely sure about this, that you actually want this—,''

'' Because I don't even know if it's possible to bring your—,''

I shook my head, making him hush down, my eyes bored through his brown ones, '' I need to do this. This isn't about what I want anymore—,'' I held, swallowing the burning tears, the sobs I felt coming,

'' He left, and he's not coming back. I need to do this, Blaise—,'' My tears failed me, my breaths hitched as the sob I did everything to hold, fled my lips,

'' I'm dying, Blaise—, there is no reason to live without him, and I can't—,''

'' I can't keep—,'' I cried out, muffling the sounds of torture with my shaking hands, '' I need to do this,''

Blaise simply nodded. He was here, every day since I got back from my stay at the manor; he knew how much I was hurting, the number of times he had stopped me from slitting my wrists, from jumping off the tower we now stood in, he knew,

His warm hands cupped my cheek, bending my head back to look at him, '' If you're certain about this—,'' He quietened, his voice lightly breaking, '' That this is what you need to do, you know that I support you—,''

''Every step of the way,''

He smiled shyly, eyes flickering all over my features to search any signs of hesitation, even the slightest glimpse of it, but to no use — there wasn't any.

I was more than sure of this, he huffed, brushing hair off my temples, '' And you sent Narcissa your letter?'' He asked with uncertainty, the otherwise hoarse voice broke,

I nodded as he stepped back, sealing my eyes closed, feeling every nerve in my body trembling, every vessel aching.

I was scared, terrified to forget about him, to misremember the boy who stole my heart, the boy I learned to love. I seized the deepest of breaths, feeling the shadow of Blaise's wand flicker in the sunlight,

My fingers clenched around the necklace Draco once had given me, with my eyes squeezed together, tears rushing down my flushed cheeks, my chest heavy by my heart shattering — I whispered underneath my breath,

'' I'm so sorry, Draco—,''

'' Please forgive me for this—,''

My head shook in a swift move, giving Blaise permission to do what I had asked of him, to take Draco and every memory of him since the night, over a year ago in detention — away,

'' I love you, Draco,'' I breathed out, releasing the holding breath as my best friends vocals soothed,

'' Wait—,''

'' Obliviate,''

'The art of life, is letting go,

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